clavus

When I was little, I figured there were three countries named after food: Turkey, Greece and Rice. My mom told me more than once that Rice was not a country, but I didn’t believe her. I pretended to be convinced. There was no point in arguing with a grownup who clearly knew so little of the world. I decided to travel to Rice when I grew up. I’d send her a postcard.

In Kindergarten I figured out where babies came from. Armed with my limited knowledge of anatomy I realized that a man stuck his penis into a vagina, whereupon one of his testicles would shoot out and implant itself inside the womb. The testicle was, of course, a small baby surrounded by a thin, protective membrane.

An informal survey of my friends revealed that none of us had more than two nuts. So the real mystery was not how babies were made, but how families ended up with more than two kids.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

Siege

You mean that isn't true?

As for me, no interesting beliefs.

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"Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek"

--Kevin Smith

This part just makes my posts easier to find

ChistledStone

I believe and still believe that Santa is a paedophile

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A.minor.fall.then.a.major.lift

KellyC

I believed in Jesus and Santa when I was little. I stopped believing in Santa when I was 9 or 10 and Jesus/God/Heaven and Hell when I was about 13.

I also believe that if a woman eats a lot of goose eggs, she'd get pregnant. That's what my mom told me when I asked why one of my aunts got pregnant. woooooo...

Oh, and that America is a "paradise for kids." In a way, it is. Compare to other places...

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

dlish

kellyc, is your aunties husbands name goose?

for me i thought that women had an egg verymuch like a normal chicken egg inside them, and when she had sex, the penis would crack and break the egg and a baby would come out.

so much for school friend stories...

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

KellyC

No, oddly, his name is pronounced pretty close to "goose" in vietnamese, same vowels.

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

JumpinJesus

As a child, I believed that the people on television were actually miniature people who lived inside my television. I convinced myself that if I waved to them and talked to them, eventually they would wave and talk back. It used to disappoint me to no end that Steve Austin, aka the Six Million Dollar Man, had no interest in talking to me.

Strangely enough, now that I'm older and no longer believe that miniature people live inside my television, I still find that I have a habit of gesturing and talking to the people on my television.

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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

sublimesanchita

hahah i believed that too JUmpin!!..and on sitcoms when the audience laughed I believed they could hear me laugh too!! So I would laugh extra loud on purpose

maleficent

Lee Majors was entirely too busy with Farrah to be bothered with a youngster He really did pay attention... but... a woman was more interesting.

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Gatorade Frost

When I was young I was always afraid the world was going to flood while I slept (i.e. biblical Noah's Ark flooding) because of going to church, and every night I'd have to convince myself that it wouldn't happen because the world would only flood the one time and never again. Then I'd have dreams of being rescued by swimming to the top of the water with my family using SCUBA gear. It was bizarre. I also worried about the world catching on fire and not being put out.

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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips

optik_nerve

When I was little I thought that when we listened to the radio the band was playing live. And when we turned the radio up some guy that was recording the band made them play louder.

Rlyss

I knew that fire engines are red because it's visible and it's tradition, but I also believed that red made them faster.

I had a real reason, too. I heard something on the radio about the color red, when looking at the miniature atom proton DNA sort of level (science), actually had less resistance to air. I don't know anything about science, but on this radio show they had mentioned that red things move faster on some gazillionth of a per cent type of scale.

Anyway so my cub scout troop visited the fire station one day (my dad was both a boy scout leader and a firefighter) and I mentioned this and got laughed at, and it was humiliating, especially because I knew I was right.

5757

I believed the same damn thing! You know the song that made me believe that was 'He's Alive' by Dolly Parton. I thought they were in some grand studio recording it right then and there!

One of the things I believed the strongest as a kid was that everyone was having sex about 10 x's a day. I couldn't wait to "grow up" so I could do that too.

I believed that once you had pulled out all of the toys from the toy box, all you had to do was stick them back in and close it in order to get new toys.

*When I was about 8 years old my mom told me that dark skinned people were people that God had burnt in his oven he uses to make us. Never really told me why. I just assumed he didn't turn on the timer.

* When I was about 8 years old, my mom told me to have faith that God exists. I needed proof. I closed my eyes, held out my hand and asked for a candy bad to appear. No candy bar. No faith. No God.

On my 9th birthday, I discovered that I was gay. So, from that point on I believed I was. I had no gay influences. Didn't have cable. No gay neighbors or family friends. I simply just wanted girls instead of boys.

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Hey! Wait! I've got a new complaint, Forever in debt to ((your)) priceless advice. - Nirvana

Supple Cow

I believed that the crust of a sandwich - like the skin of a vegetable or fruit - had more nutrional value than the rest of the sandwich, so I never cut it off. (I'm sure my parents loved that I didn't waste any food.)

My roommates in college had to point out to me that the outside of the bread was just cooked a little more than the rest.

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"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
(Michael Jordan)

feelgood

When I was a kid, I used to believe that tornados had conscience and were out to get me...

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Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

canuckguy

There was a pink house just down the road from mine when I was young, my mom told me bert and ernie lived there. Believed that for many years.
I use to believe my parents loved me and cared about me until I got older and realized they did not. I was more pissed about the ernie thing though.

Hektore

*Chuckles*

What did you believe when you were a kid?

But since I'm here, I used to believe the moon was a ball that got stuck in the sky, hence I called it "Moonball"

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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

cartmen34

I thought the someone invented color sometime in the 1960's because all the tv shows from before that were in black and white. At one point I actually asked my mother who invented color.

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"The problem with quick and dirty, as some people have said, is that the dirty remains long after the quick has been forgotten" - Steve McConnell

skier

Mine was in nonsense, so it's understandable it was missed.

When I was a kid I also believed that "Rocky Mountain House" (a town in the mountains) was just a house in the rocky mountains.

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

optik_nerve

Haha, yea that too except they heard noise and you had to be quiet during the drills or they would come and find the noise and you'd be dead.

clavus

I believe I should search before I post.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

Aurakles

I remember accepting the notion that pets, especially dogs, could see ghosts/demons and that every time that they barked they were barking at a ghost/demon. I lived next to a cemetery, so, needless to say, my parents had me in check. Besides, our dog barked continuously, but since they fed him leftovers from my aunt's cooking, he was probably just vocalizing his agony.

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Our truest life is when we are in our dreams awake.

Pacifier

Yeah, that one confused my too I asked my Grandmom if it was all black and white back then.

I also believed that my native language (german) was the "real" or "original" language and that all other languages where just "translations" someone invented.

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"It seems to me that the idea of a personal God is an anthropological concept which I cannot take seriously. I also cannot imagine some will or goal outside the human sphere. Science has been charged with undermining morality, but the charge is unjust. A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death
— Albert Einstein

shesus

Wow, those are some crazy beliefs. Of course, I had some to...

I believed that the plant in our town was an amusement park because of all the lights at night. I was convinced that my mom was going there during her lunchtime without me and listening the the dj from the radio station live and riding the rides.

I also thought that the word humid was human. I would walk around saying, "It's human outside I need some water." If someone would correct me I'd get mad at them.

I also believe that New England was an actual state until I was in jr. high...no wonder I flunked geography.

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Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

tecoyah

I believed in God

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

sprocket

when i was little i found myself at the airport.. i looked out the window and saw the plane we would be getting on. mom told me that was MY plane... im sure now she just meant that that would be the plane that we were flying on, but i thought she actually meant that plane was MINE. I then decided to tell people that were boarding that they werent allowed on MY plane because I wanted it all to myself. oops

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Remember, wherever you go... there you are.

Johnny Pyro

When I was a child my father had the sex talk with me. You know, the "where babies come from speech." He told me the man plants his seed inside the woman's vagina and a baby would grow from that. For years I thought the vagina had soil in it and I would have to use my gardening skills to have sex and have a baby. Boy was I wrong! Ha!

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"From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell

Ardus

I thought girls just had balls and no dick until, damn, probably 8th or 9th grade. I led a sheltered childhood, went to a Christian school and all...

ryfo

i thought my parents knew everything and everything they told me I believed

analog

When I was 8, my grandfather had a massive seizure and died, no warning at all. That event made me think about death, as it was the first death I was personally attached to... and I started to fear death intensely, knowing that it came randomly and without warning. To think about my own mortality in any way would bring on a huge panic/anxiety attack.

This line of thinking persisted from that point on and until only about a year ago (I'm 24). At that point, I had a dream (it's in my journal if you want to read about it) and I'm at peace with it now. I no longer fear my own death.

little_tippler

I believed in Santa until I was almost 10 - I was very angry with my mother when I found out she was the one who was putting presents out and told her so.

I believed that there might be a vampire under my bed waiting for the lights to go out to come and get me. I also saw in a movie somewhere that a vampire would only enter your home if you let it in, and then while in bed, in my head I'd go "no you can't come in", and then another voice in my head would say "yes come in" and I'd have this fight with myself in my head and panic at the end.

No I'm not schyzophrenic.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

shesus

Tippler that reminded me of something else I used to believe. My grandmother used to have a vampire sheet set. I don't know why or where she got them, but on the pillow case was a vampire with blood dripping from his fangs. I was terrified that he would come to life when I fell asleep. Then, to make matters even worse, my cousin told me that an old lady lived in the crawl spaces upstairs in my grandma's house. I'm not sure what she was supposed to do, but I was petrified to go to sleep. Of course, why would I want to go to sleep when the rabbits came out at midnight and danced under the moonlight.

Yes, I was very naive. Eh, what the hell, I still am.

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Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

maleficent

When I was little I beleived that by the time the year 2000 rolled around, I'd be really old... While I am old... I don't feel as old as i thought I'd be when I was little.

When I was little, I believed by this time we'd be living life like the Jetsons.. with flying cars and other cool stuff.

I honestly beleived that when i cut the hair off my sister's barbie doll that it would grow back.

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ratbastid

That's great! One of the first computer programs I ever wrote was on my old TRS-80 (you know, the one with the membrane keyboard, hooked up to the TV? Loaded programs off cassette tapes?). It took your birth date, and gave you back your age in the year 2000.

I remember thinking, "26!? I'll be too old to even ENJOY living in the future!"

It's funny--that's a complicated program for an eight year old. You can't just add years, first you've got to look and see if this year's birthday has already passed. Looking back, I'm proud of the little hacker I already was! Shame I had no perspective on time!

Hektore

This reminds me of another one I used to believe. I believed that vampires would come around outside your windows at night(since they could fly) and look for people to suck the blood from. However, I knew vampires only sucked blood from peoples necks. Thus, if I covered up all the way to my chin so they couldn't see my neck, they would just leave me alone. Hafta love the logic of a seven year old. To this day I cannot sleep without a cover of some sort on up to my neck, it just doesn't feel right.

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The advantage law is the best law in rugby, because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.

flstf

When I was young I believed that the world was fair and that most people had integrity. I still do but not nearly as much. We were quite sheltered from reality as children.

World's King

I'm still pretty sure I know karate. Never taken a lesson but I'm just sure I know it anyway.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

X3N0

I didnt understand how the car worked when I was very young, and never saw the pedals below the dashboard so it all just seemed a little hoaky. I asked my dad just exactly how the car worked, and my dad being the extremely impatient man he is told me he "didnt know". This seemed ridiculous to me, since every time the car was moving he was in the seat so he obviously had to know something about the workings of the car. After a barrage of questions about everything I could see on the drivers side were replied with "I dont know" the only solution I came up with is that the car drove itself... My dad then thought it would be smart to tell me that the car ACTUALLY did drive itself... To this day I have zero ambition to drive and have never learned, although I figured it when I was about 9. I don't really blame it on him since I can still go out and get my drivers liscene any day.

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Xenogears - Stand tall and shake the heavens
Socrates - The unstudied life, is not worth living

dlish

i sed to think that the sky was blue because it was full of water ad that at any time it was going to fall down and drown everyone.

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

:::OshnSoul:::

I remember one time around Christmas my socks were kind of hanging off my feet and someone told me that I would turn into an elf....I was so frickin scared- I pulled em right up and never did that again!