Arsenic7

So to preface, my girlfriend has had much more experience in bed then myself but hadn't orgasmed ever untill many months after we started having sex. She is a sexual person but doesn't know her body very well, if that makes sense.

So anyhow, for a while she would get sensetive after having an orgasm or even just an ALMOST orgasm and couldn't stand penetration any longer. The problem is this wouldn't just make her lose interest in penetration but pretty much anything sexual, so I would be left a little unfulfilled. I realise the goal of sex shouldn't always be to orgasm but hey, it took a lot of effort to give her hers, where's mine?! I don't like to seem selfish though, so it was hard for me to bring it up to her (though I did eventually tell her.)

I guess I'd kind of like to hear about peoples experience with selfishness in bed, female or male. It's mentioned briefly a lot in otherthreads but usually not in depth and usually pertaining to only one person in particular.

In my case, I believe it was/is due to a sort of sexual naivette, whereby my girlfriend didn't really even realize (different than not caring...slightly) that I might want her to put in a little extra effort.

Anyhow, eventually I found out that what my situation required was simple honesty. I just had to swallow my pride and tell her what I wanted...

So...anyone?

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SinisterMotives

I dated a woman very briefly (and you'll understand why in a second) who was a recovering codependent. One of the most glaring behavior patterns of someone who has recently discovered that they're codependent is that they attempt to compensate by swinging to the opposite extreme of acting very selfish. Such was the case with this person. Anytime I did her a favor, she disavowed any sense of gratitude. The event that finally made me ditch her was when I finger fucked her to orgasm and she didn't feel the least bit compelled to reciprocate. As always with her, the response was "I didn't ask you to." I told her later that night that I didn't think we should see each other anymore.

Kazic

I dated this one girl who did not go down unless she "felt" like it and was very upfront about it.
When she came it was over. I could finish myself she used to say. And she was very not into the marathon sessions as she called it when I would hold off on letting her cum until we were both close.
Most selfish person I have ever been with.

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Arsenic7

Yeah, for a while an excuse she would give was that "I could finish myself off." I think that's what ticked me off the most and also what made her realize she was being a bit cruel...

If that side of her comes back I think I'll have to fight the temptation to reciprocate in kind.

I doubt that though...things have only gotten better :P

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bermuDa

my first gf (that I had sex with) was pretty selfish in and out of the bed. When she dumped me (cause she couldn't handle a long distance relationship), she did me a huge favor.

I'm a giver and so is my SO, things couldn't be better.

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Key

selfishness, hmm. i don't know, i personally really enjoy seeing my SO having the time of her life. it was a huge turn on to see her unable to contain herself.

she would always make sure i finished though, regardless of how good she was doing. i definitely put her needs above mine though, for the most part at least. always going to be a couple times that your labido's just going through the roof and you need to clear some of it up and have to jump them in the shower

Redgirl

I think I'm kind of selfish, but I realize it and try to make more of an effort. I would never say finish yourself off, however! Like a BJ is soooo much effort? And what if she wasn't in the mood? At least I will offer a hand job or blow job in place of sex if I'm too tired or whatever.

After I orgasm, my sexual craziness disappears. So I would always try to get him to come at the same time as me, or really quickly after I did. But he likes to experience my orgasm and then prolong his own. Sometimes I still rush him, but I have gotten more into the spirit of teasing him and just enjoying the effect I have on him. He does so much for me in bed and works so hard to be sure I get mine, it's the least I can do!

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Seaver

Honestly, women like this dont know they're being wrong... so pull it on her. Next time you're having sex finish as quickly as you can, and tell her whatever excuse she gave you when she doesnt finish off.

Then the next day sit her down and tell her how you made her feel is what she does to you. That just because she loses the sexual drive afterwards is no excuse not to keep the enjoyment going, or at least help you out.

I've had this with two women, and did this to both. The first one realized what she was doing, changed it, and eventually found how she can attain multiple orgasms. The second couldnt see how it was the same. She proclaimed that it's different... cause men can finish themselves off. So I told her to buy a vibrator and dumped her.

la petite moi

In my opinion, I think you should talk to her about your concerns. I doubt she is TRYING to be selfish, and I'm sure she'd like to please you. I know that sometimes I get dog tired during/after sex, and I just can't keep on going.

About the orgasm thing, it sounds more like a comfortability thing to me. This is funny, but my boyfriend just gave me my first orgasm from him last night...and we've been dating for almost 14 months.

Blackthorn

WOW If this isn't a classic case of role reversal! It's usually the boys that are gettin the satisfaction and the girls who are left in a just getting the motor running state. Hmmm...tough one. Does she give good oral? Either that or manual/hand stimulation could help wrap things up for you. You need to be able to talk to her about this issue if you are going to have any chance at long term success in this relationship. That doesn't mean you go an make her wrong for how she responds sexually. It means you need to openly and honestly and in a caring manner express your feelings about this. Talk to her...you'll find a way to work through it.

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Arsenic7

Well...congrats?

And I know she doesn't mean it...it's just that half the time she didn't seem the least bit apologetic or just simply didn't realize that I might want to experience what I had given her.

Actually, come to think about it...this happened more when she still wasn't able to orgasm...at which case she would adopt the reasoning that if I can't get her off (she still doesn't even know how to get herself off) then I didn't need to get off either.

It just seems to me that this selfishness defeats the purpose of sex...which is, in my eyes, for the partners to each please one another, essentially. At the same time, I feel like I'M going against the grain by complaining about it.

And she would have never gone for it if I had just decided to finish before her. She would have been too angry to realize what she was doing wrong. That's why I just explained it to her.

Edit: To kjroh...

I've already discussed and worked around the issue with her...though I think she's still thinking it over. The problem with oral and handjobs is...if she isn't in the mood shes not going to want to do either. And that's the problem, isn't it. Unwillingness to compromise. It's not fun getting a handjob or bj from someone who doesn't want to be doing those things either

Also...she's the type of person who gets caught up with the fact that her own juices are still on my penis when it comes to oral after sex and she's actually a little reluctant to kiss me after I go down on her (though usually a little wipe and a good screwing is all that's needed for her to come around. On top of that, her wrists tire easily.

Plus...so far she can really only orgasm from penetration & the use of a vibe combined. I do kind of wish we could do things other than sex now and then.

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la petite moi

Hey dude, didn't mean to 'brag' about the orgasm- I hope you weren't been sarcastic with that 'congrats?'.

I'm sorry, but you have to talk to her. Tell her how you feel (completely) because communication is part of a relationship. If she can't compromise, she doesn't know what a real relationship is about, and you two are going to have major problems in the future.

pinkie

I agree with everyone that has said, "Talk to her." Communication is the key to success in any relationship.

World's King

Just because you scream "FUCK ME" doesn't make you selfish.

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Flyguy

Those are some selfish ass women guys!

When my wife and I were first dating and we started having sex, I'll admit I was a little selfish in bed. I ended up feeling a little guilty about it after a while. But early on she sat me down and told me that it takes time for her to come and ever since then I always try to last longer during sex or eat her out first beforehand and make sure she has her orgasm so she's satisfied. On top of that, I love watching her shake and moan while she's enjoying herself. I've made her scream at the top of her lungs only once since we've been married (she doesn't like to do it but she lost control that afternoon!) and it's one of my goals to figure out how to make her do it constantly!

Moral of the story, communication IS key.

Stoneygirl76

I recently ended a young relationship (in part) due to his selfishness (in bed, among other areas). From the first time we were together, I had to practically beg him to do things, outside of the pre-intercourse 5 minute oral and the actual sex itself. I had no qualms about obliging his requests, but began to resent the fact that after I blew him to satisfaction, I couldn't even get a hand between my legs for a few minutes.

Openness and communication are key - but what can you do if you've stated your plea and still, he/she doesn't change?

I chose to end it, because I won't stay with someone who acts as if his needs are more important than my own. The last time I saw my ex, he actually gave me his blessing when I joked about going upstairs to do the job of pleasing myself (we'd been watching porn and I'd gone down on despite the rude way told, not asked, me to). He was out the door soon after.

I think if you care about someone, their enjoyment is part of yours - they're interconnected. If a girl can't tolerate any more penetration, then she should assist in her guy climaxing in another way, and if a guy comes first, he should be sure his girl comes, too. That's just how I see it.