Sexual Assult - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

NosVette · 01-01-2005, 04:39 PM

Hi, I have a very important question. I sort of made up my mind already, but I want to see if you all think i am doing the right thing. Last night, two friends spent the night, a girl and a guy. now, while I was gone, the guy friend molested the girl (He took off her shirt, panties, and was fingering her untill she woke up startelled and made him stop, then told me what had happened). Needless to say, she was lees-then happy with this. Now, she has decided not to do anything, but I have decided to absolutely beat the shit out of the guy. I feel that what he did was wrong and needs to be punished, and since she will not report him, I feel that it is my duty as her friend, and because of my own morals, to do something durastic. Am I doing the right thing?

Painted · 01-01-2005, 04:43 PM

No. I got in big, big trouble for beating some one up. Was not fun at all.

I get off probation in June.

If it's not a big deal to her, it shouldn't be a big deal to you.

jaypc2 · 01-01-2005, 05:06 PM

it is a big deal even if she says its not, but that doesn't mean to take violent measures. maybe just talk to the guy. you know give him a harsh scolding but not a violent one.you could also try to convince your friend to do something about this because sexual assault is A BIG DEAL, or if so compelled. report the case to the cops yourself

snowy · 01-01-2005, 05:13 PM

She needs to deal with her own victimization; first, she needs to realize she IS a victim, and second, she needs to ask herself WHY she didn't want to do anything. It may be that there's something in her past that makes her want to just make the present okay, regardless of what has happened to her. She is the one who has to take control of the situation, decide what is best for her, and follow through with it. Without that control, she just furthers her own victimization, and will allow herself to be victimized again. You're not doing her any favors by beating the guy up. The best you can do is be her friend, urge her to face facts, and see that she gets counseling.

NosVette · 01-01-2005, 05:26 PM

I disagree. I think that counseling and all would help, and is necisary, but I think it is my responsibility to protect her untill she can protect herself

Acetylene · 01-01-2005, 07:17 PM

I think vengeful violence is not a good idea because you cannot defend yourself in the court. If this guy goes to the cops you'll certainly be in big trouble.

My advice is to go to the authorities (whether school, family, cops, depending on your age and situation) yourself, and simply keep your friend anonymous. I'm not sure what the procedures are legally but it should be possible to keep your friend's name out of the picture so she won't have her privacy violated.

You need also to take care of her mental health and recovery but unfortunately it's hard to do that for someone else because they need to take responsibility for their own healing. Do encourage her to see a counselor, find names, set up an appointment, pay for it if necessary...but after that, there's not too much you can do besides be there for her.

doncalypso · 01-01-2005, 07:31 PM

Convince her to file a report.... but don't take matters into your own hands or else you might be the one in deeper shit with the law.

Willravel · 01-01-2005, 07:48 PM

As a pacifist for going on 5 years, I would ask you as nicely, yet firmly, as possible not to resprt to solving this with your fists. You run the risk of ruining the rest of your life. I say keep asking her to do something about it, and possibly tell her parents about it (who can call the police or maybe convince her to see a professional psychologist). I agree with you that this guy needs justice in order to understand that he CANNOT act that way, but you being convicted of assault isn't going to help anything. Just be there for your friend in her time of need. Offer to talk to her about it if she wants.

If you decide to use physical violence (and we can't talk you out of it), be sure you know the law. If necessary, make sure that he starts the fight and you have whitnesses who can testify to that fact. Be sure that you have your ass covered from all angles.

Best of luck, and best wishes to your friend who was taken advantage of. That can be a trying experience.

FlatLand Flyer · 01-01-2005, 10:48 PM

Put the fear of god in him. Do it in a public place, maybe around people he knows. He will either be really ashamed and embarassed or he may throw the first punch if a fight really is your goal. At the very least scare the shit out of him and let him know that he will have to deal with you if he is even seen around her again.

I have found that most men are total pussies and that scaring the shit of them works very well.

Fire · 01-01-2005, 10:50 PM

normaly, I proport vengence as a good idea as long as you there is a legit grievance that is'nt going to be fixed any other way- problem here is 1- the girl wont stand up for herself- its not that she cant, she wont, and therefore you are intruding on her buisiness- it would be different if the guy did this to her a lot, or if he was an abusive boyfriend who would eventualy get around to killing her- 2- the only way to do this is for either him to know who is beating him and why , or for him to have no idea - If he knows that it is you, and why you are beating him, then you go to jail- and while he may hesitate to do this again, he may not, and you ultimately loose- if he does not know it is you and why you are getting medieval on his shit, then he will have no reason not to rape some poor girl in the future- this guy is obviously the date raping kind, and it seems that your efforts would be better served getting the girl to have his ass thrown in the clink, or perhaps the ever popular poster plastering campaign around town explaining his merits as a date rapist.... but then again, you could get nailed for slander- so I guess the point is that if you feel you have to , clunk the bastard from behind and kneecap him, otherwise prepare to go to jail.....

Suave · 01-01-2005, 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

She needs to deal with her own victimization; first, she needs to realize she IS a victim, and second, she needs to ask herself WHY she didn't want to do anything.

She's only a victim if she decides to be one. If I were "sexually assaulted" by a girl, I would not necessarily feel victimized by it. There is only a victim if someone is negatively affected by it. If she didn't mind, there is no victim. Legally, there is no victim unless charges are pressed, and therefore there is no legal victim either. I'm not saying that there aren't people who try to justify or excuse negative things that others do to them, but at the same time, not all people find the same things to be negative (and to different extents). It is all fine and good to probe as to whether she is simply in denial, but to push your own beliefs of whether or not she is a victim upon her is going too far.

The Prophet · 01-01-2005, 11:07 PM

Talk to the girl and convince her she has an obligation to report this.

Fail this, do as Flyer said and scare the living shit out of this turd ball.

And, only as a last resort, drop the pussy bastard on a first punch and don't stop wailing his ass 'til he zones out or his eyes puff shut.

Rlyss · 01-01-2005, 11:34 PM

And what if she's adamant that she doesn't want to report this? What if she's not in denial, what if she wasn't assaulted at a young age and doesn't have deep-seated self-loathing caused by previous experience? What if she simply doesn't want this to go any further? Isn't that ok?

By all means talk to her about it and tell her that you think she should report it, but if she doesn't want to then she doesn't want to. I'm siding with Suave on this one - it doesn't sound to me like she's too bothered by this at all. If she doesn't want to report this then she doesn't have to. I know that's the same as saying that this guy will get off scott-free, but it really is her decision and if she can shrug it off and be content with calling the guy a bastard then let her.

You're more upset about all this than she is but don't start beating the guy up, that'll land you in jail quicker than you think, especially if you do it in public. Break off contact with this guy, I'm sure she'll do the same, and dismiss him as the asshole he is, but in the end if she really isn't so upset about this then there's nothing anyone can do. If you've got this urge to protect her or assert your strength by beating the guy up then do all you can to put that energy to good use, by being a better friend to her, or through any other way than attacking this guy.

Vincentt · 01-02-2005, 12:47 AM

Uh, how the hell did she sleep through all that.
Personally I have doubts about her side of that story.

martinguerre · 01-02-2005, 12:48 AM

if you care about her, you will talk to her very seriously about making a criminal complaint.

DO NOT beat him up. DO NOT CONFRONT HIM.

Contact a rape hotline, and try to get her to talk to them.

someone i know...had something very similar happen some years back on new years. it has caused her an endless measure of pain not to have closure...i don't blame her for not reporting it...but it might have made a lot of things better.

she's going to need you as a friend...and that's not going to happen if you're in the can for assualting this dickweed. stay calm, and do what's right for her, and not your ego. this is a tall order and won't be easy. but what you do when the chips are down like this will show what kind of person you can be. getting her the help she's going to need in processing this is crucial.

best of luck...don't hesitate to PM me...this is something i care about deeply, and i've got a little perspective on it. I wasn't there for her in these hours when it mattered. i had to clean up the absolute shitfest of a mess that got made by the guys who wanted to show that they were tough. they let her down something hard by doing it that way.

'cause now that asshat is still free, has raped at least two more women, impregnating one, and is now serving in the Navy.

martinguerre · 01-02-2005, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vincentt

Uh, how the hell did she sleep through all that.
Personally I have doubts about her side of that story.

I have none. Alcohol, roofies...either could do that.

Strange Famous · 01-02-2005, 04:19 AM

I have to tell you, if you really want to do something, posting an intention to do so on a public internet site is not so smart. if I really wanted to damage someone, I wouldnt be talking about, and when it happened it would be in a way that wouldnt ever come back on me.

And although I do understand where you are coming from, and understand the emotion you describe, I dont know that its a very good idea. At the end of the day, the girls is the victim, not you... I would be trying to encourage her to do something before this guy commits a similar assault on someone else... vigilante justice doesnt solve much, and in my opinion is only appropriate in situations a lot more extreme than this one.

And if you do beat him up, there are a few likely outcomes

1 - she will never talk to you again
2 - you might lose and get your ass kicked
3 - you might win and wind up spending 18 months in jail for ABH (or whatever the equivalent crime is in your country)

You should focus your energies on helping her, not sating your own violent needs to be protective (which I am not putting down or mocking, because I would feel the same in the same situation)

And if you really are going to do this, bare in mind it is a crime which you could do time for. "He deserved it" will not be an acceptable legal defence.

lurkette · 01-02-2005, 07:38 AM

I appreciate your chivalrous urge to enact justice on the guy, but let her fight her own battles. If you want to confront him about the fact that he did this in your home and he's no longer welcome there because you can't trust him, that's fine: that's about your feelings, it's between you and him. Whatever happened to her is between the two of them. Respect her enough to let her handle it how she feels is best. And kicking someone's ass doesn't really solve the problem, as I'm sure you realize by now.

thespian86 · 01-02-2005, 07:57 AM

I say talk to your friend about it. Make sure she is dealing with it and not just dismissing it. Honestly, I would feel the same and its nice that you want to stick up for your friend but don't resort to violence. Like Painted I resorted to violence. But not so much the brutal beating, more like a few hard pushes. But you feel like shit after you do it.

I would sit down with your friend (the woman), talk to her about what happened and make sure she is dealing with what happened. It is a pretty big deal...

Aladdin Sane · 01-02-2005, 09:57 AM

Your guy friend is a real sicko who needs some serious help. He's fucked up. He did some weird shit. How old is he and how old is the girl he molested?

The girl needs to call a rape hotline for help. They can help her get in touch with her feelings about it. If she decides to press charges, good for her. If she doesn't, there's nothing for you to do except be there if she asks.

As for your other friend, don't resort to violence. Just stay away from him and don't let him back into your circle of friends. If he wants to know why you are shunning him, tell him. Suggest that he run to the nearest psychologist.

filtherton · 01-02-2005, 12:49 PM

If she doesn't want anything to be done, than why are you even considering doing something? I understand you're pissed, but this isn't about you, this is about her. Hopefully.

bad jane · 01-03-2005, 09:42 AM

i agree with most of the other people--it's not your place to do anything about it. besides, you say both of these people are your friends and this happened while you were away, so what is his side of the story? does he deny it happened at all? does he say she was a willing participant?

as someone else stated, could she have slept through that? were drugs or booze involved?

regardless of how or why it all happened, even going on the assumption that her side is 100% accurate, still not your place to beat the hell out of him. if she's bothered by the experience, be a shoulder for her to cry on and help her find a support system to deal with what she's going through. if not, then let it go. unless she's telling everyone what happened, how exactly, do you plan to explain to all your mutual friends why you felt a need to beat up a friend of yours? by beating him up, you are just making her situation worse. she has to deal with what happened to her, the guilt over your actions (particularly if you get in trouble) and the questions from other people on what happened. beating him up may give you some measure of pleasure, but you'd just be making it harder on your female friend.

kutulu · 01-03-2005, 10:02 AM

I doubt the cops could (or should) do anything about this. By no means am I calling your friend a liar but there is no way in hell she can prove this happened. Getting the cops involved only makes it longer before she can put it behind her.

I'd publicly humiliate him. Let everyone who knows him know what happened.

f6twister · 01-03-2005, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bad jane

as someone else stated, could she have slept through that? were drugs or booze involved?

It is certainly possible to sleep through something like that without drugs or alcohol. There is a topic someone started not too long ago about women who can sleep through sex. If it is possible to sleep through sex, it is possible to sleep through getting fingered.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acetylene

My advice is to go to the authorities (whether school, family, cops, depending on your age and situation) yourself, and simply keep your friend anonymous. I'm not sure what the procedures are legally but it should be possible to keep your friend's name out of the picture so she won't have her privacy violated.

Unless the police get her cooperation, this will not get you anywhere. You also can't have an anonymous victim if there is any chace of even getting charges filed. Sadly, as many people have said, she needs to be the one to decide how she wants to handle this issue. As here friend, you should talk to her and just make sure she is doing what she really wants and not shrugging it off out of fear or embarassment. You need to do this quickly because evidence is being lost everyday, if there is any left at all. Time also gives your sick friend a chance to come up with a story and an alibi.

Cimarron29414 · 01-03-2005, 10:15 AM

I think your plan needs a little work. Currently it stands at this:

Some guy commits sexual assault and YOU (indirectly) go to jail for it. The fact that your girl friend doesn't want to press charges doesn't mean that your guy friend won't press charges on you when you mess with him.

Sounds like you need to shorten your list of friends by one.

P.S. You said it: "He who lays a hand on me to oppress me is a tyrant and a usurper, and I declare him to be my enemy"

bad jane · 01-03-2005, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by f6twister

It is certainly possible to sleep through something like that without drugs or alcohol. There is a topic someone started not too long ago about women who can sleep through sex. If it is possible to sleep through sex, it is possible to sleep through getting fingered.

i know it is a possibility in general, but i don't know the girl. if she were my friend and i knew she was a light sleeper and there were no drugs or alcohol, i'd question her story. my comment wasn't so much is it possible for someone to sleep through that as did he think it was possible for her to sleep through that. make sense?

then again, perhaps that's the first time he'd been around her while she slept and the op has no clue about her sleep habits.

01-03-2005, 10:17 AM

I'll tell you man, the guy deserves to have his head beat in. It's the truth, some people just do things so shitty and have such adverse effects on other that they ultimately may not have any redeming value whatsoever. however, what you need to learn is that if you do the beating, you're the one who is worse off in the end. (I got a nice threats and intimidation charge at the age of 16 for chasing a couple kids that we're harrasing my little sister at school / read as: the last time i take the law into my own hands)

xim · 01-03-2005, 02:37 PM

kick his ass seabass

xim · 01-03-2005, 02:38 PM

just kidding

01-03-2005, 02:41 PM

It's between her and him - you can be there to support her if she needs/wants it, but any more than that is interference.

NosVette · 01-03-2005, 09:57 PM

Ok, first of all, she sleeps like the dead, so lets get that out of the way. She could sleep through a lot more then anyone else I know even without the use of drugs or alchohol. Also, He does not deny that she was asleep when he did it. He just doesn't see anything wrong with it. Second of all,

Quote:

Cimarron29414
P.S. You said it: "He who lays a hand on me to oppress me is a tyrant and a usurper, and I declare him to be my enemy"

Yes, I did say that, and I stand by it. However, i was in no way saying that I do not have/want enemies. I willingly fight to protect mself and the ones I love.
Thirdly, Where i live, fighting is a pretty standard and acepted way of solving conflicts. The cops always look the other way, and people never report anything. This is just the way it is, fights happen all the time here, and neither myself (I have put someone into the hospital in front of a police officer) or anyone I know has been arrested for it here.

Fire · 01-03-2005, 11:14 PM

so it really is the wild west? If you are going to go that route, so be it, but remember that the one time when someone does go to jail it will always be you- see murphy's law for details.....

Cimarron29414 · 01-04-2005, 09:46 AM

"But you never arrested me before for kicking someone's ass!!??!!" is not a valid defense in court. What if a rookie cop gets the call and doesn' know the protocol? What if some guy is trying to make quota? What if a new police policy has gone into effect and you don't know about it? Are you willing to risk your freedom on a HOPE that you won't get arrested.

Here it is, plain and simple: This is not your problem. It is her problem and his problem. It is her choice to pursue punishment, not yours. It is too late for her to do an effective rape test, and due to the alcohol involved (I assume), it would be virtually impossible to get a conviction on testimony alone.

Your attack on him and subsequent arrest may result in a felony conviction. This could result in a prison sentence and, most certainly, loss of employment as a computer programmer. You are far too young to start off your professional career on such a wrong foot, when you have so much potential.

Take the high road: Tell him you don't appreciate the abuse he placed on your friend and that he is no longer welcome in your house or your life. Support her if she needs it and move on.

chickentribs · 01-06-2005, 12:12 AM

Be a man, and give your attention and respect to the young lady. You make this a public display for him and you make it a public display for her - causing her embarassment and reliving that experience in the eyes of everybody who hears about it. Maybe it takes a week, maybe a year for her to want to deal with this, but your duty as a friend is to be caring, and show her that men can be kind, gentle, and trusted.

Even if you beat him up, are you going to protect her when he finds her alone and is more pissed and his ego needs to be puffed up? Don't put her in that kind of danger. Keep him out of your life and hers - you don't do that by pursuing this thing. Instead of spending money on lawyers or hospitals - spend a little on her and make her feel special again, I bet she could use it.

NosVette · 01-06-2005, 02:19 PM

Does no one here belive in punishment? Am I the only one who belives that retribution is a duty, and that forgiveness is a well guarded gift? If you saw someone being mugged would you all just walk by and think "It's not my problem. Maybe I'll comfort him after he gets robbed, but it's not my place to interfere"? I refuse to belive that. It is easy to sound like you know what to do, and to say what you would want to do under ideal situations, but I think that if you were in my shoes you would do everythign in your power to make sure that he knows exactly what happens when he crosses the line. Machiavelli said that a prince must both be feared and loved by his subjects. Do earn their love you protect them from everything you can, by punishing those who would harm them. Aristotle said that laws without punishments do nothing to maintain the peace. Crime is defines as a punishable act. If it goes unpunished, it is not a crime. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." These were not petty men, who revelled only in exess and visceral pleasures. These were great men, the most brilliant minds of their time. And you expect me to falter like a scared lamb to avoid a confrontation in the name of justice? No. I will be loved and feared, I will make rules and punish crimes. I will be Blessed as I shelter and guide the weak through the valleys of darkness. Be my brother's protecter, and I will act out justice on those who deserve it. For those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers, I will strike them down with great vengance and furious anger. I will show no mercy for those who deserve none. One last quote. "Forgiveness is begin him and god. It is my duty to arrange that meeting."

gondath · 01-06-2005, 02:35 PM

First, are you sure she is telling the truth? Some women lie about things like rape. Make certain she isn't telling a story to get back at the guy or cover for something else.

Second, even if she is telling the truth, don't get involved. You do not need to be anybody's keeper. Women can stand up for themselves. All that will happen is you getting in a lot of trouble. You might even go to jail for it. It's not worth it. I agree with the comment that you might be causing more trouble for her anyways. He might want revenge for anything that happens to him.

Coppertop · 01-06-2005, 02:42 PM

Public humiliation. Make sure everyone in your circle of friends (possibly even his family if you're really wanting to let him have it) knows what he did. Then lose him as a friend. Have you spoken with her any more about it?

As far as sleeping through it goes, it was New Year's day he posted this. Alcohol was probably involved. That can make sleeping through a tornado possible in the right quantities.

Gamer90 · 01-06-2005, 03:06 PM

Wow she couldn't feel the guy removing her garments?

Painted · 01-06-2005, 03:08 PM

I write on people's faces when they pass out at my place from drinking too much, so I guess if she didn't feel anything she drank too much.

theusername · 01-06-2005, 03:12 PM

I suspect you want to do something about it. Anything you do will probably make you fall out of a favor with both him and the girl. It's her right and responsibility to report it. Talk to and console her. Tell her she's the victim. In the end if she decides not to report it im afraid there's not a whole lot you can do without getting her mad. Making it public only makes it worse for her as most likely she's in some stage of denial or blames herself, your concentration should be on helping her realize its not her fault and not on getting into a fistfight.

01-01-2005, 04:39 PM	#1 (permalink)
NosVette Upright Location: Santa Cruz!!!	Sexual Assult Hi, I have a very important question. I sort of made up my mind already, but I want to see if you all think i am doing the right thing. Last night, two friends spent the night, a girl and a guy. now, while I was gone, the guy friend molested the girl (He took off her shirt, panties, and was fingering her untill she woke up startelled and made him stop, then told me what had happened). Needless to say, she was lees-then happy with this. Now, she has decided not to do anything, but I have decided to absolutely beat the shit out of the guy. I feel that what he did was wrong and needs to be punished, and since she will not report him, I feel that it is my duty as her friend, and because of my own morals, to do something durastic. Am I doing the right thing? __________________ "The government of man by man is oppression. Who who lays a hand on me to opress me is a tyrant and a usurper, and I declare him to be my enemy"

01-01-2005, 04:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
Painted Pleasure Burn	No. I got in big, big trouble for beating some one up. Was not fun at all. I get off probation in June. If it's not a big deal to her, it shouldn't be a big deal to you. __________________ I came across a nice rack at the department store

01-01-2005, 05:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
jaypc2 Tilted Location: south east	it is a big deal even if she says its not, but that doesn't mean to take violent measures. maybe just talk to the guy. you know give him a harsh scolding but not a violent one.you could also try to convince your friend to do something about this because sexual assault is A BIG DEAL, or if so compelled. report the case to the cops yourself __________________ Zero Cool stay sexy

01-01-2005, 05:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	She needs to deal with her own victimization; first, she needs to realize she IS a victim, and second, she needs to ask herself WHY she didn't want to do anything. It may be that there's something in her past that makes her want to just make the present okay, regardless of what has happened to her. She is the one who has to take control of the situation, decide what is best for her, and follow through with it. Without that control, she just furthers her own victimization, and will allow herself to be victimized again. You're not doing her any favors by beating the guy up. The best you can do is be her friend, urge her to face facts, and see that she gets counseling. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

01-01-2005, 05:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
NosVette Upright Location: Santa Cruz!!!	I disagree. I think that counseling and all would help, and is necisary, but I think it is my responsibility to protect her untill she can protect herself __________________ "The government of man by man is oppression. Who who lays a hand on me to opress me is a tyrant and a usurper, and I declare him to be my enemy"

01-01-2005, 07:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	I think vengeful violence is not a good idea because you cannot defend yourself in the court. If this guy goes to the cops you'll certainly be in big trouble. My advice is to go to the authorities (whether school, family, cops, depending on your age and situation) yourself, and simply keep your friend anonymous. I'm not sure what the procedures are legally but it should be possible to keep your friend's name out of the picture so she won't have her privacy violated. You need also to take care of her mental health and recovery but unfortunately it's hard to do that for someone else because they need to take responsibility for their own healing. Do encourage her to see a counselor, find names, set up an appointment, pay for it if necessary...but after that, there's not too much you can do besides be there for her. __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.

01-01-2005, 07:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
doncalypso TFP Mad Scientist Location: Philadelphia, PA	Convince her to file a report.... but don't take matters into your own hands or else you might be the one in deeper shit with the law. __________________ Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

01-01-2005, 07:48 PM	#8 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	As a pacifist for going on 5 years, I would ask you as nicely, yet firmly, as possible not to resprt to solving this with your fists. You run the risk of ruining the rest of your life. I say keep asking her to do something about it, and possibly tell her parents about it (who can call the police or maybe convince her to see a professional psychologist). I agree with you that this guy needs justice in order to understand that he CANNOT act that way, but you being convicted of assault isn't going to help anything. Just be there for your friend in her time of need. Offer to talk to her about it if she wants. If you decide to use physical violence (and we can't talk you out of it), be sure you know the law. If necessary, make sure that he starts the fight and you have whitnesses who can testify to that fact. Be sure that you have your ass covered from all angles. Best of luck, and best wishes to your friend who was taken advantage of. That can be a trying experience.

01-01-2005, 10:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
FlatLand Flyer Insane Location: Eastern, WA	Put the fear of god in him. Do it in a public place, maybe around people he knows. He will either be really ashamed and embarassed or he may throw the first punch if a fight really is your goal. At the very least scare the shit out of him and let him know that he will have to deal with you if he is even seen around her again. I have found that most men are total pussies and that scaring the shit of them works very well.

01-01-2005, 10:50 PM	#10 (permalink)
Fire Warrior Smith Location: missouri	normaly, I proport vengence as a good idea as long as you there is a legit grievance that is'nt going to be fixed any other way- problem here is 1- the girl wont stand up for herself- its not that she cant, she wont, and therefore you are intruding on her buisiness- it would be different if the guy did this to her a lot, or if he was an abusive boyfriend who would eventualy get around to killing her- 2- the only way to do this is for either him to know who is beating him and why , or for him to have no idea - If he knows that it is you, and why you are beating him, then you go to jail- and while he may hesitate to do this again, he may not, and you ultimately loose- if he does not know it is you and why you are getting medieval on his shit, then he will have no reason not to rape some poor girl in the future- this guy is obviously the date raping kind, and it seems that your efforts would be better served getting the girl to have his ass thrown in the clink, or perhaps the ever popular poster plastering campaign around town explaining his merits as a date rapist.... but then again, you could get nailed for slander- so I guess the point is that if you feel you have to , clunk the bastard from behind and kneecap him, otherwise prepare to go to jail..... __________________ Thought the harder, Heart the bolder, Mood the more as our might lessens

01-01-2005, 11:07 PM	#12 (permalink)
The Prophet Tilted Location: Space, the final frontier.	Talk to the girl and convince her she has an obligation to report this. Fail this, do as Flyer said and scare the living shit out of this turd ball. And, only as a last resort, drop the pussy bastard on a first punch and don't stop wailing his ass 'til he zones out or his eyes puff shut. __________________ "The death-knell of the republic had rung as soon as the active power became lodged in the hands of those who sought, not to do justice to all citizens, rich and poor alike, but to stand for one special class and for its interests as opposed to the interests of others. " - Theodore Roosevelt

01-01-2005, 11:34 PM	#13 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	And what if she's adamant that she doesn't want to report this? What if she's not in denial, what if she wasn't assaulted at a young age and doesn't have deep-seated self-loathing caused by previous experience? What if she simply doesn't want this to go any further? Isn't that ok? By all means talk to her about it and tell her that you think she should report it, but if she doesn't want to then she doesn't want to. I'm siding with Suave on this one - it doesn't sound to me like she's too bothered by this at all. If she doesn't want to report this then she doesn't have to. I know that's the same as saying that this guy will get off scott-free, but it really is her decision and if she can shrug it off and be content with calling the guy a bastard then let her. You're more upset about all this than she is but don't start beating the guy up, that'll land you in jail quicker than you think, especially if you do it in public. Break off contact with this guy, I'm sure she'll do the same, and dismiss him as the asshole he is, but in the end if she really isn't so upset about this then there's nothing anyone can do. If you've got this urge to protect her or assert your strength by beating the guy up then do all you can to put that energy to good use, by being a better friend to her, or through any other way than attacking this guy.

01-02-2005, 12:47 AM	#14 (permalink)
Vincentt Addict Location: Tokyo, Japan	Uh, how the hell did she sleep through all that. Personally I have doubts about her side of that story.

01-02-2005, 12:48 AM	#15 (permalink)
martinguerre whosoever Location: New England	if you care about her, you will talk to her very seriously about making a criminal complaint. DO NOT beat him up. DO NOT CONFRONT HIM. Contact a rape hotline, and try to get her to talk to them. someone i know...had something very similar happen some years back on new years. it has caused her an endless measure of pain not to have closure...i don't blame her for not reporting it...but it might have made a lot of things better. she's going to need you as a friend...and that's not going to happen if you're in the can for assualting this dickweed. stay calm, and do what's right for her, and not your ego. this is a tall order and won't be easy. but what you do when the chips are down like this will show what kind of person you can be. getting her the help she's going to need in processing this is crucial. best of luck...don't hesitate to PM me...this is something i care about deeply, and i've got a little perspective on it. I wasn't there for her in these hours when it mattered. i had to clean up the absolute shitfest of a mess that got made by the guys who wanted to show that they were tough. they let her down something hard by doing it that way. 'cause now that asshat is still free, has raped at least two more women, impregnating one, and is now serving in the Navy. __________________ For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16

01-02-2005, 04:19 AM	#17 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I have to tell you, if you really want to do something, posting an intention to do so on a public internet site is not so smart. if I really wanted to damage someone, I wouldnt be talking about, and when it happened it would be in a way that wouldnt ever come back on me. And although I do understand where you are coming from, and understand the emotion you describe, I dont know that its a very good idea. At the end of the day, the girls is the victim, not you... I would be trying to encourage her to do something before this guy commits a similar assault on someone else... vigilante justice doesnt solve much, and in my opinion is only appropriate in situations a lot more extreme than this one. And if you do beat him up, there are a few likely outcomes 1 - she will never talk to you again 2 - you might lose and get your ass kicked 3 - you might win and wind up spending 18 months in jail for ABH (or whatever the equivalent crime is in your country) You should focus your energies on helping her, not sating your own violent needs to be protective (which I am not putting down or mocking, because I would feel the same in the same situation) And if you really are going to do this, bare in mind it is a crime which you could do time for. "He deserved it" will not be an acceptable legal defence. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

01-02-2005, 07:38 AM	#18 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I appreciate your chivalrous urge to enact justice on the guy, but let her fight her own battles. If you want to confront him about the fact that he did this in your home and he's no longer welcome there because you can't trust him, that's fine: that's about your feelings, it's between you and him. Whatever happened to her is between the two of them. Respect her enough to let her handle it how she feels is best. And kicking someone's ass doesn't really solve the problem, as I'm sure you realize by now. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

01-02-2005, 07:57 AM	#19 (permalink)
thespian86 change is hard. Location: the green room.	I say talk to your friend about it. Make sure she is dealing with it and not just dismissing it. Honestly, I would feel the same and its nice that you want to stick up for your friend but don't resort to violence. Like Painted I resorted to violence. But not so much the brutal beating, more like a few hard pushes. But you feel like shit after you do it. I would sit down with your friend (the woman), talk to her about what happened and make sure she is dealing with what happened. It is a pretty big deal... __________________ EX: Whats new? ME: I officially love coffee more then you now. EX: uh... ME: So, not much.

01-02-2005, 09:57 AM	#20 (permalink)
Aladdin Sane Degenerate Location: San Marvelous	Your guy friend is a real sicko who needs some serious help. He's fucked up. He did some weird shit. How old is he and how old is the girl he molested? The girl needs to call a rape hotline for help. They can help her get in touch with her feelings about it. If she decides to press charges, good for her. If she doesn't, there's nothing for you to do except be there if she asks. As for your other friend, don't resort to violence. Just stay away from him and don't let him back into your circle of friends. If he wants to know why you are shunning him, tell him. Suggest that he run to the nearest psychologist. __________________ Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

01-02-2005, 12:49 PM	#21 (permalink)
filtherton Junkie Location: In the land of ice and snow.	If she doesn't want anything to be done, than why are you even considering doing something? I understand you're pissed, but this isn't about you, this is about her. Hopefully.

01-03-2005, 09:42 AM	#22 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	i agree with most of the other people--it's not your place to do anything about it. besides, you say both of these people are your friends and this happened while you were away, so what is his side of the story? does he deny it happened at all? does he say she was a willing participant? as someone else stated, could she have slept through that? were drugs or booze involved? regardless of how or why it all happened, even going on the assumption that her side is 100% accurate, still not your place to beat the hell out of him. if she's bothered by the experience, be a shoulder for her to cry on and help her find a support system to deal with what she's going through. if not, then let it go. unless she's telling everyone what happened, how exactly, do you plan to explain to all your mutual friends why you felt a need to beat up a friend of yours? by beating him up, you are just making her situation worse. she has to deal with what happened to her, the guilt over your actions (particularly if you get in trouble) and the questions from other people on what happened. beating him up may give you some measure of pleasure, but you'd just be making it harder on your female friend.

01-03-2005, 10:02 AM	#23 (permalink)
kutulu Junkie	I doubt the cops could (or should) do anything about this. By no means am I calling your friend a liar but there is no way in hell she can prove this happened. Getting the cops involved only makes it longer before she can put it behind her. I'd publicly humiliate him. Let everyone who knows him know what happened.

01-03-2005, 10:15 AM	#25 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	I think your plan needs a little work. Currently it stands at this: Some guy commits sexual assault and YOU (indirectly) go to jail for it. The fact that your girl friend doesn't want to press charges doesn't mean that your guy friend won't press charges on you when you mess with him. Sounds like you need to shorten your list of friends by one. P.S. You said it: "He who lays a hand on me to oppress me is a tyrant and a usurper, and I declare him to be my enemy" Last edited by Cimarron29414; 01-03-2005 at 10:18 AM..

01-03-2005, 10:17 AM	#27 (permalink)
thinktank Guest	I'll tell you man, the guy deserves to have his head beat in. It's the truth, some people just do things so shitty and have such adverse effects on other that they ultimately may not have any redeming value whatsoever. however, what you need to learn is that if you do the beating, you're the one who is worse off in the end. (I got a nice threats and intimidation charge at the age of 16 for chasing a couple kids that we're harrasing my little sister at school / read as: the last time i take the law into my own hands)

01-03-2005, 02:37 PM	#28 (permalink)
xim Insane Location: One with the Universe	kick his ass seabass __________________ If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com

01-03-2005, 02:38 PM	#29 (permalink)
xim Insane Location: One with the Universe	just kidding __________________ If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com

01-03-2005, 02:41 PM	#30 (permalink)
zen_tom Guest	It's between her and him - you can be there to support her if she needs/wants it, but any more than that is interference.

01-03-2005, 11:14 PM	#32 (permalink)
Fire Warrior Smith Location: missouri	so it really is the wild west? If you are going to go that route, so be it, but remember that the one time when someone does go to jail it will always be you- see murphy's law for details..... __________________ Thought the harder, Heart the bolder, Mood the more as our might lessens

01-04-2005, 09:46 AM	#33 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	"But you never arrested me before for kicking someone's ass!!??!!" is not a valid defense in court. What if a rookie cop gets the call and doesn' know the protocol? What if some guy is trying to make quota? What if a new police policy has gone into effect and you don't know about it? Are you willing to risk your freedom on a HOPE that you won't get arrested. Here it is, plain and simple: This is not your problem. It is her problem and his problem. It is her choice to pursue punishment, not yours. It is too late for her to do an effective rape test, and due to the alcohol involved (I assume), it would be virtually impossible to get a conviction on testimony alone. Your attack on him and subsequent arrest may result in a felony conviction. This could result in a prison sentence and, most certainly, loss of employment as a computer programmer. You are far too young to start off your professional career on such a wrong foot, when you have so much potential. Take the high road: Tell him you don't appreciate the abuse he placed on your friend and that he is no longer welcome in your house or your life. Support her if she needs it and move on. Last edited by Cimarron29414; 01-04-2005 at 09:50 AM..

01-06-2005, 12:12 AM	#34 (permalink)
chickentribs Addict Location: Mansion by day/Secret Lair by night	Be a man, and give your attention and respect to the young lady. You make this a public display for him and you make it a public display for her - causing her embarassment and reliving that experience in the eyes of everybody who hears about it. Maybe it takes a week, maybe a year for her to want to deal with this, but your duty as a friend is to be caring, and show her that men can be kind, gentle, and trusted. Even if you beat him up, are you going to protect her when he finds her alone and is more pissed and his ego needs to be puffed up? Don't put her in that kind of danger. Keep him out of your life and hers - you don't do that by pursuing this thing. Instead of spending money on lawyers or hospitals - spend a little on her and make her feel special again, I bet she could use it. __________________ Oft expectation fails... and most oft there Where most it promises - Shakespeare, W.

01-06-2005, 02:19 PM	#35 (permalink)
NosVette Upright Location: Santa Cruz!!!	Does no one here belive in punishment? Am I the only one who belives that retribution is a duty, and that forgiveness is a well guarded gift? If you saw someone being mugged would you all just walk by and think "It's not my problem. Maybe I'll comfort him after he gets robbed, but it's not my place to interfere"? I refuse to belive that. It is easy to sound like you know what to do, and to say what you would want to do under ideal situations, but I think that if you were in my shoes you would do everythign in your power to make sure that he knows exactly what happens when he crosses the line. Machiavelli said that a prince must both be feared and loved by his subjects. Do earn their love you protect them from everything you can, by punishing those who would harm them. Aristotle said that laws without punishments do nothing to maintain the peace. Crime is defines as a punishable act. If it goes unpunished, it is not a crime. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." These were not petty men, who revelled only in exess and visceral pleasures. These were great men, the most brilliant minds of their time. And you expect me to falter like a scared lamb to avoid a confrontation in the name of justice? No. I will be loved and feared, I will make rules and punish crimes. I will be Blessed as I shelter and guide the weak through the valleys of darkness. Be my brother's protecter, and I will act out justice on those who deserve it. For those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers, I will strike them down with great vengance and furious anger. I will show no mercy for those who deserve none. One last quote. "Forgiveness is begin him and god. It is my duty to arrange that meeting." __________________ "The government of man by man is oppression. Who who lays a hand on me to opress me is a tyrant and a usurper, and I declare him to be my enemy" Last edited by NosVette; 01-06-2005 at 02:20 PM.. Reason: Mis spelled well as weel

01-06-2005, 02:35 PM	#36 (permalink)
gondath Insane Location: Alton, IL	First, are you sure she is telling the truth? Some women lie about things like rape. Make certain she isn't telling a story to get back at the guy or cover for something else. Second, even if she is telling the truth, don't get involved. You do not need to be anybody's keeper. Women can stand up for themselves. All that will happen is you getting in a lot of trouble. You might even go to jail for it. It's not worth it. I agree with the comment that you might be causing more trouble for her anyways. He might want revenge for anything that happens to him.

01-06-2005, 02:42 PM	#37 (permalink)
Coppertop Getting Medieval on your ass Location: 13th century Europe	Public humiliation. Make sure everyone in your circle of friends (possibly even his family if you're really wanting to let him have it) knows what he did. Then lose him as a friend. Have you spoken with her any more about it? As far as sleeping through it goes, it was New Year's day he posted this. Alcohol was probably involved. That can make sleeping through a tornado possible in the right quantities.

01-06-2005, 03:06 PM	#38 (permalink)
Gamer90 Tilted	Wow she couldn't feel the guy removing her garments?

01-06-2005, 03:08 PM	#39 (permalink)
Painted Pleasure Burn	I write on people's faces when they pass out at my place from drinking too much, so I guess if she didn't feel anything she drank too much. __________________ I came across a nice rack at the department store

01-06-2005, 03:12 PM	#40 (permalink)
theusername Insane	I suspect you want to do something about it. Anything you do will probably make you fall out of a favor with both him and the girl. It's her right and responsibility to report it. Talk to and console her. Tell her she's the victim. In the end if she decides not to report it im afraid there's not a whole lot you can do without getting her mad. Making it public only makes it worse for her as most likely she's in some stage of denial or blames herself, your concentration should be on helping her realize its not her fault and not on getting into a fistfight. __________________ ?