I like my coffee like I like my women. Ground up in the Freezer.

Do you have any real sugar, or just the artificial crap.

To get down and dirty one needs the real thing. Artificial just isnt as satisfying.

How does one silver the back of a mirror?

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

Did you cause the problem, you discombobulated bobblehead?

I was not the problem...but you're gonna see how quickly I can be the solution.

Is that really necessary, or are you just lookin' for sympathy?

Hug me and i'll tell you.

Who really let the dogs out?

I don't know who let the dogs out, but you're gettin' 'em back in!

Was that really the best you could muster?

Oh, I can do much better, but it really isn't worth the time.

So who died and made you god?

paddy fucking joe did!!!!!!!!!!



do these pants make my ass look big?

No, but they do prevent you from being mistaken for sasquatch.

Don't you think that pilsner is an overrated type of beer?

You know how it is with beer, the more you drink, the better it gets.

Did you hear my cell phone ring just now?

That must be some prision if you have a phone in your cell, or are you simply going mad, Mad, MAD, I tell you, MAD! Muuuuhuhuhuhahahahahaha!!!!!

I didn't mess up my hair doing that just now, did I?

not really, but I really think you should brush your teeth again.....

That didnt hurt did it?

no but it impaired by judgement enough for that one night stand

by the way how is your long lost father?

He's not lost anymore. The FBI found the body.

I wish my car wasn't compared to a rollerskate.

I wish you had a different car, too.

What happened to the ringing in my ears?

She'll be back.

How much for the nickle?

gimme a dime and we'll be even... :)

make the freakin' rain go away...

poof...there...now I've turned it into snow, sleet, and ice for you

What is sex like?

With your mom? - Boring, she's not as tight as your dad.

Am I just supposed to lie down and wait?

no, you're suppose to wait on your knees...til the sheep come home.

What's that little thing there?


__________________

Where?

Oh, I thought you were talking to me.

No, I was talking above you.

How much wood?

could a woodchuck chuck... zero, he could chuck ZERO wood.

is it me or is it just hot in here?