I'm forming a horde - Page 8 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

analog · 10-08-2003, 01:46 AM

Hail the return of our mighty horde leader! Troublebot the brave, the wise, the filthy! I bow before you once more as you see fit to grant us your presence. Mightiest Khan of all!

I find it difficult to give my full ravaging to the people we slaughter, and to pillage as much as I should, because my fair maiden Ms. Elisha Cuthbert drains my energy with her insane hotness. Were it not for you, oh Master Stenchmeister Khan, I would not have such pleasures to await me when I return from a good slaughter/pillaging. Please accept my hunble gift of 4 fried chickens and a Coke. Ms. Cuthbert screams and squeels like a banshee during sex, and my loins are forever in your debt.

As for my duties as banker, I can report nothing but good. We have frightened, weak-willed people sending us cash to avoid invasion- the fools! Ha ha ha... also, I too have a desire to mark my territories, and I have found a way to get more money for those items we mark- we sell them as "collectible". People will buy ANYTHING that's "collectible".

Hail Khan Troublebot!

Thraeryn · 10-08-2003, 03:59 AM

Hmmmmm. "Troublebot Horde Limited Edition Collectible Knocked-Out Teeth". . . .

Welcome back, mighty Khan! I'm glad I could hold things together in your absence; they were a good group of kids, and didn't complain TOO much when I put them down to bed. They wanted to stay up later and watch tv, of course, but I stood my ground.

I do think, however, that we should have a Horde roll-call. I think some of our ranks have silently slipped off after pillaging to settle down and raise ill-smelling families. *shakes his head sadly* It would behoove us to know which are still with us, if this lot can remember their own names. (They've gotten used to chanting "Thraeryn" and "Giant Hamburger" while you were gone, so expect a few of them to get confused and give those names.)

rockogre · 10-08-2003, 09:13 AM

Sorry, I was looking at postcards and lost track of the time. Las Vegas you say? Many of my coins have been left in that town, perhaps this is a chance to re-claim mine, and others.

Having been the ill smelling family route I am more than enthused to continue pillaging in such a place. Many tourists, and their nubile young duaghters, shall rue my arrival.

I have a hankering to own the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign out on the west end of the strip for my shop if the great and strangely goat smelling Kahn has no use for it.

By the way, that guy on the SeaDoo in the Belagio fountain will be me so no shooting.

wry1 · 10-08-2003, 10:53 AM

rockogre got me thinking.....I want to make a special request of ye, oh Mighty Khan - he of the sweat-sock stench from seven leagues away!

May I humbly beg your permission to bring a PT Boat into the Venitian Hotel so I may cruise up and down the indoor canals, shooting up the gondolas (and more importantly, those singing gondoleers)? As you are so generous to grant leave for rockogre to use your fountain for his SeaDoo, this insignificant request of mine should not trouble you in the least.

Oh, and one last thing: Averett (our lusty, busty, horse-riding-across-Alberta Hordester) has asked me to find out who crazy-glued the toilet seat up?

So please 'fess up if it was any of you. Personally, I'm putting my money on one of those pissed-off Canucks......

Averett · 10-08-2003, 11:32 AM

Yeah, who did it. It's not funny guys.

I like pretending to be busty

*rides off on her trusty steed*

uncle phil · 10-08-2003, 11:55 AM

'twas not i, fair maiden of the strip...

Troublebot · 10-08-2003, 12:15 PM

Come on now Horde, this is Vegas. All requests will be granted, of course.

Hey, Uncle Phil, hide this crazy glue for me...

uncle phil · 10-08-2003, 12:53 PM

done, most odiferous one...

STUCK ON YOU
Elvis Presley

You can shake an apple off an apple tree
Shake, shake, sugar but you'll never shake me

Chorus
Uh uh ooh yes siree ooh ooh
I'm gonna stick like glue
Because I'm stuck on you

Yea, I'm gonna run my fingers through your long black hair
Squeeze you tighter than a grizzly bear

[chorus]

Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall
Ain't gonna do you no good at all
'Cause once I catch you and the kissing starts
A team of wild horses couldn't tear us apart

Try to take a tiger from his daddy's side
That's how our love is going to keep us tied

[chorus]

Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall
Ain't gonna do you no good at all
'Cause once I catch you and the kissing starts
A team of wild horses couldn't tear us apart

Try to take a tiger from his daddy's side
That's how our love is going to keep us tied

[chorus]

I'm gonna stick like glue, ooh, ooh
Because I'm stuck on you

wry1 · 10-08-2003, 09:52 PM

I was going through an old Bloom County cartoon book that I had found whilst cleaning my humble (yet smelly - gotta' obey Horde rules, donchaknow...) apartment. In it, I found the lyrics to a song by Billy & The Boingers which seems to fit this group pretty damned well.....

U Stink (But I Love You)
-By Billy & The Boingers

I hate the way you act
And I hate the way you smell
I hate the way you look, girl,
'Cus you just look like hell

Chorus:
You make me sick! Way-oh, Way-oh, Way-oh
You make me sick! You really stink, girl
You make me sick! Way-oh, Way-oh, Way-oh
You make me sick!
(Tuba solo)
......But I luuuuuv you

I hate your polyester pantsuits
And your greasy hair
And that stuff between your braces
And your hairy derriere

Chorus
(Guitar Solo)

When I got you to my backseat
And I tried to make my move
I had to roll down all the windows
To keep my face from turning blue

Chorus
(Tuba Solo)

-----------

I hope you all appreciated this! And a special thank-you to our Honorary Horde-member (on my say-so, and hopefully with the Mighty Khan's forebearance....after all, this might just appease the creator of this song so that I/We don't get sued for Copyright infringement by the RIAA) Berke Breathed for his incredibly-far-ahead-of-his-time rendering of this song for us, the Troublebot Horde!

tinfoil · 10-09-2003, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wry1
Oh, and one last thing: Averett (our lusty, busty, horse-riding-across-Alberta Hordester) has asked me to find out who crazy-glued the toilet seat up?

So please 'fess up if it was any of you. Personally, I'm putting my money on one of those pissed-off Canucks......

We are pretty crafty, though that sounds like the sort of thing those stuck up Montrealers would do.

wry1 · 10-09-2003, 11:11 AM

It looks like we've got a couple of whiners who are unhappy that they didn't get to join the Horde....cnor started his own little thread, titled The Days of Hordes Are Finished (I've linked it for y'all) and now Bones has joined it.

Bones! Dammit, Bones! I expected better from your thug ass, man! Oh the loss, the betrayal, the stench from our imperious leader's unwashed person!

...Sorry, got a little sidetracked in my lamentation. But let's face it, our leader is well and truly ripe today!

Speaking of our leader, Oh Great Khan Troublebot, I had yet another idea for a locale to plunder and pillage: once we've conquered Las Vegas and have subjegated its puny denizens to our unquestioned rule, I say we head on over to Salem, Massachussetts and give those witch-burning troublemakers a little dose of long overdue payback. It's got a nice Halloween theme to it, and it'll put us on the East Coast. I'm thinking once we finish there, we head south, hitting Boston, New York (preferrably in time for New Year's Eve - all those tourists to plunder and enslave), D.C. (hey, do you have any idea just how much $$ those lobbyists have?) and then spend the rest of the time just ransacking the south.

But it's all up to you, oh he whose stench drives skunks away!

Midnight_Son · 10-09-2003, 11:12 AM

Whiners?

Troublebot · 10-09-2003, 11:38 AM

Oh mighty wry1,

A thousand thank yous for the information regarding our new opposition. While I remember them both as brothers in our foul-smelling Horde, it is obvious they have turned against us. It breaks your Kahn's heart when these things happen.

I will ponder your east coast campaign while we plunder the Las Vegas Strip. Perhaps we can meet at the Chicken Ranch afterwards to discuss battle plans.

Troublebot the severely mussed
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

niobius2 · 10-09-2003, 11:55 AM

we need more than just horses, we require elephants and camels and some flying wombats to mount. oh yeah and a unicorn

Troublebot · 10-09-2003, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by niobius2
we need more than just horses, we require elephants and camels and some flying wombats to mount. oh yeah and a unicorn

Elephants and camels should be easy to find in Vegas.

Tigers might be a little scarce though.

Averett · 10-09-2003, 12:14 PM

Ohhh I would love a unicorn!

I could use a new trusty steed. Mine seems to be lame. I nearly took a tumble just outside of Calgary the other day.

I'll be joining the horde in Las Vegas soon. I have some business to attend to in So. Alberta first.

tritium · 10-09-2003, 02:06 PM

I'm totally in. Sounds like fun.

uncle phil · 10-09-2003, 05:29 PM

another one for averett...

THE UNICORN
The Irish Rovers

A long time ago, when the earth was still green,
There were more kinds of animals than you've ever seen;
They'd run around free while the earth was being born,
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

There was green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

Now God seen some sinnin' and it gave Him pain.
And He said, "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain."
He said, "Hey, brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do.
Build me a floating zoo."

And take some of them green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
Don't you forget my Unicorn."

Old Noah was there to answer the call,
He finished up making the Ark just as the rain started fallin',
He marched in the animals two by two
And he called out as they went through,
"Hey, Lord: I've got yer....

Green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but Lord, I'm so forlorn,
I just can't see no Unicorn."

Old Noah looked out into the driving rain,
Them Unicorns was hiding, playing silly games,
Kicking and splashing while the rain was pouring,
Oh, them silly Unicorns.

There was green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Noah cried, "Close the doors 'cause the rain is pourin',
And we just can't wait for no Unicorns."

The Ark started movin', it drifted with the tide,
Them Unicorns looked up from the rock and they cried,
And the waters came down and sorta floated them away,
That's why you'll never see a Unicorn, to this very day.

You'll see green alligators and long-necked geese,
Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
You're never gonna see no Unicorn.

Fire · 10-09-2003, 07:27 PM

when we arrive in vegas we must sieze roy's tiger- it would make an excellent mount and shares our mindset

savethenaugs · 10-09-2003, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by niobius2
we need more than just horses, we require elephants and camels and some flying wombats to mount. oh yeah and a unicorn

I've never mounted a wombat, but I'm up for anything.

Vegas will burn!

Mighty Khan,

I have one small request. For my share of the plunder in Las Vegas, I would like to claim the land of the Jaguars as my own.

Fremen · 10-10-2003, 12:05 AM

Alas, one of our brethren has fallen in battle.

R.i.p. Thraeryn.

uncle phil · 10-10-2003, 03:23 AM

was it a good death or a bad death? is there hope for resurrection?

Troublebot · 10-10-2003, 05:03 AM

Not sure on the details Uncle Phil, but our mighty warrior Thraeryn is no more. I know that every time I chop off some one's head in Vegas, I'll think of him.

wry1 · 10-10-2003, 11:02 AM

This had better turn out like that whole couple of years of Dallas episodes.....he's not dead, we just dreamed the whole thing.

.....yeah, that's it!

Commando, the Hard-Drinking.

rockogre · 10-10-2003, 01:01 PM

Flying Wombats? I can have a flying Wombat?

Sign me up!

Hard8s · 10-12-2003, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fremen
Alas, one of our brethren has fallen in battle.

R.i.p. Thraeryn.

What, Where, When, How? Our Zamboni screwing, Automobile loving, 2nd in acting command Thraeryn can not be gone! I heard him over by that limo just a while ago. Drunk, flailing his blades all about and whispering sweet nothings into its tailpipe!

uncle phil · 10-12-2003, 11:57 AM

damn! forgot about that; now we need a new zamboni driver...

Fire · 10-13-2003, 07:09 PM

Buck up comrades- Remember him and ride on- for he looks on us from valhala

Averett · 10-15-2003, 05:09 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by uncle phil
another one for averett...

THE UNICORN
The Irish Rovers

This is why I love uncle phil

Pheatius · 10-15-2003, 02:14 PM

Oh rancid, putrid, hate-ridden Leader of the Horde, Troublebot. I hate to be the bearer of bad news again, but apparently about half the people in Las Vegas do not realize they are being pillaged. They are under the impression that they are on a 'Reality Ride', much like the Star Trek Experience. This has led to people demanding drinks and room service from members of the Horde. It has upset some of our members so much that they forget to kill and/or maim the offending citizen, thus making the Horde look weak and the people are complaining about bad service. The Hotels (that are not burning) have demanded we either start serving drinks or kill everyone on sight so they feel like they are getting the 'real' Horde experience.

As always scab covered leader, we await your command.

(But if we start serving drinks, they better tip well or I'll kill them anyway.)

Troublebot · 10-16-2003, 08:48 AM

We're no here for serving! Only for being served!

Crush some of this filth under their precious slot machines and they'll see how real the "reality ride" is.

Someone get me a showgirl!

Troublebot the terribly bothered
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

wry1 · 10-16-2003, 03:21 PM

Oh Mightily-Fly-Covered Khan......

We've been going about this thing the wrong way here in Vegas. We've been on the offensive - and quite offensive, indeed - but most tourists are also offensive, so the hotels have developed an incredibly thick skin where offensiveness is concerned. The town has survived Elvis, Evil Kinevil, and a National Lampoon's Vacation sequel - so our Horde, acting as we do, is nothing out of the ordinary.

What we need to do is change our tactics. Think "Rat Pack" thoughts, and be the boss, Billy. Okay, I had to paraphrase from Caddyshack, but it seemed right.

Go in there like we own the place. If somebody doesn't like it, kill 'em deader 'n dead. Take your time about it....make it seem like you've started a new career involving making that poor bastard's life end as slowly as possible. And then make some outrageous demand of the Concierge staff. Something like telling them you want a harpoon so you can track down and kill "whales" from the other casinos (for those of you who don't know, a "whale" is the industry's term for the really high-rollers). Cover Sigfried in processed meats and toss him in with his tigers; that way he can be right there with Roy.

And, as always......hookers, hookers, hookers!!!! This is Vegas, baby! What happens here, stays here.

....At least, it does if certain Hordesters (I'm not naming names, but I know who they are and I'm keeping my eye on 'em) know what's good for 'em.

What do you think, oh He-Who-Has-Never-Seen-A-Shower?

Fire · 10-16-2003, 11:25 PM

Aye- pillage away- I say we use the luxor as a base- for it doth look damn cool- plus we get to hang out at a black pyramid...

Miranda · 10-18-2003, 10:46 PM

Oh Mighty Kahn!
I apologise profusely for my absence from the almighty Horde! I'm afraid I was detained by some rather disgusting TOURISTS demanding service! I was horrified and promptely had to behead several of them. But I fear we must work harder to secure this land.

Oh, and if I may, your supreme Kahn-liness, would it be possible for you to spare a few dozen male strippers? I am a vigorous and rather vivacious, hearty young battle scarred female warrior and require many men to please me. If it does not displease you, oh imperious one, is this feasible?

Troublebot · 10-19-2003, 04:48 AM

Hmmm, I am covered in blood.

Some of it is tourist blood, some of it is dealer blood. I think there's even some Carrot Top blood mixed in there somewhere, of which I am quite happy.

Horde, go easy on the Chippendale dancers when you find them. Remember the women in our group need pleasing too.

I seem to have filled my pockets with many different chips. Any suggestions as to what to do with them?

I'll be in my suite at The Bellagio with some girls I met while rampaging through Cheeta's with Buttcrust. Knock if you need me... but don't be surprised if it takes me awhile to answer.

Troublebot the Satisfied
Kahn,
Troublebot Horde

wry1 · 10-19-2003, 11:49 AM

Since the mightily-dead Thraeryn is no longer with us, I have been thinking....I know, something not encouragable in this Horde!

What I've been thinking is this: we, as a Horde, now need a vacation.

Think about it: we've pillaged our way across the North American continent, but have we taken a break? No. We sack, we burn, we rape and pillage, instilling terror in those we have yet to dominate (and abject sorrow in those firmly under our heels).

But all work and no play makes us a dull Horde.

So I suggest we next make our way to Miami and capture one of those Super-Cruise Ships! You know, those "Largest ever to float on water" kind of ships. I think something like that would be perfect for our Horde....plus, we can always fly a Skull & Crossbones and do a little piracy if we tire of cruising from site to site, pillaging at random.

What do ye think, maties????

uncle phil · 10-19-2003, 05:43 PM

why stop in miami...

Kokomo
The Beach Boys

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go
Jamaica

Off the Florida Keys
There's a place called Kokomo
That's where you wanna go to get away from it all

Bodies in the sand
Tropical drink melting in your hand
We'll be falling in love
To the rhythm of a steel drum band
Down in Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

To Martinique, that Monserrat mystique

We'll put out to sea
And we'll perfect our chemistry
By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity

Afternoon delight
Cocktails and moonlit nights
That dreamy look in your eye
Give me a tropical contact high
Way down in Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse

Everybody knows
A little place like Kokomo
Now if you wanna go
And get away from it all
Go down to Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
That's where we wanna go
Way down to Kokomo

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you
To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama
Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go

Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo

Miranda · 10-20-2003, 02:29 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by wry1
What I've been thinking is this: we, as a Horde, now need a vacation.

So I suggest we next make our way to Miami and capture one of those Super-Cruise Ships! You know, those "Largest ever to float on water" kind of ships. I think something like that would be perfect for our Horde....plus, we can always fly a Skull & Crossbones and do a little piracy if we tire of cruising from site to site, pillaging at random.

What do ye think, maties????

I LOVE IT!

Oh mighty Kahn! Think of all the Horde-Piracy we can partake in! And should it take your fancy, we could sail to Cuba and pick up some fine Cuban cigars! Oh, and many thanks for instructing the Horde to save the Chippendale dancers - it is most appreciated.

Fire · 10-20-2003, 03:34 AM

Argh, mateys- to the caribean and fine smokeables

Troublebot · 10-20-2003, 05:17 AM

Do I get a jaunty captian's hat?If so, I'm all for stealing a cruise ship.

Someone bring some dramamine. I'm going to get a parrot to sit on my shoulder.

10-08-2003, 09:13 AM	#283 (permalink)
rockogre I aim to misbehave! Location: SW Oklahoma	Sorry, I was looking at postcards and lost track of the time. Las Vegas you say? Many of my coins have been left in that town, perhaps this is a chance to re-claim mine, and others. Having been the ill smelling family route I am more than enthused to continue pillaging in such a place. Many tourists, and their nubile young duaghters, shall rue my arrival. I have a hankering to own the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign out on the west end of the strip for my shop if the great and strangely goat smelling Kahn has no use for it. By the way, that guy on the SeaDoo in the Belagio fountain will be me so no shooting. __________________ Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

10-08-2003, 11:32 AM	#285 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Yeah, who did it. It's not funny guys. I like pretending to be busty rides off on her trusty steed __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-08-2003, 11:55 AM	#286 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	'twas not i, fair maiden of the strip... __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

10-08-2003, 12:15 PM	#287 (permalink)
Troublebot Intently Rocking Location: Davey's	Come on now Horde, this is Vegas. All requests will be granted, of course. Hey, Uncle Phil, hide this crazy glue for me... __________________ Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend. Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

10-08-2003, 12:53 PM	#288 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	done, most odiferous one... STUCK ON YOU Elvis Presley You can shake an apple off an apple tree Shake, shake, sugar but you'll never shake me Chorus Uh uh ooh yes siree ooh ooh I'm gonna stick like glue Because I'm stuck on you Yea, I'm gonna run my fingers through your long black hair Squeeze you tighter than a grizzly bear [chorus] Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall Ain't gonna do you no good at all 'Cause once I catch you and the kissing starts A team of wild horses couldn't tear us apart Try to take a tiger from his daddy's side That's how our love is going to keep us tied [chorus] Hide in the kitchen, hide in the hall Ain't gonna do you no good at all 'Cause once I catch you and the kissing starts A team of wild horses couldn't tear us apart Try to take a tiger from his daddy's side That's how our love is going to keep us tied [chorus] I'm gonna stick like glue, ooh, ooh Because I'm stuck on you __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

10-08-2003, 01:46 AM	#281 (permalink)
analog Banned	Hail the return of our mighty horde leader! Troublebot the brave, the wise, the filthy! I bow before you once more as you see fit to grant us your presence. Mightiest Khan of all! I find it difficult to give my full ravaging to the people we slaughter, and to pillage as much as I should, because my fair maiden Ms. Elisha Cuthbert drains my energy with her insane hotness. Were it not for you, oh Master Stenchmeister Khan, I would not have such pleasures to await me when I return from a good slaughter/pillaging. Please accept my hunble gift of 4 fried chickens and a Coke. Ms. Cuthbert screams and squeels like a banshee during sex, and my loins are forever in your debt. As for my duties as banker, I can report nothing but good. We have frightened, weak-willed people sending us cash to avoid invasion- the fools! Ha ha ha... also, I too have a desire to mark my territories, and I have found a way to get more money for those items we mark- we sell them as "collectible". People will buy ANYTHING that's "collectible". Hail Khan Troublebot!

10-08-2003, 03:59 AM	#282 (permalink)
Thraeryn Loser	Hmmmmm. "Troublebot Horde Limited Edition Collectible Knocked-Out Teeth". . . . Welcome back, mighty Khan! I'm glad I could hold things together in your absence; they were a good group of kids, and didn't complain TOO much when I put them down to bed. They wanted to stay up later and watch tv, of course, but I stood my ground. I do think, however, that we should have a Horde roll-call. I think some of our ranks have silently slipped off after pillaging to settle down and raise ill-smelling families. shakes his head sadly It would behoove us to know which are still with us, if this lot can remember their own names. (They've gotten used to chanting "Thraeryn" and "Giant Hamburger" while you were gone, so expect a few of them to get confused and give those names.)

10-08-2003, 10:53 AM	#284 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	rockogre got me thinking.....I want to make a special request of ye, oh Mighty Khan - he of the sweat-sock stench from seven leagues away! May I humbly beg your permission to bring a PT Boat into the Venitian Hotel so I may cruise up and down the indoor canals, shooting up the gondolas (and more importantly, those singing gondoleers)? As you are so generous to grant leave for rockogre to use your fountain for his SeaDoo, this insignificant request of mine should not trouble you in the least. Oh, and one last thing: Averett (our lusty, busty, horse-riding-across-Alberta Hordester) has asked me to find out who crazy-glued the toilet seat up? So please 'fess up if it was any of you. Personally, I'm putting my money on one of those pissed-off Canucks......

10-08-2003, 09:52 PM	#289 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	I was going through an old Bloom County cartoon book that I had found whilst cleaning my humble (yet smelly - gotta' obey Horde rules, donchaknow...) apartment. In it, I found the lyrics to a song by Billy & The Boingers which seems to fit this group pretty damned well..... U Stink (But I Love You) -By Billy & The Boingers I hate the way you act And I hate the way you smell I hate the way you look, girl, 'Cus you just look like hell Chorus: You make me sick! Way-oh, Way-oh, Way-oh You make me sick! You really stink, girl You make me sick! Way-oh, Way-oh, Way-oh You make me sick! (Tuba solo) ......But I luuuuuv you I hate your polyester pantsuits And your greasy hair And that stuff between your braces And your hairy derriere Chorus (Guitar Solo) When I got you to my backseat And I tried to make my move I had to roll down all the windows To keep my face from turning blue Chorus (Tuba Solo) ----------- I hope you all appreciated this! And a special thank-you to our Honorary Horde-member (on my say-so, and hopefully with the Mighty Khan's forebearance....after all, this might just appease the creator of this song so that I/We don't get sued for Copyright infringement by the RIAA) Berke Breathed for his incredibly-far-ahead-of-his-time rendering of this song for us, the Troublebot Horde! Last edited by wry1; 10-08-2003 at 10:47 PM..

10-09-2003, 11:11 AM	#291 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	It looks like we've got a couple of whiners who are unhappy that they didn't get to join the Horde....cnor started his own little thread, titled The Days of Hordes Are Finished (I've linked it for y'all) and now Bones has joined it. Bones! Dammit, Bones! I expected better from your thug ass, man! Oh the loss, the betrayal, the stench from our imperious leader's unwashed person! ...Sorry, got a little sidetracked in my lamentation. But let's face it, our leader is well and truly ripe today! Speaking of our leader, Oh Great Khan Troublebot, I had yet another idea for a locale to plunder and pillage: once we've conquered Las Vegas and have subjegated its puny denizens to our unquestioned rule, I say we head on over to Salem, Massachussetts and give those witch-burning troublemakers a little dose of long overdue payback. It's got a nice Halloween theme to it, and it'll put us on the East Coast. I'm thinking once we finish there, we head south, hitting Boston, New York (preferrably in time for New Year's Eve - all those tourists to plunder and enslave), D.C. (hey, do you have any idea just how much $$ those lobbyists have?) and then spend the rest of the time just ransacking the south. But it's all up to you, oh he whose stench drives skunks away!

10-09-2003, 11:12 AM	#292 (permalink)
Midnight_Son The Cover Doesn't Match The Book Location: in a van down by the river	Whiners? __________________ SWM, tattooed, seeks meaningful tits and beer. Enjoys biker mags, pornography, and Sunday morning walks to the liquor store. Winners of erotic hot dog eating contests given priority.

10-09-2003, 11:38 AM	#293 (permalink)
Troublebot Intently Rocking Location: Davey's	Oh mighty wry1, A thousand thank yous for the information regarding our new opposition. While I remember them both as brothers in our foul-smelling Horde, it is obvious they have turned against us. It breaks your Kahn's heart when these things happen. I will ponder your east coast campaign while we plunder the Las Vegas Strip. Perhaps we can meet at the Chicken Ranch afterwards to discuss battle plans. Troublebot the severely mussed Kahn, Troublebot Horde __________________ Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend. Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

10-09-2003, 11:55 AM	#294 (permalink)
niobius2 Upright	we need more than just horses, we require elephants and camels and some flying wombats to mount. oh yeah and a unicorn

10-09-2003, 12:14 PM	#296 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Ohhh I would love a unicorn! I could use a new trusty steed. Mine seems to be lame. I nearly took a tumble just outside of Calgary the other day. I'll be joining the horde in Las Vegas soon. I have some business to attend to in So. Alberta first. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-09-2003, 02:06 PM	#297 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	I'm totally in. Sounds like fun. __________________ Blah.

10-09-2003, 05:29 PM	#298 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	another one for averett... THE UNICORN The Irish Rovers A long time ago, when the earth was still green, There were more kinds of animals than you've ever seen; They'd run around free while the earth was being born, The loveliest of all was the Unicorn. There was green alligators and long-necked geese, Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees, Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born, The loveliest of all was the Unicorn. Now God seen some sinnin' and it gave Him pain. And He said, "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain." He said, "Hey, brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do. Build me a floating zoo." And take some of them green alligators and long-necked geese, Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees, Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born, Don't you forget my Unicorn." Old Noah was there to answer the call, He finished up making the Ark just as the rain started fallin', He marched in the animals two by two And he called out as they went through, "Hey, Lord: I've got yer.... Green alligators and long-necked geese, Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees, Some cats and rats and elephants, but Lord, I'm so forlorn, I just can't see no Unicorn." Old Noah looked out into the driving rain, Them Unicorns was hiding, playing silly games, Kicking and splashing while the rain was pouring, Oh, them silly Unicorns. There was green alligators and long-necked geese, Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees, Noah cried, "Close the doors 'cause the rain is pourin', And we just can't wait for no Unicorns." The Ark started movin', it drifted with the tide, Them Unicorns looked up from the rock and they cried, And the waters came down and sorta floated them away, That's why you'll never see a Unicorn, to this very day. You'll see green alligators and long-necked geese, Some humpty-backed camels and some chimpanzees, Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born, You're never gonna see no Unicorn. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

10-09-2003, 07:27 PM	#299 (permalink)
Fire Warrior Smith Location: missouri	when we arrive in vegas we must sieze roy's tiger- it would make an excellent mount and shares our mindset __________________ Thought the harder, Heart the bolder, Mood the more as our might lessens

10-10-2003, 12:05 AM	#301 (permalink)
Fremen With a mustache, the cool factor would be too much Location: left side of my couch, East Texas	Alas, one of our brethren has fallen in battle. R.i.p. Thraeryn. __________________ Google

10-10-2003, 03:23 AM	#302 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	was it a good death or a bad death? is there hope for resurrection? __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

10-10-2003, 05:03 AM	#303 (permalink)
Troublebot Intently Rocking Location: Davey's	Not sure on the details Uncle Phil, but our mighty warrior Thraeryn is no more. I know that every time I chop off some one's head in Vegas, I'll think of him. __________________ Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend. Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

10-10-2003, 11:02 AM	#304 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	This had better turn out like that whole couple of years of Dallas episodes.....he's not dead, we just dreamed the whole thing. .....yeah, that's it! Commando, the Hard-Drinking.

10-10-2003, 01:01 PM	#305 (permalink)
rockogre I aim to misbehave! Location: SW Oklahoma	Flying Wombats? I can have a flying Wombat? Sign me up! __________________ Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American G. I. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom

10-12-2003, 11:57 AM	#307 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	damn! forgot about that; now we need a new zamboni driver... __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

10-13-2003, 07:09 PM	#308 (permalink)
Fire Warrior Smith Location: missouri	Buck up comrades- Remember him and ride on- for he looks on us from valhala __________________ Thought the harder, Heart the bolder, Mood the more as our might lessens

10-15-2003, 02:14 PM	#310 (permalink)
Pheatius Insane Location: The South	Oh rancid, putrid, hate-ridden Leader of the Horde, Troublebot. I hate to be the bearer of bad news again, but apparently about half the people in Las Vegas do not realize they are being pillaged. They are under the impression that they are on a 'Reality Ride', much like the Star Trek Experience. This has led to people demanding drinks and room service from members of the Horde. It has upset some of our members so much that they forget to kill and/or maim the offending citizen, thus making the Horde look weak and the people are complaining about bad service. The Hotels (that are not burning) have demanded we either start serving drinks or kill everyone on sight so they feel like they are getting the 'real' Horde experience. As always scab covered leader, we await your command. (But if we start serving drinks, they better tip well or I'll kill them anyway.)

10-16-2003, 08:48 AM	#311 (permalink)
Troublebot Intently Rocking Location: Davey's	We're no here for serving! Only for being served! Crush some of this filth under their precious slot machines and they'll see how real the "reality ride" is. Someone get me a showgirl! Troublebot the terribly bothered Kahn, Troublebot Horde __________________ Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend. Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

10-16-2003, 03:21 PM	#312 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Oh Mightily-Fly-Covered Khan...... We've been going about this thing the wrong way here in Vegas. We've been on the offensive - and quite offensive, indeed - but most tourists are also offensive, so the hotels have developed an incredibly thick skin where offensiveness is concerned. The town has survived Elvis, Evil Kinevil, and a National Lampoon's Vacation sequel - so our Horde, acting as we do, is nothing out of the ordinary. What we need to do is change our tactics. Think "Rat Pack" thoughts, and be the boss, Billy. Okay, I had to paraphrase from Caddyshack, but it seemed right. Go in there like we own the place. If somebody doesn't like it, kill 'em deader 'n dead. Take your time about it....make it seem like you've started a new career involving making that poor bastard's life end as slowly as possible. And then make some outrageous demand of the Concierge staff. Something like telling them you want a harpoon so you can track down and kill "whales" from the other casinos (for those of you who don't know, a "whale" is the industry's term for the really high-rollers). Cover Sigfried in processed meats and toss him in with his tigers; that way he can be right there with Roy. And, as always......hookers, hookers, hookers!!!! This is Vegas, baby! What happens here, stays here. ....At least, it does if certain Hordesters (I'm not naming names, but I know who they are and I'm keeping my eye on 'em) know what's good for 'em. What do you think, oh He-Who-Has-Never-Seen-A-Shower?

10-16-2003, 11:25 PM	#313 (permalink)
Fire Warrior Smith Location: missouri	Aye- pillage away- I say we use the luxor as a base- for it doth look damn cool- plus we get to hang out at a black pyramid... __________________ Thought the harder, Heart the bolder, Mood the more as our might lessens

10-18-2003, 10:46 PM	#314 (permalink)
Miranda Banned Location: Sydney	Oh Mighty Kahn! I apologise profusely for my absence from the almighty Horde! I'm afraid I was detained by some rather disgusting TOURISTS demanding service! I was horrified and promptely had to behead several of them. But I fear we must work harder to secure this land. Oh, and if I may, your supreme Kahn-liness, would it be possible for you to spare a few dozen male strippers? I am a vigorous and rather vivacious, hearty young battle scarred female warrior and require many men to please me. If it does not displease you, oh imperious one, is this feasible?

10-19-2003, 04:48 AM	#315 (permalink)
Troublebot Intently Rocking Location: Davey's	Hmmm, I am covered in blood. Some of it is tourist blood, some of it is dealer blood. I think there's even some Carrot Top blood mixed in there somewhere, of which I am quite happy. Horde, go easy on the Chippendale dancers when you find them. Remember the women in our group need pleasing too. I seem to have filled my pockets with many different chips. Any suggestions as to what to do with them? I'll be in my suite at The Bellagio with some girls I met while rampaging through Cheeta's with Buttcrust. Knock if you need me... but don't be surprised if it takes me awhile to answer. Troublebot the Satisfied Kahn, Troublebot Horde __________________ Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend. Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

10-19-2003, 11:49 AM	#316 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Since the mightily-dead Thraeryn is no longer with us, I have been thinking....I know, something not encouragable in this Horde! What I've been thinking is this: we, as a Horde, now need a vacation. Think about it: we've pillaged our way across the North American continent, but have we taken a break? No. We sack, we burn, we rape and pillage, instilling terror in those we have yet to dominate (and abject sorrow in those firmly under our heels). But all work and no play makes us a dull Horde. So I suggest we next make our way to Miami and capture one of those Super-Cruise Ships! You know, those "Largest ever to float on water" kind of ships. I think something like that would be perfect for our Horde....plus, we can always fly a Skull & Crossbones and do a little piracy if we tire of cruising from site to site, pillaging at random. What do ye think, maties????

10-19-2003, 05:43 PM	#317 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	why stop in miami... Kokomo The Beach Boys Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go Jamaica Off the Florida Keys There's a place called Kokomo That's where you wanna go to get away from it all Bodies in the sand Tropical drink melting in your hand We'll be falling in love To the rhythm of a steel drum band Down in Kokomo Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo We'll get there fast And then we'll take it slow That's where we wanna go Way down to Kokomo To Martinique, that Monserrat mystique We'll put out to sea And we'll perfect our chemistry By and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity Afternoon delight Cocktails and moonlit nights That dreamy look in your eye Give me a tropical contact high Way down in Kokomo Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo We'll get there fast And then we'll take it slow That's where we wanna go Way down to Kokomo Port Au Prince I wanna catch a glimpse Everybody knows A little place like Kokomo Now if you wanna go And get away from it all Go down to Kokomo Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo We'll get there fast And then we'll take it slow That's where we wanna go Way down to Kokomo Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go Ooo I wanna take you down to Kokomo __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

10-20-2003, 03:34 AM	#319 (permalink)
Fire Warrior Smith Location: missouri	Argh, mateys- to the caribean and fine smokeables __________________ Thought the harder, Heart the bolder, Mood the more as our might lessens

10-20-2003, 05:17 AM	#320 (permalink)
Troublebot Intently Rocking Location: Davey's	Do I get a jaunty captian's hat?If so, I'm all for stealing a cruise ship. Someone bring some dramamine. I'm going to get a parrot to sit on my shoulder. __________________ Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend. Wind: [whistling] I hate you.