A perfect relationship except for one thing - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Amano · 08-12-2004, 09:45 PM

problem solved, deleting personal info

Paq · 08-12-2004, 10:07 PM

ok, not to be cruel or coldhearted, but what is the problem?

She's pro choice but wouldn't have an abortion herself......

Are you wanting her to if she's pregnant or are you worried she'll have one and not tell you or ...maybe i'm just confused...

so which si the problem

roboshark · 08-12-2004, 10:09 PM

Wait, lemme see if I get this straight.

You're saying you're afraid that she might get pregnant, and you'd want her to have an abortion, and she'll refuse, leaving you both "stuck" with an infant you can't take care of. So, you're thinking of ending the relationship because of the minute chance that this might happen?

I don't know. Given that she's on the pill, and you use a condom (which is as redunant as going underwater in a submarine wearing an oxygen mask), I'd say you're wasting your time and mind worrying about this. The odds of you both dying in a horrible car accident are much bigger than those of her getting pregnant, yet I don't see you worring about that. :-)

Get over it before you ruin your relationship over nothing! I'm serious. It's all in your head, and you're creeping yourself out in a completely irrational way.

Amano · 08-12-2004, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by roboshark

You're saying you're afraid that she might get pregnant, and you'd want her to have an abortion, and she'll refuse, leaving you both "stuck" with an infant you can't take care of. So, you're thinking of ending the relationship because of the minute chance that this might happen?

Yes, precisely.

Quote:

Given that she's on the pill, and you use a condom (which is as redunant as going underwater in a submarine wearing an oxygen mask), I'd say you're wasting your time and mind worrying about this. The odds of you both dying in a horrible car accident are much bigger than those of her getting pregnant, yet I don't see you worring about that. :-)

Previous girlfriends have done it this way (pill + condom), and I do know a couple girls who have gotten pregnant despite taking the pill religiously. You can never be too sure, right?

matteo101 · 08-12-2004, 10:23 PM

Simple answer..dont have sex. You CANNOT expect a girl to get an abortion just because you want her too...She wont get pregnant if you dont have sex, its your only solution.

Church · 08-12-2004, 10:25 PM

Did you guys hear an asteroid may hit the earth in the next 25 years?

Bah, I'll just kill myself now just in case it does hit.

/point-driven sarcasm

skier · 08-12-2004, 10:40 PM

I'm not too sure roboshark has a good grasp of the odds related to the effectiveness of various birth control methods. Neither am I. In any case I would say better safe than sorry, especially with your concerns, Amano.

The way I see things man is that you are afraid of the consequences of having a child during such a finacially insecure time in your life, compounded with the fact your girlfriend will keep any child you do have accidentally. I feel you have to search within yourself to either
1. get over your fear and keep on lovin' that special girl of yours
3. Have a messy breakup and start abstinence
2. Abstain from sex while remaining in your relationship with your SO (which may lead to #3)
4. Go half-assed and keep screwing your girl while being scared out of your mind at the small chance of pregancy and it's consequences.

I say go for #1. The chance for pregnancy with 2 forms of concraception is very small, and if you can see yourself marrying this girl you can overcome a little fear.

Paq · 08-12-2004, 10:53 PM

ah, ok, i'm understanding now, i thin

in that case, i cannot, for the life of me, advise abstinence...it just sux...

considering that religious BCP taking and Condom use are both in the high 95+ % range of effectiveness alone (97 for condoms and 99 for bcp's if used properly every time) and you're using both, then you're probably in the 99.99% safe range....then again, i am a result of just taking bcp's..

still, abstinence is 100%..unless you dry hump...but i swear, abstinence just sux...

I think the relationship is so perfect for you that your mind is seekng something to muddy the waters a bit..

billege · 08-13-2004, 12:08 AM

I see you're just looking for some problem here. I don't know what it is, but part of it relates to a problem you certainly do have, but don't seem to have realized.

If there has been a pregnacy "scare" with her taking the pill correctly and you using condoms, I have issues.
By "correctly" I mean this: she takes the pill, every day, at about the same time, and is taking whatever brand as her dr. has instructed.
If she is taking the pill, like it should be taken, then it's 97-99.9% effective. The only reducer of effectiveness I can find is that some other meds reduce it.

If you are using a condom, that you put on even half right,and aren't using any oil based lubes, from the first point of insertion to climax, you're at damn near 97% effectiveness there too.

There is no fucking way that those conditions results in any kind of pregnecy scare as a result of your sperm hitting her cervix. Sorry, the numbers just aren't there and it'd be some sort of statistical freak that never happens if you somehow got her pregnant with that combo.

If you're using condoms, no bullshit, each and every time, start to finish, there's damn near YOU'RE not shooting sperm in there.
Do you help her remember to take the pill? I ask my wife every day, because that's OUR pill, not hers.
Even if she wasn't taking the pill at all ou shouldn't be having scares if you're using condoms.
If her period is all over the place even on the pill, which is unlikely, she should talk to her dr. to find out why.

The problem you DO have is a startling lack of honesty between you and her. If she's thinking she may be pregnent with YOUR child, there is no fucking way it's okay for her to keep that secret from you. In a relationship so perfect, her concerns ARE your concerns. Your concenrs ARE hers too. The fact that she's hiding this until she feels it's your business is a huge problem.

Not to be a dick, but if she's having pregnency scares with you using a condom EVERY time, start to finish, you'd better be asking her who else is pumping sperm into her, becuase you're not!

Also, if you can't handle a child, and you're looking at abortion as a way to bail yourself out of a problem, keep your dick in your pants. Seriously.
If you are so afraid of having a child that it's simply a non-option for YOU, don't fuck HER. It's that simple. Lick each other off, use fingers, vibrators, whatever! Fuck if I care.
But I tell you this:

Fucking makes babies. I you can ABSOLUTELY not chance having a kid, DO NOT FUCK! It's that simple pal.

There are far too many people fucking for the fun of it, and running when there's some work from it all. That is bullshit.

If you can't have a kid, under any circumstances at this point in your life, seriously, don't fuck. There you go.

If you have admitted to yourself that a kid may happen, then you've asked yourself, I hope, if you can father that child with her. If not, then you need to take precautions, which you say you are, or not fuck.

If she's taking the pill, and you're wearing condoms EVERY TIME (I can't stress that enough) then there is no goddamn way you're knocking her up. No way, no how.

If you can't handle the idea of taking those chances, with those incredible odds, and she's not going to give you a failsafe with an abortion, then you need to not have intercourse. It's that simple.

PS--I have some issues with this subject, so I apologize for the hositility, it's not directed at you. I get worked up over people who want to fuck but not deal with all it involves.

Rlyss · 08-13-2004, 12:15 AM

I saw billege's post and edited mine.

I agree with him. You should be watching that pill like a hawk. You have every right - and responsibility - to do that. If she wasn't on the pill and you were about to have sex, don't you think any woman with any shred of sense would tell you to wear a condom? It's the same thing here. You both help her take her pill, she helps the both of you with the condoms. Simple. There's no treading on other peoples' business here, no invading of rights or distrust.

What do you mean by pregnancy scares in the past? Just times that her period's been late? Or when the condom came off and she told you in the post-sex exhaustion that she forgot to take her pill the night before? It does sound very suspicious.

Amano · 08-13-2004, 01:02 AM

billeage, i'm not going to even respond to the statements and implications you made in that hot-headed post....

Quote:

Originally posted by Dorito2

What do you mean by pregnancy scares in the past? Just times that her period's been late? Or when the condom came off and she told you in the post-sex exhaustion that she forgot to take her pill the night before? It does sound very suspicious.

yes, late. recently, she was late by 3 days. as i understand it, with the pill, once you move to the placebos, the period was supposed to come almost immediately. 3 days late is when she starts to freak out. the period didn't come until the afternoon of the third day. she was freaking out that morning. didn't tell me because there wasn't enough time.

nothing serious like skipping a day or condom falling off

i guess in retrospect it's not a really "serious scare" relatively speaking. but it definitely wasn't fun to say the least.

Rlyss · 08-13-2004, 02:35 AM

I didn't mean to downplay how freaky it is to have a pregnancy scare. I've had an STD scare and a pregnancy scare and they more than live up to their names.

I think you should ask your girlfriend how certain she is that she will keep the baby, IF she gets pregnant (which we should all keep in mind is <i>almost</i> impossible). If she has said once in the past that she wouldn't have an abortion then perhaps she has changed her mind, but if she often says it and doesn't sound like she will budge then perhaps you need to find out the real reason she won't abort.

SecretMethod70 · 08-13-2004, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by matteo101
Simple answer..dont have sex. You CANNOT expect a girl to get an abortion just because you want her too...She wont get pregnant if you dont have sex, its your only solution.

the simplest solution is often the best. This isn't the kind of thing worth taking your chances with if it really bothers you. If the odds against pregnancy are not enough with all you're already doing to stifle your fears, there's litle else you can do than abstain if you can't come to terms with what you're doing now.

doncalypso · 08-13-2004, 03:30 AM

Breathe in.... Breathe out.... and relax, damn it!!! You're using condoms and she is on the pill, for cryin' out loud.

If you want to reduce the incidence of pregancy scares then I'd suggest you use plenty of lube when you have sex with her that way there's less of a chance that hte condom would break.

And if despite all that you're still worried about her getting pregnant then maybe you both should consider abstaining from sex for a while because you shouldn't be having sex with someone unless you're ready to deal with all of the possible consequences (including her getting pregnant).

The Phenomenon · 08-13-2004, 04:14 AM

Look, its simple: There are many risks involved when you have sex. One of them is pregnancy. This risk can be diminished to almost nothing with a condom and the pill. With the combination of the two there is virtually NO chance of you two becoming pregnant. Next year a male contraceptive pill will be available thats supposed to be even more effective than the female one, with none of the nasty side effects.

OBVIOUSLY your girl is morally opposed to abortion. She is still open to other people's own moral decision regarding abortion, but she has already decided that she is not going down that road. But there are two things going here as far as I am concerned. First of all I feel that the pregnancy is as much your business as it is hers, even though it occurs in her body. And since you will be the ne paying for the kid if he is born, you should have some say as far as the abortion goes. But since this a 50% artnership each there is no easy way with this.

She has been honest with you: She said that an abortion is out of the question for her. Have you discussed how you feel with her? Either take the risk of having a kid and keeping it by sleeping with her, or abstain until you are ready to have children. Or have a vasectomy or something. This is not something to go ruining a relationship over, and I sure as hell hope that this question was not intended as a "should I leave her?".

It boils down to these few options:

1. Take the small risk by having sex with her, knowing full well that if she becomes pregnant that you are going to have a child.
2. Don't have sex with her but stay with her until you are ready to accept the possibility of a child in your life.
3. Leave her.

Oh and option 3 is the total asshole option, by the way.

nowthen · 08-13-2004, 06:07 AM

How old are you? There is such a thing as been an adult and been responsible for yourself, and your loved ones. If she gets pregnant, then maybe you might just have to shoulder that responsibilty and deal with it. Welcome to the real world.

hossified · 08-13-2004, 07:15 AM

that's the gamble dude.....these days everyone has sex cause it 'feels' good.....but remember the whole point of it is to reproduce. At least you recognize this fact. If you're that worried about getting her prego's....maybe you should stop having sex (although given all your protections you should be almost guaranteed to not conceive)....but dumping the girl cause she says she wouldn't abort.....too many hypotheticals to base something serious as this on. ???

...maybe you shouldn't be having sex at all cause it doesn't sound like you are mature enough yet to deal with the possible outcomes. Or maybe you should get your 'boys cut'....so you are guaranteed 100% to not get anyone preggers.

lurkette · 08-13-2004, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Amano
yes, late. recently, she was late by 3 days. as i understand it, with the pill, once you move to the placebos, the period was supposed to come almost immediately.

That's a misconception, forgive the pun. It varies from woman to woman and even from month to month. Mine used to start on the 2nd day, but now doesn't ever start till the middle of the 3rd day after I start taking the placebo pills, and sometimes even the 4th day depending on whether I'm stressed.

I've been on the pill for 12 years, we've fucked like bunnies and never used condoms, and no pregnancies - w00t! Only one "scare" and that was when I started taking the pill all the time instead of stopping to have a period, and I got paranoid, so it wasn't a scare so much as a panicked double-check.

Pregnancy is, unfortunately, a side-effect of sex, and as others have said, if it's an unacceptable risk and your views are not compatible with your girlfriend's, you ought to keep it zipped. However, I do think the risk is exaggerated in your mind. If you're doing everything you can to prevent a pregnancy, you should be fine.

roboshark · 08-13-2004, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by roboshark

You're saying you're afraid that she might get pregnant, and you'd want her to have an abortion, and she'll refuse, leaving you both "stuck" with an infant you can't take care of. So, you're thinking of ending the relationship because of the minute chance that this might happen?

Quote:

Originally posted by Amano
Yes, precisely.

So, if I understand you correctly, you'd stay with her, provided that she's prepared to abort a child in the very rarest of cases where she might get pregnant from you.

Now, I'm sure you have no idea what it is like to have an abortion, but there's probably girls out there that do and can back me up: this sounds like an extremely selfish, asshole thing to demand of a girl. I'm sure abortion can be a very intense and traumatizing experience. I really don't see how you have the right, or nerve, to ask something like that from the girl. Now, just to be on the safe side here: I'm not against abortions. If people wanna have abortions, let 'em. But that doesn't mean you can just consider it as an obvious solution to your problems.

(I'm suprised nobody else actually picked up on this aspect of the original post.)

la petite moi · 08-13-2004, 10:56 AM

The whole thing with the period being 'three days late'......I've been late for months because I was stressed or the like. Just because she's late doesn't mean she's pregnant.

Anyway, she may say she wouldn't have an abortion, but she actually MAY WANT TO HAVE ONE if she actually gets pregnant. I know that I always said abortions are terrible, but when I had a really bad scare once, I was actually planning and considering it.

Personally, I think you should just work on your communication- like, she tells you if she's afraid she's pregnant, and you try not to freak her out by telling her you can't support a baby (before you even know if she's actually pregnant).

Continue to use both forms of birth control, and your chances are slim.

ratbastid · 08-13-2004, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Amano
... although she'll usually not tell me about it until after the blood started flowing, according to her, in order to save me from the scare.

To me, that's a bigger red flag right there than the whole abortion thing. What's that about? Does she not trust you? Is she unwilling to be vulnerable enough with you to ask for your support? There's something going on there, and it's not about saving you from the scare. This girl's a lone wolf.

Re the abortion thing: you're doubling up on birth control methods already. The failure rate isn't an aggregate figure--you're not MORE likely to have a failure with MORE sex. It's 99.9% effective (or whatever) per instance of intercourse. What you're talking about is the gambler's fallacy.

electric9 · 08-13-2004, 11:02 AM

i say switch to anal and you will not have to worry about getting her pregnant... it may take some convincing on your part to get her to be down with it....but once you do that you're in the clear...havent heard of a case yet when somone has gotten pregnant from anal unless of course it was a mud-baby.....j/k

Paq · 08-13-2004, 02:41 PM

one other thing...WATCH THE FUCKING PILLS!!! as in, make sure she is taking them..my fucking dumber than bricks sister in law decided she wanted a child after she and my brother talked it over and decided they didn't...sooo, she took it upon herself to just 'oops' skip the fucking pills every morning...

i now have a new neice and i'm trying not to hold anything against her, but i really want to kick my sis in law's ass for taking it upon herself to just have a baby when she's married to my bro...

billege · 08-13-2004, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Amano
billeage, i'm not going to even respond to the statements and implications you made in that hot-headed post....

yes, late. recently, she was late by 3 days. as i understand it, with the pill, once you move to the placebos, the period was supposed to come almost immediately. 3 days late is when she starts to freak out. the period didn't come until the afternoon of the third day. she was freaking out that morning. didn't tell me because there wasn't enough time.

"We've had a couple of scares already, although she'll usually not tell me about it until after the blood started flowing, according to her, in order to save me from the scare."

(That last bit from your original post.)

You certainly don't have to, that's your perogative, of course. And usually I am more sanitized for your protection. God forbid someone was hotheaded...
If I made my point boldly, that's too damn bad. I didn't call you, her, or anyone names. If you don't like to think about what I implied, that's your problem. One of my best buds had a "scare" that we eventually found out was a result of her having unprotected sex with another man. She and my bud always used condoms, and never had one broken. It was seriously unpleasent to think about, and the whole thing sucked awfully. I said it out loud because it happens, hopefully not to you, but it does. I said it out loud because I find it hard to believe you're having scares with multiple forms of birth contol.

I've quoted you above as saying "We've had a couple of scares already, although she'll usually not tell me about it until after the blood started flowing, according to her, in order to save me from the scare."
That, for some odd reason, (maybe it's the plural "couple of scares" and the word "usually" like it happens all the time), led me to believe it's normal for her to think she's pregnent and not tell you until later. Gosh, how would what you said give me that impression? I responded to that because a baby is not either of yours alone, and anything in that area is both your concern. If she was hiding informtion, you'd have a serious problem. If she's not, that's great. Good for you, wonderful.

The whole 3 day bit sounds like you both need to google "birth control pills" and read up. My wife has been on estrosetpFE for the last 4 years, before we even met, in fact. Her period happens to start like clockwork on Wednesday, 3 days after taking the last "real" pill on Suncay. All women are different, of course, and there are many factors (as mentioned above) that can change a woman's timing.

Since I'm so blunt, let me be so again.
Her "freaking out" at 3 days into the placebo and you thinking the period starts immediatley after taking the last pill, speaks only of how little either of you know about your bodies, and how birth control affects you both.

It's all out there on the internet, which you obviously are fortunate enough to have access too. I suggest you both get together and learn about what flooding her body with hormones does to her.

pocon1 · 08-13-2004, 03:54 PM

My wife has been on the pill for about 10 years with no problems.

Otherwise, try anal, like someone before suggested. If she doesn't like it, tell her it hurts less than having a baby.
Also, antibiotics and some other drugs can mess with the pill. Make sure she talks to her doctor about any interactions.

neekap · 08-17-2004, 06:35 PM

I'm kind of surprised nobody else has mentioned this, but if she gets pregnant it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the end of the world and you have to support the kid. There are countless numbers of couples who can't have babies and are looking to adopt and will pay good money for a kid. Granted, I don't want to make this sound like you can use this as a second income or anything, but a lot of times the adoptive parents will help pay a good sized portion of medical bills related to the pregnancy. If the "unthinkable" should happen, deal with the consequences and allow a couple who is financially and emotionally capable of raising the child give him/her a good life.

Comprehend · 08-18-2004, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pocon1

Otherwise, try anal, like someone before suggested. If she doesn't like it, tell her it hurts less than having a baby.

You are still at risk of conception, even with anal sex.

jRuntlets · 08-18-2004, 04:35 PM

While on BC, periods can be irregular. As most women will tell you, the more stressed you are, the later your period comes. It can flux for the duration that you are on the pill. Many users (myself and friends alike) have noticed the periods starting later/being shorter as the medication continues, which I can only attribute to the fact that the pill is working and my body is producing less uterine lining.

As a pro-choice woman, unwilling to have an abortion if I get pregnant from concented sex like your girlfriend I hope I can offer you some insight. Have you asked your girlfriend why she wouldn't have an abortion if she was pregnant with your child? If I became pregant with my boyfriend's child I would have the child, WHY? I knowingly had sex, which I KNOW results in pregnancy. So in my opinion, I knowingly brought that child into the world and it is my responsibility to take care of the child. (Note: This is only my view of abortion. Women have the right to choose what they do with their bodies without being judged by religion, governement and most of all the general public.)

Though tons of others have said it, if you don't want to have a child, don't have sex.

davik · 09-08-2004, 06:56 PM

Personally I discuss things like that with girls before we get to that point and I flat out won't sleep with someone who isn't willing to have an abortion if something goes wrong. That being said, if she is religiously taking the pill and you're correctly using good condoms (trojans, durex, or planned parenthood brand would be my suggestions, though I only use trojans) with the spermicidal lubricant coating the chances of her getting pregnant are absolutely infantesimal. If she really means that much to you don't sweat it.

Menoman · 09-09-2004, 12:32 AM

Well first of all, she ain't going to get pregnant with condom plus pill if taken properly. If you think she ain't taking the pill properly get her to the dr. and get her on the shot. Wait 2 -3 weeks and start fucking again.

Second, it is not selfish to want her to have an abortion. It's his life that will be affected just as much as hers. If this is what he wishes she do, he has a right to say it and ask it of her. Obviously she can say no and have it anyway, its her body, but its just blindly being a sheep of what is supposedly politicaly correct to say its selfish. This isnt an abortion debate anyway, I'm trying to keep people off of this guy because he wants a good life.

Then there's anal, If done completely properly this is a viable solution to your problem. Always, always wear a condom while doing anal, and always use EXTRA TONS MEGA SHITLOADS of lube. The thing is, the wall between the anus and the vagina is not very thick and can be broken, then fecal matter leaks into the vagina and then she is in store for a lifetime of infections and smelly crotch.

Abstinance is a cool thing to say, would half the people advising it actually do it? Probably not, I'll advise it to you since it obviously is the best way to alleviate your fears, but fuck... I wouldnt do it myself so I'm just wasting my finger energy.

adam · 09-09-2004, 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by matteo101

Simple answer..dont have sex. You CANNOT expect a girl to get an abortion just because you want her too...She wont get pregnant if you dont have sex, its your only solution.

I agree. If you can't deal with some (small) probability that your gf will get pregnant, your options are 1) Abstain from sex, or 2) get sterilized. The second option is obviously fairly drastic.

Personally, I think you over-reacting to the risk, but it's your call.

maleficent · 09-09-2004, 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by davik

Personally I discuss things like that with girls before we get to that point and I flat out won't sleep with someone who isn't willing to have an abortion if something goes wrong. .

Geee -- and this gets a lot of women to actually have sex with you? That's one of the most charming pick up lines I've ever heard. I'll only sleep with you if you get an abortion if I knock you up... :shakes head:

Just curious? Who pays for the abortion?

Menoman · 09-09-2004, 09:00 PM

Who cares?

You should try not to pick apart one little thing he said that you don't like, simply because it could in another realm of existance be interpretted another way.

There's no where in his posts did he say he picks up girls and before engaging in conversation he makes sure they will abort if they get knocked up.

However, what I'm guessing is the most logical and reasonable interpretation would be. Ohh, perhaps when he's just talkin with her he brings up politics and gradually works into the abortion subject. Wherein he'll find out her stance on abortion.

iccky · 09-13-2004, 04:00 PM

Just FYI for everyone, this handy <a href="http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html">chart</a> give the percentage chance of failure for different birth control methods over the course of a year.

So if you're using a condom and the pill, even if you use the typical use numbers (which assume she forgets sometime and the condom breaks once or twice) the chance of both failing is 0.7%. So if you two have sex for 100 years, she'll get pregnant, on average, about once. Basicaly, you need to realize that the fear of pregnancy is fairly irrational.

Now that doesn't mean that its not a totally natural irrational fear to have. I showed this chart to my girlfriend (who also would not have an abortion) and damned it she doesn't still freak out everytime her period is 12 hours late. And damned if it doesn't put me on edge a bit too. So really, for me at least, its not a question of whether we can support a child (or survive the stress of pregnancy and childbirth and give it up for adoption) as much as is the stress and fear we go through worth the sex? It seems to be putting you through a lot of stress, so I would suggest not (remember BJs are fun!

) especially when you factor in the 0.7% chance per year that she would actually get pregnant.

And for the record, every time my girlfriend freaks out, I say we should stop having sex, and I very nearly mean it. She actually called my bluff once and we went a month without before we both caved. So I don't feel too hypocritical counseling abstinance.

thebellman · 09-13-2004, 06:24 PM

If you want to be completely positive, you could always get a vasectomy...then the two of you can go until your little heart's are content with no bc whatsoever

DEI37 · 09-13-2004, 07:24 PM

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!

primord · 09-13-2004, 07:30 PM

Call me crazy.

I'm 19 and have seen ALOT of shit in my day.
I've seen so many of my friends have unwanted babies.
My best friend knocked up his gf while she was on the pill and they were using condoms.

(Personally, I think she stopped the pill and poked holes in a condom)

I seriously plan on getting a vasectomy. There are 99.9% reversal rates now. Yes, it's expensive; yes, kids are more expensive. Go get cut, and live your life. When/if your ready to have kids, go get a reversal. I guarantee it's ALOT less stress than having an unwanted baby. Guarantee.

My 2 cents.

chiss · 09-16-2004, 08:19 PM

First of all, abortions are sick, disgusting, and totally unessasary. There are hundreds of thousands of couples out there that cannot have a child that would love to be able to adopt a child, and for every abortion, kills off a chance, and kills of a life. What if your parents had an abortion, or your gf's parents, because they couldn't take care of that child. You or your gf would have never existed. And it disgusts me. Have the child, and have the child go into a wonderful family and have a wonderful life.

08-12-2004, 09:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
Amano Insane	A perfect relationship except for one thing problem solved, deleting personal info Last edited by Amano; 01-30-2006 at 08:02 PM..

08-12-2004, 10:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
Paq Junkie Location: South Carolina	ok, not to be cruel or coldhearted, but what is the problem? She's pro choice but wouldn't have an abortion herself...... Are you wanting her to if she's pregnant or are you worried she'll have one and not tell you or ...maybe i'm just confused... so which si the problem __________________ Live. Chris

08-12-2004, 10:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
roboshark Crazy	Wait, lemme see if I get this straight. You're saying you're afraid that she might get pregnant, and you'd want her to have an abortion, and she'll refuse, leaving you both "stuck" with an infant you can't take care of. So, you're thinking of ending the relationship because of the minute chance that this might happen? I don't know. Given that she's on the pill, and you use a condom (which is as redunant as going underwater in a submarine wearing an oxygen mask), I'd say you're wasting your time and mind worrying about this. The odds of you both dying in a horrible car accident are much bigger than those of her getting pregnant, yet I don't see you worring about that. :-) Get over it before you ruin your relationship over nothing! I'm serious. It's all in your head, and you're creeping yourself out in a completely irrational way. __________________ I want no escape.

08-12-2004, 10:25 PM	#6 (permalink)
Church Tilted F*ckhead Location: New Jersey	Did you guys hear an asteroid may hit the earth in the next 25 years? Bah, I'll just kill myself now just in case it does hit. /point-driven sarcasm __________________ Through counter-intelligence, it should be possible to pinpoint potential trouble makers, and neutralize them.

08-12-2004, 10:40 PM	#7 (permalink)
skier Rawr! Location: Edmontania	I'm not too sure roboshark has a good grasp of the odds related to the effectiveness of various birth control methods. Neither am I. In any case I would say better safe than sorry, especially with your concerns, Amano. The way I see things man is that you are afraid of the consequences of having a child during such a finacially insecure time in your life, compounded with the fact your girlfriend will keep any child you do have accidentally. I feel you have to search within yourself to either 1. get over your fear and keep on lovin' that special girl of yours 3. Have a messy breakup and start abstinence 2. Abstain from sex while remaining in your relationship with your SO (which may lead to #3) 4. Go half-assed and keep screwing your girl while being scared out of your mind at the small chance of pregancy and it's consequences. I say go for #1. The chance for pregnancy with 2 forms of concraception is very small, and if you can see yourself marrying this girl you can overcome a little fear. __________________ "Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

08-12-2004, 10:23 PM	#5 (permalink)
matteo101 In transition Location: north, no south abit, over to the right, getting warmer...there!	Simple answer..dont have sex. You CANNOT expect a girl to get an abortion just because you want her too...She wont get pregnant if you dont have sex, its your only solution.

08-12-2004, 10:53 PM	#8 (permalink)
Paq Junkie Location: South Carolina	ah, ok, i'm understanding now, i thin in that case, i cannot, for the life of me, advise abstinence...it just sux... considering that religious BCP taking and Condom use are both in the high 95+ % range of effectiveness alone (97 for condoms and 99 for bcp's if used properly every time) and you're using both, then you're probably in the 99.99% safe range....then again, i am a result of just taking bcp's.. still, abstinence is 100%..unless you dry hump...but i swear, abstinence just sux... I think the relationship is so perfect for you that your mind is seekng something to muddy the waters a bit.. __________________ Live. Chris

08-13-2004, 12:08 AM	#9 (permalink)
billege Watcher Location: Ohio	I see you're just looking for some problem here. I don't know what it is, but part of it relates to a problem you certainly do have, but don't seem to have realized. If there has been a pregnacy "scare" with her taking the pill correctly and you using condoms, I have issues. By "correctly" I mean this: she takes the pill, every day, at about the same time, and is taking whatever brand as her dr. has instructed. If she is taking the pill, like it should be taken, then it's 97-99.9% effective. The only reducer of effectiveness I can find is that some other meds reduce it. If you are using a condom, that you put on even half right,and aren't using any oil based lubes, from the first point of insertion to climax, you're at damn near 97% effectiveness there too. There is no fucking way that those conditions results in any kind of pregnecy scare as a result of your sperm hitting her cervix. Sorry, the numbers just aren't there and it'd be some sort of statistical freak that never happens if you somehow got her pregnant with that combo. If you're using condoms, no bullshit, each and every time, start to finish, there's damn near YOU'RE not shooting sperm in there. Do you help her remember to take the pill? I ask my wife every day, because that's OUR pill, not hers. Even if she wasn't taking the pill at all ou shouldn't be having scares if you're using condoms. If her period is all over the place even on the pill, which is unlikely, she should talk to her dr. to find out why. The problem you DO have is a startling lack of honesty between you and her. If she's thinking she may be pregnent with YOUR child, there is no fucking way it's okay for her to keep that secret from you. In a relationship so perfect, her concerns ARE your concerns. Your concenrs ARE hers too. The fact that she's hiding this until she feels it's your business is a huge problem. Not to be a dick, but if she's having pregnency scares with you using a condom EVERY time, start to finish, you'd better be asking her who else is pumping sperm into her, becuase you're not! Also, if you can't handle a child, and you're looking at abortion as a way to bail yourself out of a problem, keep your dick in your pants. Seriously. If you are so afraid of having a child that it's simply a non-option for YOU, don't fuck HER. It's that simple. Lick each other off, use fingers, vibrators, whatever! Fuck if I care. But I tell you this: Fucking makes babies. I you can ABSOLUTELY not chance having a kid, DO NOT FUCK! It's that simple pal. There are far too many people fucking for the fun of it, and running when there's some work from it all. That is bullshit. If you can't have a kid, under any circumstances at this point in your life, seriously, don't fuck. There you go. If you have admitted to yourself that a kid may happen, then you've asked yourself, I hope, if you can father that child with her. If not, then you need to take precautions, which you say you are, or not fuck. If she's taking the pill, and you're wearing condoms EVERY TIME (I can't stress that enough) then there is no goddamn way you're knocking her up. No way, no how. If you can't handle the idea of taking those chances, with those incredible odds, and she's not going to give you a failsafe with an abortion, then you need to not have intercourse. It's that simple. PS--I have some issues with this subject, so I apologize for the hositility, it's not directed at you. I get worked up over people who want to fuck but not deal with all it involves. __________________ I can sum up the clash of religion in one sentence: "My Invisible Friend is better than your Invisible Friend."

08-13-2004, 12:15 AM	#10 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	I saw billege's post and edited mine. I agree with him. You should be watching that pill like a hawk. You have every right - and responsibility - to do that. If she wasn't on the pill and you were about to have sex, don't you think any woman with any shred of sense would tell you to wear a condom? It's the same thing here. You both help her take her pill, she helps the both of you with the condoms. Simple. There's no treading on other peoples' business here, no invading of rights or distrust. What do you mean by pregnancy scares in the past? Just times that her period's been late? Or when the condom came off and she told you in the post-sex exhaustion that she forgot to take her pill the night before? It does sound very suspicious. Last edited by Dorito2; 08-13-2004 at 12:21 AM..

08-13-2004, 02:35 AM	#12 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	I didn't mean to downplay how freaky it is to have a pregnancy scare. I've had an STD scare and a pregnancy scare and they more than live up to their names. I think you should ask your girlfriend how certain she is that she will keep the baby, IF she gets pregnant (which we should all keep in mind is <i>almost</i> impossible). If she has said once in the past that she wouldn't have an abortion then perhaps she has changed her mind, but if she often says it and doesn't sound like she will budge then perhaps you need to find out the real reason she won't abort.

08-13-2004, 03:30 AM	#14 (permalink)
doncalypso TFP Mad Scientist Location: Philadelphia, PA	Breathe in.... Breathe out.... and relax, damn it!!! You're using condoms and she is on the pill, for cryin' out loud. If you want to reduce the incidence of pregancy scares then I'd suggest you use plenty of lube when you have sex with her that way there's less of a chance that hte condom would break. And if despite all that you're still worried about her getting pregnant then maybe you both should consider abstaining from sex for a while because you shouldn't be having sex with someone unless you're ready to deal with all of the possible consequences (including her getting pregnant). __________________ Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

08-13-2004, 04:14 AM	#15 (permalink)
The Phenomenon Psycho Location: I think my horns are coming out	Look, its simple: There are many risks involved when you have sex. One of them is pregnancy. This risk can be diminished to almost nothing with a condom and the pill. With the combination of the two there is virtually NO chance of you two becoming pregnant. Next year a male contraceptive pill will be available thats supposed to be even more effective than the female one, with none of the nasty side effects. OBVIOUSLY your girl is morally opposed to abortion. She is still open to other people's own moral decision regarding abortion, but she has already decided that she is not going down that road. But there are two things going here as far as I am concerned. First of all I feel that the pregnancy is as much your business as it is hers, even though it occurs in her body. And since you will be the ne paying for the kid if he is born, you should have some say as far as the abortion goes. But since this a 50% artnership each there is no easy way with this. She has been honest with you: She said that an abortion is out of the question for her. Have you discussed how you feel with her? Either take the risk of having a kid and keeping it by sleeping with her, or abstain until you are ready to have children. Or have a vasectomy or something. This is not something to go ruining a relationship over, and I sure as hell hope that this question was not intended as a "should I leave her?". It boils down to these few options: 1. Take the small risk by having sex with her, knowing full well that if she becomes pregnant that you are going to have a child. 2. Don't have sex with her but stay with her until you are ready to accept the possibility of a child in your life. 3. Leave her. Oh and option 3 is the total asshole option, by the way. __________________ Do not confuse altruism with kindness, good will or respect for the rights of others. These are not primaries, but consequences, which, in fact, altruism makes impossible. The irreducible primary of altruism, the basic absolute, is self-sacrifice - which means: self-immolation, self-abnegation, self-denial, self-destruction - which means: the self as a standard of evil, the selfless as a standard of the good.

08-13-2004, 06:07 AM	#16 (permalink)
nowthen Insane Location: Republic of Panama	How old are you? There is such a thing as been an adult and been responsible for yourself, and your loved ones. If she gets pregnant, then maybe you might just have to shoulder that responsibilty and deal with it. Welcome to the real world. __________________ "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." George Bernard Shaw

08-13-2004, 07:15 AM	#17 (permalink)
hossified face f$cker Location: canada	that's the gamble dude.....these days everyone has sex cause it 'feels' good.....but remember the whole point of it is to reproduce. At least you recognize this fact. If you're that worried about getting her prego's....maybe you should stop having sex (although given all your protections you should be almost guaranteed to not conceive)....but dumping the girl cause she says she wouldn't abort.....too many hypotheticals to base something serious as this on. ??? ...maybe you shouldn't be having sex at all cause it doesn't sound like you are mature enough yet to deal with the possible outcomes. Or maybe you should get your 'boys cut'....so you are guaranteed 100% to not get anyone preggers.

08-13-2004, 10:56 AM	#20 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	The whole thing with the period being 'three days late'......I've been late for months because I was stressed or the like. Just because she's late doesn't mean she's pregnant. Anyway, she may say she wouldn't have an abortion, but she actually MAY WANT TO HAVE ONE if she actually gets pregnant. I know that I always said abortions are terrible, but when I had a really bad scare once, I was actually planning and considering it. Personally, I think you should just work on your communication- like, she tells you if she's afraid she's pregnant, and you try not to freak her out by telling her you can't support a baby (before you even know if she's actually pregnant). Continue to use both forms of birth control, and your chances are slim.

08-13-2004, 11:02 AM	#22 (permalink)
electric9 Upright	i say switch to anal and you will not have to worry about getting her pregnant... it may take some convincing on your part to get her to be down with it....but once you do that you're in the clear...havent heard of a case yet when somone has gotten pregnant from anal unless of course it was a mud-baby.....j/k

08-13-2004, 02:41 PM	#23 (permalink)
Paq Junkie Location: South Carolina	one other thing...WATCH THE FUCKING PILLS!!! as in, make sure she is taking them..my fucking dumber than bricks sister in law decided she wanted a child after she and my brother talked it over and decided they didn't...sooo, she took it upon herself to just 'oops' skip the fucking pills every morning... i now have a new neice and i'm trying not to hold anything against her, but i really want to kick my sis in law's ass for taking it upon herself to just have a baby when she's married to my bro... __________________ Live. Chris

08-13-2004, 03:54 PM	#25 (permalink)
pocon1 Banned	My wife has been on the pill for about 10 years with no problems. Otherwise, try anal, like someone before suggested. If she doesn't like it, tell her it hurts less than having a baby. Also, antibiotics and some other drugs can mess with the pill. Make sure she talks to her doctor about any interactions.

08-17-2004, 06:35 PM	#26 (permalink)
neekap Tilted Location: Central OH	I'm kind of surprised nobody else has mentioned this, but if she gets pregnant it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the end of the world and you have to support the kid. There are countless numbers of couples who can't have babies and are looking to adopt and will pay good money for a kid. Granted, I don't want to make this sound like you can use this as a second income or anything, but a lot of times the adoptive parents will help pay a good sized portion of medical bills related to the pregnancy. If the "unthinkable" should happen, deal with the consequences and allow a couple who is financially and emotionally capable of raising the child give him/her a good life.

08-18-2004, 04:35 PM	#28 (permalink)
jRuntlets Crazy	While on BC, periods can be irregular. As most women will tell you, the more stressed you are, the later your period comes. It can flux for the duration that you are on the pill. Many users (myself and friends alike) have noticed the periods starting later/being shorter as the medication continues, which I can only attribute to the fact that the pill is working and my body is producing less uterine lining. As a pro-choice woman, unwilling to have an abortion if I get pregnant from concented sex like your girlfriend I hope I can offer you some insight. Have you asked your girlfriend why she wouldn't have an abortion if she was pregnant with your child? If I became pregant with my boyfriend's child I would have the child, WHY? I knowingly had sex, which I KNOW results in pregnancy. So in my opinion, I knowingly brought that child into the world and it is my responsibility to take care of the child. (Note: This is only my view of abortion. Women have the right to choose what they do with their bodies without being judged by religion, governement and most of all the general public.) Though tons of others have said it, if you don't want to have a child, don't have sex. __________________ Horses come and go, but some leave permanent hoof prints on your life.

09-08-2004, 06:56 PM	#29 (permalink)
davik Irradiation for fun and profit Location: Controlled access area	Personally I discuss things like that with girls before we get to that point and I flat out won't sleep with someone who isn't willing to have an abortion if something goes wrong. That being said, if she is religiously taking the pill and you're correctly using good condoms (trojans, durex, or planned parenthood brand would be my suggestions, though I only use trojans) with the spermicidal lubricant coating the chances of her getting pregnant are absolutely infantesimal. If she really means that much to you don't sweat it. __________________ "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform." -- Mark Twain

09-13-2004, 04:00 PM	#34 (permalink)
iccky Psycho Location: Princeton, NJ	Just FYI for everyone, this handy <a href="http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html">chart</a> give the percentage chance of failure for different birth control methods over the course of a year. So if you're using a condom and the pill, even if you use the typical use numbers (which assume she forgets sometime and the condom breaks once or twice) the chance of both failing is 0.7%. So if you two have sex for 100 years, she'll get pregnant, on average, about once. Basicaly, you need to realize that the fear of pregnancy is fairly irrational. Now that doesn't mean that its not a totally natural irrational fear to have. I showed this chart to my girlfriend (who also would not have an abortion) and damned it she doesn't still freak out everytime her period is 12 hours late. And damned if it doesn't put me on edge a bit too. So really, for me at least, its not a question of whether we can support a child (or survive the stress of pregnancy and childbirth and give it up for adoption) as much as is the stress and fear we go through worth the sex? It seems to be putting you through a lot of stress, so I would suggest not (remember BJs are fun! ) especially when you factor in the 0.7% chance per year that she would actually get pregnant. And for the record, every time my girlfriend freaks out, I say we should stop having sex, and I very nearly mean it. She actually called my bluff once and we went a month without before we both caved. So I don't feel too hypocritical counseling abstinance. Last edited by iccky; 09-13-2004 at 04:04 PM.. Reason: I cn't type

09-13-2004, 06:24 PM	#35 (permalink)
thebellman Upright	If you want to be completely positive, you could always get a vasectomy...then the two of you can go until your little heart's are content with no bc whatsoever

09-13-2004, 07:24 PM	#36 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

09-13-2004, 07:30 PM	#37 (permalink)
primord Upright	Call me crazy. I'm 19 and have seen ALOT of shit in my day. I've seen so many of my friends have unwanted babies. My best friend knocked up his gf while she was on the pill and they were using condoms. (Personally, I think she stopped the pill and poked holes in a condom) I seriously plan on getting a vasectomy. There are 99.9% reversal rates now. Yes, it's expensive; yes, kids are more expensive. Go get cut, and live your life. When/if your ready to have kids, go get a reversal. I guarantee it's ALOT less stress than having an unwanted baby. Guarantee. My 2 cents.

09-16-2004, 08:19 PM	#38 (permalink)
chiss Upright	First of all, abortions are sick, disgusting, and totally unessasary. There are hundreds of thousands of couples out there that cannot have a child that would love to be able to adopt a child, and for every abortion, kills off a chance, and kills of a life. What if your parents had an abortion, or your gf's parents, because they couldn't take care of that child. You or your gf would have never existed. And it disgusts me. Have the child, and have the child go into a wonderful family and have a wonderful life.