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What did you believe as a kid?
When I was little, I figured there were three countries named after food: Turkey, Greece and Rice. My mom told me more than once that Rice was not a country, but I didn’t believe her. I pretended to be convinced. There was no point in arguing with a grownup who clearly knew so little of the world. I decided to travel to Rice when I grew up. I’d send her a postcard.
In Kindergarten I figured out where babies came from. Armed with my limited knowledge of anatomy I realized that a man stuck his penis into a vagina, whereupon one of his testicles would shoot out and implant itself inside the womb. The testicle was, of course, a small baby surrounded by a thin, protective membrane.
An informal survey of my friends revealed that none of us had more than two nuts. So the real mystery was not how babies were made, but how families ended up with more than two kids.
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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.
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