Jizz-Fritter

fucking ditto.

If they can fit, bring your children into bed with you. A) You can sleep B) when she comes home, she can't sneak into bed; she'll have to sleep somewhere else. This may also make her feel like she's been replaced.

__________________
"Principle is okay up to a certain point, but principle doesn't do any good if you lose." Dick Cheney

phyzix525

I understand that I can't be out drinking anymore, but that still does not keep me from wanting to.

As for me not being aware, well I think that since I have said all of the negative things about her you all can't really appreciate what all is going on. I can't just run off without trying to keep this together I would be no better then she if I did that.

As for getting full custody of the kids, well I don't think that is what I need to do, she is not going to abuse the kids and when she has them she is good with them and takes care of them. Taking the kids away from their mother is bad on so many levels. Ask about any therapist, unless there is extenuating circumstances, the appearence of normality is best.

As for the job thing, well I should have kept my mouth shut, but a few weeks ago when I was applying I said that she should come apply there also. So she is just taking my advice. She also asked me if it was alright, and I did not want to sound like an immature ass and tell her no.

I realize now that divorce is comeing, the problem now is the money and how long its gonna take. We don't have any stuff so I think we can both use the same attorney. As for custody, I think we should share untill one of us has a stable career and or gets married again.

I am just ready to move on and find someone else now. Get this behind me and get on with life. I just don't want to make a mistake that I will be regreting for the rest of my life.

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

xim

I dont think you have been completely blind to what has been happening to you, and there is nothing wrong with doing what you can to keep your marriage.

But she has crossed so many lines (and crossed them by so far) that I dont see any way this marriage can be recovered with you keeping your dignity. She doesn't respect you. Plain and simple. She probably used to, and she probably still pretends that she does whenever she finds it profitable, but her actions prove that she just doesn't respect you.

Its good you can see that divorce is on the horizon. And I think the logs you've been keeping of your side of the story (on tilted) will give you a lot of power in court. Tell me, does she have any idea this thread exists?




Heres some simple NLP that may help you move forward. Find the silver lining to all these dark clouds, even if it seems like the most pathetic reaching shread of a silver lining ever. Then focus on that one good thing until the whole situation is equal to that one thing.

(As an example here's how I'm dealing with the outcome of the election: Instead of curling up in a ball on the floor, grasping my stomach in screaming in agony at thought of Bush being relected, I just reframe my view of it. I say to myself that it's good that Bush won because it means he is now stuck either having to clean up the mess he made in his first term or he will go down in history as being the irresponsible goon that he is.)

So start focusing on what this divorce really means in the long run:
You will find a new hottie to replace that hurtful succubus, and you will be so over her. Your new chick will totally be an upgrade, smarter, more responsible, better looking, more fun in bed. (You dont believe me? just wait) You will be starting over in your life, and going in whole new directions.

Imagine yourself in 5 years. You are free. Free from all this confusion, free from all this depression and free from this huge mess in your life. You are no longer bankrupt. You have found a decently comfortable job (or even have your own business going). You come home early to shag your new lady who you just think is the coolest girl you've ever met. Then you pick up your kids from school watch them naively engage in their kidly activities.

Then your ex wife comes over. She sees your new woman, house, car and how happy the kids are to be not cramped in her sisters apartment or visiting some shithead guy who happens to be tall and skinny. As she leaves you quietly laugh. You know that she knows she made a huge mistake not being happy with what she had so she lost it. And you are so comfortable in this new life that you would never want go back to being with her, dealing with that crap, in a million years. And you think about how glad you are that you conciously made the descision to move forward. You could have settled in an insecure relationship with someone who wouldnt respect you and tried to force it to last, dealing with endless problems and never being really satisfied. But instead you were strong and made a new life for yourself.

And then you can realize that this is what the divorce really means. The rocky struggle you see yourself up against right now is only a miniscule part of it. This divorce is your chance to goto that place of freedom.

__________________
If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com

adam

Wasting time worrying about how to hurt your ex is lame. Just put your life together and move on.

xim

that really pisses me off... idiot.
Well we have rules at tilted and ill try not to flame you, no matter how much I want to.

Dont be ignorant and think that its about hurting your ex wife. The point is to visualize your life being better after this is over. Visualize yourself being happy in the future and proud of your descisions.

Forming these images in your mind will help you to have direction and not feel so lost. Its about you forming the conscious descision and putting conscious effort into moving forward towards a happy future you have imagined.

dont be a dick and ruin it. (god thats so infurating)

__________________
If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com

phyzix525

No its cool, I sometimes do think about how good it will be in the future. Its just before she was always in those dreams.


So get this. She shows up to pick up the kids today and I ask her how things were and she kinds laughed and said they were good. Later I asked if she had to drive her car (out to eufala springs) and she said that she went up there on a motorcycle. Which pisses me off cause one, she is hanging on some guy the intire time, and second she has always told me how much she likes guys on motorcycles and that once before we were married she gave head to 2 guys one night cause they both rode bikes. So needless to say that kinda pissed me off.
As she was leaving I asked her if I should just get an attorney. She said something like "already??" I just said I was tired of being married to a whore. I said I deserve better and if she wants to go fuck guys then she won't be doing it as my wife.

So yeah, now I am kinda depressed. So thinking about the future is really the only thing that can keep me going. The only problem is the uncertainty.

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

KirStang

You're a good man Phyzix. Just don't give up and things are going to get better

little_tippler

I've been reading this thread for a while but never said anything. This is very sad...but even though I don't know both perspectives of the matter, this woman doesn't respect you, it's a fact. She seems to be playing with you...or she's really messed up. You need to choose what will make you and your kids happiest in the long run. Sounds to me like it's time to get out...good luck to you.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

StephenSa

I've been following this thread and I really feel for you. You've gotten a lot of good advice but of course you're in the middle of it and your world is spinning around like mad so its hard for you to move forward. Perfectly understandable. Its clear you love this woman and at one time things were pretty great. Unfortunatly that time appears to be over. I have to agree with what others have said, its time to move on. In fact perhaps the shock of you taking the initiative, getting a lawyer and starting the process will knock a little reality into your wife. Right now divorce is only a concept for her, something that might happen in some foggy future. She can play and live in her fantasy world while keeping you around and feeling safe. If suddenly things go south she can run back to you while she gets on her feet and she is still free to run off again and play. The fact that she said "already?!" when you asked about the divorce attorney shows this. Get the attorney. Do it. Then she will know you are serious. Right now its just words and she's having too much fun to deal with it. Get the attorney and make her face the reality of the situation SHE has created. You'll both be better for it. Either you will sit down and start working on the marriage in a serious, positive manner or it will be over. Either way you will have moved forward and healing can begin. Take charge of your destiny, take charge of your life. I wish you the very best of luck.

avhg1

It's hard to deal with someone you care about or cared for, intentionally trying to hurt you, but she that is exactly what she is trying to do. The things that she has said to you are just plain mean and wrong.

After being married, she knows how to hit you where it hurts. It’s difficult, but try to play the cool cucumber and don’t let her have the satisfaction of an emotional response. So far you have talked to her about your feelings and she has walked all over them. Try not to ask loaded questions about how she is doing or what she has been doing, as it seems she is using them as an opportunity to strike out at you emotionally.

You sound like a good guy stuck in a bad situation and things will eventually pan out. Take everyone’s advice and talk to an attorney. Right now it sounds as though she has your balls in a vise and it is time you take them back.

__________________
I shake the devil's hand daily... I'd do it hourly, but my hand gets tired.

kutulu

I am SO happy you said that to her. What was her response to that?

adam

My advice is to get the attourney. It's sad but you will recover, and meet someone wonderful. Have faith, there a million more appreciative women out there, looking for a partner.

phyzix525

Well we talked again today and she told me she has done some looking into a lawyer and everything. I told her that I am not contesting anything so we can both use the same attorney if one at all. We could do the paperwork ourselves. The kids will be in joint custody with me being the primary. I told her she had to pay for everything cause I was not the one that wanted this to happen in the first place. She acted rather pissy, but it was because of the money issue. We talked about the fact that there is a 60 day waiting period and I asked her if she was at all interested in seeing a councilor. She said that she was no longer intersted and that she would just be wasting my time and money. She has no desire to try and make things work. And then accused me of not trying to keep our marriage together. (after I said she was going to pay for it all cause she was the one that left and wants nothing to do with getting back together.) So I just laughed and she got upset and said something about me always being a cerntain way and then said she was hanging up. Sooo, one would think that instead of just hanging up the phone that she would try and work out our differences by talking about them. But no she would rather just get upset and walk away from any confrontations. Its the same shit I have been dealing with with her for years. I was talking to the girl that I hooked up with, and I said something that I did not realize untill just recently. But even if she were to apologize and want to come back, that I probably would not take her cause I really don't like her personality and her attitude. I always put up with them, but I never liked it. Now I can find someone that I will have a good connection with that is exactly what I want in a partner.

So things are over, now I just have to get a decent lawyer and finish this shit. I just wonder how long it is going to take to get into another serious relationship? and how will this one effect my future relationships?

sorry for spelling, I am not rereading this, I am at work

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

Tech1234511

Take some time to heal man. Been there done that, got the t-shirt. Life doesnt get easier, I only learn how to deal with it better.

avhg1

We all learn hard lessons from time to time. At least you'll know some qualities in a woman to avoid in the future. Things will work out and it sounds like you've got the right attitude now.

__________________
I shake the devil's hand daily... I'd do it hourly, but my hand gets tired.

PDOUBLEOP

Be patient...it's easy to fall into another bad situation.

__________________
ef you-you effing ef

LoganSnake

I've been reading this thread from post one and, man, do I feel for you. You're doing yourself a favor by divorcing her. By the looks of it, you would be a lot happier with somebody who you can connect more. Also a good thing that you've got primary custody of the kids. They need a parent they can depend on. Good luck with everything.

__________________
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

phyzix525

Hey everybody, (just wrote that thinking about simpsons's doctor whats his name.) Anyway I just want to thank everyone that has given me advice and support. It means alot even though we don't know each other.

I still will be keeping everyone updated till we do finally get divorced. thanks

__________________
It's hard to remember we're alive for the first time
It's hard to remember we're alive for the last time
It's hard to remember to live before you die
It's hard to remember that our lives are such a short time
It's hard to remember when it takes such a long time

crooks

Take care of your kids, if you only do one thing with your life.

It sounds like you can find another woman to love, but you can never find a child who will love you like the ones you have now.

Sometimes a man has got to put up with the s**t and do what is right. Don't let your kids get hurt by your wife's actions, they are not to blame.

My daughter is my mountain. Whatever happens between myself and my wife, I will take care of her because she is my blood.

Sounds like your wife wants her proverbial cake. And she doesn't sound the level-headed one of the two of you.

Divorce her and sue for custody and support. Protect your children. Live your life.

Fight.

CaneBay

Amen. Forget her and her demeaning conduct toward you.

Focus on the kids. You've got primary: Great! Now focus on them. I can tell you from my own experience that when a Dad gets through the divorce and puts the kids first, they know it, and will love you more for it. My son is now 20, and I can tell you that he fully understands and appreciates how I put him first, over and over and over. Now he goes out of his way to come home, hang out on holidays, call when he's far away, etc.

Serve her ass with those papers, and take the kids to McDonalds Play Land on a Friday night and hook up with lonely single moms who are there with the kids. Have some fun!

Good luck!

CaneBay

One more thing: a good friend of mine says "My wealth is in my children." Keep your eye on your wealth. There is nothing the ex can do to you except through those kids. Don't let her.

Brooke

God it pisses me off when women act like this. We have it hard enough - and then some of them act like shitheadsand abandon their kids for their own selfish desires. You and your kids need her and she is off gettin pissed and kissing random men- and other shite. I am glad you dumped the *$%@.
*deep breath*

My point being - she is immature. The only one (I acknowladge that this is only your side of the story) who is taking responsability here is you. It is your WIFE's responsability to be a good mother, and you can not be mother and father. Your focuse is to be a good and supportive father at the moment. You can not control this person who is pretending to be an adult.

*mini rant* - this "finding" yourself bullshit is so maddening. She gave up years of her life when she had sex and became pregnant. Whatever it is that she really wants is not in the stars for her - she should accept that - and accept her responsabilities.

Honestly I feel the most for your children. They see mommy and daddy being stressed and that is what they learn to be normal behavior. Remember what you say and do - Childeren will listen, and learn.

Be the good father - the good mother will find you, and will want to be apart of your life. In the mean time - LIVE your life.

xim

Hi Dr. Nick!

__________________
If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com