Anxiety, depression & addiction... oh my! The mental illness thread.

[wooÐs]

I was going to start this anonymously, but if I did I'm sure others would do the same thing and it'd be one big ol' anonymous thread (but if you feel you must post anonymously, please do feel free to use the available option.) So I grew testicles (small ones,) and I'm starting a discussion on mental illness. Your diagnosis, drugs of choice, current head meds, issues you have with abuse in your past, overall need for help, etc. Maybe you'd just like to learn more on how to handle a loved one's dealio. Bring it.

I'll start out -

Hello. My name is wooÐs. I was diagnosed (finally,) as bipolar about 5-6 years ago. In my family, it's hereditary. I also have a problem with addiction. Drugs of choice, today, are mainly painkillers. I gave up a daily herb habit last year but omfg do I miss it! Had issues with cocaine for a period of years - great weight loss plan, but it's pricey. I've been in rehab 7 times since my senior year in high school - so that makes it over a span of 16 years. I've had issues with depression and anger since some abuse bs that took place at a young age. Currently, I'm on 7 head meds that I take daily - some at night, some in the AM, one only when needed. I'm way past any sort of side effects. And that's it for me for now.

[Raghnar -ITA-]

I had so much problems since the last three years to the begin of this year.
I was very obsessed with studying and research strive for excellence. I don't know why was fixed in my head to give all exams with grade "30 cum laude" that is "over the maximum" degree (probably in USA is an A+ degree) and I piss off every single step done wrong (I mean, if I cannot follow a lesson properly or understood a concept immediatly). Also in my research I was pretending to do everything right on the first shot, that is, in retrospective, quite impossible thing to do because you're the first one on the planet to do it (this is why they call it research) and researching is made of do everything you can do wrong, so the last step would be mandatory right (As Bohr said "An expert is one that made every possible mistakes in a field").
I was very depressed all the time, becouse there was always something I did wrong or I was afraid to do it wrong or whatever, closing me in some sort of authism for hours (sometime days) doing the math, complaing myself to note get the solution before and things like that.

I don't know why, I consciousness KNOW that I was pretending doing the impossible and without a reason, but I was feeling that was the only thing to do to give the best, and the expectation many people put on me was surely over my best (After my undergraduation, with thesis on a new crystals for PET devices, my mom start to think I was be able of inventing whatever I like. When she caught me playing she had used to yell "Don't play, you must be inventing something! You can save lifes and spend times playing!". That was odd... :\ ).
Indeed it was a very dark period, full of depression, anxiety, at the limit of the suicide, but it was also maybe the most creative I've ever had (and maybe I'll ever had); striving so much trying to understand every bit of information made me full of ideas, able to solve difficoult problems, in fact I had the intuition about the core of the theory I'm developing during the past year and I was able to graduate with 30 (A) or better results (only some of them with laude) making me one of the best candidate for a research grant.

I had very much help from my friend (expecially from a good friend of mine) and my girlfried that kept me up and tolerate my crazyness.

Maybe this is one of the example on how a mental distress can be turned in somewhat positive (but not desiderable, trust me).
My subjestion from mine experience is : As soon as you are in the mood, create.

[wooÐs]

Yeah ok - I think I follow. The English isn't that bad lol.

It's very common for comedians to either live with depression or to have had issues with depression at some point in their lives. Not only is it what feeds their creativity but laughter is sometimes the only thing that'll get you by. In your case, it wasn't humor but something else.

And yeah, I feel good can come from depression and sadness. I can look back on my roughest periods and appreciate the smallest things today - whether it be children playing in my yard or a chicken dinner - there were times I wasn't close to really experiencing either of these things even if they were right in front of my face.

Ty for contributing.

[snowy]

I've been diagnosed with depression and I've got some severe anxiety issues. Lately this has played out in the form of bruxism; I've taken to wearing a night guard lest I chew through my cheek.

Luckily school starts tomorrow which means that 1) I have access to the student rec center (gym) again, 2) I have access to counseling, and 3) I can go talk to my doctor (who should be back from her summer vacation) about increasing the dosage on my medication.

[wooÐs]

What are you on, snow?

[Raghnar -ITA-]

Originally Posted by snowy

Lately this has played out in the form of bruxism

I also had periods with bruxisism, but not necessary during periods with depression or anxiety.
It's bad mostly because I woke up with a terrible headache , you too?

[wooÐs]

According to an old 'update' thread I just came across, I learned that anonymous posting isn't allowed under 'Life.' Can a moderator please move this thread to a section where members can indeed post anonymously? Wish this was caught earlier. And hopefully it'll inspire more people to take part.

Thx

[SecretMethod70]

Anonymous posting is, indeed, available in Tilted Life. The update you came across was old.

[wooÐs]

Good gawd lol.

Can we keep all the rules, updates, etc. in one area then?

Thanks lol.

/thread

---------- Post added at 10:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:42 PM ----------

Ok srsly - 117 views and only 8 posts? You people will expose your boobies and schlongs in chat but not hit up mah thread? Come on!

The few of us certainly can't be the only ones with head issues on this forum ffs lol.

[snowy]

I'm on citalopram, woods. One of the known side effects of SSRIs is bruxism, but I've been taking citalopram off and on for years without this sort of problem.

It seems to have gone away now...I think being home and taking up my, erm, self-medication has helped with the anxiety.

[wooÐs]

I take Celexa as part of my cocktail too. Was on Lexapro for a while, but it's pricey and I'm not insured. So he switched me to Celexa which is much cheaper.

I take xanax as needed for anxiety. For me, it's so far from a drug of choice, so addiction isn't an issue thankfully. If I take more than I need, I just fall asleep. But when I really need it, omg it's magical.

[redsneaker]

Hmm, let's see. I've dealt with depression for, sadly, most of my life. I've been on medication for it, in one form or another, since 1996. I find that it really does get worse around a certain time of the month. It was entertained at one point that I had PMDD, but it didn't stick. Right before I got married (say a month and a half or so) and through the first year almost of marriage I had severe anxiety that manifested itself in severe and daily vomiting. It was fucking horrible. It got to the point that I didn't want to eat because I knew it was only a matter of time before it would come back up. On our honeymoon I was so sick I had to see an MD and I threw up to the point of having severe dehydration. Score!

The Dr. back in the States I first went to put me on Buspar which was a joke. I finally went to another Dr. and was put on Klonopin and Lexapro in daily doses. The Klonopin did wonders for helping initially, but I developed a tolerance for it, so was weaned off. The Lexapro helped with anxiety, but caused issues b/c it screwed with my libido. At this point Wellbutrin (my anti-depressant of choice) was reinstated along with the Lexapro. My husband left me, the anxiety went away, I stopped the Lexapro a few months later and now am on just the Wellbutrin (I admit I'm not so great at remembering to take it everyday, shame on me) I rarely have anxiety attacks anymore, and never throw up unless I am sick.

I can pretty much tell now when life is going to feel really shitty, and can talk myself through it. It usually lasts three or four days at a time and then I feel OK again. I can't say I ever feel fan-fucking-tastic, but I often wonder if anyone does?

[wooÐs]

lol

Yeah Buspar is a joke. I concluded that when I worked in a vet's office and learned they give the same human doses to small dogs to calm them from separation anxiety. Seriously - how can that do anything for an adult?

Never did Klonopin. But I think that's addicting as well? I've heard stories but not everything you hear is true so I dunno. I really liked Lexapro. But like I said above, I couldn't swing it financially. And I'm also on Wellbutrin.

How horrible vomiting must have been. And I completely relate to knowing when your funk is coming. I can't always talk myself through it, but I know the best ways to cope with it all. Don't answer the phone unless it's Mom or a certain friend, and hide under my favorite blanket. Isolation actually works best once I've been triggered into a funk. I come out of it after a few days usually (but as mentioned in another thread, this bout has been going for a bit too long lol.)

So for me, it's... *clears throat*...
Celexa
Lithium
Wellbutrin
Risperdal
Depakote
Xanax as needed
Trazadone as needed for sleep

Yes I'm a walking pharmacy. But I promise you I'm no nut job............................as long as I take my meds regularly . I've been on a lot of other meds since '93. Nothing has worked as well as this current cocktail. 'Bout f'ing time.

Red - do you see a psychiatrist? Do you mind if I ask who you see? We may share doctors lol.

And I'm just going to put it out there - if anyone has any questions about drugs or various conditions, I'll welcome pm's. I may not be able to help, but mental illness is so damn taboo that people are often too ashamed to mention anything to anyone about it, especially on a public forum. I've been through a lot - abuse, eating disorder, addiction, bipolar, depression, anxiety, anger issues, self esteem, etc. There's always a sort of bond between those who suffer from shit like this. I'm open if you are.

[Cervantes]

My story is pretty pointless, though I've been diagnosed with clinical depression almost ten years ago and takes Mirtazapine (Remeron in the US). I've had Bruxism pretty much my whole life, had a tooth splint a while back which helped against the headaches I usually wake up with but it cracked and I haven't been able to justify the cost of making a new one.

I've been on a few other antidepressants but the one I take now is the only one I've tried that has at least a marginal effect and allows me the odd short spell of sometimes just feeling normal. I had serious trouble with the side effects of most of the others I took, mainly they killed my sex drive which had me completely thrown off seeing them as something wholly and fully detrimental to my condition and I stopped taking them for a long while. It wasn't until I finally met with a new doctor that I started taking the meds I'm on now. I'm not happy, but at least I can feel normal feelings for short periods and I haven't noticed any change in my libido.. Guess I wasn't really expecting to be "cured" though, so I suppose this is as good as it will ever get..

As for addictions, I worked as a bartender several years ago and during that period I was heavily dependent on alcohol, I couldn't even sleep without having at least a minor buzz. Though the odd thing about it was that when I quit the bartending jobs my habit just seemed to vanish. I spent nearly four years after that without ever touching as much as a beer and I found that I can easily drink socially now (though I don't generally drink much) without having any need for more or to go out of control. Guess I got off easy compared to most others..

[wooÐs]

I tried Remeron for a very short period. Knocked me out so I'm guessing you take it at night probably?

The largest change in libido I ever noticed was with good ol' fashioned Prozac. And this was over 10 years ago. But it killed it.

Re: drinking, yeah you definitely are fortunate! But it's like a kid in a candy store I guess. If it's there, you're gonna indulge.

[LordEden]

Originally Posted by wooÐs

Ok srsly - 117 views and only 8 posts? You people will expose your boobies and schlongs in chat but not hit up mah thread? Come on!

The few of us certainly can't be the only ones with head issues on this forum ffs lol.

I would rather show my cock in chat than talk about my mental issues. Head issues are personal and I don't like admitting my weaknesses to anyone. My friends know and people who I trust know, that's enough for me.

[wooÐs]

Hell, I'm not forcing you. The thread was bare. But really Eden? I mean, seriously? Showing your schlong in front of complete strangers is even more personal than discussing issues with adults ffs lol.

[The_Jazz]

Originally Posted by wooÐs

Hell, I'm not forcing you. The thread was bare. But really Eden? I mean, seriously? Showing your schlong in front of complete strangers is even more personal than discussing issues with adults ffs lol.

This is why a lot of guys feel completely comfortable naked in a locker room but would sooner chew their own arm off instead of talking about their feelings. Honestly, I'm with you, Eden.

I've never been diagnosed with anything, and I don't think I'm sympomatic of anything (beyond some occassional self-destructive behavior). BUT I've got a very close family member that's been diagnosed on both ends of the spectrum as well as 2 suicides within 3 generations on one side. I pay attention to these threads because they help explain a lot to me in ways that I can't ask.

But talking about what's in MY head? Better get out the bamboo shoots to drive under my fingernails.

[wooÐs]

And that's totally fine. But this forum is LOADED with personal info. And not just smut. But it was a ridiculous analogy insinuating posting his dick isn't personal. Sorry, but that's no strength by any means lol.

Regardless I'm glad you popped in Jazz. I tried to keep the thread open for 'outsiders' too. To ask questions or voice concerns or what not. Hope more people continue to post .

[LordEden]

Originally Posted by wooÐs

Hell, I'm not forcing you. The thread was bare. But really Eden? I mean, seriously? Showing your schlong in front of complete strangers is even more personal than discussing issues with adults ffs lol.

I consider my mental illness a weakness. Everyone can bash me on this, but it is how I feel about my head issues. I don't like admitting weakness to anyone and it takes me alot to open up to people about this. I do admit to telling a few tfpers about my issues, but not in a thread. I'll tell you about my sex life, personal life, or what my dreams are, but there are lines I won't cross.

Plus, I show my dick and ass for laughs. It's not a sexual thing for me, it's just another dick and fart joke to me.

[snowy]

Originally Posted by LordEden

I consider my mental illness a weakness. Everyone can bash me on this, but it is how I feel about my head issues. I don't like admitting weakness to anyone and it takes me alot to open up to people about this. I do admit to telling a few tfpers about my issues, but not in a thread. I'll tell you about my sex life, personal life, or what my dreams are, but there are lines I won't cross.

Plus, I show my dick and ass for laughs. It's not a sexual thing for me, it's just another dick and fart joke to me.

Mental illness is not a weakness. It's a fact of life. Would you say that a man with a congenital heart defect is "weak"? No. There is little people can control about their own mental illness, due to the variety of factors that go into causing and creating it. What you do have control over is how you deal with your mental illness. For some people, yes, sharing is constructive. For others, not so much.

Personally, I think it's a shame that mental illness still has a taboo for some. My SO's grandmother, when she found out I was being treated for depression, asked me if people treated me differently when they found out I was a depressive. I laughed. No--why would they? The majority of people understand that it's not something I can control easily--it's a defect of my brain chemistry.

I do the best I can with it. I find sharing my story with others to be helpful in a variety of ways. I certainly don't see my depression as a weakness. Sometimes, I even see it as a strength because it helps me to relate to others with depression in a way that those who are depression-free will never, ever understand. I've seen the bottom, I know what it looks like, and it makes me more empathetic as a result.

[LordEden]

Originally Posted by snowy

Mental illness is not a weakness. It's a fact of life. Would you say that a man with a congenital heart defect is "weak"? No. There is little people can control about their own mental illness, due to the variety of factors that go into causing and creating it. What you do have control over is how you deal with your mental illness. For some people, yes, sharing is constructive. For others, not so much.

I don't consider other people "weak" because of the mental illness, I consider *myself* weak because of it. I won't look down on someone for having these problems, I look down on myself for letting a chemical imbalance in my brain affect my life. I do talk to people about it and it helps, but I just don't like sharing to much. I only let a few people in and those are a select few. I am taking steps to help myself deal with issues in my brain and some of them help. I just wanted to clarify that, didn't want to bash people unintentionally.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

But talking about what's in MY head? Better get out the bamboo shoots to drive under my fingernails.

Well, I know who you work for...

[The_Jazz]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

Well, I know who you work for...

Then you should know what they're capable of. If you think the stick up MY ass is thick and rigid....

Some guys talk about feelings. Others don't. There is no magic bullet.

[redsneaker]

Originally Posted by wooÐs

I tried Remeron for a very short period. Knocked me out so I'm guessing you take it at night probably?

The largest change in libido I ever noticed was with good ol' fashioned Prozac. And this was over 10 years ago. But it killed it.

Re: drinking, yeah you definitely are fortunate! But it's like a kid in a candy store I guess. If it's there, you're gonna indulge.

I have, as you can probably tell from the times of my posts, terrible terrible insomnia. I have taken most everything on the market for it, as well as some things RXed off label for it, to no avail. No way could I state that Remeron or Trazodone "knocked me out" - funny how one person is so different from another.

No Psychiatrist right now. There isn't anything a Psychiatrist can do that my regular GP cannot at this point. No therapist either. I'm actually very close to being a therapist myself. But that is a whole 'nother story.

I'm sad that people still view mental struggles as weaknesses that they should be able to overcome without any assistance. (Granted there are situational issues which can iron themselves out without much outside help, but I think those are less prevalent.) What is it going to take for them to comprehend that it's actually no different than having any other chronic condition? I worked in a therapeutic setting for children with emotional/behavioral conditions and they were much braver in accepting/dealing with their condition than so many adults. This amazes me as the bulk of my patients at that time were in 1st-4th grade.

As woods said, no one is forcing anyone to discuss anything. I'd wager, however, there's a high percentage of people who are dealing with some sort of mental struggle on this board, so either everyone on here is just weak, or mental illness is more rampant than most people notice or want to admit. Dancing around the topic doesn't make you look any more/less stable. I can think of several instances when people have posted topics that scream how unstable they are, without blatantly stating it. Whatever gets you through the day!

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

Then you should know what they're capable of. If you think the stick up MY ass is thick and rigid....

Some guys talk about feelings. Others don't. There is no magic bullet.

Talking about my feelings has only earned me disdain and divorce.

Aaah, the paradox of being the in-touch-with-my-feelings guy.

I tried that approach a few times, I sure-as-shootin' won't do it again.

After all, TFP blogs are far more forgiving. And I can erase them.

...

I think my only mental health issue is that I'm tired of people justifying their complacency with them.

"I have daddy issues!" "I'm depressed!" "I was in a car accident!" "I'm not confident."

Okay, gnarly. There is help. Now, what are you doing to remedy the situation?

Nothing.

[Cervantes]

Originally Posted by wooÐs

I tried Remeron for a very short period. Knocked me out so I'm guessing you take it at night probably?

The largest change in libido I ever noticed was with good ol' fashioned Prozac. And this was over 10 years ago. But it killed it.

Re: drinking, yeah you definitely are fortunate! But it's like a kid in a candy store I guess. If it's there, you're gonna indulge.

Yeah, Remeron has that effect, though you get used to it after a while. Nowadays it is more like a mild muscle relaxant than the knockout pill it was when I started. Though I had some serious trouble keeping the pill (and my dinner) down the first few months. It's pretty strong stuff and my stomach wasn't all to happy from it..

As for the kid in the candy store (re alcohol), I suppose that's the most accurate way to describe it. As long as we were sober enough to do our job our boss didn't care if we drank while working. When I finally quit that line of work the urge to drink just went away. Still had some trouble falling asleep at first but that only lasted a short few weeks..

[Xerxys]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

... After all, TFP blogs are far more forgiving. And I can erase them. ...

QFFT

[biznatch]

I'm a bit depressed, I guess. I think it's more because of stuff in my life that's not "solved."
Ask me in.. 8 months. It should all be back to normal then.
As for addiction, I smoke green stuff pretty much every day. I think it's probably an addicition. I've had no problems going a few days without it, but when I have it it gets smoked. When I'm out of it, I usually get more within the next few days. I don't have a problem with it, though, as it allows me to get away without getting away.

When I can physically get away from what's causing me pain, I won't need the self-medication as much.

[redsneaker]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

Talking about my feelings has only earned me disdain and divorce.

Aaah, the paradox of being the in-touch-with-my-feelings guy.

I tried that approach a few times, I sure-as-shootin' won't do it again.

After all, TFP blogs are far more forgiving. And I can erase them.

...

I think my only mental health issue is that I'm tired of people justifying their complacency with them.

"I have daddy issues!" "I'm depressed!" "I was in a car accident!" "I'm not confident."

Okay, gnarly. There is help. Now, what are you doing to remedy the situation?

Nothing.

This is largely part of the reason I no longer want to be a therapist. It really sucks listening to the same sob story week after week with patients who will not do any work to even try to get better. I'd rather not waste my life and theirs in 60 minute increments.

Is it complacency, or is it being used as an excuse to act/react a certain way? I see a lot of people use their "issues" as a reason why they are this or that. While that might be true to a degree, there does come a time when you have to stop blaming your parents or your ex or whomever and deal with the cards you've been dealt. We all have options.

[wooÐs]

Acccooooooouuuntabiiiiilityyyy.

Did you pick up on the melody I threw in there?^^

Yeah, that's a huge word that I didn't learn about until way later. You're accountable for your actions. You're accountable for seeking proper treatment. You're accountable for taking your meds correctly. You are accountable.

Cursing and blaming abusers or enablers in your past is fine. That's all part of progressing and healing. But you can't blame all your bad happenings on them for the rest of your life. It only goes so far.

I'm a lil foggy atm. Has to do with another thread. I'll link back to this one. Long day.

Thanks to everyone for opening up some. Too cool.

---------- Post added at 10:57 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:20 PM ----------

Post of mine in another thread. Just some 'med n' mental' sorta stuff that I guess relates to this thread. Feel free to clickio.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/2711248-post12.html

[DaniGirl]

Originally Posted by wooÐs

Hello. My name is wooÐs. I was diagnosed (finally,) as bipolar about 5-6 years ago. In my family, it's hereditary.

My mom, Aunt, and Grandmother are all bipolar. I think my little sister is also bipolar or OCD. I have been dealing with a lot of stress and depression and I'm afraid that I might be bipolar. Sometimes one minute I am fine the next I am angry, frustrated or depressed. My husband gets the worst of it. Some days we can joke around then others I will get pissed off at the littlest of comments. I also have issues with alcohol. I love to drink vodka. Alcohol helps me calm my nerves.

[wooÐs]

I'm the first to admit that the term 'bipolar' is thrown around too loosely (as well as ADD and ADHD, but I digress.) So many are labeled as bipolar when all they probably need is some damn structure. I hate that.

Anyways, it took years for me to be correctly diagnosed. They just thought I was a rebellious shit for a long time - writing countless bad checks for outrageous shopping sprees, drugs, mood swings, violent tantrums, etc. But finally someone nailed it. My Grandmother had it - but none of us figured I had it too. After reading all the brochures and what not att, yeah - sounded like me.

I don't know if this would be the case with you, but it's a good possibility if you hit up some professional help, they'll immediately label you as bipolar. You might want to put up a little bit of a fight first, sticking with just depression. Oh, I don't know. I'm deffo no doctor, but I do know they're quick to throw the 'b' word to anyone who walks into a shrink's office as a new patient.

But I will say, the mood swings and substance abuse is a common trait of us whack jobs. If you have any questions or anything, I'll be more than happy to help as best I can. And I hope you do think about getting some professional treatment. Support can't hurt one bit.

[noodle]

Originally Posted by wooÐs

Ok srsly - 117 views and only 8 posts? You people will expose your boobies and schlongs in chat but not hit up mah thread? Come on!

The few of us certainly can't be the only ones with head issues on this forum ffs lol.

Originally Posted by LordEden

I would rather show my cock in chat than talk about my mental issues. Head issues are personal and I don't like admitting my weaknesses to anyone. My friends know and people who I trust know, that's enough for me.

My thoughts exactly. Except for sharing a cock. I'd rather run around nekkid and screaming in chat. Skin is skin, my mental issues are mine.
I am wary because of who I am, the profession I'm in and because I choose who to share these things with. And the big stuff is private in my blog for that very reason.
There is nothing wrong with talking about mental health or sharing with other people as long as there are no recommendations flying around that could be misconstrued by someone desperate or less responsible and self-explored without a doctor. This can be dangerous and ethically, I couldn't take part anyway without encouraging MD involvement.

I only wanted to respond to woods' comment about people not responding.
It's a choice and it happens all the time on TFP.

I'll take off my current hat and step out of this thread, have a lovely day, y'all.

[wooÐs]

As I said, definitely not forcing anyone. It's a personal choice if you choose to contribute to the thread or not. Even if it's just attempting to help another member. If my humorous comment struck a chord with anyone, than that says something. And you guys did admit that yes, you do have some things going on head-wise. That's very cool of you. No one's forcing you to pour your hearts out. But hopefully you can get something beneficial out of reading others' posts.

And a blog is much more public than anonymous posting btw. Just something to think about.

[jimk]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

I'm tired of people justifying their complacency with them.

"I have daddy issues!" "I'm depressed!" "I was in a car accident!" "I'm not confident."

Okay, gnarly. There is help. Now, what are you doing to remedy the situation?

Nothing.

We've been on opposite sides of the fence before, Cromp, but I'm with you on this one.

15 years of bartending in the '80's and 90's left me with less & less-functional alcoholism & a monster coke monkey.

One of the most useful things I've learned in recovery is:

yep, you're right, you did get fucked on this one. you got abused/fooled/left by M. Right/screwed over by health care/gov't....take yer pick.


so, what now?

are you satisfied with being a victim? or are you gonna stand up, ask for help & get on with your life?

it's your choice.

[wooÐs]

Ahh, the 'pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on' cure.

Look at how successful that's been.

[LordEden]

Originally Posted by wooÐs

Ahh, the 'pick yourself up by the bootstraps and move on' cure.

Look at how successful that's been.

Many people suffering from mental illnesses need therapy, drugs, and rehabilitation to function in the outside world. Years of working with professionals and taking drugs will help people who normally wouldn't be able to handle everyday life.

Alot of people need the for mentioned cure. Life will fucking suck. Now, suck it up and fucking deal with it.

Personally, I have fought tooth and fucking nail to get my issues under control by sheer willpower alone. Compared to what I was 5 years ago, I'm doing fucking awesome. Some people can do this with just willpower alone, some people can not. I won't say it was easy, but it has worked so far. Drugs FUBAR'd me, my body chemistry is not compatible with those types of medications. I either became a zombie or it made me feel like I was going insane. I will not go back to taking drugs, as I know I can work on my issues without drugs. This is not for everyone, but don't rule it out because it didn't work for you.

[wooÐs]

My experience has been that it's a fantastic temporary fix. But the shit's going to come spewing out at some point. For me, it's been in the forms of drugs or anger or food.

However if this is what's working for you atm Eden, then I hope it continues to. There's no doubt some things work better for others. And I hope this keeps working in your world.

In closing, and trying not to come off as too flakey, if you need to vent anonymously or what not, it'd be cool if you chose to use this thread. A lot of members may relate to you and also jump in.

[Daniel_]

I have black moods, and a family history (on both sides) of bipolar disorder, with my paternal grandmother having been hospitalised and given ECT in the early seventies when I was a little baby.

My father apparently did not speak AT ALL in the home for the entire six months that his mother was recuperating at our house. I didn't find this out until 20 years later.

Both of my grandmothers developed dementia at the end of their lives. At the time, I remember beign terrified that this might happen to me - the analogy I used to my parents was that they both behaved like they had tuned in to the wrong station, and then lost the remote. It's an image that still frightens me - what if I lose what makes me, me?

When I was 33, my marriage broke down, and so did I.

The self examination and help I got from professionals at that time caused me to realise that I can be depressive, and depressed, but that "being depressed" is not the same as "being miserable". This was a revelation.

In the 6 years since then, I have come to realise that I am also seasonally affected - getting up while it's still dark really badly plays with my mood.

My real problem is that sometimes it takes someone who loves you to tell you that you need to do something about it, and that's certainly true for me - although I know I have this tendency, I still need someone to give me a heads up that I'm stuck in an unhealthy rut.

Recent research has shown that St John's Wort is as effective as Fluoxitine (Prozac) in countering this sort of seasonal depression, and last year I tried it - it seemed to make a big difference, so I think that this year it might be worth trying again.