Giant Hamburger's deepest, darkest secret (and no it isn't his sauce)
 

Attention Citizens!!!

It has recently come to my attention that a member of the TFP...
one Giant Hamburger is hiding something. Many at TFP believe
Giant Hamburger to be a funny if somewhat odd addition to
our online communtiy. We laugh at his drawings and clever posts.

The truth is more than any one of us can bear alone...

Giant Hamburger has been roaming this earth for centuries, slaking his
insurmountable thirst on the blood of the innocent.

Giant Hamburger is none other than Vlad the Impaler!!!!!


THE EVIDENCE

Giant Hamburger...

http://img64.photobucket.com/albums/...r/DSCN1420.jpg

Vlad the Impaler...
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/vlad2.jpg

For those who do not know, Vlad the Impaler is often cited
as the real life inspiration for Bram Stoker's Count Dracula...


While the physical similarity is uncanny and should be enough
to convince even the most skeptical of the TFP... There is more!

The mighty Giant Hamburger appears to be taunting us in this thread
when he posted this picture in answer to the question,
"Who is YOUR celebrity look-a-like?"
http://hemsidor.torget.se/users/b/bo...es/dracula.gif


Can there be any question that we have an immortal among us?


Please move this post to Paranoia if you feel it is more appropriate.

*la la la I can't hear you*

I must support GH, and hereby dedicate this song excerpt to him in tribute:

Redlemon... be careful... if you notice yourself with an urge eat insects or moan like Tom Waits...

Get help.

Hail Charlatan!

You talk too much.
I would like to cordially extend an invitation to you and your family to come visit me in my remote castle.
You need not pack as everything you need will be provided.
I will send my Carriage over this evening.
Do not speak to the driver.

Sincerely,
-GH

But the photograph is taken in broad daylight.

He must be very, very powerful to be able to withstand the devastating effects of sunlight.

Charlatan, I'd drop this subject if I were you. Speak no more his name. If he can withstand daylight, he can withstand anything.

In fact, I'm somewhat wary of associating myself with this thread.

I've been doing battle against GH for centuries. I found out the hard way. If you can't beat them join them.

Do NOT click on this Link

*pouts*

GH didn't appreciate my tribute song.

I will reward you Redlemon.
Your loyalty is not taken lightly.
Come, let us embrace.

I thought everyone already knew about the GH/Vlad thing, i guess i just clued in a long time ago.

in regards to the Q at hand........and this is from a very reliable source.......GH,the entity we all love and adore,......is fond of the shallot........i know,i know....little in size but huge on taste.

he admires the tiny shallot as if it were his own kin.

the man is loyal..........he must be aspired to.

the shallot is a good thing GH.........run with it my friend......run with it.

Our favourite burgernaut has powerful allies.

http://img216.exs.cx/img216/2689/gh10fp.jpg

Dear Giant "Vlad" Hamburger

I am afraid that my family and I will not be able to answer your kind summons to join you. In the words of Luke Skywalker, "I'll never join you!"

Fearing the worst, I bundled my family into the car last night and moved them to a new location. You will not find us. And if you do, we are prepared. We have been watching episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and we know our stuff.

From the posts above, I see that the situation is worse than I thought. It seems that many of the TFP are already held in thrall or living in fear of reprisal and that your power reaches even to the heart of the U.N.

I fear that soon no place will truly be safe.

Sincerely,

Charlatan

Goodman Charlatan,

I have replaced all of your garlic with shallots.
Now I really must get back to my morning briefings.
We'll keep in touch.
-GH

You missed some...

http://www.peeron.com/pics/inv/custpics/3068bpx42.jpg

This Shallot? Notice the size of his moustache...
http://www.howardschatz.com/portfoli...rtrait/036.jpg

Notice the size of his moustache....
http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/vlad2.jpg


This is not right. Something is dangerously wrong here.

Maybe you've been wrong all along, Charlatan! Perhaps Gene Shallot is Vlad the Impaler, aka Dracula! GH was merely a pawn in Vlad's master plan! Egads!! I shall forever mourn the loss of GH as we knew him. His blood tainted now with the blood of a thousand undead souls. Will his name change now to Giant Tartare?

I confess I was impregnated by GH's horde of spaceburger seeds while traveling one night along the backroads of E. Texas.
I'm a little bit ashamed, but I no longer have free will where my body is concerned.
They have seized all but the furthermost corner of my existence which only allows me free rein up to a point. This is what I've opted to do with my freedom.
I need to warn you, my friends, that GH is coming!!

I am about to give birth to 45 juicy little burglets that will reinforce His Majesty's all-conquering army.....


....bye.....

A view from Fremen's "birth canal" in orbit...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...rgerattack.jpg

Attention Citizens!

Thank you to those who have forwarded messages
wishing me and my family well.

Last night as I was tucking the little Charlatans into bed
I heard a scratching sound at the door. The dastardly shallots have
been once more replaced with garlic and seem to be doing their job.

Nonetheless I spent the night guarding the door with a crossbow
in one hand and bar-b-que tongs in the other. I don't know if
I can handle another sleepless night. Running by day and
guarding by night.

Will there ever be an end to this madness?

Yours from the Underground

Charlatan

So when are we having a cookout at GH's castle?

Wow...certainly gives new meaning to the 'In-n-Out' burger.

Here is his Non-Corporeal form floating in the Ether:

http://www.superstarwebmaster.com/bu...lly_burger.jpg

BEWARE:
the almighty catsup is quietly watching, listening & making notes...
<img src="http://www.catsupbottle.com/images/catsupinthecloudsthumb.jpg">

It occurs to me that the very best hamburger, present company excluded of course is ground steak. Surely ground would be the preferred way for the legion of the undead to take their stake. Circumstantial, but men have hung for less.

<i>He lives beyond the grace of god, a wanderer in the outer darkness. He is undead, wampyr, nosferatu. These do not die like the bee after the first sting, but grow strong once infected by the blood of another nosferatu.</i>

nice.............i'm likin' this Top..........


ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GH................


....and have i told you lately GH........you have nice buns my friend..........:thumbsup:

I see Coppertop had already given in to GH by using the Vlad picture as an avatar: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/customa...ar48425_11.gif


Mighty GH!
Should I choose to join the Galactin Burger Force what benefits may that include?

I will cover you in the finest wasp-waisted, jewel-encrusted poodle dogs that money could buy. I'll show you things you won't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. We could watch C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. Sadly, all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

Don't listen to him, Nancy! He says that to all the girls, and the occasional cow. It's a ploy, a device, a strategem to get you into his pale, clammy clutches. Once there, oh the horrors that await. One might expect a nightstalker and daywalker such as GH to enslave you with his own blood, or merely to sip you like a fine wine, discarding your well perforated , yet still strangely compelling carcass thereafter, but GH is a truely diabolical specimin. Rest assured, within hours of succumbing, you will begin to sprout thick dark brown hairs all over that beautiful derrier, and within days, you will certainly make a post on the f**K thread nearly indistinguishable for one of flyman's.

Capisce?

So don't do it, sweet lady. It's your ass.

Screw nancy, sounds like what you need is a sidekick, I gladly offer my services.

I saw his pic over in portraits one time and thought he resembled Ian from Jethro Tull but eh maybe thats just me.

http://www.postergeist.com/posters/roll01/PIC00044.jpg

Eh...yeah.

Asta!!

Now that depends on the picture. Sometimes, Ian Anderson looks more like flyman:
<img src="http://www.speaker-mag.de/photo/Ian_Anderson_of_Jethro_Tull/Ian_Anderson_7_02_9.jpg">

and sometimes he looks more like Art (but with less hair):
<img src="http://tulsatvmemories.com/imag2002/ian.jpg">

maybe you're right, though
<img src="http://mitkadem3.homestead.com/files/Ian_Anderson_Flute_Thing.jpg">

A man of many faces, is Ian. I saw one where he looked surprisingly like StrangeFamous.

All hail the mighty holy grail of Burgerdom!!!! But you are still second in my life only to the constant craving for PIZZA! :D

I think you may be right Tophat. No wait...I know yer right (intense stare and silence that speaks in more volumes than a thousand words ever could)

Asta!!

Help Me! I'm being swarmed by Pteradactyls!
http://www.calstatela.edu/faculty/ac...terodactyl.jpg

The Horror
http://mirror-us-ga1.gallery.hd.org/...k-food-AHD.jpg

The Horror

I could use a good swarm of Pteradactyls.
Do not feed them overmuch as they get gassy.

How the Hamburger got it's Bun

Step One: Pick the meat

http://website.lineone.net/~mrpunch/x_vladst.gif

step two: Cook it up

http://www.ordotempli.org/burn_at_the_stake.jpg

Step three: World Conquest.

http://www.homegrownmusic.net/images/waybacks2.jpg

I despise poodles, GH :|

No, they're cute.

http://www.acclaimstockphotography.c...10-2354_SM.jpg

Don't worry Nancy... GH was just being Batty...


that is funny on so many levels...

I see Nancy and I have something else in common.

Asta!!

Hail Poodle Haters!

I would like to introduce you to Floof...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...rger/floof.jpg
She hates you too.

Looks like something Frank from <i>Donnie Darko</i> might date.

However, you have moved me with that image to song....<blockquote><I>Evelyn, a modified dog
viewed the quivering fringe of a special doiley
draped across the piano with some surprise.
In the darkened room with the chairs dismayed
and the horrible curtains muffled the rain
she could hardly believe her eyes.
A curious breeze, a garlic breathe
that sounded like a snore
somewhere near the Steinway or even from within
had caused the doiley's fringe to waft and tremble in the gloom.

Evelyn the dog having undergone further modification
Pondered the significance of short-person behavior
in pedal depressed, pan-chromatic resonance
and other highly ambient domains.

"Arf," she said.</i></blockquote>Poodles are ok. They soak up spilled beer like nothing else. (*mung puppy!*)

Floof had best keep it's distance from me or else :hmm:

Asta!!

<embed src=" http://evolution-control.com/sounds/gunderphonic/10%20-%20The%20ECC%20-%20The%20Mighty%20Hamburger.mp3" autostart="TRUE" loop="TRUE" hide=”TRUE">

Hail Astrocloud!

You have given me many rare and beautiful gifts in this thread.
There is wisdom to be gleaned from those spoken words.
If only I can make this Herculean carcass produce a few more steaks!
Then maybe the ladies would notice me.

Look for your reward in the night sky,
It will come when you least expect it.
-GH

I just listened to that whole thing and I have no words.

Asta!!

Let us not forget where Hamburger comes from:
http://www.jameswjohnson.com/reshoot...ger_helper.JPG

And GH our bastard love child has been spotted by Nasa Scientists:

http://www.hypography.com/article.cfm?id=32546

christ...jesus is weeping...

That burger star is making me hungry

Asta!!

I cant believe this thread still cheats death.
It reminds me of this one...
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=4396
I'm off to find my thread about sausages.

Speaking of cheating death...

I come to defend my loyal ally, GH!

Those who dare besmerch his name face a wrathful Troublebot.

I'm chock full of wrath people!

And I'm gone...

This thread is un-dead and so will never die... Unlike his latest victim:

http://www2.uol.com.br/modaalmanaque...anias_lac1.jpg

Even though it has blown the dust of my good friend Troublebot,
this thread has gone too far...
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!
http://www.stanford.edu/~acylin/kraken.jpg

The only way to slay the Kraken is to get my old pal Perseus into action...

http://www.piney.com/Perseus.gif

Harry Hamlin was a sexier Perseus though...
http://www.movieposterclassics.com/i...the_Titans.jpg

Hmmm...I just caught up on this thread and the one linked above regarding GH's spaceflight. I can only speculate that the flight mission was a ruse to build an army of vampires! The Horror!

Manuel... only now do you see the true horror of he who is known as Giant Hamburger...

His reach is infinite... he can control powers beyond our reckoning... he must be stopped.

pssst...hey GH

when you're ready for a break from fighting all these burger vampires and alien burgers, come on up....I got sumpin for ya:


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/08...oe/burgers.gif

Into every generation one is chosen
to do battle with the evil
that is the Mighty Giant Hamberger...

He is Wimpy... the slayer.

http://www.niteimage.com/clubs/SideS...pics/wimpy.gif

Little known facts about this moocher of burgers:

He originally was a referee for Popeye's professional fights.

He has at least 24 college degrees and a "lofty" IQ.

Wimpy is quite the ladies' man. It's his silver tongue, again. He can sweet-talk any woman on Earth (and will surely try it if he finds out she has access to hamburgers). He has wooed all sorts of females, human and otherwise. He has had more than one affair with the SeaHag, and their relationship to this day is questionable.

He's a poet and here's a sample:

J. WELLINGTON WIMPY'S
APOSTROPHE TO A DESERT DAISY

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...Wimpy-poem.jpg

Oh, flower of death, so frail, so red,
Growing from a thing so dead -
Even as l will! be quite soon-
Merely bones 'neath sun and moon
Oh, life -oh, death-so close akin,
Though death can't lose- life can't win
For death is sure, but life-ah well,
'Tis not for me to break the spell
That binds all things in a mighty plan
That can't be changed by laws of man -
That can't be altered by human tricks,
Or e'en be tilted by politics-
Fate alone can pull the strings
That control all human and earthly things.
It is just so: and so 'twill be,
Till the very end of Eternity-
So I cast my lot along with my kind,
And there'll be nobody above to remind-
To remind the gatekeeper an' pass the tip
That J.W. Wimpy was only a gyp.
But-shall you Live? You-just a weed!
To scatter forth your worthless seed-
While I, creation's thing supreme,
Pass on to further nature's scheme?
Nay! Nay! Not so! I'll turn about-
I'm Fate today, you lowly sprout-
I'll pull you up, you little cuss-
Hah! Dust do dust the each of us!
Oh, desert daisy, so pure, so sweet,
You grew from soil that once was meat-
Aye, meat of my choice you chose for food-
Oh, why?-Why have I been so rude?
We both crave beef; we're unlike the others- We're kindred souls; we may be brothers-
But I've killed you. my flower so bright, Plucked you from your home so white.
Sorrow stills my desert madness,
Wild emotions turn to sadness-
But in my brain there is no lull.
ror I picked you from your desert skull-
A skull your throne, whereupon you sat-
And the skull of a cow at that, at that-
And the skull of a lovely cow at that-
And the skull of a lovely cow at that-

GH......in my travels.....i gathered these two skulls in the foothills of Alberta a few years back......they are mounted on a large stump in my backyard.

and seeing as how i now understand.........i would like for you to have them.

it is all about the skull isn't it?

*do you like the cigar smoke effect?*


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...cowskulls1.jpg

Dear Giant Hamburger

Your nefarious days are coming to an end.

http://www.finearts.uvic.ca/historyi...7_3T-wimpy.jpg

Love

Charlatan

Wimpy owes me money, come tuesday.

This thread is even more surreal due to the man speaking of the mighty hamburger's tutonic herculean carcasses operating in the black and that music...
GH is starting to scare me, even if he does look so Wimpy.

Woman Sees Sad Face of Ronald McDonald in Hamburger Bun - Renews Loyalty to McDonalds

http://www.newsmutiny.com/17/pics/Untitled-1%20copy.jpg

A woman who found herself confronted by the sorrowful visage of Ronald McDonald on the bun of a hamburger purchased from a local diner has vowed to never buy a non-McDonalds burger again.

Susan Haley, 42, initially couldn't believe what she saw when she lifted the bun of a hamburger she'd ordered from Daddio's Diner outside of San Antonio, Texas, but was soon convinced that, discernable within the toast mark outlines on the bread was the unmistakable image of the frowning face of the famous McDonalds icon, Ronald McDonald.

"I was devastated at what I saw. Seeing Ronald's heartbroken face on that bun really shook me," remarked a still visibly distraught Haley, who continued after taking a moment to regain her composure, "It made me feel so guilty, like I'd really let him down. And even though I know Ronald McDonald isn't the kind of clown to intend such a thing, I felt as though his eyes were condemning me for my betrayal. Oh God, I can still see them now. I'm so ashamed."

After absorbing the immediate shock and emotion of the incident, Haley says the experience has caused her to reflect on certain aspects of her life.

"First off, I don't know what I was doing in that place to start with. After all, I love McDonalds and its entire menu, not just the burgers which are so irresistibly delicious. I guess I just wanted to try something new, to see what else was out there. But now I see the error of my ways - after all, there is no virtue more virtuous than loyalty, and besides, that other place used whole leafs of lettuce instead of the shredded kind, and I wouldn't have seen Ronald in the first place if they didn't toast their buns, which is just bizarre. Yes, from now on I will never buy another burger from a restaurant besides McDonalds."

The appearance of Ronald McDonald on the bun of a hamburger adds to the recent spate of notable countenances manifesting in food, which has included the materialization of Paris Hilton on a grilled cheese sandwich, the discovery of a potato chip shaped like Ernest Hemingway, and the face of Stalin on a tortilla.

Go forth, my giant ape, into yonder forum
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...ORILstill4.jpg
and find me the one who calls me wimpy.

The monsters just keep coming...

Tis said that beauty truly killed the beast... so Fay Wray must be resurrected (she was way better than Jessica Lange)

http://www.hyperarts.com/pynchon/gra...mages/wray.jpg

The ape doesn't have a chance... but just in case...

LOOK! It's a giant banana!

http://www.europeanballoon.be/Pictur...ium/banana.jpg

Oh save me giant banana!! GH has sent the Hurculian ape for my tutonian carcass.

Great Allah's Undergarments! A primate of unusual size. Only a matter of time now before this thread goes apeshit.

...and the beat goes on...

OH MY GOD!!!!!

Giant Hamburger has turned flyman into one of his minions!

YOU BASTARD!!!

http://www.xenafan.com/movies/bod/images/burger04.jpg


(you can tell it's flyman because of the guitar and the half baked expression)

Is Flyman really Eddie Van Halen (Von Burgermeister-Meisterburger)?

Damn you Giant Hamburger!!!

Despite my best efforts it appears this thread may be dead... You cursed undead burger of the night!

/sobs


I will not yeild!

CLEAR!!!
http://www.fotosearch.com/comp/ART/ART329/MDL018.jpg

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Hit him again!

CLEAR!!!!!
http://www.fotosearch.com/comp/ART/ART329/MDL018.jpg

beep....beep.....beep....beep

Alive to fight another day... to spread the truth about your insideous ways...

We be in trouble, boys and girls! GH can resurrect dead presidents for his army!

http://www.presidentsslide.com/image...geatgrille.gif

How can this thing continue to live?

If this thread were a person it would look like this...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...er/Monster.jpg

Naturally, this thread must be a hairy man-ogre with a giant penis.

http://www.jekyl.com/jekyl/gallery/jesus_beer.gif

Another sighting

Grampa!!! Where did you find this picture. I thought I had the only copy...

....and yet another sighting...........(sorry in advance to sillygirl :icare: ......but i just had to)




















http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1.../jesus_bud.jpg

We are all doomed.

This conspiracy goes to the highest level.

I am all-pervasive
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1.../hamburger.jpg

Evil must be stopped... take a lesson from my friend Illyria:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v3...10262777_m.gif

Can you stop the power of the setting sun?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...burger/iod.jpg

Oh the humanity! Will I forever be doomed to seeing a viking hat on ol' JC?

nicely done GH............nicely done. :thumbsup:

Hail Flyman!

You words are kind but the photoshopping was done by someone else.

The internet is a beautiful thing when a random Dane will take the time to superimpose your face onto the body of Jesus, unbidden.

Here one of GH's minions attempts a mind-melt experiment

http://www.funfolly.com/g/pex/h619ped.gif

That dastardly RED 'X'!!!! What evil!

Edit: The Red 'X' has been replaced by evil brain sucking burger... Yikes!

And whom may this random Dane be oh mighty burger? :hmm:

I almost forgot about your present. I call it... the BurgerBike.

http://www.sfgate.com/eguide/picture...ger200x147.gif

It was just a casual thing in this other forum. It meant nothing, really.
You are my favorite Dane and I thank you for the bike.

Would you like a tour of the underground laboratory?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...nstein_lab.jpg

If you're sure the other Dane meant nothing to you then yes, I'd love to take a stroll in your underground laboratory.

Careful Nancy... I think I see a re-animated Poodle in the dark corner on the left... There's no way you'd get me into that Lab...

...well maybe if I was dead.