Strange Famous

Well... here is a question. And I dont mean to phrase this like Im just running myself down looking for self pity type of thing... but I genuinely am interested on perspectives.

What I am thinking is, is it possible for someone to be actually physically attracted to me?

A lot of people here will have seen what I look like, Im average looking - not especially handsome or ugly. the thing is I am very fat, morbidly obese in fact. I weigh 300 lbs and Im 5 10. Ive always been heavy, but up until 22 I was about 200 lbs and quite fit... then I stoppe dplaying sport so competively and started drinking a lot more heavily, and have gradually put on weight until I am this huge (I'm now 27)

What I ask myself is, can someone be actually PHYSICALLY attracted to someone my size? Could anyone look at me and go weak at the knee's? I care about my GF and know she cares about me. I can imagine loving her and see her feeling the same way. I know I act like a self pitying prick in terms of my online persona sometimes, but in real life Im a pretty likeable sort of guy. Im fairly bright, I care about people and things, I am never aggressive or possessive (really, NEVER), I have ok-ish prospects in life I would guess, I make people laugh pretty much whenever I try, so I guess I have a "sense of humour", I am not creative in anyway but I am quite articulate (even though I dont write well I know), a lot of people have told me Im a good listener, despite my online venting of depressive mood swings I get sometimes I'm generally quite emotionally strong around other people, and I dont let people in real life see me get so down.

All in all, I think Im a pretty good kind of boyfriend from most emotional standards. Not saying Im the greatest or anything, but Im a nice guy and I could imagine my personality as loveable, or at least dependable and protective...

But could someone find something in the way I am, and love me... to the degree that they could find me in any sense physically desirable? I dont mean this as a diss if anyone else here is my size, but i find myself physically repulsive. I am just huge, utterly huge. And yes, I should lose some weight, and I try sometimes, and Im trying right now as it goes... but as I am... I just dunno.

So this is a long post, but I guess what I am asking is, can you love someone enough that you could be attracted to them in a pure physical sense, even if they were physically unquestionably unattractive?

I mean, my Gf is on a diet now too... cos she wants to get into a pair of 24 inch waist jeans. I weigh close to 3 times as much as she does. And yeah, i can see how I could seem in someone;s mind as big, strong, protective, steady... but surely just plain ugly too. When I think of it, I dont know how she can bare to sleep with me.

I might sound like a total prick and a hypocrite, in fact I know I do, but I couldnt sleep with a 300 lbs women.

To what degree can being attracted to someone's personality blind you to physical ugliness? And how long can it last? What does anyone think?

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

JumpinJesus

I'm not sure it's so much a question of whether someone's personality blinds others to what may be considered physical ugliness.

I'm a firm believer in the saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." I've found myself physically attracted to women before that had some friends saying, "huh?" Likewise, my friends have been attracted to women that had me saying, "her? really?"

I think personality plays an integral part to physical attractiveness because one's demeanor and mood show in their features and how they carry themselves. To me, a strong sense of independence and self-confidence easily plays a part in physical appearance.

I see what you're saying about weight, though. I do believe, however, that weight doesn't play a part in everyone's idea of beauty. For a lot of people it does, but not for everyone. So, to answer your initial question, yes I think it is possible to be physically attracted to someone who is overweight or obese.

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

joe_eschaton

The answer to the question dude is yes. They can and probably will. The twat about it is a) you have to find them first; and b) they will go off you in the end. That's that.

Siege

What JJ said.

If you are concerned about this, have you considered trying to slim down? I'm sure you can do it if you really put effort into it.

__________________
"Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek"

--Kevin Smith

This part just makes my posts easier to find

blizzak

SF man, you're a portly gentleman, but I wouldn't say you're morbidly obese....comeon!:





(I hope you don't mind that I found this pic hovering around the tfp)
Plus, as everyone has said before, you've got the greatest smile ever. Don't ever discredit yourself, or question the intentions of your SO if you know her well. Most of us could stand to lose a few pounds or tone up, especially with my long streak of inactivity!!! But just keep doing what you're doing and you'll be fine.

Good luck!

__________________
Fueled by oxytocin!

ShaniFaye

I think its a well known fact that Dave isnt a small man by any long shot.....and Im EXTREMELY physically attracted to him, and I have been since the very first moment I laid eyes on him. I love his sexy belly!!!! If you go by the picture above, you two are about the same size as well. (and for the record he thinks the same thing about himself that you do)

so....in answer to your question....yes yes yes yes YES

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

joe_eschaton

i can't spell worth a shit...

powerclown

You look like a rugby player or a bouncer...theres nothing wrong with how you look. I've seen chicks with guys 10,000x less attractive than you.

joe_eschaton

i still can't spell worth a shit...

perhaps being a rookie i should sit back and see how this forum works before i put finger to keyboard and remove all doubt that i'm an idiot

shakran

You need to grow up.

joe_eschaton

Humanity needs to grow up and dispense with consoling itself with illusions of equality and manifest lies. Nothing more to add really is there. If you're fat you'll be miserable. Factum est. Shame, but we don't make the rules/we all make the rules...

shakran

I'm not obese, but I'm not exactly skinny either, and last I checked. .. . Nope, not miserable here.

Blindly accepting societal values without thinking for yourself to decide if they're good values indicates either lack of maturity or lack of intelligence. Because I was in a kind mood, I chose lack of maturity for my reply. Are you suggesting I was wrong?

and
Is not exactly the most polite or mature way to describe an overweight woman.

joe_eschaton

You think you can create values out of nothing? You think you can speak to yourself in some kind of private language and test the vlaidity of the ideas you come up with thereby? No, you get rid of the language you share with us and you give up the ability to think. If you want to alter and complicate and undermine existing values you have a whole language game, an entire form of life, if not several, to usurp. This is one way of doing it, another is to take direct action. I prefer the line of non-violence... language however can be as violent as you like. A thought is never wrong.

In the language game of the community I identify with (which lacks real definition, sadly for you) my speech constitutes a valid line of attack and call for support. Tell me what is 'wrong' with that game and I assure you the same faults attach to your tongue. What are you gonna do.

I leave you with eminem: it's censorship, and downright blasphemous, sing this shit down cos I won't stand for this, and Cristopher Reeves won't sit for it neither...

Incidentally, Orpington Hens are the fluffy favourites of loads of housewives. That's fine. Fat housewives have their own preferences sure. But would you want to fuck one...?

powerclown

Isn't it obvious to anyone else who this really is? He changes names (multiple times), but still talks the same.
Poor bastard can't manage to escape himself. Eh, BLOKE?
You should see his "girl", too.

joe_eschaton

I daresay this happens, but frankly I'm not that obsessed with this forum and only came across it last night. I won't be a regular, sadly, because it seems easy enough to get a reputation here (appealing to my egoism of course), reason being this is my parents' computer and I am too poor for broadband.

Don't be scared little one, go back to your bogeyman. Shame you don't take the opportunity to reexamine yourself in the light of these highly stimulating thoughts. Gosh people are sensitive when their sense of normality is shaken.

Adieu.

Hanxter

yer right, grasshopper...

Strange Famous

I have no idea what this Joe kid is talking bout?

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Ustwo

SF isn't your real question here 'how long before she dumps me?'

I'm not one to comment on what makes women attacted to men of any size, but I know enough about women that the best way to ensure they don't stick around is to display a lack of confidence and security in the relationship.

Obviously she can handle you being fat since thats how she met you in the first place.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

*Nikki*

We here have all told you time and time again that you are NOT ughly......

As far as weight goes, yes you are overweight. FOR YOUR HEALTH it would be very wise to get up off your ass and walk a mile or two a day at least. Watch what you eat! If you have the will power you can do it. The thing is though, YOU have to want to.

As far as what girls want, at this point you need to worry about your physical and mental health before you can even begin to care what someone else thinks.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I would want someone to be just as truthful to me.

genuinegirly

Thanks, blizzak for posting that pic to give everyone a little perspective on what StrangeFamous looks like. Yeah... not morbidly obese. Easily attractive. Yep. In your case, I'd definitely say there's just more to love. Cute vs. Ugly doesn't revolve around weight. It's a factor of personality, interests, mindfulness, kindness...

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

tecoyah

Many people do not care about the physical as much as you may think. But virtually anyone worth keeping would be put off by the above statements to the point of looking elsewhere.....if you dislike yourself so much, do something about it.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Yakk

Strange, define "find attractive". It looks like you are talking about "find sexually attractive".

Want to look at? Enjoy looking at? Looking at, or thinking of looking at, makes you aroused?

If so, there are people who find shoes sexually attractive. Really. People can become physically attracted to all kinds of things. In fact, it isn't all that much in people's interest to be attracted to the same thing.

As for your relationship -- become the man you would want the woman you love to be with. Make yourself better every day. Be it physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally.

This isn't about losing her or not losing her. This isn't about being unworthy of her. This is about you, yourself, becoming the man that you would want the woman you love to be with. It is your own standards for yourself, not her standards, that you should worry about meeting.

Does she not tell you why she enjoys being with you? (no, don't ask her) If she doesn't say it out loud, pay attention to what makes her happy. It should be pretty clear. Mayhap she likes being with you, sleeping with you, and spending time with you because you make her happy.

And really, making someone happy is pretty much how you win at life, relationships, and everything.

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Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.

former newt

after reading your description of yourself, i pictured you exactly as you said, physically ugly. but your description seems pretty far removed from your actual appearance in that picture of you.

you're a big guy, no doubt, but not ugly. to make a totally heterosexual observation, i'd say you're a pretty good lookin guy. you have a good smile and a decent looking face. you don't fit the society-made image of male physical attractiveness, but who the hell cares?

"those who care don't matter, but those who matter don't care."

in your situation, it looks like your girlfriend doesn't find your obesity repulsive like you seem to. she matters to you, and she doesn't care.

i'm a skinny mofo, and i don't have a girlfriend (check my thread.) you do, and she accepts you. frankly, i'm jealous.

Strange Famous

I guess it is my fault that some people have replied in a very personal way to me, because I phrased the question upon my personal experience... but for the record, I am not totally unaware, I don't sit there telling my girlfriend I have no idea how she can stand to be with a loser like me or anything like that. I dont have a lot of self confidence, and of course that does come across, but I dont play on it in real life all the time.

In terms of what I think... I can see that being attarcted to a person emotionally can aid physical attraction. But in the purest terms, most people agree that someone being 300 lbs and 5 10 is unattractive and unappealing, most people would find a person like that something unpleasant to look at in an intimate environment - if all other things were neutral.

I guess it varies from people, the degree in which love, or affection, or fraternity, or turning the lights out can blind you to that. But in can't be denied, no one is ever going to look at me like they would look at say Brad Pitt or Chad Michael Murray or whatever.

I mean, if youre 300 lbs... of course someone might want to be with intimate with you cos they care about you or like you and it is an extension of that, but at the end of the day, I cant see that anyone is going to want to be with you just cos they think youre hot. I dont know if it even matters, I guess it was what I was trying to explore here.

And yes of course, I could lose weight, and make my own personal view of myself within this issue a moot point, so to speak.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Schwan

In my opinion, the answer to your question is, of course, YES.

Having said that, there are some obvious points to be considered. As a society, we have ideals of beauty, however superfcial they might be, and we strive to achieve them. Currently, the ideal seems favor skinny people. Moreover, we tend to think like animals sometimes, so we look for the most fit partner. Subconciously, we want to find a partner with a best gene pool to pass on to our children. Thus, being very obese ultimately reduces the chance of finding someone who will find you attractive. In theory.

It's easier for big people to find people attracted to them in Asian countries, where the "western" (so to speak) body frame is something unusual, and considered beautiful.

One more thing. I've been very obese for a very long time, and after my dad passed away, the stress ammounted to me loosing all this extra weight. It didn't change one thing when it comes to relationships.

(Contradicting myself and stating the obvious - another great post from Schwan [but what the hell])

highthief

We have a winnah!

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Si vis pacem parabellum.

HoneyPot

Tecoyah always has the best advice! I totally agree. Look at my signature, thats all I have to say about it.

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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder.

Acetylene

I'd worry more about your lifestyle than your appearance. Your body is not unattractive, but watching someone live in an unhealthy way IS, especially to someone who cares for you. My ex-boyfriend (ex for other reasons) was obese and I couldn't care less--but I hated to see him eat an entire pizza in one meal because I knew it was bad for him. I would feel exactly the same if not WORSE if my partner's reason for obesity was heavy drinking, because drinking has even more health problems associated than just weight. Your girlfriend will happily accept and enjoy your body as long as she knows you are healthy. Plenty of men exercise and eat well but still weigh a lot and their women love it!

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There's no justice. There's just us.

Poppinjay

Strange Famous - I wonder about something you said in your initial query, you couldn't be attracted to a woman who is 300lbs. How is your attraction to your GF who is trying to get into the 24 inch waist pants? Some of your habits have me curious about how happy you are in this relationship, along with the fact that you're wondering if somebody ELSE could find you attractive...

In the pictures where you're smiling, you always seem to look attractive. It sounds like you're unhappy now. There may be things you need to address in your relationships with other people, but the things that will help get things going will be the things you do for you. My favorite thing to do when I've had those mental Rubik's cubes was to walk and think. I burned off so much weight doing that. Walking is very therapuetic.

But I can say that from the looks of things, if you weighed in at a level that made you happy, or happier, and had a healthy self confidence, you'd probably find a number of romantic options - or you'd be that much more of a turn on for your current GF.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet