Relationship advice - woman who is 6 years older - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ManWithAPlan · 01-15-2011, 11:22 AM

So I went on a 10 day trip with a group of 30 people to Europe. Over the course of these 10 days we all spent lots and lots of time with each other. I got very closely and intimately acquainted with a particular young lady and we just hit it off immediately. I really kind of wonder if I've ever had such a close and solid connection with another person in my life. We like the same things, we have similar personalities, etc.

When I'm around girls my age, I tend to have some trouble making connections because in large, I skipped the wild party phase of my life and emotionally I'm much closer to where she is in life (I think).

Right now, I just finished my Master's and am looking for a job. I could move down to be near her, but I don't think that's a serious thing to do right away (kind of rash). And if I find a job here, it would be a bad move professionally to leave over the course of a few months. She says it's really hard for her to find a job in her line of work (nurse) over where I live.

The facts are:
She's a 4 hr drive away
She's 30 and I'm 24

I've talked to some of my friends about this, and I've also talked to my mother. And I'm obviously getting mixed answers, and I expect I will get mixed replies here too. I'm not looking for consensus but (suckup) I know this community is full of really wise and diverse people, so I invite you to share all of your wisdom and experience with me if you so choose.

I've heard that 4 hrs is not a big deal. I've also heard that long term relationships just don't work out.

My mom feels that 6 years is much too much for a woman to be older by. I can see where she's coming from because it's just what my amour said - it's about time for her to start having kids. Not that I'm against kids, but realistically for me that's at least 2 years away because I must get settled in.

Others don't think that the age gap is a big deal.

So TFP, thanks for reading my publication. Thoughts? And thanks again.

Willravel · 01-15-2011, 11:55 AM

Speaking from direct experience, if it doesn't bother you please go for it. When I was in my early 20s and had just gotten out of a serious relationship with someone my age, I met someone older and our relationship was wonderful. She was more grounded than girls I'd dated before, she was wiser and she was a lot more clear on her life priorities. She had direction and maturity, and it was contagious. Not only that, but in my case she was more experienced and knew her body a lot better than previous girlfriends, which kept things a lot more interesting sexually.

I vote go for it. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

ManWithAPlan · 01-15-2011, 12:02 PM

Thanks Willravel. Those are all very good points. It's actually exactly how I feel right now (about wisdom, maturity, etc).

If it's all right, I'd like to ask you two things... First, so what happened to that relationship? And second, how much older was she?

Willravel · 01-15-2011, 12:29 PM

She was something like 7 years my senior, iirc. What happened was that she had to take a job elsewhere before we'd gotten serious enough for me to move with her. We're still in touch on really good terms. If we're ever close again and both single, I can easily see us picking up where we left off.

Craven Morehead · 01-15-2011, 01:38 PM

I don't think that is a huge age difference. The older you get the less difference it makes.

Go for it however you can.

Good luck.

jewels · 01-15-2011, 01:57 PM

I've dated men both older and younger and believe there's a reason they say age is just a number. Six years? That's nothing. Really.

You'll hear old couples who've been happy for 50+ years both with nothing in common and everything in common. No rules, just grab happiness when you can.

Sometimes someone comes along and all the rules you've been taught must be thrown to the wind. If the relationship endures the four hour separation, chances are that eventually someone will be more motivated to move closer to the other. Don't forget that there's always a potential transfer or a few months of job hunting to solve any supposed problem.

If you both want it enough, it will endure and things will work themselves out. Make sure you talk out any real concerns with her though.

settie · 01-15-2011, 06:07 PM

My advice? Don't do it. Just drop it where it is.
My reasons are as follows:
-Long distance relationships don't work without an expendable income, lots of spare time to visit each other, and patience/selflessness. Seeing as you're jobless, you have nothing to work with.
- She already said she's ready to have kids, and at 30, she's already pushing her viability. Two years from now, will be even worse. You're not settled or ready for kids, its a potential breaking point.
- People have to create an equilibrium between each other to live happily and with success. She's a nurse, she's established, you're the opposite, so either she has to be the breadwinner to support you, or you gotta work your ass off to get to an equilibrium. I just dont see it happening.

I'm basing this all off of experience, and off of relationships that affected groups of friendships. I've lost a lot of friends to this fucking shit, so its a sensitive subject.
Just...don't do it.

Jetée · 01-15-2011, 06:29 PM

You should ask your presumed significant other (re: young lady friend) if she can see herself becoming seriously involved with you, and discuss the possibility of what marriage holds toward your combined futures.

It might give her a jolt of "woah. this American guy I met in Europe is already contemplating marriage?! (pauses)" ... but, given that you'd like some advice here, I suppose it takes an inference that you might actually like the broad, if not actually grow to love her; though, your current individual life situations has you in doubt about whether or not to move forward with this.

I'd close this message with a nice witticism of my own, but I just glanced at this, and it bears heeding in its informed brevity:

Quote:

Originally Posted by jewels

If you both want it enough, it will endure and things will work themselves out. Make sure you talk out any real concerns with her though.

SirLance · 01-15-2011, 06:43 PM

I've dated older women, younger women, women the same age. I've had two long distance relationships, and both more or less just faded away. I don't think they're good for the long term.

6 years is only a lifetime to a six-year-old. It's not much as age difference goes.

It sounds like to me she has been pretty forthright in conveying some things about herself to you. She won't or can't move, and she wants kids. At 30, she needs to start pretty soon. Have you been as forthright with her as to what you are ready for in a relationship?

I think this means that if you go for it, you should expect to have kids right away, and you should expect to move right away. She is clearly looking for a serious commitment.

No one can answer for you whether you should do this or not. The question is, do you want to grow old with this person, and if you do, are you willing to make some sacrifices and do things (like kids) that you weren't thinking of doing right away?

In my experience, true love doesn't come along all that often. I've been fortunate to find it once, in mumblety-mumble years. If this is that, I would do some serious soul searching before I gave it up.

There are things worth sacrificing for, and I thing you just need to ask yourself some questions and determine if this is one of them.

Ourcrazymodern? · 01-15-2011, 07:04 PM

4 hours away is farther than six years. Get closer, then make plans, IF YOU BOTH BELIEVE your life together will be better than your lives apart.

MSD · 01-15-2011, 11:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ManWithAPlan

I've heard that 4 hrs is not a big deal. I've also heard that long term relationships just don't work out.

Not a big deal? I've come to the conclusion that driving more than 45 minutes to get laid is too much effort. Once you hit your mid-20s age differences aren't a big deal, but you're clearly at different places in your lives if she's ready to settle down and have kids and you aren't.

ManWithAPlan · 01-16-2011, 05:52 AM

TFP, you guys do not disappoint. Lots of things to think about reading this.

First, I have to comment on MSD - You're absolutely right, more than 45 minutes to get laid is too much, but I never even hinted that that was my purpose.

You guys are absolutely right though that we need to have a good talk and put all our cards out on the table. You've given me good ideas on the things we need to talk about, and I think we'll have to have this talk in the next few days when she returns from the trip (she's staying with family currently).

Steph, I know you've had bad experiences with long distance, but I don't think everything you said is really all that fair to me. I'm unemployed right now because I just finished my degree and I am looking for a job that will be better than the one I could return to. If I want to settle, I could have a job by the end of the week that would be paying just as well as hers (I'm expecting an offer that I'm pretty sure I'm going to get). Let's just say that with the job market now, I'm not worried about being able to provide. Also, 4 hours is a bitch, but it's not a plane flight over. I can see myself running down on a Friday night to stay the weekend.

Shauk · 01-16-2011, 06:47 AM

as long as you're not trying to steal her from another guy, who cares?
/bitter
(yes my last serious LTR was robbed by someone 10 years younger than her and 4 hours away, then he just cheated on her nonstop, oh well karma is a bitch)

snowy · 01-16-2011, 09:25 AM

I think jewels is spot on--if this relationship is important to you, and you are important to each other, things will find a way of working out.

zenda · 01-16-2011, 10:57 PM

Hi. IMO the age difference between the two of you is not significant.
The 'where you're each at in your lives' IS significant and is reason for both of you to put your various cards on the table ... which is what you're engaged in doing, so Best wishes and respect to you and to her. Everything you and the previous posters have been covering has confirmed and consolidated that route.

The journey length ... well, you are willing to do that for weekends. I was willing to do up to 2.5 hrs at beginning and end of weekends for many years to be with my love. It's less than 4, but IMO enough to count as a big enough journey to go 'well there goes my entire evening in travel'. A friend of mine is currently doing 4 hours each way at weekends to be back with his lady .... though they'd had some time living together first and a genuine job need has made him live away from her for a while. Neither of them like it - they are 'putting up with it.' Because they are my Skype buddies, I get to be a fly on the wall and I get the impressions that their quality time IS quality, though they want more.

Parenthood .... There's a separate issue to deal with ... you KNOW that going into this relationship includes going seriously into the possibility of children. What are your thoughts and feelings on that? You mentioned that you had passed over the 'party animal' phase of existence ... I don't know whether you were doing that with a sense of regretfulness or positiveness. I'm putting these two thoughts together in one paragraph, because I want you to think what kind of [Future & Freedoms & Responsibilities] you might have been envisaging BEFORE you knew of her existence. "I'f I'd not met her, how'd I have been seeing my future now? What kind of things might I have been wanting to do or to not do, and roughly what kind of timeframes might I have had in mind"

SirLance · 01-17-2011, 03:27 PM

How's it going for you MWAP? Did you have your chat?

ManWithAPlan · 01-17-2011, 03:34 PM

SirLance, we haven't. She's probably on a plane back over to the states right around now. I'm thankful to say I've been too pre-occupied with job-hunting today to brood more over it (as it was getting unhealthy :P), yep, recruiters have been keeping me busy.

Thanks a lot for all of your support and advice. I'll definitely keep everyone posted with how things go as soon as I have something to report. You've given me great things to think about and to bring up in our talk, and I'm sure they will help me more than I could have ever hoped.

Unfortunately, this chat's probably going to have to take place over the phone (I'm really much better in person, both at reading people and at expressing myself), but putting it off until I run down and visit her may not be a great option -- thoughts?

SirLance · 01-17-2011, 04:49 PM

Oh, no. This is an in-person deal. I wouldn't have a talk this serious over the phone, if I could do it in person.

ManWithAPlan · 01-17-2011, 04:59 PM

Yeah, I feel you. Gonna have to probably tell it to her in just that way, too. 'Cause I knowwww she's gonna want to start figuring stuff out first time I talk to her on the phone, heh.

amonkie · 01-17-2011, 06:14 PM

I would also say before you go down that you want to have a conversation about it. there's nothing worse than waiting for someone you've not seen for a long long time and totally having pent up rawr energy and a mood that gets killed with a "we have to talk".

Been there.. both parties having a chance to reflect and be in the same mental state made all the difference in the world.

Zeraph · 01-17-2011, 06:30 PM

Meh, I'm about to date a woman 8 years older (dates tomorrow). Who cares? Go for it.

ManWithAPlan · 01-20-2011, 05:52 AM

Still not all that much to report. I've been keeping in touch with her daily, but I feel like relations are slowly cooling down. I might make the trip down there next weekend to sort of settle where we stand.

I will stay at either a hotel or crash on someone's couch if I can make buddy-buddy with someone else from our trip (they all seem to live near each other).

You guys know something? The timing of this is really eating at me, because I'm in the middle of a huge transition in my life. But, and maybe this is Jerusalem syndrome (since we were there), I'm starting to wonder if it's not all happening like this for a reason. On the trip, at some point I decided to just trust myself and my fate to whatever force is out there that might choose to guide me, and that's not something I've ever done before in my life. Unfortunately, the same mentality is much harder when you're at home and have actual decisions to make, instead of on some trip in Jerusalem :P

zenda · 01-20-2011, 07:36 AM

Hi, ManWithAPlan
I can make sense of "Thy will, not mine." - trust and fate. I also believe that when you are at home, it is right that you are working at deciding well ... You'll still be in the hands of fate, and trust in yourself will still be a factor ... like the most experienced and wise sailors on a turbulent sea. It's hard, you're working at it, and fate is all around. And it's right that you are considering it deeply and thoroughly as you are.

Transition. Heck yeah. Where have you come from ... where are you going ... what do you want to leave behind ... what do you want to take with you. Sometimes it's like "I come to the edge of the world and .... I fall off" ... though there is always really an horizon However ... the land is uncharted. The map up to the end of education is usually well drawn out .. especially for those continuing to higher education. Moving out of that is a big step. I'm rambling. I'm keeping track of this thread and you've got my best wishes

bagatelle · 01-29-2011, 02:06 PM

6 years is not much in my opinion, at least when you get older.

In fact I had a friend, who at age of 26 dated a guy about 20. The guy was enthusiastic, but my friend was a bit embarrassed of their age disparity. It didn't last long, like so many other relationships she had...

According to the "half-your-age-plus-seven" rule your "suitable" range would be women 19-34.

01-15-2011, 11:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
ManWithAPlan Addict Location: M[ass]achusetts	Relationship advice - woman who is 6 years older So I went on a 10 day trip with a group of 30 people to Europe. Over the course of these 10 days we all spent lots and lots of time with each other. I got very closely and intimately acquainted with a particular young lady and we just hit it off immediately. I really kind of wonder if I've ever had such a close and solid connection with another person in my life. We like the same things, we have similar personalities, etc. When I'm around girls my age, I tend to have some trouble making connections because in large, I skipped the wild party phase of my life and emotionally I'm much closer to where she is in life (I think). Right now, I just finished my Master's and am looking for a job. I could move down to be near her, but I don't think that's a serious thing to do right away (kind of rash). And if I find a job here, it would be a bad move professionally to leave over the course of a few months. She says it's really hard for her to find a job in her line of work (nurse) over where I live. The facts are: She's a 4 hr drive away She's 30 and I'm 24 I've talked to some of my friends about this, and I've also talked to my mother. And I'm obviously getting mixed answers, and I expect I will get mixed replies here too. I'm not looking for consensus but (suckup) I know this community is full of really wise and diverse people, so I invite you to share all of your wisdom and experience with me if you so choose. I've heard that 4 hrs is not a big deal. I've also heard that long term relationships just don't work out. My mom feels that 6 years is much too much for a woman to be older by. I can see where she's coming from because it's just what my amour said - it's about time for her to start having kids. Not that I'm against kids, but realistically for me that's at least 2 years away because I must get settled in. Others don't think that the age gap is a big deal. So TFP, thanks for reading my publication. Thoughts? And thanks again. __________________ In the end we are but wisps

01-15-2011, 12:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
ManWithAPlan Addict Location: M[ass]achusetts	Thanks Willravel. Those are all very good points. It's actually exactly how I feel right now (about wisdom, maturity, etc). If it's all right, I'd like to ask you two things... First, so what happened to that relationship? And second, how much older was she? __________________ In the end we are but wisps

01-15-2011, 01:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
jewels Eponymous Location: Central Central Florida	I've dated men both older and younger and believe there's a reason they say age is just a number. Six years? That's nothing. Really. You'll hear old couples who've been happy for 50+ years both with nothing in common and everything in common. No rules, just grab happiness when you can. Sometimes someone comes along and all the rules you've been taught must be thrown to the wind. If the relationship endures the four hour separation, chances are that eventually someone will be more motivated to move closer to the other. Don't forget that there's always a potential transfer or a few months of job hunting to solve any supposed problem. If you both want it enough, it will endure and things will work themselves out. Make sure you talk out any real concerns with her though. __________________ We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain

01-15-2011, 06:43 PM	#9 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	I've dated older women, younger women, women the same age. I've had two long distance relationships, and both more or less just faded away. I don't think they're good for the long term. 6 years is only a lifetime to a six-year-old. It's not much as age difference goes. It sounds like to me she has been pretty forthright in conveying some things about herself to you. She won't or can't move, and she wants kids. At 30, she needs to start pretty soon. Have you been as forthright with her as to what you are ready for in a relationship? I think this means that if you go for it, you should expect to have kids right away, and you should expect to move right away. She is clearly looking for a serious commitment. No one can answer for you whether you should do this or not. The question is, do you want to grow old with this person, and if you do, are you willing to make some sacrifices and do things (like kids) that you weren't thinking of doing right away? In my experience, true love doesn't come along all that often. I've been fortunate to find it once, in mumblety-mumble years. If this is that, I would do some serious soul searching before I gave it up. There are things worth sacrificing for, and I thing you just need to ask yourself some questions and determine if this is one of them. __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

01-15-2011, 07:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	4 hours away is farther than six years. Get closer, then make plans, IF YOU BOTH BELIEVE your life together will be better than your lives apart. __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

01-15-2011, 11:55 AM	#2 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	Speaking from direct experience, if it doesn't bother you please go for it. When I was in my early 20s and had just gotten out of a serious relationship with someone my age, I met someone older and our relationship was wonderful. She was more grounded than girls I'd dated before, she was wiser and she was a lot more clear on her life priorities. She had direction and maturity, and it was contagious. Not only that, but in my case she was more experienced and knew her body a lot better than previous girlfriends, which kept things a lot more interesting sexually. I vote go for it. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

01-15-2011, 12:29 PM	#4 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	She was something like 7 years my senior, iirc. What happened was that she had to take a job elsewhere before we'd gotten serious enough for me to move with her. We're still in touch on really good terms. If we're ever close again and both single, I can easily see us picking up where we left off.

01-15-2011, 01:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
Craven Morehead Custom User Title	I don't think that is a huge age difference. The older you get the less difference it makes. Go for it however you can. Good luck.

01-15-2011, 06:07 PM	#7 (permalink)
settie Junkie	My advice? Don't do it. Just drop it where it is. My reasons are as follows: -Long distance relationships don't work without an expendable income, lots of spare time to visit each other, and patience/selflessness. Seeing as you're jobless, you have nothing to work with. - She already said she's ready to have kids, and at 30, she's already pushing her viability. Two years from now, will be even worse. You're not settled or ready for kids, its a potential breaking point. - People have to create an equilibrium between each other to live happily and with success. She's a nurse, she's established, you're the opposite, so either she has to be the breadwinner to support you, or you gotta work your ass off to get to an equilibrium. I just dont see it happening. I'm basing this all off of experience, and off of relationships that affected groups of friendships. I've lost a lot of friends to this fucking shit, so its a sensitive subject. Just...don't do it.

01-16-2011, 05:52 AM	#12 (permalink)
ManWithAPlan Addict Location: M[ass]achusetts	TFP, you guys do not disappoint. Lots of things to think about reading this. First, I have to comment on MSD - You're absolutely right, more than 45 minutes to get laid is too much, but I never even hinted that that was my purpose. You guys are absolutely right though that we need to have a good talk and put all our cards out on the table. You've given me good ideas on the things we need to talk about, and I think we'll have to have this talk in the next few days when she returns from the trip (she's staying with family currently). Steph, I know you've had bad experiences with long distance, but I don't think everything you said is really all that fair to me. I'm unemployed right now because I just finished my degree and I am looking for a job that will be better than the one I could return to. If I want to settle, I could have a job by the end of the week that would be paying just as well as hers (I'm expecting an offer that I'm pretty sure I'm going to get). Let's just say that with the job market now, I'm not worried about being able to provide. Also, 4 hours is a bitch, but it's not a plane flight over. I can see myself running down on a Friday night to stay the weekend. __________________ In the end we are but wisps

01-16-2011, 06:47 AM	#13 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	as long as you're not trying to steal her from another guy, who cares? /bitter (yes my last serious LTR was robbed by someone 10 years younger than her and 4 hours away, then he just cheated on her nonstop, oh well karma is a bitch)

01-16-2011, 09:25 AM	#14 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	I think jewels is spot on--if this relationship is important to you, and you are important to each other, things will find a way of working out. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

01-16-2011, 10:57 PM	#15 (permalink)
zenda Crazy Location: London, England	Hi. IMO the age difference between the two of you is not significant. The 'where you're each at in your lives' IS significant and is reason for both of you to put your various cards on the table ... which is what you're engaged in doing, so Best wishes and respect to you and to her. Everything you and the previous posters have been covering has confirmed and consolidated that route. The journey length ... well, you are willing to do that for weekends. I was willing to do up to 2.5 hrs at beginning and end of weekends for many years to be with my love. It's less than 4, but IMO enough to count as a big enough journey to go 'well there goes my entire evening in travel'. A friend of mine is currently doing 4 hours each way at weekends to be back with his lady .... though they'd had some time living together first and a genuine job need has made him live away from her for a while. Neither of them like it - they are 'putting up with it.' Because they are my Skype buddies, I get to be a fly on the wall and I get the impressions that their quality time IS quality, though they want more. Parenthood .... There's a separate issue to deal with ... you KNOW that going into this relationship includes going seriously into the possibility of children. What are your thoughts and feelings on that? You mentioned that you had passed over the 'party animal' phase of existence ... I don't know whether you were doing that with a sense of regretfulness or positiveness. I'm putting these two thoughts together in one paragraph, because I want you to think what kind of [Future & Freedoms & Responsibilities] you might have been envisaging BEFORE you knew of her existence. "I'f I'd not met her, how'd I have been seeing my future now? What kind of things might I have been wanting to do or to not do, and roughly what kind of timeframes might I have had in mind"

01-17-2011, 03:27 PM	#16 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	How's it going for you MWAP? Did you have your chat? __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

01-17-2011, 03:34 PM	#17 (permalink)
ManWithAPlan Addict Location: M[ass]achusetts	SirLance, we haven't. She's probably on a plane back over to the states right around now. I'm thankful to say I've been too pre-occupied with job-hunting today to brood more over it (as it was getting unhealthy :P), yep, recruiters have been keeping me busy. Thanks a lot for all of your support and advice. I'll definitely keep everyone posted with how things go as soon as I have something to report. You've given me great things to think about and to bring up in our talk, and I'm sure they will help me more than I could have ever hoped. Unfortunately, this chat's probably going to have to take place over the phone (I'm really much better in person, both at reading people and at expressing myself), but putting it off until I run down and visit her may not be a great option -- thoughts? __________________ In the end we are but wisps

01-17-2011, 04:49 PM	#18 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Oh, no. This is an in-person deal. I wouldn't have a talk this serious over the phone, if I could do it in person. __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

01-17-2011, 04:59 PM	#19 (permalink)
ManWithAPlan Addict Location: M[ass]achusetts	Yeah, I feel you. Gonna have to probably tell it to her in just that way, too. 'Cause I knowwww she's gonna want to start figuring stuff out first time I talk to her on the phone, heh. __________________ In the end we are but wisps

01-17-2011, 06:14 PM	#20 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	I would also say before you go down that you want to have a conversation about it. there's nothing worse than waiting for someone you've not seen for a long long time and totally having pent up rawr energy and a mood that gets killed with a "we have to talk". Been there.. both parties having a chance to reflect and be in the same mental state made all the difference in the world. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

01-17-2011, 06:30 PM	#21 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	Meh, I'm about to date a woman 8 years older (dates tomorrow). Who cares? Go for it.

01-20-2011, 05:52 AM	#22 (permalink)
ManWithAPlan Addict Location: M[ass]achusetts	Still not all that much to report. I've been keeping in touch with her daily, but I feel like relations are slowly cooling down. I might make the trip down there next weekend to sort of settle where we stand. I will stay at either a hotel or crash on someone's couch if I can make buddy-buddy with someone else from our trip (they all seem to live near each other). You guys know something? The timing of this is really eating at me, because I'm in the middle of a huge transition in my life. But, and maybe this is Jerusalem syndrome (since we were there), I'm starting to wonder if it's not all happening like this for a reason. On the trip, at some point I decided to just trust myself and my fate to whatever force is out there that might choose to guide me, and that's not something I've ever done before in my life. Unfortunately, the same mentality is much harder when you're at home and have actual decisions to make, instead of on some trip in Jerusalem :P __________________ In the end we are but wisps

01-20-2011, 07:36 AM	#23 (permalink)
zenda Crazy Location: London, England	Hi, ManWithAPlan I can make sense of "Thy will, not mine." - trust and fate. I also believe that when you are at home, it is right that you are working at deciding well ... You'll still be in the hands of fate, and trust in yourself will still be a factor ... like the most experienced and wise sailors on a turbulent sea. It's hard, you're working at it, and fate is all around. And it's right that you are considering it deeply and thoroughly as you are. Transition. Heck yeah. Where have you come from ... where are you going ... what do you want to leave behind ... what do you want to take with you. Sometimes it's like "I come to the edge of the world and .... I fall off" ... though there is always really an horizon However ... the land is uncharted. The map up to the end of education is usually well drawn out .. especially for those continuing to higher education. Moving out of that is a big step. I'm rambling. I'm keeping track of this thread and you've got my best wishes __________________ ZENDA

01-29-2011, 02:06 PM	#24 (permalink)
bagatelle Psycho Location: Europe	6 years is not much in my opinion, at least when you get older. In fact I had a friend, who at age of 26 dated a guy about 20. The guy was enthusiastic, but my friend was a bit embarrassed of their age disparity. It didn't last long, like so many other relationships she had... According to the "half-your-age-plus-seven" rule your "suitable" range would be women 19-34. __________________ Life is...