dualman7

I really thought by reading self-help books, and finally getting into shape, I would be able to raise my self esteem and finally stop letting the outside world effect me so much. I know in relaity that it's ALL ME and I control what happens and how I feel. Unfortunately, even though I know this, I feel like I have no power over my thoughts. I''ll give you an example, if a seven year old camp up to me and said "you smell", it would probably drive me nuts for weeks. Basically my life consists of staying away from situations where my self esteem may be hurt. I got more moodswings than a god damn pinata.

And the worst part is that it's determined by somthing really insignificant. I don't want to be drugged, thats why is tay away from a proffesional, plus during the week, i'd say there are 3-4 days where I feel awesome. And then there's always soemthing silly, like maybe a comment at work from a nobody....and it just murders me internally. I wish I would be able not to let these things effect me. Why can't all of the stuff I read, just stay in my conscious and be used agaisnt moments like this. Instead it seems like all of the advice is forgotten whenever it is needed the most.

animosity

you need to only worry about what makes you happy. people who put you down are just trying to make them selves feel better. dont get discoraged.
when you wake up in the morning walk to the mirror and say to yourself, "damnit! you are looking extra hot today! if i was gay i would do you in a heart beat!"

that has always worked for me...

ARTelevision

Seeking professional assistance and medication should be thought through on a deeper level. They have helped and continue to help many individuals.

When we have a physical malady, most of us do not refuse medication. Why should that be any different when maladies affect other aspects of our being?

I do not draw distinctions between "body" and "mind".

__________________
create evolution

Strange Famous

I know exactly what you mean, man.

I've been down for a long time, and I am scared to death of seeking anyone's help for it, it just feels like I have to face it down on my own or Ive failed.

Erm... Im not recomending my view as the ideal, I agree its wrong, but its hard, and its easier to be this way, I just wanted to tell you I know where youre coming from

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

dualman7

Exactly! I feel just like that. Like it's part of life to get through this, figure it out, and then everything will be fine. Unfortun ately I am now 22, and feel like I am missing out on life. I am open to all advice, do you guys really recommend i go see some sort of doc for this? I wouldnt even know what to say.

Strange Famous

Im 26, and to be honest, the last 5 years of my life have been this way, I lost a lot of my confidence and I just kind of shut my way away from everyone else, and when I think of it it gets me really down that Im this old already and it feels like my life hasnt even started yet.

I think, really, you need to do whatever it takes to feel better, I dont know if drugs are a good idea, but maybe just to see a counseller and just talk everything through - I did that once and it helped me a little. When I was 19 I started getting panic attacks a lot, and I went to counselling and it helped me get over it.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

raeanna74

We make habits out of how we view ourselves. Habits are hard to break. They take constant effort until one day you realize "Hey this isn't work anymore!" You probably won't even notice the moment when being comfortable in your skin becomes a habit.

Just because you go to a professional doesn't mean that you HAVE to take drugs. You can refuse them anytime you want to. They can give you tricks to help you remember your new "habit" when the old nature pops it's head back up and says "Hey ugly." Yes those tricks could be viewed as crutches but we need crutches while our legs are broken, why not when our self-esteem is broken. It's only to help ease the pressure until you can heal from the inside out. Take care, keep up your hope, and it will come around eventually.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

mxyzptlk

Do you think you need a professional? It doesn't sound like you think you do, it sounds like you understand the problem in a nutshell...you let soneone else's words get to you. I think raeanna74 has some great advice. I used to get in violently nasty fights with the ex whenever I'd call him about something outrageous he did or didn't do. I was given the simple advice "don't call him", no matter how angry you are, don't call him. Simple, right? The first time was so hard I actually had to physically put the phone down 5 times not to call. I had gotten into the bad emotional HABIT of reacting to his crap and had to break it. The next time was also hard, but not so much so. Its now gotten to the point that he lives 2 doors away from me and I don't even know he exists. I deal with his crap like it is, crap...it gets tossed.

The old nursery rhyme is true:
"sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me". Don't let peoples' comments to you "hurt" you. If you think they are valid, deal with that; if not, its just a name. The first time you don't let a comment hurt you will be hard to do, but believe me it does get easier. You don't lose your peace by someone else's sin, just your own. Keep working on those "awesome" days...you're experiencing growing pains kiddo.

__________________
Never practice moderation to excess.

dualman7

Do you guys have any tricks to forget unimportant/hurtful events? I have been trying to monitor myself to try and get to the root of the problem, and it seems like this is the main problem. I cant stop my brain from replaying the situations over and over. It's like i got a god damn instant replay booth with negative commentary for everything that goes on around me. That alone can make anything tough to forget.


PS. THANK YOU ALL! I am really taking your advice to heart and will try and see a proffesional sometime soon. This is allowing me to express the problems like I never have before. and it has shown me how much that can help.

Peetster

I agree. You would be best served by a professional. Reconsider seeking one's help.

raeanna74

The manager of our apts hurt me. I had helped her numerous times and yet she turned on me after 2 years of that. Needless to say I was hurt. I find that if I allow my mind to replay things she did or said or things I'd like to do TO her that my whole body suffers. I get tense, tired, headaches, and blood pressure problems. I can't allow it. Doesn't make it any easier though. I try my best to find engaging things to do. Things that involve my mind. Reading a book doesn't always help because eventually my mind will wander. Doing something like baking sometimes helps. I'm constantly checking my recipe, I always have a little helper or two to watch and help, and I'm talking. When my mouth is moving I can't think about something other than what I'm saying. Sometimes finding a song I like and belting it out helps. (My favorite when I'm angry with her is "RedNeck Woman". It just fits my mood and situation.) I'll reorganize the closet, watch some engaging educational television or a movie that I LOVE and can't daydream during. Anything to break the cycle of my mind going back to the incident. A couple times I've said aloud "What she said was stupid, I don't have to listen to it." It doesn't exactly help that much and if I don't reengage my mind afterwards I'll just go back to replaying. But if I say it and then get busy, the next time those thoughts come back they are much easier to replace.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

mxyzptlk

Here's my concern about seeking professional help. "Professionals" in this field are a dime a dozen. Counselors and psychologists in some states only need a bachelor's degree in social work to hang out a shingle. I get conflicting reports on clients from counselors all the time...one saying the other side is bipolar and dangerous with the another saying he is normal and harmless. That's a pretty wide range.

The medical field of psychiatry has, for the larger part, bastardized into pill pushers, some of which pills have dire consequences and some of which only mask the underlying problem. My best friend has been hositalized twice for suicide attemts and at one time was playing chemistry set with his body for all the pills he was taking, none of which, incidently, did much good. Despite 2 hospitalizations and dozens of appointments, no one ever talked to him about his problem. Of the two dozen or so professionals I have dealt with, I would only recommend 4.

As I said, if you think that there is something organically, chemically or drastically wrong, do indeed seek professional help, but either go to the known best or accept a referral from someone who knows. If you don't, talking it out with someone you trust is the basic solution that a counselor would offer. Best of luck.

__________________
Never practice moderation to excess.

mxyzptlk

The "trick" I use is to think of my ex as a large, slimy disgusting slug. Find them in the garden all the time. They are revolting and do eat a few holes in the plants, but they are really not at all that much of a problem. Putting my ex's face on a mental image of a slug makes me laugh and remember that he is not at all that much of a problem...disgusting but insignificant.

Peace Kiddo

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Never practice moderation to excess.

apeman

i'm not quite how you describe but I think we all brood over how people hurt us... i would only get the kind of "instant downer" reaction you describe if it was someone i cared about doing the hurting. otherwise i would just add them to my list of assholes and carry on.

tricks... hmmm not necessarily advisable but these sometimes work for me
1) repeat "fuck 'em" x 100 - mean it
2) make sure you know you're right and they're wrong
3) try to get angry instead of getting upset

like i say i wouldn't necessarily recommend the above, but they may help. this is what i would recommend:

talk to someone about how it hurt you preferrably a counsellor. it does help. the talking helps as much, if not more than any advice they might give

__________________
pain is inevitable but misery is optional - stick a geranium in your hat and be happy

maleficent

If it's a person that hurts you. Write them a letter, or an email, but there's something more therapeutic with words on paper. Tell them EVERYTHING about how they made you feel and what kind of pain they caused you and how you feel about them. don't hold back anything, don't over think it, don't worry about spelling or grammar, just let the words flow.

Now, put the letter in an envelope.

Go outside and burn the envelope.

Go on with your life.

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wallace1

Hang in there, I went through a killer depression followed by a long and troublesome heroin addiction. I DO NOT suggest opiates as a coping strategy. Anyway, talk to some one if you feel it will help, find stuff to do, move, see the life that you dream about. Just don't give up.

Good luck!

__________________
Midway in the journey of our life I came to myself in a dark wood, for the straight way was lost.

macmanmike6100

You say that you'd stay away from a professional, but that's just because you're thinking a psychiatrist, who is licensed to write prescriptions. I highly suggest "talk therapy" with a psychologist. I did that for about a year and the results were spectacular. Rather than a doctor, they're more like a guide on your path to a solution.