To stay... or go? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

walkdontwalk · 11-09-2007, 12:55 AM

Hey...

Put yourselves in my shoes for a minute...

Been dating my SO for nearly four years, been living together for nearly a year.

A buddy of mine has recently emigrated to the UK, and tells me he has planned a trip to Japan for 2 weeks.
He tosses a casual invite my way, and for the first time, I think to myself that I have the funds to actually pull this off.

I broach the subject with the SO, who gives me a chilly "you should go" but at the same time lets me know that she's really hurt that I would want to go overseas without her... even if it's just for 2 weeks...

We start talking about the possibility of her coming with, but she tells me that, because the idea wasn't mine to begin with, she won't enjoy herself there, as she feels I'm only going for my buddy (which is partially true, as I haven't seen him in person for a year...).

I'm 24, I've never travelled, and keep worrying that the older I get, the less opportunities I'll have to do this... I have this enormous cloud of guilt hanging over me for getting so excited about this trip at the start, but it's now
just manifested into a situation where I lose if I go by myself (tremendous guilt and the possibility of never being forgiven), going with the SO (I will resent her for being miserable that she doesn't like how the plan originated) or staying home (I'm a bit of a Japanophile

and will regret not going for the rest of my life).

Do you guys think that this is symptomatic of a larger problem in the relationship?
Am I getting a raw deal?
Or am I being a selfish prick?

God, I hate not being able to see which is the right choice...

W

Chiyachan · 11-09-2007, 01:31 AM

She said go, it's an offer to Japan, TAKE IT.
Just make the SO feel wanted and valued before and after the trip. Understand that she's going to miss you.
She also needs to realise, you need to explore and discover more.
If you don't take the trip, you might not regret it straight after, but eventually, you'll hate her for stopping you from going, even if she said for you to go, yet you didn't.

Infinite_Loser · 11-09-2007, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiyachan

She said go, it's an offer to Japan, TAKE IT.

Yeah... Even I know well enough that there's a fairly good chance that she didn't actually mean for him to go by that statement. It's more along the lines of a "You-can-go-but-you'd-better-be-damn-sure-I'm-going-to-remind-you-of-the-time-you-didn't-invite-me-along-with-you-when-you-went-to-Japan" sort of thing.

Now, personally, I'd invite her along. If I had someone that important to me, I wouldn't be able to fathom leaving them behind while I go on vacation. That seems sorta'... Wrong to me.

Menoman · 11-09-2007, 04:52 AM

she'll get over it... you'd be a fool not to go

ngdawg · 11-09-2007, 04:53 AM

While it's important to consider someone else's feelings, you have to have some amount of selfishness too. You will hold it against her if you don't go. You don't know if this opportunity will ever come around again and, like Chiyachan said, there will come a time you will regret iti if you acquiesce to her . Been there, done that, didn't get the tshirt.
Two weeks is nothing in a lifetime. And being apart is not a bad thing-it gives each of you the chance to be yourselves and do a little self-exploration. If she has people she hasn't seen in a while, she should reconnect during this time.
Go.

dirtyrascal7 · 11-09-2007, 05:04 AM

You should definitely go, but I wouldn't bring her along with you.

If you bring her along, you'd likely make your friend feel like he's the 3rd wheel... which is unpleasant enough, but the fact that the trip was his idea in the first place makes it an easy decision to not bring her with you -- he invited you, not the two of you.

ratbastid · 11-09-2007, 05:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ngdawg

While it's important to consider someone else's feelings, you have to have some amount of selfishness too. You will hold it against her if you don't go. You don't know if this opportunity will ever come around again and, like Chiyachan said, there will come a time you will regret iti if you acquiesce to her . Been there, done that, didn't get the tshirt.
Two weeks is nothing in a lifetime. And being apart is not a bad thing-it gives each of you the chance to be yourselves and do a little self-exploration. If she has people she hasn't seen in a while, she should reconnect during this time.
Go.

Quoted for truth. Once again ngdawg beats me to it.

Redlemon · 11-09-2007, 06:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by walkdontwalk

We start talking about the possibility of her coming with, but she tells me that, because the idea wasn't mine to begin with, she won't enjoy herself there, as she feels I'm only going for my buddy (which is partially true, as I haven't seen him in person for a year...).

That's emotional blackmail. Has she pulled similar things in the past?

kurty[B] · 11-09-2007, 08:32 AM

I say go!

But you're also talking to a guy who went to the Middle East for six months, and am no longer dating the girl I left behind. Of course, I have never looked back and don't regret doing it in the least.

ShaniFaye · 11-09-2007, 08:48 AM

I am kind of curious why this friend invites someone that has been in a relationship with the same person for 4 year and doesnt invite the SO, its not like you're going a few states away for a "boys" weekend. This is a monumental trip.

Dave would never in a million years even think about asking to go and leave me at home.

analog · 11-09-2007, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ngdawg

While it's important to consider someone else's feelings, you have to have some amount of selfishness too. You will hold it against her if you don't go. You don't know if this opportunity will ever come around again and, like Chiyachan said, there will come a time you will regret iti if you acquiesce to her . Been there, done that, didn't get the tshirt.
Two weeks is nothing in a lifetime. And being apart is not a bad thing-it gives each of you the chance to be yourselves and do a little self-exploration. If she has people she hasn't seen in a while, she should reconnect during this time.
Go.

Yeah. You're not attached at the hip, and you shouldn't give in to emotional blackmail. It is what it is- you and your friend are going to vacation for 2 weeks, you haven't seen each other in a while, and this is something you've wanted to do for some time. It's not like he said "hey lets go get some whores together". You're just going away for a measly 2 weeks. If she can't live without you for a whole 2 weeks, that's a real codependency problem.

Infinite_Loser · 11-09-2007, 11:49 AM

Some of the responses here sadden me.

If I were your girlfriend and you left me behind while you went on a trip to Japan, I sure as hell wouldn't be waiting for you with open arms when you got back. What I don't understand is why you wouldn't want your girlfriend to go along, especially since it's a "Once in a lifetime opportunity"? Considering the fact that you've been with your girlfriend for four years, it should no longer be solely about "You" but rather about "You and your girlfriend". It doesn't matter if your buddy invited her or not. The assumption of all long-term couples is that if you invite someone on a rather big trip that the other is also going to come along.

How would you feel if your girlfriend decided to go off to, say, Paris for two weeks and didn't invite you along? You'd probably be crushed, hurt, humiliated and would start to question your relationship.

LoganSnake · 11-09-2007, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Infinite_Loser

Some of the responses here sadden me.

If I were your girlfriend and you left me behind while you went on a trip to Japan, I sure as hell wouldn't be waiting for you with open arms when you got back. What I don't understand is why you wouldn't want your girlfriend to go along, especially since it's a "Once in a lifetime opportunity"? Considering the fact that you've been with your girlfriend for four years, it should no longer be solely about "You" but rather about "You and your girlfriend". It doesn't matter if your buddy invited her or not. The assumption of all long-term couples is that if you invite someone on a rather big trip that the other is also going to come along.

How would you feel if your girlfriend decided to go off to, say, Paris for two weeks and didn't invite you along? You'd probably be crushed, hurt, humiliated and would start to question your relationship.

Except that he did invite her and she said no.

dirtyrascal7 · 11-09-2007, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Infinite_Loser

Some of the responses here sadden me.

If I were your girlfriend and you left me behind while you went on a trip to Japan, I sure as hell wouldn't be waiting for you with open arms when you got back. What I don't understand is why you wouldn't want your girlfriend to go along, especially since it's a "Once in a lifetime opportunity"? Considering the fact that you've been with your girlfriend for four years, it should no longer be solely about "You" but rather about "You and your girlfriend". It doesn't matter if your buddy invited her or not. The assumption of all long-term couples is that if you invite someone on a rather big trip that the other is also going to come along.

How would you feel if your girlfriend decided to go off to, say, Paris for two weeks and didn't invite you along? You'd probably be crushed, hurt, humiliated and would start to question your relationship.

You say that like the trip was walkdontwalk's idea. It wasn't... and therein lies the difference.

And I don't agree with your assumption, either. I don't believe that couples should always act like they're conjoined twins. They are still individuals with their own interests and priorities and their own set of friends. His approach to life isn't solely about him... and that should be obvious because 1. he already talked to her about the possibility of her going with and 2. he's posted about it asking for advice.

If he were considering moving to Japan without her, then you may have a valid point... but I just don't see this as a big deal and if my SO was invited to travel overseas with a friend, I would wish her the best and tell her to send me a few postcards.

tooth · 11-09-2007, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dirtyrascal7

If he were considering moving to Japan without her, then you may have a valid point... but I just don't see this as a big deal and if my SO was invited to travel overseas with a friend, I would wish her the best and tell her to send me a few postcards.

I feel exactly the same way, I'd be happy for my partner's opportunity, and I've got a wife and three kids. That's not to say that I'd expect the little lady to see things that way if I was the one going. But that's her problem. really.

Seer666 · 11-10-2007, 02:53 AM

You live with her, you haven't seen him in over a year. This is not a good ye I'm moving thing, it's a chance to see an old friend you haven't had a chance to see a long time. If just for that, I would go. That it is in Japan is just that much better. Go. She may be a bit upset for a little while, but explain to her that this is more about seeing an old friend then it is seeing Japan. If she doesn't understand that, then well, I don't know what to tell you.

walkdontwalk · 11-10-2007, 03:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redlemon

That's emotional blackmail. Has she pulled similar things in the past?

Indeed... A few times, yeah...

It's just difficult to swallow because she's flown across the country before to see her friends for a week... It never bothered me, I wished her a good trip and kept in constant email contact and phone contact with her...

I dunno... Maybe she over-reacting a bit because it's my first trip overseas and she would want me to do that sort of thing with her...

The fact of the matter is: yes, my buddy didn't invite her, but he wouldn't mind her coming. It would make it a very different kind of trip, however...
And as she's already stated that she's not keen (for whatever reason) I'm inclined to just let sleeping dogs lie and buy my ticket.

Thanks, guys, loads of sage advice!

W

Martian · 11-10-2007, 04:10 AM

You won't regret this decision.

Your girlfriend cannot and should not control your decision making. You've made a reasonable attempt to include her in this, which is already going a step farther than you really had to; as has been pointed out it's very natural and healthy for you to have a life apart from her. You need to be your own person, which means (among other things) that you will occasionally be spending time apart. She needs to figure out how to be okay with that and that's the bottom line.

hrandani · 11-10-2007, 02:45 PM

This is hilarious to me. I was going to type in reply "You know that she would go if she was in your situation," then I read that she did.

It's just two weeks, if she can't handle you having fun by yourself then you need to look into fixing or junking your relationship with her. Seriously, the mindset that some people in this thread are advocating is extremely unhealthy.

As for Infinite Loser's quote:
The assumption of all long-term couples is that if you invite someone on a rather big trip that the other is also going to come along.

What the holy hell? I have no response. I have friends where I absolutely despise their SO and vice versa, and the thought of inviting them along just because they happen to be fucking is ridiculous.

My final advice to you is the adage "If you ain't got trust, you ain't got shit."

little_tippler · 11-17-2007, 03:11 PM

I think you should go and I'm a girl. Does that help?

I understand the arguments from others saying she should be able to go with you.

But at the same time, I think she should be understanding of the fact that this is something between friends and that you are independent people, despite the fact that you love each other very much, that can do things apart and still be a solid couple. The fact that she has done this herself (though not gone as far away, granted), seems to be relevant to me. I think maybe she is just curious about Japan too and is sorry to miss the chance...

Still. You should go.

If she wants to go, that seems fine too, but you'll have to clear the air between you and her, and you and your friend, on that situation, before you make that move.

MSD · 11-17-2007, 03:39 PM

Go, but since she is obviously upset that you're going, put aside some money each paycheck for the vacation you take with her to Paris or Rome or wherever next summer (because who the hell wants to go on a romantic vacation in the middle of Winter?)

dlish · 11-19-2007, 06:06 PM

shes gonna be upset if u go.. ure gonna be upset if u dont.

so just say "fuck it..im going"

Lasereth · 11-19-2007, 07:29 PM

Two weeks. Two weeks...TWO WEEKS???????

Am I missing something???

Me and my fiancee were apart for 2-4 weeks every single month in college. Going on a damned trip with a friend for 2 weeks is NOTHING. If she's making a big deal about it she needs a nice cup of Stop Being A Drama Queen®. The friend invited you, not her. Guess what: a trip with a friend isn't more fun with your SO along. It alienates the friend who invited you and then it becomes you and SO with friend tagging along instead of the friendship-building trip it should be.

/gag

Martian · 11-19-2007, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lasereth

Two weeks. Two weeks...TWO WEEKS???????

I'm suddenly expecting Lasereth to take his head off, revealing that he's actually Arnold Schwarzenegger in disguise.

Mister Coaster · 11-19-2007, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lasereth

Two weeks. Two weeks...TWO WEEKS???????

Am I missing something???

Me and my fiancee were apart for 2-4 weeks every single month in college. Going on a damned trip with a friend for 2 weeks is NOTHING. If she's making a big deal about it she needs a nice cup of Stop Being A Drama Queen®. The friend invited you, not her. Guess what: a trip with a friend isn't more fun with your SO along. It alienates the friend who invited you and then it becomes you and SO with friend tagging along instead of the friendship-building trip it should be.

/gag

Uh... yeah, what he said. If she's going to guilt you out of a TWO WEEK trip of a lifetime, then this is a big time red flag. If this were a 6 month thing, then that's a tough call, but 2 weeks... c'mon? Yeah, 4 years is a long relationship for a 24 year old. But a 2 week break for something that is really important to one member of the realtionship should serve to strengthen it, not break it apart. If it does break it apart, then this is a great way to come to the realization that she's not "the one."

Bottom line... GO!

Lasereth · 11-20-2007, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian

I'm suddenly expecting Lasereth to take his head off, revealing that he's actually Arnold Schwarzenegger in disguise.

MAD props for calling it out!!!

Jinn · 11-20-2007, 09:23 AM

Quote:

I broach the subject with the SO, who gives me a chilly "you should go" but at the same time lets me know that she's really hurt that I would want to go overseas without her... even if it's just for 2 weeks...

If she says "You should go," take her by what she says. If someone consistently blackmails you in such a way, continue to take what they say, rather than what they imply with their face or body language. Soon enough, they'll learn that they have to actually SAY what they mean, rather than say what they DON'T mean and hope that you pick up on the nonverbal cues.

It goes for men and women alike, but I see women do it more often, because they're rarely challenged to say what they mean.

pornclerk · 11-20-2007, 02:06 PM

Ok, I don't mean to sound snobby, but come on, it's 2 freakin' weeks! If she can't live without you for that long then there is something seriously wrong here. It would be a little weird for her to come along because there was no original intention for her to go.

If my boyfriend came to me and said he was going to Japan for two weeks, I would be happy for him and plan some fun guyless days with my girlfriends. Seriously, if someone is not supportive of you, then do they really care about your feelings? I don't know your girlfriend personally, but it seems she is being a bit selfish. I think you should go and not think twice. You are not doing something wrong because you make some small decision that doesn't include her.

11-09-2007, 12:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
walkdontwalk Upright Location: Cape Town, South Africa	To stay... or go? Hey... Put yourselves in my shoes for a minute... Been dating my SO for nearly four years, been living together for nearly a year. A buddy of mine has recently emigrated to the UK, and tells me he has planned a trip to Japan for 2 weeks. He tosses a casual invite my way, and for the first time, I think to myself that I have the funds to actually pull this off. I broach the subject with the SO, who gives me a chilly "you should go" but at the same time lets me know that she's really hurt that I would want to go overseas without her... even if it's just for 2 weeks... We start talking about the possibility of her coming with, but she tells me that, because the idea wasn't mine to begin with, she won't enjoy herself there, as she feels I'm only going for my buddy (which is partially true, as I haven't seen him in person for a year...). I'm 24, I've never travelled, and keep worrying that the older I get, the less opportunities I'll have to do this... I have this enormous cloud of guilt hanging over me for getting so excited about this trip at the start, but it's now just manifested into a situation where I lose if I go by myself (tremendous guilt and the possibility of never being forgiven), going with the SO (I will resent her for being miserable that she doesn't like how the plan originated) or staying home (I'm a bit of a Japanophile and will regret not going for the rest of my life). Do you guys think that this is symptomatic of a larger problem in the relationship? Am I getting a raw deal? Or am I being a selfish prick? God, I hate not being able to see which is the right choice... W

11-09-2007, 05:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
dirtyrascal7 That's what she said	You should definitely go, but I wouldn't bring her along with you. If you bring her along, you'd likely make your friend feel like he's the 3rd wheel... which is unpleasant enough, but the fact that the trip was his idea in the first place makes it an easy decision to not bring her with you -- he invited you, not the two of you. __________________ "Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past." "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

11-09-2007, 08:32 AM	#9 (permalink)
kurty[B] Sauce Puppet	I say go! But you're also talking to a guy who went to the Middle East for six months, and am no longer dating the girl I left behind. Of course, I have never looked back and don't regret doing it in the least. __________________ In the Absence of Information People Make Things Up.

11-09-2007, 08:48 AM	#10 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	I am kind of curious why this friend invites someone that has been in a relationship with the same person for 4 year and doesnt invite the SO, its not like you're going a few states away for a "boys" weekend. This is a monumental trip. Dave would never in a million years even think about asking to go and leave me at home. __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

11-09-2007, 11:49 AM	#12 (permalink)
Infinite_Loser Junkie Location: Lake Mary, FL	Some of the responses here sadden me. If I were your girlfriend and you left me behind while you went on a trip to Japan, I sure as hell wouldn't be waiting for you with open arms when you got back. What I don't understand is why you wouldn't want your girlfriend to go along, especially since it's a "Once in a lifetime opportunity"? Considering the fact that you've been with your girlfriend for four years, it should no longer be solely about "You" but rather about "You and your girlfriend". It doesn't matter if your buddy invited her or not. The assumption of all long-term couples is that if you invite someone on a rather big trip that the other is also going to come along. How would you feel if your girlfriend decided to go off to, say, Paris for two weeks and didn't invite you along? You'd probably be crushed, hurt, humiliated and would start to question your relationship. __________________ I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me. Last edited by Infinite_Loser; 11-09-2007 at 12:03 PM..

11-09-2007, 01:31 AM	#2 (permalink)
Chiyachan Tilted Location: Swindon	She said go, it's an offer to Japan, TAKE IT. Just make the SO feel wanted and valued before and after the trip. Understand that she's going to miss you. She also needs to realise, you need to explore and discover more. If you don't take the trip, you might not regret it straight after, but eventually, you'll hate her for stopping you from going, even if she said for you to go, yet you didn't.

11-09-2007, 04:53 AM	#5 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	While it's important to consider someone else's feelings, you have to have some amount of selfishness too. You will hold it against her if you don't go. You don't know if this opportunity will ever come around again and, like Chiyachan said, there will come a time you will regret iti if you acquiesce to her . Been there, done that, didn't get the tshirt. Two weeks is nothing in a lifetime. And being apart is not a bad thing-it gives each of you the chance to be yourselves and do a little self-exploration. If she has people she hasn't seen in a while, she should reconnect during this time. Go.

11-10-2007, 02:53 AM	#16 (permalink)
Seer666 Oh dear God he breeded Location: Arizona	You live with her, you haven't seen him in over a year. This is not a good ye I'm moving thing, it's a chance to see an old friend you haven't had a chance to see a long time. If just for that, I would go. That it is in Japan is just that much better. Go. She may be a bit upset for a little while, but explain to her that this is more about seeing an old friend then it is seeing Japan. If she doesn't understand that, then well, I don't know what to tell you. __________________ Bad spellers of the world untie!!! I am the one you warned me of I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

11-10-2007, 04:10 AM	#18 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	You won't regret this decision. Your girlfriend cannot and should not control your decision making. You've made a reasonable attempt to include her in this, which is already going a step farther than you really had to; as has been pointed out it's very natural and healthy for you to have a life apart from her. You need to be your own person, which means (among other things) that you will occasionally be spending time apart. She needs to figure out how to be okay with that and that's the bottom line. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

11-10-2007, 02:45 PM	#19 (permalink)
hrandani Insane	This is hilarious to me. I was going to type in reply "You know that she would go if she was in your situation," then I read that she did. It's just two weeks, if she can't handle you having fun by yourself then you need to look into fixing or junking your relationship with her. Seriously, the mindset that some people in this thread are advocating is extremely unhealthy. As for Infinite Loser's quote: The assumption of all long-term couples is that if you invite someone on a rather big trip that the other is also going to come along. What the holy hell? I have no response. I have friends where I absolutely despise their SO and vice versa, and the thought of inviting them along just because they happen to be fucking is ridiculous. My final advice to you is the adage "If you ain't got trust, you ain't got shit."

11-17-2007, 03:11 PM	#20 (permalink)
little_tippler Leaning against the -Sun- Super Moderator Location: on the other side	I think you should go and I'm a girl. Does that help? I understand the arguments from others saying she should be able to go with you. But at the same time, I think she should be understanding of the fact that this is something between friends and that you are independent people, despite the fact that you love each other very much, that can do things apart and still be a solid couple. The fact that she has done this herself (though not gone as far away, granted), seems to be relevant to me. I think maybe she is just curious about Japan too and is sorry to miss the chance... Still. You should go. If she wants to go, that seems fine too, but you'll have to clear the air between you and her, and you and your friend, on that situation, before you make that move. __________________ Whether we write or speak or do but look We are ever unapparent. What we are Cannot be transfused into word or book. Our soul from us is infinitely far. However much we give our thoughts the will To be our soul and gesture it abroad, Our hearts are incommunicable still. In what we show ourselves we are ignored. The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged By any skill of thought or trick of seeming. Unto our very selves we are abridged When we would utter to our thought our being. We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams, And each to each other dreams of others' dreams. Fernando Pessoa, 1918

11-17-2007, 03:39 PM	#21 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Go, but since she is obviously upset that you're going, put aside some money each paycheck for the vacation you take with her to Paris or Rome or wherever next summer (because who the hell wants to go on a romantic vacation in the middle of Winter?)

11-19-2007, 06:06 PM	#22 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	shes gonna be upset if u go.. ure gonna be upset if u dont. so just say "fuck it..im going" __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

11-19-2007, 07:29 PM	#23 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	Two weeks. Two weeks...TWO WEEKS??????? Am I missing something??? Me and my fiancee were apart for 2-4 weeks every single month in college. Going on a damned trip with a friend for 2 weeks is NOTHING. If she's making a big deal about it she needs a nice cup of Stop Being A Drama Queen®. The friend invited you, not her. Guess what: a trip with a friend isn't more fun with your SO along. It alienates the friend who invited you and then it becomes you and SO with friend tagging along instead of the friendship-building trip it should be. /gag

11-20-2007, 02:06 PM	#28 (permalink)
pornclerk Insane Location: Ontario, Canada	Ok, I don't mean to sound snobby, but come on, it's 2 freakin' weeks! If she can't live without you for that long then there is something seriously wrong here. It would be a little weird for her to come along because there was no original intention for her to go. If my boyfriend came to me and said he was going to Japan for two weeks, I would be happy for him and plan some fun guyless days with my girlfriends. Seriously, if someone is not supportive of you, then do they really care about your feelings? I don't know your girlfriend personally, but it seems she is being a bit selfish. I think you should go and not think twice. You are not doing something wrong because you make some small decision that doesn't include her. __________________ Who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?