Forgive me for addressing the sub-thread yet again.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Captain Nemo
There is a huge difference between attractive and attraction, in my opinion. For example, I can find one of my co-workers attractive, without being attracted to her...
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I agree completely. I can appreciate the human form. I especially appreciate those things that some consider flaws which I believe makes one unique and therefore attractive. There is so much beauty to be found in the body lines and one's face.
BUT la petite moi and sara2104 both made comments with which I both identify. When I am with someone, I have a tendency to be so enamoured that I do not see anything else. It is summed up with the phrase: "Vous et nul autre" - "You and no other". I've heard the arguments against this; that it goes against human nature and the like. I stand by my statement. Perhaps it's a character flaw. I certainly do not hold my SO to the same standards, I believe that is unfair and unrealistic. It is also downright delusional. This leads to jealousy, in which I put no faith. Jealousy is useless. For me, I saw jealousy as a manifestation of my insecurity. I want no part of that. If one cannot have faith in one's self, how can one place faith in others? ...I have been in a place where I tore myself apart mentally trying to be something that I could not ever be for someone else. To what end? To have someone find me attractive after I have changed all that is me? I struggled with this and came to an impasse at which point I finally walked away from that idea. It was pointless. I had harbored resentment for thinking that I needed to make these changes. It consumed me. It made me sullen. And it left my SO bewildered. A few offhand comments made and forgotten, yet I clutched them to my chest and carried them around, constantly licking that wound. Pointless. Then I realized it for what it was - desparately seeking blame for my wandering poor self-image.
To all those that actually made it through that last paragraph, my apologies for the diatribe. I tried to make a dimenhydrinate attachment but it didn't work.
Back on topic:
These things came to mind: She has chosen to resume the relationship on her terms which means excluding that which you had enjoyed mututally before. She has placed the blame on you for indulging in something that I get the impression she was enjoying as well, since it occurred on multiple occasions. Gathering from what you've stated in your posts, I am also joining the trust issue camp. I do think that you should tread carefully to see where this relationship is going this time. I agree with dksuddeth in that you are dealing with two choices: new relationship or resume the separation. And no, you are not a "big freak".