The flu went thru here last year.

You win.

No. That's the nose on my wart.

Would you like to give it a scratch for me? It itches like hell but I can't reach that far. :no:

Sure, just give me a minute to find the chees grater.

Have you seen my soul today?

Yeah, actually, I saw it walking south swigging from a bottle of rum and muttering about how much it missed Marvin Gaye.

Why do you listen to me when you know I'm wrong?

I don't. I was looking in your direction but I was thinking of something much more interesting such as the number of lug-nuts on american cars.



Didn't you notice that I was smiling at all the wrong moments?

And here I thought it had something to do with what your pet gerbil was doing in your trousers.

While you're up, would you please get me a beer out of the fridge?

Theres no beer in that fridge, its where i keep my carbonated urine samples......

Would you still like a "beer"?

Didn't I tell you to never speak to me again? Now give me that beer.

But why is the rum gone?

Ron Rico was here over the week-end and he was thirsty.


At least he didn't touch your crack pipe this time. Where are you hiding it these days?

I hid it in your moms panty drawer....

What's up with this weather?

It's cold enough for me to want to spend the winter alongside your crack pipe, with my nose nestled between mum's panties!

Anyway, how the hell do you know where my mother keeps her undies? :mad:

Cuz that's where I hide our toys :p

Where on Earth is Carmen San Diego?

She's together with Carmen Earth in San Diego.

Why on earth did you and Carmen split up?

We weren't on earth, and the altar of venus went out of order.

Why are you crying?

I'm not crying. The sheer amount of it in here is making my eyes water.

Can a n&gger get a table dance?

What?!?

Where did our waitress go?

She's under the table just now, with her mouth full. She'll be with you in a..... Ummm. Just as soon as she rinses.

So I suppose a table dance is right out then?

For 20 bucks, I'll dance on yer lap! never mind no stoopid table...


You gonna sing, or just mumble all night?

.

I'm not touching that question with an Abo's barge pole from the muck of the Swan estuary!

Are you mumbling yourself or is that a Kalgoorlie dialect? :orly:

Actually, I'm singing some early REM.

Music has really gone downhill in the last 2 decades.

Yes, yes it has.

Falling uphill would have been easier.

"The last 2" .... what is it you wrote? My eyes have gone bad in my old age. I still can't believe that the Beatles have split up and someone told me the other day that The Big Bopper is dead! He crashed in something called a flying machine, I heard. :surprised:

Pshaw! For a ninja, maybe.

So while I've got ninjas on the brain, I figure any ninja is worth 10 pirates in a fight. What do you figure?

Huh?! Not if one of those swashbucklers is Errol Flynn! Shit. He could take on a whole regiment of ninjas, with both hands tied behind his back, his eyes gouged out, one leg in a sling, and an ingrown toenail on all five digits of his remaining foot.


Ain't you the buzzard who play'd the part of Sneaky Pete in the South Carolina production of the full-length feature of his life? Arrh, ya' be!

I am copywrited hon.

Isn't that S.W.A T. at the door?

As dangerous as the filth around here gets, I figure the bulletproof vests mean it's the maid service.

Black's the new pink, isn't it?

Ah yes, Blackards rule the crows nest, where we eat the pink insides,

Have you seen the new Trump tower?

Seen it? Why I was locked up in the thing for 6 months with nought but bread and water for substinance.

If I'm not mistaken you're the bloker what pissed in my water jug, ain't ya?

Nah, just working on a new filtration system. Drink up.

If they can't see you, they can't aim at you.

adjusting my sonic bionics.

Is someone in season?

Vivaldi, of course.

I think this needs some more garlic. Who'll be my guinea pig?

The cavy could of used another clove.

How is your catarrh?

http://www.ogc-con.com/graphics/pirate_cat.jpg
He be wantin' more parrot.

After long cogitation and due dilligence, having weighed all relevant data and possible alternatives, it has become abundantly clear to me that Maiden Rulez!!!

Damn thats cute.

I'm speechless.

Sadly, no, merely inarticulate. (Nuthin but luv for ya, ring, ol buddy.)

Would you say I had a plethora of piñatas?

I wouldn't say so, no. I know a fellow in Rangoon who collects the things. Last I heard he's got 174 of them from the Zacatecas region alone.

Are you the one I've heard so much about who's filling them with poisoned apples and distributing them to the various Queen step-daughters all about the land?

Yes, I have a franchise for sale,too many for me to keep up.

Would you like a Pina Colada Pinata?

No thanks. They always leak through the papiermaché and ruin my floor rugs.


By the way, are you a reliable carpet weaver?

Bo Derek thinks so.

can you sing out of tune?

Not even at gunpoint.

Nixon got a raw deal, dot you think?