because im not through yelling at you today yet


Why do you empty my ashtray just as im about to flick?

Just testing your reflexes for hitting a "moving target".

Anyway, didn't you tell me that you wanted me to encourage to stop smoking?

Yeah, maybe if I'm on FIRE!


Got a light?

Ya jump in the air and light on your ass


Why you have a cast on your nose

Tried to go down on the Venus DeMilo statue at the museum.

Why are you hiding that weasel?

What weasel?

Did you know a rat is a squirrel with a bushy tail?

NO, but I knew a squirrel was a rat with a bushy tail.

Where DID I leave that duct tape?

..... in the the trunk of Ted Bundy's VW.

And what did you use it for last?

I used your brush on the dog.

What's that smell?

I think that's chlorine; I was mixing ammonia and bleach, two great cleaning products what could go wrong?


What a cute dog, is it yours?

Thats not a dog, its my mother in law and shes not house broken.

Can I get you another drink???

"CAN" you? In your inebriated state I don't think that's possible.


Are you buying?

Sure, money is imaginary anyway.

What was the original point of this game?

If I told you, I´d you have to kill you.

What's the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?

Address the Magic Eight Ball and confine your question to a "yes" or "no" response.


Are you doing your own killing or do you employ a hit man to do the work?

some of us dont NEED to use a hit man.


do you realize that's not a sex toy?

Do you realize your lack of creativity?

¿Que pasa?

No mucho!

Do you know what "handkerchief is called in Japanese?

Hell, no! I'm an "american"!

Why are you so surly?

I don't know. You always have that affect on me.

Who do you think you are anyway, asking me that question?

Popeye.

The people are restless.

Let them eat cake.

Don't you get the rules to this game?

Does this look like a game to you?

What's with those fingernails?

Ask again and I may have to claw your eyes out..

Don't you realize everyone has their own agenda they gotta keep nailed down?

No.

Do you?

No, never, never.

Where's the records room?

Records? They don't make those any more man... you live under a rock for the past 2 decades?


You want some coffee with your sugar there?

Sure, my caffine flow is being diluted by all this blood.

Where's my steak?

Ask Fido, It's hanging out of his mouth.. Man's best friend my ass!

Cold in here, no?

Not where I'm standing.

Why do you insist on putting your parishable food into the fridge, from the inside?

I'll deny that in court.

Do you have any cheese?

I was hoping you brought the cheese along with you whine.

Which iPod should I get?

The one that's implanted behind your ear.

I just had another fucking epiphany!

See I told you first grade math was easy!

How can I bowl higher than a 180?

Get yourself a pair of high-heel boots and you can bowl (or do anthing else for that matter) much higher than 180 - centimetres, of course.

Whose idea was this, anyway :confused:

I think God had a hand in it.

You had better wake up, Sabu!

I'm sorry you don't qualify for jeopardy. It needs to be in the form of a question.


Wow, that looks heavy; how heavy do you think that is?

lift it and find out.

Was that a ninja?

Are you still breathing? Then no, it wasn't a ninja...

Why do blondes have more fun?

Because they have that reputation.

Was that a serious question?