RelaX

Say you suffer from bouts of depression from time to time. Where you think you are ugly, stupid and a waste of a perfectly good human body.

Say you sometimes think about how life isn't offering you much except pain and the promise of even more pain.

Say you look in the mirror expecting to see a skull and being faintly surprised to see an actual normal human being looking back at you.

Say sometimes you wonder about killing yourself but never go through with any of it because you don't want to cause your family and friends grief. So you don't want to live, but you can't die.

Say you feel this way nearly every day for at least an hour especially when you are tired. But when it is gone you can think more 'normal'.

Say you're just a poor collegestudent and can't afford a shrink or something like that and the depression doesn't seem serious enough to warant medication.

In this hypothetical situation, what would you do?

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lordjeebus

I would certainly find someone to talk to about this -- a friend, a counselor, whatever.

First, most colleges offer some sort of free or cheap mental health services -- they don't want their students getting themselves in trouble.

If this is not available, I would search for sliding scale counseling or psychological services -- such community services take your ability to pay into account.

EDIT: This is based on what I know about the United States, but I'm sure that there is some sort of community service available in other countries at low cost.

SiN

i would re-think that statement...

poor college student - does your college have some sort of healthservices place for medical care?

or...i'm not sure how it is elsewhere than the USA..but look into government clinics or sliding-fee type places.

let a doctor decide whether it's serious enough for medication.

(i admit my opinion is non-objective - currently on Wellbutrin for depression)

edit - i see someone else got to it first

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numist

RelaX - you're hypothetical situation is exactly mine right now.

First - most colleges offer free psych services, which sometimes can be quite good. Mine allows me one free appointment per week during session with a fully qualified psycologist (Phd, not a student, but an acutal doc)

If its occasional depression, it shouldn't be anything to worry about, but if this happens all the time, some medication may be necessary - as much as I disagree with meds, sometimes they are necessary.

Reading again - damn thats exactly what I've been feeling...

Firstly, try not to be hard on yourself for anything you think you may have done wrong. Second, friends. Friends make excellent pick-me-ups if they are indeed good friends. You dont need to tell them that you feel like shiat, generally theyll notice on their own and give you a lift.
And get crackin on it! No use being left behind in your studies or, indeed, your life.

Harshaw

I agree with the "seek out help from your school" idea. Most universities realize that a huge number of their students are going to be depressed from time to time.

If it is something that doesn't happen a lot, you may want to find things that help make you happy. I've been depressed a lot, and I find nothing helps like a walk. Doing something active lets endorphins out in your brain. This will pick you up for a little while; it may pick you up long enough for whatever bad feelings you have to go away.

Edit:

If all else fails, I have this story my girlfriend told me when I was down once.
A mighty king called for all his wise men. They gathered around him and he said
"I require a device that will make me happy when I am sad, and sad when I am happy."
The wise men thought for a while and crafted a ring for the mighty king. On both sides of the ring was engraved
"This too shall pass"

I find this story to be really useful when I am depressed. Currently, I am going through the worst months that I have faced in my adult life. Making it even harder is the fact that just 2 months ago, I was happier then I have ever been before. This story goes to show that, well, what goes up, must come down.. and the other way around.

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This too shall pass.

lordjeebus

One more thing:

I'm a volunteer counselor and refer people to therapists often. If you go see a psychologist or psychiatrist, and it doesn't work out for you, don't give up -- find someone else. Therapists differ and it can take time to find one who's right for you.

lady

I'd say that's very serious... You only get one life, why should you suffer and trudge around just existing, not being happy when there are resources out there that can help you. Forget the stigma associated with mental health conditions. You'd be very surprised at the number of people around you who are being treated for depression, OCD, Bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, etc. Very very surprised

Bottom line: You deserve to be happy and feel normal. Don't settle for any less...

__________________
Our doubts are traitors,
And make us lose the good we oft might win
By fearing to attempt.

tikki

I'm a self diagnosed manic depressive, and when I have days like those (never so bad as i consider suicide), I just call up my best friend and talk to her. I dunno what I'd do without that.

As for the universitys having services. Purdue has started offering free counseling in all that jazz. They have gone so far as to send out a bunch of mass mailings across campus about it and plaster the campus with posters.

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devnull

Actually, most colleges do in fact offer free counseling services for their students. I'd look into that. Go speak with the school nurse or doctor.

Also, I've found that going to the gym and working out a few times a week is a very good way to begin to feel better about yourself and does change your outlook on the things that go on in the world around you. You may notice that you will begin to perk up and be more attentive to things and will have more energy to do stuff. A better diet is always a good way to start down this path too. Try cutting out carbs and eating more fruits/vegetables and meat. Less pasta, less beer. Give this a try for three to four weeks. I can't guarantee a change, but for some people, like myself, it did work and was a great change.

Nazggul

First off, I agree with all that you should definitely seek someone to talk too, personally I think a counselor is best.

I remember feeling the way you describe very often when I was in school. I look back on those days now and wonder how I could have been feeling that bad. I listen to some music tapes that I created back then (yes, cassette tapes, I'm old) and think, wow, I must have been suicidal. I guess my point is, once you are free of the pressure that college life can bring whether it is intense work load, athletics, not meeting any quality friends, or all of the above...life gets better when you are done with school. A lot better.

Hang in there, talk to someone, work it out and get through. Find something you enjoy doing, andything that makes you happy and make a daily event. Even if you can't see it right now, there is a light out there at the end of the tunnel.

prosequence

Lots of sun and vitamin D.
Plus write an affirmative ad for yourself that you read three times a day, morning, afternoon and before you go to bed.

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And now here I stand because of you, Mister Anderson, because of you I'm no longer an agent of the system, because of you I've changed...

Crazy/Beautiful

Well I have to say alot of the time I feel the exact same way as you do. Your depression sounds very serious! Feeling suicidal is a terrible way to feel and no one deserves to feel that bad!! I can completely relate to you. You should seek help! Unfortunately depression cannot be overcome by yourself. You don't deserve to feel bad! Seek help from your family too, since you love them and don't want them to be upset if you were gone. It's hard at first but you need to know people love you and want you around! It's also very hard being a college student, you are not alone! Also remember that adorable puppy in your picture loves you too! I'm so sorry you have to feel this way, it's not fair, but you will prevaile!!

Crazy/Beautiful

A Side Note: I'm currently being treated for severe chronic depression. I was diagonsed with it when I was 11 years old. Unforutnately the only way they knew I had a problem was after multiple suicide attempts. Please don't wait until you feel bad enough about actually going through with anything! Please don't ever attempt suicide! Feeling suicidal is enough, don't add more pain to it! I didn't have friends to talk to about my depression because I didn't have any. Be around your family, sometimes people forget how much their family really does love them.
There isn't anything wrong with you!! You are normal! You just have problems, like everyone! Please don't give up on yourself.

It actually makes me feel not as abnormal, that other people feel like I do, you sharing helps me too!

numist

suicide is bad, so don't do it. I can not put into words how it makes us feel being left behind. Safe to say it is possibly the worst feeling in the world, worse than chronic depression or being eaten alive by rats.

If you ever see yourself getting that far that you are thinking about it, dont mess around, go get some help before you lose the only thing that you have - your life.

Dano069

ReLaX:

Been there, done that, living it. I'm currently on Zoloft but since you're a starving college student, that may be out.

I'd find someone to talk to. That helped me through every situation you mentioned. The other thing is to get up and do something: go for a walk, do laundry, anything, just do something! A lot of my depession involved having too much time to sit there and "think" about my situation. If I started to do something physical, the feelings went away.

I've talked about suicide, a lot. I've even planned mine out, however, I currently have too many responsibilities to my family and friends to ever do it. PLEASE DON'T DO IT. Things can and will get better. When I was feeling suicidal, I listened to a lot of heavy metal music, very loudly. The heavy drum and bass beats helped me get out of my depressed mood.

BTW, mine started out the same way. Nagging little doubts, self-esteem issues, general blah feeling. It IS serious enough to get help. Trust me. It took my wife 15 years or so to finally convince me to get help. I kept telling myself, "It's temporary, it'll blow over" Well, over time, my moods lasted longer and longer. Finally, on the way home from work 3 years ago, I had to keep myself from driving off the road. Hmm, there's something wrong there (duh) Went to my doctor and he prescribed the Zoloft. No shrinks involved.

I wish you luck!

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RemyLebeau97

Go see your doctor, thats the best advice I can give

raeanna74

I agree it would be a good idea to find someone - friend or professional to talk to.

Secondly I would definately go to see my physician. I have had thoughts concerning suicide in the past. I have had depression at certain times of the day even. When I saw the Dr - both main times - they found that I was anemic. Sometimes depression can just be directly health related - if you get help for the health problem then you can at least handle any depression that is left much easier.

If you can't afford any of that. Take a multi-vitamin making sure there is Iron and B-complex (esp B12, and B6). Also making sure you excercise and get sunshine will help any depression a tiny bit.

I hope this helps.

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My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Miranda

I know exactly how you feel and then some
It sucks I know.
Everything everyone has said is great advice.
Remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this! Heaps of people here know what you are going through, and there are most probably many around you who do as well.
Any person suffering depression who considers suicide is at risk of doing harm to themselves. I have been there. Many many times. I was hospitalised last year for 2 and a half months in a private clinic here in Sydney to be treated for an eating disorder, severe depression, self-mutilation, several suicide attempts...all that jazz...they later diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression).
But please please please seek help as soon as possible. I know it's hard, especially because of your financial situation. But there are people everywhere who can help you! Never forget that.

RelaX

Thank you for all your advice. My school does have a psychologist but my school is (a big) part of the problems in my life. It's 2 hours traveling away and in a city that depresses the hell out of me.
Anyway, I'll spare you my lifestory, but suffice it to say that I am not killing myself.

I once got to a point where I had a plan all laid out and a letter written. Fortunately after trying to say goodbye to a pet I realised how much hurt I would cause the ones I left behind and I knew I never wanted to do that. That was a couple of years ago and I no longer concider suicide a viable alternative to any problem I have.

Things will get better, I'm just in a rut right now. I need to do an internship but I can't seem to get one. So right now I'm at home all the time with nothing to do. It is driving me insane. I just need something to do, but I can't just get a menial job or something because I might still get an internship (I am still applying). The combined force of having to apply and receive rejection after rejection and the fact that I'm not even sure if I am doing what I want to be doing is causing this enormous depression.

See, I don't know if my friends are actually people I want to be hanging out with. If my parents aren't actually people I really really hate and should focus on getting away from as soon as I can. If I would like to do the kind of work I am studying for. If I should be living where I am living If the girl I love is really someone I SHOULD love as she is 5000 miles away from me, etc.

It's like I'm not happy with the person I am and the life I'm living and the future it holds but I just can't see any way to improve this picture.

Sorry for the rant here. Conclusion: I just need to get my ass in gear and do something and quit thinking so much.

__________________
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
- Nathaniel Borenstein