dendron

Heres the story. My S/O and I who are engaged seem to be breaking apart.
I think I don't give her enough space among other things. I would do anything to make this relationship work but I don't even think she wants to work at it. She talks to her guys friends online for like what seems like all day. Pretty much whenever she's on the computer she is typing to them. This obviously makes me jealous. She knows this but just gets pissed when I bring it up. She wants to go out with her friends which are almost all guys which I have no problem it's just she doesn't want me to meet them. She said its because she doesnt want me to become friends with them encase we break up(so her friends arent my friends in other words). WTF she shouldnt be thinking that way to begin with right? She tells me problems every once and a while I tell ok lets work on them, then she gets pissed and doesnt want to talk about them. She says I'm boring. What I need is an outside opinion. Do you based on the information think we should break? Or any addice would be great as well. I really need this guys I can't keep going not knowing whether she really loves me and what I should do.

flamingdog

It doesn't sound to me like she has any respect for your commitment to sorting out the relationship by refusing to talk to you about it. If she loved you, surely she'd be acutely aware of the problems between you and desperate to solve them? You say you'd do anything to save the relationship, it doesn't look to me like she feels the same way.

She gets pissed off at you when your jealousy is pricked? For one thing, if she loved you, wouldn't she find the attention flattering - as long as you're not going off the scale with the insane jealous bit. And for another, wouldn't she care enough about your feelings to do whatever she could to ease it?

And no, she shouldn't be excluding you from parts of your life as some kind of fucked up break-up insurance. If she loved you, wouldn't she be proud of you and want her friends to know you?

She calls you boring? That's not just unloving, that's disrespectful, and furthermore, it's bullying. If you guys are about to get married, you are probably going to have to live with that browbeating for the rest of your life, my friend.

On the face of it, her behaviour towards you is not what I would call loving. You have a right to expect parity of respect, over and above everything like affection, sex, commitment, etc. Love is built on mutual admiration and respect in my opinion, and if you're not getting respect, how can you be getting love?

Bottom line is, if you're asking whether she loves you or not, nobody here is going to be able to give you that answer. You hold all the facts, we don't. Only you can answer.

Kaos

I don't want to sound mean, but I have to be blunt. It's over. If she isn't cheating on you right now, I have a strong suspicion that she is entertaining the idea.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, whether or not you should break up with her, because it is your decision. But if I was in your shoes I would prepare for the worst, get all my finances in order, make sure I had a place to go etc...and then come out and ask her if this relationship is over.

adam

Yeah, have to agree. If she won't do the communications work, it's over.

I knew a guy whose wife behaved somewhat similarly. She ended up running off to get a divorce and married a guy she met in a chat room. (That didn't last either.)

Relationships take commitment and work. Seems like she's not interested in holding up her end.

maleficent

Sounds like you and your fiance have role reversal in what a lot of bad relationships are, where one person takes advantage and the other person plays the martyr, generally it's the woman who plays the martyr. Not so in this case.

All relationships take work, they just don't happen. Your profile doesn't state your age, but I'm guessing you guys are pretty young, probably under 25, doesn't sound like she's got the maturity to actually have a relationship, she likes the idea of fiance and the wedding - but the relationship part, no.


Why do you get jealous? Jealousy is a sure relationship killer. Do you not believe that men and women can be friends?
Because she sees it as you not trusting her, maybe her intentions are totally honorable.
Why would you think it's ok to go out with them and not chat with them?

What's her relationship history, has she had a lot of bad breakups.
Depending on your tone when you say "let's work in them" are you trying to solve her problems for her? To take over? Not all women want to be rescued, some just want to talk for the sake of talking, and will work out the problem on their own, they don't want someone else solving it for them
Not the thing a fiance should say.
You have to talk to her, about whether you should continue your relationship, but it sounds like, from what you've written, and the way I am interpreting it, that you both have some things to work out before jumping intpo the marriage pool.

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clavus

At the very least, you two should not be engaged. IMHO, you shouldn't even be in a serious relationship. I'm not trying to be harsh, but think about it. She has agreed to stand up before family and friends and commit to you above all others "until death do you part." Buuuuut...she doesn't want to introduce you to her friends because it would be awkward if you hit it off with them and then she broke up with you.

C'mon. She's mentally packed her bags already. The breakup is just a formality.

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pinkie

You deserve better, and there is better, trust me.

skier

This is in my opinion the most troubling information you gave about your relationship. How many of these guy friends has she already gone out with before you were in a relationship? Not to say she's in a relationship with them now, they could either be normal friends or friends that want more but are just being led on. Either way, I think it's very unhealthy sign in a relationship if a S/O doesn't want you to know any of their friends.

But on the other hand, what is your own life like? Do you go out and have fun without your S/O? Involved with any groups/clubs/sports? Are you an engaging interesting person on your own without this girl? If your "life is ending" just because of relationship problems, you may want to ask yourself if you are the kind of person your future wife would want. Or better yet ask yourself if you are the person you want to be.

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xxjuicesxx

fffffffffggggggggnnnnnn ggggggggggg

Stare At The Sun

Simply put, Walk.

Pick up your shit, cut your losses, and set off down that shitty highway of getting over her. As everyone said, its practically over already.

No worries though mate, brighter times are ahead.

Kalnaur

I'd have to say all signs point to your relationship being over.

But the good news is, not all women are like your SO.

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sailor

Like everyone else, Im gonna have to say that its over. Sorry man, but all the signs point that way.

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glytch

I'm also in the "give it up, it's over" group. Tell her you're leaving. If she still wants to be with you, she'll tell you and <i>maybe</i> you can work it out. Basically what I'm trying to say is get rid of her, call up your buddies, go out, and when you get home (or maybe the next morning) ask yourself, "Why do I need her?"

You probably don't.

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Willy

I don't claim to be a relationship expert. NOthing could be further from the truth in fact, but if all you say is true it sure sounds like she has already decided to split and is just hanging around until she finds somebody she likes better to come along. If it was me I'd save myself the pain and just tell her you're getting on with your life. If she has any intention of saving the relationship she better do a lot better than she is now. If that doesn't get her attention, nothing will, but it doesn't really sound like she is interested in doing anything to keep the relationship going.

*Nikki*

Just the fact that she doesn't want you to meet her friends is enough of a sign without any of the other issues. Leave her before she leaves you. I have been there....I ignored all the odvious signs.

combatmedicjen

Get out. Get out out out! You deserve better. She obviously doesn't care about you or your relationship... it's over. Find someone who will reciprocate all that you have to give. She's not worth your time.

Nefir

Run, don't walk, out of this relationship. Salvage your sanity, save face, relax, and assess the situation logically and unemotionally.

In your mind, you know that this simply cannot work - stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. She does not sound like she was ever ready to make such a commitment, and did not understand the significance of it (and probably still doesn't).

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Rodney

It's over. Whatever problems you personally are causing in the relationship, there doesn't seem to be any love or respect in her responses. There _is_ a fair amount of craziness, which she is blaming on you. And that's not your fault.

She's cutting you out of more and more of her life, in hurtful and defensive ways that put the blame on you, and the only reason I can think of why somebody'd act that way and stay with you is if you were giving her some kind of financial support that she's not ready to do without. In other words, if you're living together, she's staying together for the apartment, not you.

whocarz

She sounds like a raging bitch. Fuck her a few more times, then kick her ass to the street.

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xepherys

I agree with the above four statements!

Fire

had a simmilar situation- then found out she was fucking said friends, along with anyone handy at the time- I got a divorce, and felt pretty down, to say the least, and spent some time single- then I met a woman who was not a psyco hellbitch, who was in fact everything I ever wanted- we are now married, and damn happy with that- never settle for someone who treats you like shit- there are better people, and you can find them- sometimes they even find you- my advice is run before she owns half your stuff legaly- and then find someone who actualy cares

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Xiomar

Heart goes out to you... but it's over. Think about yourself for a change. When was the last time you smiled? Can't think of it, huh... The life is yours, and you only get one go. Make the best of it. And don't waste it on someone who doesn't seem to care for you the way you do for her. If it's this bad when your engaged, do you REALLY want to be MARRIED to her?

Good luck... with what you decide, and all you do

dendron

Wow just checked my responses and all of you guys are great. It all sounds like what I've been thinking I just didn't know whether I was selfish or what. She keeps spending more time talking to these guys. No we really don't go out seperately. I've said it's fine I'd just like to meet them. I love this women more than anything in the world but she doesn't seem to return the emotion. I've asked her what she wants and she says she doesn't know to all my questions. I need an answer I can live life this way.

Xell101

She doesn't seem too keen on forging a relationship or being commited, from that bit I quoted she also doesn't seem to be trying beyond a casual effort, maybe a frustrated one but the amount of will put behind the actions I'm geussing she is taking seems severely lacking. You sound as though your clinging to what she's stringing along because you care for her so much and she's not quite understanding the depth of the situation.

ngdawg

In many ways your post could have been written by my spouse. You need to ask yourself, WHY do you love this person??? Doesn't sound like there's anything for you to love.
Do youself a tremendous favor-before a commitment, before shared life situations take over (kids, finances, etc)- LEAVE. There are other women in the world who'd be much more compatible. And you need to learn to live life free of dependency on others.

Blackthorn

Your life is worth way more than what you might make of it by basing it's entire value on this relationship. Take a step back and ask yourself if this relationship is really worth that. I can assure you that the realtionship is not worth what you imply in the title of this post.

You can not possibly mean what you say when you say your life is ending. Step away from that ledge and talk to anyone you trust in the physical world. If you are at that point then you need some good help from people around you who care.

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dendron

I wrote some poems the other day because frankly I didn't know how else to express myself and well here goes.

I’m stuck in a world where no one loves
I can’t love because I can’t be loved
This is a world where no one can be trusted
I can’t trust based on my life’s past
Everyone seems to show no inner emotion
Everyone puts on appearances but nothing real
I’m stuck in world that resembles hell
I can’t escape it either because that’s where I’ll go
I am stuck

I stand on the edge of a blade
On one side is sorrow
On the other is jealousy
Both sides lead to despair
Both with results damaging
Both with no positive solution
Neither way is clear
But when is it
My vision is clouded by feeling
I’m faltering but I don’t know which foot to let go
But I can’t stay here or all I’ll do is get cut deeper

I want her to understand me
She doesn’t listen
I try to understand her
She won’t let me
I can’t make her love me
He doesn’t want me anymore
I feel I’m dying inside
She killed me

Menoman

I didnt read the whole thread as Im at work atm but..

you ask for my advice so I'll give it.

Looking at the situation you put in front of me. Drop her before you get hurt anymore. It's hard to hear, and harder to do I'm sure. But she will never care for you like you care for her.

Just by reading your post I can see it hurts you alot that this is happening between you two and that leads me to believe that you deserve so much more than her.

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Menoman

[QUOTE=dendron]
I think I don't give her enough space among other things.QUOTE]


One other thing, I don't doubt for a second that this is true. We ALL do things in relationships like not giving enough space, jealousy, being insensative when you should be. We all do it. To err is human.


Don't blame this on yourself though, the only way a relationship can work is if 2 people want it to work. You do, she doesn't. If she isn't helping you try to make it work, how can you do it yourself? You can't.

Don't take the blame.

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pedro padilla

geez what are you? like 15? with any luck you´ll get crushed quite a few more times but by WAY better chicks. start looking around for some sympathy fucks. before too long you´re gonna be wishing you were still single. enjoy it while you still can.