I know where your coming from Mikado. A few years back when I was about 15 I got really sick all of the sudden (I wont bore you with all the details) but I could barelly walk, was in constant agony in most muscles and joints. I couldnt go to school, mostlly laid in bed did stuff all except feel soory for myself. Doctors didn't know... they said it was all in my head, that I was just some prick kid making excuses to get out of school. I went to so many doctors I didnt even know their names or anything it was just one arsehole after another all calling me a lazy prick (and much worse, really good for the state of mind). I spiralled down and down each month... contemplating sucide at least once every day even planing reguarlly how I would go about it. The doctors were then also supplemented by Psychiatrists echoing doctors sentiments (I dont know how I didn't end up in a mental institute). My Mum and familly were really the onlly people who belived me (although even they doubted me at times, hell even worse I began doubting myself - who I was, wether I was 'faking it' which is the worst feeling in the world).
After one doctors visit I knew I had trully hit rock bottom - and there was onlly two things I could do. I decided I would give it my all, I realised that I had plenty to achieve and that although it would be very tough, taking the other option was out of the question.
I started off small, little walks around the block, bigger walks, etc. Within a few weeks I was swimming 2 km a day at a nearby pool. My attitude became better and although I was still in a lot of pain a I relaised that I could focus enough to blunten it, allowing me to do more. I soon even made it back to school, starting off for just a few hours then eventually all day everyday. Even though I would collapse when I got home I felt satisfied and happy I was with kids my age back learning and on the path to acheiving what I want to.
I continued with the doctors resisting the tempatation to punch them in the face constantlly (although it didn't stop me from giving a few a piece of my mind). Eventually I found a great doctor who respected... she sympathied and reffered me allover the country some dead ends and iditos but eventually we founf one who relaised that I had two conditons Paplademia (inflamed optic disc) and Benign Intercranial Hypertension (a good name at parties
) but basiclly it's raised pressure around my brain caused by excess fluid, I had a lumbar punch (which drains fluid from the base of the spine, feels worse than you would imagine
) which showed I had DOUBLE the pressure of a 'normal' person. Within a few weeks the pain began to subside a little and now I'm on a prescription that keeps the fluid levels stable and also keeps the pain in check. It's still there but nowhere near as bad.
Through determination, sacrificing some fun and hardwork I recentlly finished school (although will go to University next year) with good results and am well on the way to achieving my goals in life at 18.
I'm motivated now to keep on going, keep acheiving, to prove people wrong, to prove more importantlly to myself that I can do whatever I want. If you want something bad enough you will go to the end of the earth.
I live by the motto 'If my mind can concive it - I can achieve it.'
I hope that helps.