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love and attraction
Well... here is a question. And I dont mean to phrase this like Im just running myself down looking for self pity type of thing... but I genuinely am interested on perspectives.
What I am thinking is, is it possible for someone to be actually physically attracted to me?
A lot of people here will have seen what I look like, Im average looking - not especially handsome or ugly. the thing is I am very fat, morbidly obese in fact. I weigh 300 lbs and Im 5 10. Ive always been heavy, but up until 22 I was about 200 lbs and quite fit... then I stoppe dplaying sport so competively and started drinking a lot more heavily, and have gradually put on weight until I am this huge (I'm now 27)
What I ask myself is, can someone be actually PHYSICALLY attracted to someone my size? Could anyone look at me and go weak at the knee's? I care about my GF and know she cares about me. I can imagine loving her and see her feeling the same way. I know I act like a self pitying prick in terms of my online persona sometimes, but in real life Im a pretty likeable sort of guy. Im fairly bright, I care about people and things, I am never aggressive or possessive (really, NEVER), I have ok-ish prospects in life I would guess, I make people laugh pretty much whenever I try, so I guess I have a "sense of humour", I am not creative in anyway but I am quite articulate (even though I dont write well I know), a lot of people have told me Im a good listener, despite my online venting of depressive mood swings I get sometimes I'm generally quite emotionally strong around other people, and I dont let people in real life see me get so down.
All in all, I think Im a pretty good kind of boyfriend from most emotional standards. Not saying Im the greatest or anything, but Im a nice guy and I could imagine my personality as loveable, or at least dependable and protective...
But could someone find something in the way I am, and love me... to the degree that they could find me in any sense physically desirable? I dont mean this as a diss if anyone else here is my size, but i find myself physically repulsive. I am just huge, utterly huge. And yes, I should lose some weight, and I try sometimes, and Im trying right now as it goes... but as I am... I just dunno.
So this is a long post, but I guess what I am asking is, can you love someone enough that you could be attracted to them in a pure physical sense, even if they were physically unquestionably unattractive?
I mean, my Gf is on a diet now too... cos she wants to get into a pair of 24 inch waist jeans. I weigh close to 3 times as much as she does. And yeah, i can see how I could seem in someone;s mind as big, strong, protective, steady... but surely just plain ugly too. When I think of it, I dont know how she can bare to sleep with me.
I might sound like a total prick and a hypocrite, in fact I know I do, but I couldnt sleep with a 300 lbs women.
To what degree can being attracted to someone's personality blind you to physical ugliness? And how long can it last? What does anyone think?
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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."
The Gospel of Thomas
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