|
No, I like my food already dead - i'm too lazy to catch it myself
Was that a frog? |
Yes, but I don't think the french like it when you call them that.
Do you know how to change a tire? |
I know how to call AAA.
Does this (Insert article of clothing here) make me look fat? |
Only when you stand that way...
Was it dead when you it it? |
if your definition of dead is still has a pulse and was yelling "nooooooooo", then yes, it was dead
the beer is how much?! |
I thought you'd never ask!
Will you re-emburse me now or must I wait another month? |
How about you come on over and I'll see what I can do about reimbursing you..
Does anyone miss me? |
Quote:
Who are you, anyway? |
Dont act like you dont know..
Do you smell that? |
i wasn't going to say anything, but, we need to talk about your B.O. issue
what band are we going to check out tonight? |
Scum of the Earth!
can you scratch that spot in the middle of my back? |
I have been dying for you to ask.
Did you eat lunch yet? |
not eat as much as inhale. thanks to a dumbass that cant control her smack habit
was it atleast black tar? |
No. It was the "final" result of eating too many paramata olives.
You've never seen THAT mixed into the asphalt, have you? |
Only when "The Mob" lays it...
Did you have to use MY t-shirt to wipe it up with? |
No, but I didn't want to get mine dirty.
What's with the face? |
Quote:
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But my breath is alright, isn't it? |
Its fine if you've been licking the inside of a trashcan all night...
How many times to I have to ask you NOT to call me here? |
Quote:
How many times have I told you not to answer unless your husband's out? |
Sorry about that. Hey let's check out this bar, I'd like to push in your stool.
Do you know how fast your were driving? |
No, I was too busy jilling off while I drove to notice.
Where the hell are my keys? |
They're still in the bowl by the door and the party's been over for three hours now.
Now where the hell are my pants? |
look up the flagpole....
Why did you do that? |
The Rice Krispies told me to, duh.
Ok, who switched my KY with super poly grip? |
your ex, he thought you didnt get off enough and you hand needed to stay there a while.
are those my underpants? |
I wouldnt admit to it if they were since they are sealed in an evidence bag.
Who used the last of the toilet paper? |
the family cat.
Who put the benzadrine in Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine? |
The truth - or the 5th.?
But who was it who said, "She was boring unless she's high"? |
It was her dealer.
Where has all the rum gone? |
Shhh, I spiked the watermelon. Have a slice.
Who made this mess? |
A messy person.
Aren't I smart? |
Without any doubt!
Whose pistol is that you're hold against my head? |
The pirate's - he left it under my bed.
BUT WHY IS ALL THE RUM GONE?!?!?!?!?!!? |
I'll give you a hint, there's a good reason you don't remember.
Is there anything for me? |
I have some epoxy you can have.
Did you hear that? |
not since i had my ears lowered...
you have all the virtues i dislike and none of the vices i admire... |
which is why I fuck your best friend while you're at work - he dosent care.
can you pick up some tampons on your way home? |
Nope.
Why do women talk so much? |
because men are boring to listen to?
do you mind moving your car? |
Yes.
Why will tomorrow never get here? |
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