mixedsubstance

Honestly- I've been there. Of course I felt neglected by my then husband....my self esteem was so shot, I had never been so down and depressed in my life. But I can't give blame to my bad marriage for what I did. I made a poor choice. I basically acted upon wanting what I wasn't getting in my marriage. But- it always makes it worse, not better. Not worth it. I've learned from my experience and told myself that I am better than that and promised myself I would never stoop that low again.
So the girl has a valid point, but cheating is DEFINATELY not a way to make their relationship better. She was doing it to feel better and to get his attention. But I am pretty sure nothing good has come out of that. Sucker for staying with her.

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Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

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uptown

If my spouse doesn't want me, why should I stay sexless ?

lol, if a person has a low sex drive and doesn't value the experience or think it important to a relationship why should they care if their partner gets it elsewhere ?

Infinite_Loser

You could always-- I dunno'-- Find out why your partner has had a sudden decrease in his/her sex drive instead of running out and finding someone else. Besides, I'm a strong believer in karma; What comes around goes around.

Anywho, if you asked me this question a few months ago I would have said that you can be driven to cheat, but I'm not that naive anymore. Unless someone holds a gun to your head and forces you to cheat, then it's a conscious decision to do so. If you're relationship is going that badly, then you should be responsible enough to end it before going out and sleeping with someone else.

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mixedsubstance

I had "karmatic paranoia". I was so afraid and honestly expecting it to happen to me. But I know that karma doesn't always have to be an exact repeat of what you did- it's an experience that will definately remind you of your past choices, though.

__________________
Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

*Without energy, there would be nothing.*

SugahBritches

I think if there is something missing in your life, I think you would want to find a way to fullfill it. However, if it is sex or no communication in a relationship, shouldn't you work on that first?

I don't know. I guess I look at things in a simple way or from my simple mind! I'd first work out the problem and if it couldn't be fixed....and you have exhausted your resources, end it.

But, I'm sure that was too simple!

uptown

I love my partner and do believe he loves me.Our sex life however is the total pits imho and steadily getting worse as time goes on.We've talked over the issue many times, he denies any issues with me that might be impeding his desire levels, he had a physical and everything checked out fine. All talking things over seems to do is to make things even more strained in the sexual arena.He has quite the eye for and appreactes viewing younger women and porn, he obviously likes sex and all things sexual, just as long as they don't involve me.

The problem here is that the other aspects of the relationship are good and would probably be excellent if there weren't sexual issues.At this point I'm considering proposing that we simply eliminate sex from our relationship entirely, both parties free to find their own outletsbe it masterbation, cyber sex or actual discrete extra marital partner sex.Masterbation is a lot better than sex that feels like obligatory,rote mercy sex imho.

I have no intention of cheating and will honor my promise and remain sexless save for masterbation but I now really understand why people cheat.

opus123

What you call revenge, I call justice. Lessons need to be taught that you can't neglect someone you said you love. Yes it takes two to tango. I don't know all the details of this situation, but it sounds like he did the neglecting first and that's a big sin in my book.

Jonathan

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ourselves. It is a civil war, and in all such
contentions, triumphs are defeats." Mr Colton
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Ustwo

Men will long to cheat because we are men. If you do or not is up to the man in question. Some will always cheat, others will never, but the desire for polygamy is in our genes, after all we can have a couple of kids a day and we are decended from men who cheated.

This isn't an excuse, murder is also a natural inclination of males and we don't condone or allow that to go unpunished.

Women will cheat if they feel that there man is somehow inferior. Cuckholding is a way to have the security of a pair bond while mating with a superior male. Its having your cake and eating it too.

If through inattention a pair bond is weak it can drive either sex to seek out their own nature and cheat. Also if a male low status or the female 'lets her self' go physically, this too can trigger the desire to cheat. Finally some people are of such character that they will cheat reguardless, this is more true of men than women.

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housepuke

Very interesting thread.
My wife cheated on me 22 years ago, with my brother. I decided (after long thought) to try to save our relationship. We went to counseling and after a handfull of visits I was told it was my fault. Needless to say that was the end of counseling.
We worked on things, we argued and we cried. We managed to save our relationship.
I was so devastated at the time that I am still not able to find adequate words to describe the pain and anger.
Over the years we "rebuilt" our relationship and are approaching our 26th anniversary.
Here's the the deal. She knew she was wrong and paid a very high price emotionally and physically. Anorexia brought on by guilt that almost killed her. She wasn't "driven" to it. It was partially due to drugs (which he supplied her) and not really thinking about the actual implications of actions.
So here I am all these years later and have started counseling because these memories started coming back and have me severely depressed.

At any rate, I do not believe you can be driven. It is still a choice, judgement may be impaired but it's still a choice you have to take responsibility for. As for the "once a cheater always a cheater" folks, I don't buy that. I've lived through it.
Sorry for rambling on.

Peace