It's the witty/sarcastic comeback GAME
 

Is your sarcasm underapreciated?

Your wit to sharp for the witless?

Loved ones don't realize that you were only kidding around?

Then this is the place for you!

Here's the rules: look at the previous poster's question, and then post a witty or sarcastic reply to it, then type up a short question for the next poster. Smileys are optional.

Example:

Why didn't you come to work yesterday?

I was feeling disgruntled that day.

Where have you been all night?

Having an affair.


Why did you buy the expensive orange juice?

Cuz they ran out of the cheap stuff I like.

What's for dinner tonight?

depends on what you plan on making....

who called?

Tell Kieth Moon "Hi" for me.

What the fuck is all over your face?

Your beloved's juices.

Can you feel your toes?

Only if I feel like bending over and grabbing them..

What the hell is all over your shirt?

Chalk


What did you think it was?

You don't want to go there.


What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?

I'm not sure, the lab is supposed to be calling any minute to tell me.

Did you eat all the chips?

No, I liberated them from their plastic prison and set them free. I hope they survive in the wild.

When are you leaving to work today?

Depends on how soon you get out of my office.

Did you MEAN to do that to your hair?

Yea, it does look sort of weird. Now I'm starting to think that the toddler who cut my hair lied about being a world class hairdresser.

What are you doing here?

i'm here for the intervention

why did you wake me up?

If we are to be frank, I thought breaking into my house for a nap was rude.

Have you seen my toothbrush?

yeah, i just put it back...... you might want to pick the pubes off before you use it again

did you tell your sister thanks for me?

Yeah and she said her doctor wants to see you about the rash you gave her.

Do you have any more superglue?

That depends, what does superglue taste like? If it tastes like burning, you're out of luck.

Is there anything on tv?

Only the cat.




How did he die?

sorry, i was drunk, the cat was there, i had already taken the viagra.............


how much is it?

More than you can grow on your money tree out back this season.

I drank WHAT?

Sorry about that, guess I should have told you that those bottles of lipton iced tea are really filled with dishwashing liquid. It's a hobby of mine.

Is that my shirt?

No its MY shirt until its washed again, and keep your fingers out of my panty drawer!


Ok, where did I leave my keys?

aqui estan pinches llaves


what did i say?

¿qué, parezco un traductor?


Who used the penis stretcher last?

An intruder.

Where do you keep that thing, anyway?

As a spare leg on the coffee table.

Could you carry a tune?

Very well, actually. :)

But you wouldn't know the difference, would you? :orly:

No more than you would know gourmet from McDonalds.....


Did you pick up the kids from school?

nah, the lazy fuckers can walk the 8 miles home themselves

who do you work for?

Whoever is willing to sign the biggest paycheck


what is that smell?

your upper lip


is this the mens room?

It better be...or else I left an awful mess for somebody to clean up.

Did you read all these books?

No I just like the way they look all lined up like that on the shelves


You aren't really going to eat that are you?

no, i'm just gonna hide it in my stomach for awhile

why don't you just shut up

You're the one making all the noise.

are you really wearing that today?

No, I'm actually going to wear it yesterday; I built a time machine and am going into the past.

So can I ask you something?

Um yeah, one per customer - you just asked your one.


What did the cleaning lady do to this table?

looks like she cleaned it...with her bare ass.



why are you looking at me in that tone of voice?

Because I have a mouth where my eyes should be.

Do you want to grab a bite to eat?

No, I like my food already dead - i'm too lazy to catch it myself



Was that a frog?

Yes, but I don't think the french like it when you call them that.

Do you know how to change a tire?

I know how to call AAA.

Does this (Insert article of clothing here) make me look fat?

Only when you stand that way...


Was it dead when you it it?

if your definition of dead is still has a pulse and was yelling "nooooooooo", then yes, it was dead

the beer is how much?!

I thought you'd never ask!

Will you re-emburse me now or must I wait another month?

How about you come on over and I'll see what I can do about reimbursing you..

Does anyone miss me?

LOTS!

Who are you, anyway?

Dont act like you dont know..

Do you smell that?

i wasn't going to say anything, but, we need to talk about your B.O. issue

what band are we going to check out tonight?

Scum of the Earth!

can you scratch that spot in the middle of my back?

I have been dying for you to ask.

Did you eat lunch yet?

not eat as much as inhale. thanks to a dumbass that cant control her smack habit

was it atleast black tar?

No. It was the "final" result of eating too many paramata olives.

You've never seen THAT mixed into the asphalt, have you?

Only when "The Mob" lays it...

Did you have to use MY t-shirt to wipe it up with?

No, but I didn't want to get mine dirty.

What's with the face?

Jesus! That was funny!

I have no idea! It was like when I woke this morning.

But my breath is alright, isn't it?

Its fine if you've been licking the inside of a trashcan all night...



How many times to I have to ask you NOT to call me here?

I've lost count.

How many times have I told you not to answer unless your husband's out?

Sorry about that. Hey let's check out this bar, I'd like to push in your stool.

Do you know how fast your were driving?

No, I was too busy jilling off while I drove to notice.


Where the hell are my keys?

They're still in the bowl by the door and the party's been over for three hours now.

Now where the hell are my pants?

look up the flagpole....

Why did you do that?

The Rice Krispies told me to, duh.

Ok, who switched my KY with super poly grip?

your ex, he thought you didnt get off enough and you hand needed to stay there a while.

are those my underpants?

I wouldnt admit to it if they were since they are sealed in an evidence bag.

Who used the last of the toilet paper?

the family cat.

Who put the benzadrine in Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine?

The truth - or the 5th.?

But who was it who said, "She was boring unless she's high"?

It was her dealer.

Where has all the rum gone?

Shhh, I spiked the watermelon. Have a slice.

Who made this mess?

A messy person.

Aren't I smart?

Without any doubt!


Whose pistol is that you're hold against my head?

The pirate's - he left it under my bed.



BUT WHY IS ALL THE RUM GONE?!?!?!?!?!!?

I'll give you a hint, there's a good reason you don't remember.

Is there anything for me?

I have some epoxy you can have.

Did you hear that?

not since i had my ears lowered...

you have all the virtues i dislike and none of the vices i admire...

which is why I fuck your best friend while you're at work - he dosent care.


can you pick up some tampons on your way home?

Nope.

Why do women talk so much?

because men are boring to listen to?


do you mind moving your car?

Yes.

Why will tomorrow never get here?

because im not through yelling at you today yet


Why do you empty my ashtray just as im about to flick?

Just testing your reflexes for hitting a "moving target".

Anyway, didn't you tell me that you wanted me to encourage to stop smoking?

Yeah, maybe if I'm on FIRE!


Got a light?

Ya jump in the air and light on your ass


Why you have a cast on your nose

Tried to go down on the Venus DeMilo statue at the museum.

Why are you hiding that weasel?

What weasel?

Did you know a rat is a squirrel with a bushy tail?

NO, but I knew a squirrel was a rat with a bushy tail.

Where DID I leave that duct tape?

..... in the the trunk of Ted Bundy's VW.

And what did you use it for last?

I used your brush on the dog.

What's that smell?

I think that's chlorine; I was mixing ammonia and bleach, two great cleaning products what could go wrong?


What a cute dog, is it yours?

Thats not a dog, its my mother in law and shes not house broken.

Can I get you another drink???

"CAN" you? In your inebriated state I don't think that's possible.


Are you buying?

Sure, money is imaginary anyway.

What was the original point of this game?

If I told you, I´d you have to kill you.

What's the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?

Address the Magic Eight Ball and confine your question to a "yes" or "no" response.


Are you doing your own killing or do you employ a hit man to do the work?

some of us dont NEED to use a hit man.


do you realize that's not a sex toy?

Do you realize your lack of creativity?

¿Que pasa?

No mucho!

Do you know what "handkerchief is called in Japanese?

Hell, no! I'm an "american"!

Why are you so surly?

I don't know. You always have that affect on me.

Who do you think you are anyway, asking me that question?