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Old 11-01-2004, 02:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Freaky Fetish? Is is that odd?

I would like to pose a question to you all out there. I have a strange fetish...er...maybe not a "fetish" but something that turns me on to no end.

Its like this. I am 28, and I think I have had a healthy sex life. I stopped counting and keeping track of who I slept with after I hit 65ish. A few one night stands, a 3some with 2 girls, a 3some with 1 girl 2 guys (not bi-sexual like fyi), sex in public, etc... basicaly fulfilled most of my fantasies.

Well I have a live in g/f at the moment. We have done a lot...but I have not been able to get her to be with another girl...oh well 99.9% of my g/f's wouldnt, so no big surprise. We have gone to a strip club together and we have watched g/g porn as well. She also knows I LOVE sexy panties, and wears the sexiest ones for me.

Ok on to the point. So one day we are having wine. She remembers she has to stop by her friends house to pick up a book. Well she calls her friend and she isnt there, but tells her where the spare key is. We are both tipsy and start messing around in her friends apt. Now her friend is a very cool person and VERY sexy. We get along very good, and I find her attractive. No, I wouldnt sleep with her friend...but I sure do fantasies about it. Anyway, we are getting it on, on the floor. My g/f, knowing I think her friend is sexy, gets a pair of her friends dirty panties, and is rubbing them all over her. She then puts them in my face, asking me if I like the way her pussy smells. She then wants me to put them mouth. After we are about to finish...well me about to "finish" she pulls me out and has me cum on her friends panties. Wow...was fun and interesting.

Now...after that we have done things like that a bit more. She has "stolen" dirty panties from a few of her friends. She makes me smell them, and cum on them when we have sex. Now not all the time or anything...just now and then. But when she talks about another girls body and the smell of another girl, and to know she was just wearing the panties turns me on now bad.

Fast forward....We had a break up a while back, and now she will not do any of those things...like watch porn or do the panty thing. I am afraid to even bring it up, and when I start to, she tells me she only did it to please me, and she didnt like it. She makes me feel like a big freak now. Sooooo...my question is....am I? Is this panty fetish thing just WAY out there? Anyone else have this fetish?
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Old 11-01-2004, 02:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I've heard that in Japan, they have vending machines which contain dirty panties. Haven't been there, myself, so I can't say. I'm not into that kind of thing anyway.
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Old 11-01-2004, 02:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denim
I've heard that in Japan, they have vending machines which contain dirty panties. Haven't been there, myself, so I can't say. I'm not into that kind of thing anyway.

It is true. I read a huge story about it.

But thats the thing. Panties from a girl a dont know doesnt do anything for me. I think its the fact that I know and have talked to them that does it for me. Its like a cheesy 3 some with her friends or something.

Buying panties out of a vending machine...no thanks.
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Old 11-01-2004, 02:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Wow.

Can I have her number?


Sorry. Just kidding.
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Old 11-01-2004, 03:07 PM   #5 (permalink)
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That's sad that your girlfriend knew that you thought her friend was sexy. I would be so jealous if my boyfriend had fantasies about MY friends.

It's not weird, but it's a little sad is all.
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Old 11-01-2004, 03:20 PM   #6 (permalink)
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A little confused here. You HAD a breakup as in you're no longer together? or were seperated for awhile and now back together? If its the former then you have no worries, right? If you're now back together and her entire sexual attitude has changed because she only did it 'to please you', then she's really not the person you thought she was, right? That leaves you with two choices.....learn who this new person is and see if you want this new relationship (it is new since she's either changed or misrepresented herself) to continue or resume the separation.
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Old 11-01-2004, 03:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by la petite moi
That's sad that your girlfriend knew that you thought her friend was sexy. I would be so jealous if my boyfriend had fantasies about MY friends.

It's not weird, but it's a little sad is all.
Why is it sad that he found another person attractive and was honest with his girlfriend about it? As he said, he had no intention of having any sexual relationship with her, he just found her attractive. It's human nature.

Anyway, in regards to the fetish, I'd be lying if I said I totally understood that. But, I've heard of people with such an attraction to panties so you're not alone. The fact that you're apparently back together and she's no longer interested in pleasing you tells me that maybe you shouldn't be back together.
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Old 11-01-2004, 03:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Eh Secret, I have had a boyfriend for a long time, and I have found no other male attractive.
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Old 11-01-2004, 03:52 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Have to agree with SecretMethod70; if your standard is that your SO can never find any of your friends sexy, you are just asking to be lied to. That isn't really the best basis for a relationship.
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Old 11-01-2004, 04:12 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by la petite moi
That's sad that your girlfriend knew that you thought her friend was sexy. I would be so jealous if my boyfriend had fantasies about MY friends.

It's not weird, but it's a little sad is all.
Hehe, my wife is just the opposite.

When describing some new female she met, rather then giving a description she just tells me if I would/wouldn't do her (she knows my taste).
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Old 11-01-2004, 04:15 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by la petite moi
Eh Secret, I have had a boyfriend for a long time, and I have found no other male attractive.
ok, totally off topic but i think this is something women are encouraged to play into -- the whole idea that one man is all you need both in reality and in your fantasy life. i don't think it's particularly realistic and I don't think men should be expected to adopt the ridiculous expectations that society has placed on woman any more than woman should be expected to take up chest thumping and homophobia. finding other people attractive does not make you a bad boy/girlfriend it makes you sexually normal.
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Old 11-01-2004, 04:18 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brianna
ok, totally off topic but i think this is something women are encouraged to play into -- the whole idea that one man is all you need both in reality and in your fantasy life. i don't think it's particularly realistic and I don't think men should be expected to adopt the ridiculous expectations that society has placed on woman any more than woman should be expected to take up chest thumping and homophobia. finding other people attractive does not make you a bad boy/girlfriend it makes you sexually normal.

I don't "play into" anything. I just know that I don't find any other male attractive. Sorry, I just stated my belief as related to the topic.
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Old 11-01-2004, 08:44 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Ok, well to answer Locs question from my point of view, I think you need to find out if she's telling you the truth about why she's stopped messing around with her friends' underwear.

a) She never liked it in the first place and was only doing it to please you, which I think is a good thing. She was good, giving, and game (which I think is what Dan Savage always says). Partners should try and accomodate the other sometimes, if that means giving oral even if you're not really in a sexy mood, or the man giving the woman a backrub even if he doesn't want to, or doing the dishes, or running a bath, anything like that. Mabye she stopped doing it because it was getting a bit out of hand.

b) Maybe she did really enjoy it but after you two split up (and got back together it seems) she doesn't like what you guys did. Tell us, did your breakup have anything to do with that? Was it due to sexual reasons? Because if it was, eg. if she thought you were getting a bit too freaky for her to handle, or if it turned out that really was a fetish (and you couldn't get off any other way), or she thought all the sex was only fulfilling your desires (maybe her desire is romance, rather than kinkiness) then it makes sense that she'd want to quit that activity and get back to more vanilla sex.

I think you should work, and tell us, why you two broke up, and whether that has changed her outlook. If it was your fault you two broke up (if you cheated, for example, or you initiated it) then it makes sense that she doesn't want to be so open anymore, and she's a bit wary.

Maybe her friend even found out what you guys were up to and asked her to stop it. I sure as hell wouldn't be happy about my friends doing that with my clothes behind my back, that'd be grounds for an ass-kicking I think. I would NOT be happy about that at all. Maybe she's embarassed that her friend asked her to stop and she's too ashamed to tell you.
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Old 11-02-2004, 07:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlyss
Ok, well to answer Locs question from my point of view, I think you need to find out if she's telling you the truth about why she's stopped messing around with her friends' underwear.

a) She never liked it in the first place and was only doing it to please you, which I think is a good thing. She was good, giving, and game (which I think is what Dan Savage always says). Partners should try and accomodate the other sometimes, if that means giving oral even if you're not really in a sexy mood, or the man giving the woman a backrub even if he doesn't want to, or doing the dishes, or running a bath, anything like that. Mabye she stopped doing it because it was getting a bit out of hand.

b) Maybe she did really enjoy it but after you two split up (and got back together it seems) she doesn't like what you guys did. Tell us, did your breakup have anything to do with that? Was it due to sexual reasons? Because if it was, eg. if she thought you were getting a bit too freaky for her to handle, or if it turned out that really was a fetish (and you couldn't get off any other way), or she thought all the sex was only fulfilling your desires (maybe her desire is romance, rather than kinkiness) then it makes sense that she'd want to quit that activity and get back to more vanilla sex.

I think you should work, and tell us, why you two broke up, and whether that has changed her outlook. If it was your fault you two broke up (if you cheated, for example, or you initiated it) then it makes sense that she doesn't want to be so open anymore, and she's a bit wary.

Maybe her friend even found out what you guys were up to and asked her to stop it. I sure as hell wouldn't be happy about my friends doing that with my clothes behind my back, that'd be grounds for an ass-kicking I think. I would NOT be happy about that at all. Maybe she's embarassed that her friend asked her to stop and she's too ashamed to tell you.
We broke up because of her not trusting me. I had a shady past, that I was honest and very upfront about. I got to the point in my life where I tell the truth about myself, and find no reason to bullshit girls anymore. She asked about ex's and such, and I told her. I cheated on every g/f I had, except for the past 3. That includes an ex fiancee, and the girl I was with before her. Sure, I could have told her that I was a perfect guy, and never thought about cheating, but then...why lie? She asked I told her. I also let her know when I was being a playboy, I was young, and wasnt looking for anything serious...but time and maturity changes a persons views, and relationships, and I am not like that anymore.

So, on to why we broke up. I am from a different city than where I am living now. So I get a call on my cell phone from some girl that I have NO idea who it is. She leaves me a voicemail saying "It was great to meet you, and lets go to a movie this weekend etc.." . I ignore it, and think A. Its somebody just joking with me...a buddy or whatnot, or B. A wrong number that didnt bother to listen to my name on my voicemail. Either way I blow it off. Well...she checked my voicemail (something that pisses me off to NO end), and thought I hooked up with another girl from my hometown. With no way to prove it, and just going off heresay, she accuses me. I get pissed for her checking my voicemail, and for not believing ME, over a stupid message on my phone. I let her know if she doesnt trust me...dont be with me, because I wouldnt be with someone I dont trust...its just plain stupid.

Now for the record, I have not cheated on her. She has no reason to think I have except for her assumptions, and imagination. But no, it wasnt anything sexual.

We are back together. I am thinking to myself why though to be honest.

No her firend(s) have no idea what we have done. It was 3 friends panties we played with, and always put them back. They dont know.

Oh, and just an FYI, you can find another person sexy, attrative, and still be in love with one person. It human nature. Just because I would love to see a friend of hers naked...doesnt mean I am going to jump her bones. Anyone tells you they dont find anyone else attractive is bullshitting, or in a coma.

So what do you think now?
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Old 11-02-2004, 08:10 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Cool, lol.

That sounds cool to me dude, not exactly freaky nor wierd, i think it's awesome. lol
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Old 11-02-2004, 08:48 AM   #16 (permalink)
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I don't think its really that weird, not really my bag but I've heard of situations like this. as for the girl, I don't understand how you'd want to be with her again even after she's essentially admitted to not trusting you. If you can trust someone why be with them, like you said...
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Old 11-02-2004, 08:53 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Why is this supposed to be freaky?
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Old 11-02-2004, 09:25 AM   #18 (permalink)
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As Sam Kinnison said, "If you don't TRUST the pussy, why are you FUCKING the pussy??"
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Old 11-02-2004, 09:30 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denim
As Sam Kinnison said, "If you don't TRUST the pussy, why are you FUCKING the pussy??"

Well, it isnt me that isnt trusting. If you read above you will see its her.

And thats not even the question. She makes me feel like a freak because this thing we did turned me on, and I am wondering if I am a minority in this "fetish".
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Old 11-02-2004, 09:41 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Locs, my thoughts..... personally, I love the smell of my wife's "used" panties, and she knows it. Would I like the smell of other womens panties; depends on the smell. I don't think it is freakish at all. Oh, and I agree with you about finding other people attractive. There is a huge difference between attractive and attraction, in my opinion. For example, I can find one of my co-workers attractive, without being attracted to her...
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Old 11-02-2004, 03:29 PM   #21 (permalink)
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I think you're in a minority but no, I don't think it's "freakish". And I think many or most find other people attractive.
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Old 11-02-2004, 03:49 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Youve told her the truth about the 65+ girls you've been with? That equates to about a girl every 2 months since you were fifteen. It's just something that a girl would be wary about hearing that past. While you could very well be past that part of your life, you have to establish that you can be that "long term relationship" kind of guy to your girlfriend. Wanting to smell other girl's panties while you screw her is probably not helping that.

Though it is strange that she started the whole panty thing when she wasn't comfortable doing it. She was the initiator of that right?
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Old 11-02-2004, 04:07 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I think it is totally sexy. She knew it wouuld get you turned on, so she did it. You have a very open-minded woman. You should feel very lucky....
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Old 11-02-2004, 04:48 PM   #24 (permalink)
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la petite- i feel exactally the same way you do. no i dont find anyother guys attractive but my boyfriend and i would be mad/jealous if my boyfriend found MY friends attractive. Its no "fantasy life" or whatever was said before maybe some people think that but i know what you mean and i feel the same! oh and about this fetish- if thats what you both like doin, do it!
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Old 11-02-2004, 05:15 PM   #25 (permalink)
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I don't think Locs is so worried about thinking other people are good looking. He's not ashamed that he finds people attractive, there's no issue there.

I think your girlfriend was open-minded and trusting, that's why she did the freaky things for you. I don't know if she necessarily liked it as much as she acted, but there's nothing wrong with that. Like I said before, I've noticed that a lot of people don't do sexual things to their partner if they don't get anything in return - some women won't give oral sex if they're on their period, for example, because they don't get any fun. Personally I think that's bullshit... I'll do the dishes even if I don't feel like it, I'll race out and get dinner, or I'll give a backrub without thinking twice about it. There's nothing wrong with fulfilling your partner's fantasties as long as they're not too freaky, and as long as they trust you.

I think that's where the problem is. She's clearly straight so any homosexual activities (like playing with her female friends' panties) is pretty extraordinary for her, and something she'll only do when she trusts you completely. (I'm straight but if I was in a totally loving relationship and I trusted my partner I think there is nothing I wouldn't do, at least once, if it was her fantasy.) I think skier's hit the point that to you your past is old and gone and isn't coming back, but to her it's brand new and is still fresh in her memory.

If I think about it from her perspective only, then I'd agree with her. If my girlfriend told me she'd been with dozen of people before me and cheated on every one of them, and then didn't mention to me a voicemail saying thanks for the date, then yes, I would be distrustful. Because things just don't add up for her.

The bottom line is that she doesn't trust you, and I hate to say it but I don't think she will anytime soon. It's up to you if you want to work your ass off for someone who might never trust you.
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Old 11-02-2004, 05:46 PM   #26 (permalink)
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ahem..i'm a girl and i'll admit that i have this fetish as well..i just like the way other girls smell..even if i wouldnt want to be with them...i like when my bf finds otehr women attractive..as long as their not more so then me...i havent like introduced my friends underwear into our sex life..but i think that has more to do with my lack of female friends and the fact that my friends know me too well and would just demand thier pantys back and give me extremly confused looks. i have given him MY used panties...and when i've been with other girls i've sniffed theirs

i dont think i'm weird ..well extremly weird..or that its freakish..its just kinky
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Old 11-02-2004, 07:31 PM   #27 (permalink)
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I agree completely with Rlyss. I believe she quit because she doesn't totally trust you any more and feels that she needs to analyze all of her relationship with you, including how she plays into your fantasies.

And, while you are a minority in your choice of sexual excitement, I don't think it's any more or less freakish than other minority sexual activities. We're all built and wired differently. I wish more people would understand that.
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Old 11-02-2004, 09:52 PM   #28 (permalink)
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I've been in your shoes with an untrusting partner. Isn't it ironic that she is the one going through your personal voice mail, yet your the one on the defense? An ex of mine went through my email and voice mail (I never kept passwords a secret from her, couldn't imagine I would need to), and that pretty much told me it was time to move on.

Obviously her insecurity has bled over to what was a relaxed, fun sex life. Unfortunately, most women really believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" (Am I wrong ladies?) and although your honesty with her is impressive, you probably shot yourself in the foot. There is nothing wrong with keeping a few of the details of your past romances to yourself. It has nothing to do with your relationship with her, and many people, men and women both, find it hard to shake some of that stuff once things get serious.

Cool fetish, by the way. It incorporates the "forbidden fruit" aspect of including her friend without the emotional side. A "safe" threesome, if you will...

Petite moi - I really enjoy your posts on TFP. I really believe that you haven't had any attraction to another guy since you met your man. There can be a difference between being attracted to somebody (feelings included) and just finding others sexy. As long as you're committed to the relationship, it can be fun to let your partner play around with fantasy scenarios, if even only in their mind, no?
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Old 11-02-2004, 10:45 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Locs
And thats not even the question. She makes me feel like a freak because this thing we did turned me on, and I am wondering if I am a minority in this "fetish".
Honestly, it shouldn't matter if you're a minority or not. Every single one of us has an idiosyncracy (usually many more than one) that makes us unique. The key is finding a partner who accepts those idiosyncracies as part of who we are and embraces us as a whole, rather than individual oddities.

I have my own fetishes and such, some of which my husband likes to make sure I get indulged, and some he's simply not into. He is, however, open-minded and trusting enough to be comfortable with me seeking indulgence elsewhere. I have never betrayed my promise of monogamy, yet I've never had cause to complain that my every need was not satisfied.

For the record, I have had over a thousand partners. Many of those were multiple partner situations (3-somes, 4-somes and more) I've done the math, and that equals something like a different partner every other day for the ten years I was non-monogamously sexually active. My husband and I have known each other since before I lost my virginity, so he is well aware of my past.

To the attraction sub-thread, I find that I am somewhat bewildered... so, when you don't have a boyfriend, you turn the attraction thing on, and look around to try out all the attractive ones until you find one you like, then turn it off and find no man attractive while you are dating the one you picked? I find that a little hard to fathom. The qualities to which I am attracted don't change while I'm in a committed relationship.... I find myself not looking for anything else while I'm dating, but finding someone attractive is just not something a person can just turn on and off. Choosing to act on an attraction, however, is something you can turn on and off.... that's what makes it a choice.

JMHO
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Old 11-03-2004, 02:38 AM   #30 (permalink)
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dude, whatever works for you is what works for you. don't let another person make you feel bad about the things that you enjoy (unless, of course, those things aren't legal/morally right/blah blah blah)
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Old 11-03-2004, 07:07 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rlyss
I don't think Locs is so worried about thinking other people are good looking. He's not ashamed that he finds people attractive, there's no issue there.

I think your girlfriend was open-minded and trusting, that's why she did the freaky things for you. I don't know if she necessarily liked it as much as she acted, but there's nothing wrong with that. Like I said before, I've noticed that a lot of people don't do sexual things to their partner if they don't get anything in return - some women won't give oral sex if they're on their period, for example, because they don't get any fun. Personally I think that's bullshit... I'll do the dishes even if I don't feel like it, I'll race out and get dinner, or I'll give a backrub without thinking twice about it. There's nothing wrong with fulfilling your partner's fantasties as long as they're not too freaky, and as long as they trust you.

I think that's where the problem is. She's clearly straight so any homosexual activities (like playing with her female friends' panties) is pretty extraordinary for her, and something she'll only do when she trusts you completely. (I'm straight but if I was in a totally loving relationship and I trusted my partner I think there is nothing I wouldn't do, at least once, if it was her fantasy.) I think skier's hit the point that to you your past is old and gone and isn't coming back, but to her it's brand new and is still fresh in her memory.

If I think about it from her perspective only, then I'd agree with her. If my girlfriend told me she'd been with dozen of people before me and cheated on every one of them, and then didn't mention to me a voicemail saying thanks for the date, then yes, I would be distrustful. Because things just don't add up for her.

The bottom line is that she doesn't trust you, and I hate to say it but I don't think she will anytime soon. It's up to you if you want to work your ass off for someone who might never trust you.
Damn you more than right. And yeah....I need to decide if its worth it. Thanks much.
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Old 11-03-2004, 07:09 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bryndian_Dhai
Honestly, it shouldn't matter if you're a minority or not. Every single one of us has an idiosyncracy (usually many more than one) that makes us unique. The key is finding a partner who accepts those idiosyncracies as part of who we are and embraces us as a whole, rather than individual oddities.

I have my own fetishes and such, some of which my husband likes to make sure I get indulged, and some he's simply not into. He is, however, open-minded and trusting enough to be comfortable with me seeking indulgence elsewhere. I have never betrayed my promise of monogamy, yet I've never had cause to complain that my every need was not satisfied.

For the record, I have had over a thousand partners. Many of those were multiple partner situations (3-somes, 4-somes and more) I've done the math, and that equals something like a different partner every other day for the ten years I was non-monogamously sexually active. My husband and I have known each other since before I lost my virginity, so he is well aware of my past.

To the attraction sub-thread, I find that I am somewhat bewildered... so, when you don't have a boyfriend, you turn the attraction thing on, and look around to try out all the attractive ones until you find one you like, then turn it off and find no man attractive while you are dating the one you picked? I find that a little hard to fathom. The qualities to which I am attracted don't change while I'm in a committed relationship.... I find myself not looking for anything else while I'm dating, but finding someone attractive is just not something a person can just turn on and off. Choosing to act on an attraction, however, is something you can turn on and off.... that's what makes it a choice.

JMHO
Exactally. That last paragraph speaks so ture. You are a very clear thinking person
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Old 11-03-2004, 08:01 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Some things are just best if they are kept inside and never spoken.

That is all I have to day about that.
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Old 11-03-2004, 08:32 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Nikki*
Some things are just best if they are kept inside and never spoken.

That is all I have to day about that.
while I'm not prudish or anything amen to that.
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Old 11-03-2004, 01:08 PM   #35 (permalink)
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You might not find everyone around you enjoys the same "fetish", but I think you'll find there are LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of people that enjoy it. There are tonnes of websites devoted to it, companies that sell just dirty panties, women that sell their undies through the mail, vending machines in Japan that dispense them...

I think you should revel in it and enjoy it. Imagine, there are tonnes of people out there having plain old boring sex, believing it never really gets any better.. and here you are, getting rock hard turned on and having a blast with a pair of undies

As for your woman, you are both going to have to talk about this if it's an important part of your sexuality. You must have your needs fulfilled, or you will eventually start looking elsewhere. I wouldn't tell her that, it would be a bad way to start the conversation. However, it would be good to discuss it with her, let her know how you feel about it, and find out what her fears are.
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Old 11-03-2004, 02:49 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Heh...well thanks everyone for the imput. I am new here on TFP, and am totally amazed at the mature, intelligent, and different points of view everyone has posted.

Really appreciate it. NOW...time for a talk with the girl. Er...maybe I will procrastinate a bit more...
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Old 11-04-2004, 07:21 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Forgive me for addressing the sub-thread yet again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Captain Nemo
There is a huge difference between attractive and attraction, in my opinion. For example, I can find one of my co-workers attractive, without being attracted to her...
I agree completely. I can appreciate the human form. I especially appreciate those things that some consider flaws which I believe makes one unique and therefore attractive. There is so much beauty to be found in the body lines and one's face.

BUT la petite moi and sara2104 both made comments with which I both identify. When I am with someone, I have a tendency to be so enamoured that I do not see anything else. It is summed up with the phrase: "Vous et nul autre" - "You and no other". I've heard the arguments against this; that it goes against human nature and the like. I stand by my statement. Perhaps it's a character flaw. I certainly do not hold my SO to the same standards, I believe that is unfair and unrealistic. It is also downright delusional. This leads to jealousy, in which I put no faith. Jealousy is useless. For me, I saw jealousy as a manifestation of my insecurity. I want no part of that. If one cannot have faith in one's self, how can one place faith in others? ...I have been in a place where I tore myself apart mentally trying to be something that I could not ever be for someone else. To what end? To have someone find me attractive after I have changed all that is me? I struggled with this and came to an impasse at which point I finally walked away from that idea. It was pointless. I had harbored resentment for thinking that I needed to make these changes. It consumed me. It made me sullen. And it left my SO bewildered. A few offhand comments made and forgotten, yet I clutched them to my chest and carried them around, constantly licking that wound. Pointless. Then I realized it for what it was - desparately seeking blame for my wandering poor self-image.

To all those that actually made it through that last paragraph, my apologies for the diatribe. I tried to make a dimenhydrinate attachment but it didn't work.

Back on topic:

These things came to mind: She has chosen to resume the relationship on her terms which means excluding that which you had enjoyed mututally before. She has placed the blame on you for indulging in something that I get the impression she was enjoying as well, since it occurred on multiple occasions. Gathering from what you've stated in your posts, I am also joining the trust issue camp. I do think that you should tread carefully to see where this relationship is going this time. I agree with dksuddeth in that you are dealing with two choices: new relationship or resume the separation. And no, you are not a "big freak".
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