dualman7

I really thought by reading self-help books, and finally getting into shape, I would be able to raise my self esteem and finally stop letting the outside world effect me so much. I know in relaity that it's ALL ME and I control what happens and how I feel. Unfortunately, even though I know this, I feel like I have no power over my thoughts. I''ll give you an example, if a seven year old camp up to me and said "you smell", it would probably drive me nuts for weeks. Basically my life consists of staying away from situations where my self esteem may be hurt. I got more moodswings than a god damn pinata.

And the worst part is that it's determined by somthing really insignificant. I don't want to be drugged, thats why is tay away from a proffesional, plus during the week, i'd say there are 3-4 days where I feel awesome. And then there's always soemthing silly, like maybe a comment at work from a nobody....and it just murders me internally. I wish I would be able not to let these things effect me. Why can't all of the stuff I read, just stay in my conscious and be used agaisnt moments like this. Instead it seems like all of the advice is forgotten whenever it is needed the most.