Popeye.

The people are restless.

Let them eat cake.

Don't you get the rules to this game?

Does this look like a game to you?

What's with those fingernails?

Ask again and I may have to claw your eyes out..

Don't you realize everyone has their own agenda they gotta keep nailed down?

No.

Do you?

No, never, never.

Where's the records room?

Records? They don't make those any more man... you live under a rock for the past 2 decades?


You want some coffee with your sugar there?

Sure, my caffine flow is being diluted by all this blood.

Where's my steak?

Ask Fido, It's hanging out of his mouth.. Man's best friend my ass!

Cold in here, no?

Not where I'm standing.

Why do you insist on putting your parishable food into the fridge, from the inside?

I'll deny that in court.

Do you have any cheese?

I was hoping you brought the cheese along with you whine.

Which iPod should I get?

The one that's implanted behind your ear.

I just had another fucking epiphany!

See I told you first grade math was easy!

How can I bowl higher than a 180?

Get yourself a pair of high-heel boots and you can bowl (or do anthing else for that matter) much higher than 180 - centimetres, of course.

Whose idea was this, anyway :confused:

I think God had a hand in it.

You had better wake up, Sabu!

I'm sorry you don't qualify for jeopardy. It needs to be in the form of a question.


Wow, that looks heavy; how heavy do you think that is?

lift it and find out.

Was that a ninja?

Are you still breathing? Then no, it wasn't a ninja...

Why do blondes have more fun?

Because they have that reputation.

Was that a serious question?

Just answer the question or I'll twist your nipple.

Is that your car?

No, it's a flying carpet.

Do you know this person?

I'm not certain. Ask her to disrobe and then I'll be sure.


Where did you meet her?

Somewhere else.

Is the pizza here yet?

wait, lemme ask your face.


did you spit in this?

Let's just say that I'd like to give this to you to show how much I care about you. (secretly spat in it)

Are you going to wear that to dinner with my parents?

Oh yes!

You don't really think that I want to impress them, did you?

Well, the tiara says otherwise.

You don't look the type to fly spaceships.

It's easier than it looks.

Didn't I meet you in college?

Um no... some of us went to a University.



Why do people keep thinking they know me from somewhere?

Could be that wanted poster at the post office....

Did you do the laundry?

The laundry becomes trash and I buy new fucking clothes whore!

How 'bout getting those roast beef meat curtains bleached?

Not until Monday.


Anyway, you'll be coming over this week-end to suck on the thing as usual, right?

Well, sure, I've been drooling since the last time you bit me.

Are you mad?

(loading shotgun) Me, mad? When have you ever known me to be #$%& MAD?!

Did that hurt?

Yeah it hurt because it was done in such distasteful fashion that I doubled over and groaned from its mediocrity.

Which pill do YOU want?

Can I have another?

Sure...take 3 while you're at...no reason to be a nice, sharing person who would leave some for others.

How was your weekend?

How was your weekend?

All the worse for seeing you.

Where were YOU yesterday?

shit, i was yesterday

how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

How many do you think?!

I got my tootsie pop, but where did you put yours?

Yo moma's house, foo.

Who drank my 40?

I might've - I forget.

I think I missed my bus.

Must have been the short bus...

Speaking of buses, who here likes pie?

Where you going to offer the cocoanut cream pie that was in the fridge? Cuz I gave that to the homeless guy on the street corner.

Who moved my cheese?

The one with the wind up his bum.




Anyway, didn't you say that you'd given up on Lindburger?

I did, but the withdrawl symtoms aren't worth it.

Is this all there is to eat?

Until you cook more, yes (tada, I actually came up with something smart-alec-y)

What's for dinner?

Nothing, now go to your room!

When did you last wash your car?

i washed my car all over your mom's face

so what, wanna fight about it?

Yes. Just let me finish eating my sandwich.



Cripes! A challenge! The last time we confronted, you ran off crying. Are you going to run away again this time or have you been going to night classes in martial arts?

I don't need them because people regard me as virtually harmless.

Are you going to eat that?

No, I'm waiting to see if it grows.

What are you looking at?

That's exactly what I'd like to know.


What's that growing on your face?

My beard, what else?
What were YOU doing looking at my face in such a naughty way?

i wanted to pop the LARGE zit that was on your neck, but i realised it was only your head.

you look like you've just been hit by a truck...what happened?

I got ran over by a bus.

Did anyone get its number?

No, but it wrote its address down for me in case I wanted to stop by.

Why, you need a date?


(Hope I did that right)

Not that badly.

Is that a wart on your nose?

The flu went thru here last year.

You win.

No. That's the nose on my wart.

Would you like to give it a scratch for me? It itches like hell but I can't reach that far. :no:

Sure, just give me a minute to find the chees grater.

Have you seen my soul today?

Yeah, actually, I saw it walking south swigging from a bottle of rum and muttering about how much it missed Marvin Gaye.

Why do you listen to me when you know I'm wrong?

I don't. I was looking in your direction but I was thinking of something much more interesting such as the number of lug-nuts on american cars.



Didn't you notice that I was smiling at all the wrong moments?

And here I thought it had something to do with what your pet gerbil was doing in your trousers.

While you're up, would you please get me a beer out of the fridge?

Theres no beer in that fridge, its where i keep my carbonated urine samples......

Would you still like a "beer"?

Didn't I tell you to never speak to me again? Now give me that beer.

But why is the rum gone?

Ron Rico was here over the week-end and he was thirsty.


At least he didn't touch your crack pipe this time. Where are you hiding it these days?

I hid it in your moms panty drawer....

What's up with this weather?

It's cold enough for me to want to spend the winter alongside your crack pipe, with my nose nestled between mum's panties!

Anyway, how the hell do you know where my mother keeps her undies? :mad:

Cuz that's where I hide our toys :p

Where on Earth is Carmen San Diego?

She's together with Carmen Earth in San Diego.

Why on earth did you and Carmen split up?

We weren't on earth, and the altar of venus went out of order.

Why are you crying?

I'm not crying. The sheer amount of it in here is making my eyes water.

Can a n&gger get a table dance?

What?!?

Where did our waitress go?

She's under the table just now, with her mouth full. She'll be with you in a..... Ummm. Just as soon as she rinses.

So I suppose a table dance is right out then?

For 20 bucks, I'll dance on yer lap! never mind no stoopid table...


You gonna sing, or just mumble all night?

.

I'm not touching that question with an Abo's barge pole from the muck of the Swan estuary!

Are you mumbling yourself or is that a Kalgoorlie dialect? :orly:

Actually, I'm singing some early REM.

Music has really gone downhill in the last 2 decades.

Yes, yes it has.

Falling uphill would have been easier.

"The last 2" .... what is it you wrote? My eyes have gone bad in my old age. I still can't believe that the Beatles have split up and someone told me the other day that The Big Bopper is dead! He crashed in something called a flying machine, I heard. :surprised:

Pshaw! For a ninja, maybe.

So while I've got ninjas on the brain, I figure any ninja is worth 10 pirates in a fight. What do you figure?

Huh?! Not if one of those swashbucklers is Errol Flynn! Shit. He could take on a whole regiment of ninjas, with both hands tied behind his back, his eyes gouged out, one leg in a sling, and an ingrown toenail on all five digits of his remaining foot.


Ain't you the buzzard who play'd the part of Sneaky Pete in the South Carolina production of the full-length feature of his life? Arrh, ya' be!

I am copywrited hon.

Isn't that S.W.A T. at the door?

As dangerous as the filth around here gets, I figure the bulletproof vests mean it's the maid service.

Black's the new pink, isn't it?

Ah yes, Blackards rule the crows nest, where we eat the pink insides,

Have you seen the new Trump tower?

Seen it? Why I was locked up in the thing for 6 months with nought but bread and water for substinance.

If I'm not mistaken you're the bloker what pissed in my water jug, ain't ya?

Nah, just working on a new filtration system. Drink up.

If they can't see you, they can't aim at you.

adjusting my sonic bionics.

Is someone in season?

Vivaldi, of course.

I think this needs some more garlic. Who'll be my guinea pig?

The cavy could of used another clove.

How is your catarrh?

http://www.ogc-con.com/graphics/pirate_cat.jpg
He be wantin' more parrot.

After long cogitation and due dilligence, having weighed all relevant data and possible alternatives, it has become abundantly clear to me that Maiden Rulez!!!

Damn thats cute.

I'm speechless.

Sadly, no, merely inarticulate. (Nuthin but luv for ya, ring, ol buddy.)

Would you say I had a plethora of piñatas?

I wouldn't say so, no. I know a fellow in Rangoon who collects the things. Last I heard he's got 174 of them from the Zacatecas region alone.

Are you the one I've heard so much about who's filling them with poisoned apples and distributing them to the various Queen step-daughters all about the land?

Yes, I have a franchise for sale,too many for me to keep up.

Would you like a Pina Colada Pinata?

No thanks. They always leak through the papiermaché and ruin my floor rugs.


By the way, are you a reliable carpet weaver?

Bo Derek thinks so.

can you sing out of tune?

Not even at gunpoint.

Nixon got a raw deal, dot you think?