Can Guys and Girls be "Just Friends?" - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mr. Moe · 09-27-2003, 08:28 PM

Looking over this forum, I have noticed that alot of the heart broken stories follow the same forumla:

-Guy becomes best friend with girl
-Guy quickly falls in love with girl
-Girl either doesn't feel the same way, has a boyfriend, or they dated and things didn't work out

Now I am not talking about the casual friend here, but if guys and girls can be considered really good, close friends. Whenever people get that emotionally attached, it seems that one or both start wanting more. I have had a few female friends that I would think I am rather close to, but truthfully i've at one time or another really wished we were more then "Just Friends"

What do you guys think?

Harshaw · 09-27-2003, 08:37 PM

I've never had luck being "just close friends" with a girl. I normally start thinking about how much I like being with them and it goes down hill from there. I can do it if I am dating someone else at the time, but thats a pretty rare occasion.

Ballzor · 09-27-2003, 08:39 PM

Its a situation played out way to often. Usually it is the guy who becomes the friend who wants more and, from my experience, will ultimately never get what he wants. If they dont like you now, they wont like you after you throw everything you got at them. Lets face it, if your friends, she or he most likely knows the good and bad about you. They know you better than lets say, 2 people meeting at a party for the first time. It sucks, but I personally believe you should either go for it - which usually doesnt work-, or just try your hardest to move on.

ARTelevision · 09-27-2003, 08:39 PM

yes, of course they can.
the implication is that there is nothing to gender but sex - or that sex makes gender always a problem. it's not always a problem.

little limey · 09-27-2003, 08:42 PM

Yes. I have a close guy friend and for a while we were both struggling to be just friends. But then we gained control of ourselves and now he's my best friend at college. Just to let you know: I had to control myself cause I was with Spinach_Indeed and I love him and didn't want to lose him.

But then again, it's just as hard for me to stay just friends with girls that I'm close to. In a way it's easier cause none of them swing that way so i don't really have the option, but I still have the same desires as I would with a close guy friend. It all just comes down to control. Once I tell myself that it will never happen then it slips from my mind and it's not hard to be just friends. So i guess, yes it's possible but after a bit of struggling.

Mr. Moe · 09-27-2003, 08:48 PM

Just to make this more interesting, try and say if you are male or female when you post. It seems to be more of a problem to males then it is to females (of course if you are uncomfortable with saying your gender don't worry about it)

siryn · 09-27-2003, 08:52 PM

I say yes, others say no. My best friend is a guy. He is in a commited relationship, and so am I. If those hadn't been the terms when we met, perhaps events could have unfolded otherwise. We don't have any problems.

My friend Ellis, on the other hand, has never been able to have a plutonic relationship with a girl. If he's friends with a girl (myself included), he wants to fuck her, and hits on her incessantly. The only plutonic relationship he finds possible is with his stepsister, and he had sex with her at one time.

So really it just depends on the persons and situations. Such friendships are certainly possible, but very easy to screw up.

numist_net · 09-27-2003, 08:55 PM

I say yes, I'm in a committed relationship, she isn't. Either way, we are very close without being anything more.

Initially, my g/f got very nervous (because I knew my g/f already) when I met my friend, but things have worked out fine.

Yes!

Ballzor · 09-27-2003, 09:06 PM

Human Nature always gets in the way. Man is driven to reproduce, so what is he going to do when a girl opens up a little, he is going to try to fuck her. It takes a lot of wisdom and self control to go any other way I personally believe. But through personal experience, you have to force yourself to move on. In my case, I had to force myself to hate that person. It has worked thus far....

diddagirl · 09-27-2003, 09:20 PM

I was best friends with this guy for a few years....he fell for me, and wanted more. I wanted to stay friends..and that was really hard for him. He finally got over me, and then what do u know...I fell for him. But he said I had my chance and wasnt interested in me that way. It was hard that he didnt feel the same and started to act different..so i did what u did ballzor, and turned my feelings to hate. A few months later, the friendship was over. Kinda sad really.......

nextlevel1 · 09-27-2003, 09:41 PM

I had been friends with this girl since 8th grade and we were like really colse and would talk about really serective stuff. We started getting real close around my 11th grade year and we ended up dating for about 3 months but it didnt work out because we all ready new everything ( deep ,dark & secret) about each other. Needless to say we ended up hating each other and she still wont talk to me to this day!

mirevolver · 09-27-2003, 09:44 PM

I'm friends with a girl I met my freshman year. She's a great friend but never had any inclination to date her. As friends, we're great together, if we were in a relationship it would be a disaster.

filtherton · 09-27-2003, 09:45 PM

It is a lot easier for me to just be friends with a girl if i am already seeing someone. Otherwise, regardless of my intentions, i always get myself into trouble.

stingc · 09-27-2003, 11:21 PM

I think its a natural reaction to fall for a close friend. If you are single and love being around a particular girl (in a Platonic sense), how could you not want her? You enjoy a friend's company. You understand each other. You trust each other. Aren't these the most important parts of any potentially lasting relationship?

Sure, some circumstances can prevent this type of reaction. I think that unless you are already attached though, that possibility is the exception.

frozenstellar · 09-28-2003, 05:11 AM

i've found it hard to have a really close female friend without falling for her. my closest friend is a female, we dated for a while, didnt work, and became friends well over a year ago. up until recently, i've had thoughts about wanting more than just a friendship, but she'd never go for it.

thankfully i met a wonderful girl that i could not be happier with. never ever felt so comfortable around a person... ever. now i'm happy with her, and can keep the friend as a friend.

skysooner · 09-28-2003, 06:17 AM

It is difficult to be close friends with a girl due to the way guys brains are wired, but it is possible. I have lots of close girl friends now that I am very happily married (and they know that). I am safe so to speak.

Cardinal Syn · 09-28-2003, 06:28 AM

Watch when Harry Met Sally. There will be your answer :>

fuzzix · 09-28-2003, 06:57 AM

If I'm physically attracted to the girl, then I want more. Not that I'm not satisfied with an attractive girl as my best friend, but I think I'd just fall in love with her too easily. :P

jokeR`afk · 09-28-2003, 07:28 AM

I met a girl three years ago and fell for her instantly, we hit a few bumps along the road and things never worked out, we're still friends but I've always wanted more, as time goes on and we become better friends I want her more. I think the main problem with me is that I'm not close to any of my friends other than her. I don't think about them as being all that close, they're mostly just people I can spend time with and bullshit and have a good time with, but none of them are a really close connection. So she's always held in a special place, completely ahead of everybody else and is always something "more" to me.

But I do have two other female friends, and I never think about them as anything more. But thats only because I'm completely head over heels for this other girl and hardly even see other women.

oberon · 09-28-2003, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by siryn
I say yes, others say no. My best friend is a guy. He is in a commited relationship, and so am I. If those hadn't been the terms when we met, perhaps events could have unfolded otherwise. We don't have any problems.

My friend Ellis, on the other hand, has never been able to have a plutonic relationship with a girl. If he's friends with a girl (myself included), he wants to fuck her, and hits on her incessantly. The only plutonic relationship he finds possible is with his stepsister, and he had sex with her at one time.

So really it just depends on the persons and situations. Such friendships are certainly possible, but very easy to screw up.

Geez, that's just sick!

I find it pretty difficult to be good friends with a woman too, without falling for her. Usually things end up dissolving and we don't talk anymore. It sucks.

sailor · 09-28-2003, 03:19 PM

It seems to be my experience that yes, girls can have close guy friends, but very close girl friends for a guy (without the guy wanting the girl) don't happen too often.

I know there are exceptions galore, but this has been my experience.

daydream · 09-28-2003, 03:59 PM

Yes, I definitely believe that a guy and a girl can be just friends... I have a guy friend who I've known all my life, and to this day we are nothing more than good friends and I can honestly say I have no romantic feelings for him what so ever. It's fun to hang out and we talk often but nothin more.

Sledge · 09-28-2003, 04:05 PM

This is debatable, but I don't think it's an issue of "Can a guy and a girl be just friends?" as "Can two friends of a specific mentality avoid falling for each other?"

I'm in a committed relationship with a magnificent young lady. But I have other close female friends. It's generally understood that I'm not on the market, and that understanding leads me to not look at these girls as prospective lovers.

I think that same understanding can be applied to single people, too. If you're looking for a lover, you're going to find potential everywhere. If you're not, then you won't. The problem is that most single people are, which makes things not so simple...

Mupwah · 09-28-2003, 05:34 PM

I think they can be friends but they may want more if they become close unless thier are boundries, like marriage. I have several close female friends. I we were not Married I am sure I would hook up with one of them.

Ballzor · 09-28-2003, 06:52 PM

I agree with Sledge, If you have that chemistry, your going to eventually think that way about that person, even if you dont want to. Which is why I say you have to force yourself to overcome human nature by using it against itself. I. E. make yourself loathe that person. Use everything you know about them that is unattractive, and fill your head with it. Now, thats only if you cant deal with the idea of being so close but so far. If you have a chance, I say take it. It has to work somewhere along the line I think.

motdakasha · 09-28-2003, 07:12 PM

I think yes. I don't see it possible to completely rule out one part of the human relationship spectrum. Anything is possible when it comes to relationships.

Tom Thumb · 09-28-2003, 08:56 PM

They can, but only if both sides aren't sufficiently attracted to each other.

nfa · 09-28-2003, 08:59 PM

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

tritium · 09-28-2003, 09:58 PM

I've been friends with a female for about 5 years now. She originally asked me out, but I didn't see her "that way" (already moved into friend-mode) and I declined. However, we've remained in close contact and have actually cobbled together a very nice friendship -- in fact, I would have to say that to date, she is the only true friend I've ever had that didn't walk on 4 legs.

tritium · 09-28-2003, 10:05 PM

nfa, that has to be the most dire examination of human relationship interaction that I've ever seen. How depressing... I've always said that any woman that's interested in attaining an MRS degree from me can keep on looking. I want a partner, not a leech. Man, that link makes me want to drink.

Averett · 09-29-2003, 04:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by stingc
I think its a natural reaction to fall for a close friend. If you are single and love being around a particular girl (in a Platonic sense), how could you not want her? You enjoy a friend's company. You understand each other. You trust each other. Aren't these the most important parts of any potentially lasting relationship?

Thats how I feel. I got really close to a friend of mine last summer. We hung out a lot and of course I began to have feelings for him. I never said anything, thought he wouldnt feel the same way. He's always flirty, so I never thought anything of it when he would drunkenly kiss me. Well, a few months ago he told me that he liked me too. I think it's better that nothing happened. It would have been disasterious.

Dragon_Imp · 09-29-2003, 06:50 AM

Well like i have been friends with this girl for like 12 years and i really like her i dont know why though but im not like wanting to spend time with her every second but when im with her i dont ever wanna leave but i really just wanna be friends i dont know why, I dont think we will be just friends for much longer!!!!!!!!!!

rogue49 · 09-29-2003, 07:04 AM

Yes, you can
and yes, I have

Despite any attraction you might have, you can learn to be just friends
However, this requires you to ignore any "human" desires,
and understand that your admiration for each other goes beyond this.

Unfortunately, most people fail at this and give in to their selfish or "hormonal" sides.

You have to go beyond your desire, make the admiration more mental.
Enjoy their company just for "them", not their body.

09-27-2003, 08:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mr. Moe Loser Location: Oakville, Ontario	Can Guys and Girls be "Just Friends?" Looking over this forum, I have noticed that alot of the heart broken stories follow the same forumla: -Guy becomes best friend with girl -Guy quickly falls in love with girl -Girl either doesn't feel the same way, has a boyfriend, or they dated and things didn't work out Now I am not talking about the casual friend here, but if guys and girls can be considered really good, close friends. Whenever people get that emotionally attached, it seems that one or both start wanting more. I have had a few female friends that I would think I am rather close to, but truthfully i've at one time or another really wished we were more then "Just Friends" What do you guys think? Last edited by Mr. Moe; 09-28-2003 at 08:37 AM..

09-27-2003, 08:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
Harshaw Is mad at you. Location: Bored in Sacramento	I've never had luck being "just close friends" with a girl. I normally start thinking about how much I like being with them and it goes down hill from there. I can do it if I am dating someone else at the time, but thats a pretty rare occasion. __________________ This too shall pass.

09-27-2003, 08:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
ARTelevision I change Location: USA	yes, of course they can. the implication is that there is nothing to gender but sex - or that sex makes gender always a problem. it's not always a problem. __________________ create evolution

09-27-2003, 09:41 PM	#11 (permalink)
nextlevel1 Upright Location: louisiana	I had been friends with this girl since 8th grade and we were like really colse and would talk about really serective stuff. We started getting real close around my 11th grade year and we ended up dating for about 3 months but it didnt work out because we all ready new everything ( deep ,dark & secret) about each other. Needless to say we ended up hating each other and she still wont talk to me to this day! __________________ "To be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid."

09-27-2003, 09:44 PM	#12 (permalink)
mirevolver Inspired by the mind's eye. Location: Between the darkness and the light.	I'm friends with a girl I met my freshman year. She's a great friend but never had any inclination to date her. As friends, we're great together, if we were in a relationship it would be a disaster. __________________ Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions.

09-27-2003, 08:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ballzor Crazy Location: Bat Country	Its a situation played out way to often. Usually it is the guy who becomes the friend who wants more and, from my experience, will ultimately never get what he wants. If they dont like you now, they wont like you after you throw everything you got at them. Lets face it, if your friends, she or he most likely knows the good and bad about you. They know you better than lets say, 2 people meeting at a party for the first time. It sucks, but I personally believe you should either go for it - which usually doesnt work-, or just try your hardest to move on.

09-27-2003, 08:42 PM	#5 (permalink)
little limey Psycho Location: Room Nineteen	Yes. I have a close guy friend and for a while we were both struggling to be just friends. But then we gained control of ourselves and now he's my best friend at college. Just to let you know: I had to control myself cause I was with Spinach_Indeed and I love him and didn't want to lose him. But then again, it's just as hard for me to stay just friends with girls that I'm close to. In a way it's easier cause none of them swing that way so i don't really have the option, but I still have the same desires as I would with a close guy friend. It all just comes down to control. Once I tell myself that it will never happen then it slips from my mind and it's not hard to be just friends. So i guess, yes it's possible but after a bit of struggling.

09-27-2003, 08:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
Mr. Moe Loser Location: Oakville, Ontario	Just to make this more interesting, try and say if you are male or female when you post. It seems to be more of a problem to males then it is to females (of course if you are uncomfortable with saying your gender don't worry about it)

09-27-2003, 08:52 PM	#7 (permalink)
siryn Tilted Location: Long Beach CA	I say yes, others say no. My best friend is a guy. He is in a commited relationship, and so am I. If those hadn't been the terms when we met, perhaps events could have unfolded otherwise. We don't have any problems. My friend Ellis, on the other hand, has never been able to have a plutonic relationship with a girl. If he's friends with a girl (myself included), he wants to fuck her, and hits on her incessantly. The only plutonic relationship he finds possible is with his stepsister, and he had sex with her at one time. So really it just depends on the persons and situations. Such friendships are certainly possible, but very easy to screw up.

09-27-2003, 08:55 PM	#8 (permalink)
numist_net Banned Location: UCSD	I say yes, I'm in a committed relationship, she isn't. Either way, we are very close without being anything more. Initially, my g/f got very nervous (because I knew my g/f already) when I met my friend, but things have worked out fine. Yes!

09-27-2003, 09:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
Ballzor Crazy Location: Bat Country	Human Nature always gets in the way. Man is driven to reproduce, so what is he going to do when a girl opens up a little, he is going to try to fuck her. It takes a lot of wisdom and self control to go any other way I personally believe. But through personal experience, you have to force yourself to move on. In my case, I had to force myself to hate that person. It has worked thus far....

09-27-2003, 09:20 PM	#10 (permalink)
diddagirl Addict Location: Calgary, AB	I was best friends with this guy for a few years....he fell for me, and wanted more. I wanted to stay friends..and that was really hard for him. He finally got over me, and then what do u know...I fell for him. But he said I had my chance and wasnt interested in me that way. It was hard that he didnt feel the same and started to act different..so i did what u did ballzor, and turned my feelings to hate. A few months later, the friendship was over. Kinda sad really.......

09-27-2003, 09:45 PM	#13 (permalink)
filtherton Junkie Location: In the land of ice and snow.	It is a lot easier for me to just be friends with a girl if i am already seeing someone. Otherwise, regardless of my intentions, i always get myself into trouble.

09-27-2003, 11:21 PM	#14 (permalink)
stingc Psycho Location: PA	I think its a natural reaction to fall for a close friend. If you are single and love being around a particular girl (in a Platonic sense), how could you not want her? You enjoy a friend's company. You understand each other. You trust each other. Aren't these the most important parts of any potentially lasting relationship? Sure, some circumstances can prevent this type of reaction. I think that unless you are already attached though, that possibility is the exception.

09-28-2003, 05:11 AM	#15 (permalink)
frozenstellar Without Wings Location: Australia	i've found it hard to have a really close female friend without falling for her. my closest friend is a female, we dated for a while, didnt work, and became friends well over a year ago. up until recently, i've had thoughts about wanting more than just a friendship, but she'd never go for it. thankfully i met a wonderful girl that i could not be happier with. never ever felt so comfortable around a person... ever. now i'm happy with her, and can keep the friend as a friend.

09-28-2003, 06:17 AM	#16 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	It is difficult to be close friends with a girl due to the way guys brains are wired, but it is possible. I have lots of close girl friends now that I am very happily married (and they know that). I am safe so to speak.

09-28-2003, 06:28 AM	#17 (permalink)
Cardinal Syn Insane Location: Arizona	Watch when Harry Met Sally. There will be your answer :>

09-28-2003, 06:57 AM	#18 (permalink)
fuzzix Psycho Location: Australia	If I'm physically attracted to the girl, then I want more. Not that I'm not satisfied with an attractive girl as my best friend, but I think I'd just fall in love with her too easily. :P __________________ I'm most definately not 'lovin' it'.

09-28-2003, 07:28 AM	#19 (permalink)
jokeR`afk Upright	I met a girl three years ago and fell for her instantly, we hit a few bumps along the road and things never worked out, we're still friends but I've always wanted more, as time goes on and we become better friends I want her more. I think the main problem with me is that I'm not close to any of my friends other than her. I don't think about them as being all that close, they're mostly just people I can spend time with and bullshit and have a good time with, but none of them are a really close connection. So she's always held in a special place, completely ahead of everybody else and is always something "more" to me. But I do have two other female friends, and I never think about them as anything more. But thats only because I'm completely head over heels for this other girl and hardly even see other women.

09-28-2003, 03:19 PM	#21 (permalink)
sailor beauty in the breakdown Location: Chapel Hill, NC	It seems to be my experience that yes, girls can have close guy friends, but very close girl friends for a guy (without the guy wanting the girl) don't happen too often. I know there are exceptions galore, but this has been my experience. __________________ "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." --Plato

09-28-2003, 03:59 PM	#22 (permalink)
daydream Crazy Location: Long Island, NY	Yes, I definitely believe that a guy and a girl can be just friends... I have a guy friend who I've known all my life, and to this day we are nothing more than good friends and I can honestly say I have no romantic feelings for him what so ever. It's fun to hang out and we talk often but nothin more. __________________ "Can't help it if I space in a daze, my eyes tune out the other way... I may switch off and go in a daydream... in this head my thoughts are deep, Sometimes I can't even speak, would someone be and not pretend, I'm off again in my world"

09-28-2003, 04:05 PM	#23 (permalink)
Sledge Pasture Bedtime	This is debatable, but I don't think it's an issue of "Can a guy and a girl be just friends?" as "Can two friends of a specific mentality avoid falling for each other?" I'm in a committed relationship with a magnificent young lady. But I have other close female friends. It's generally understood that I'm not on the market, and that understanding leads me to not look at these girls as prospective lovers. I think that same understanding can be applied to single people, too. If you're looking for a lover, you're going to find potential everywhere. If you're not, then you won't. The problem is that most single people are, which makes things not so simple...

09-28-2003, 05:34 PM	#24 (permalink)
Mupwah Tilted Location: Rock Ridge	I think they can be friends but they may want more if they become close unless thier are boundries, like marriage. I have several close female friends. I we were not Married I am sure I would hook up with one of them. __________________ "Scuse me while I whip this out"

09-28-2003, 06:52 PM	#25 (permalink)
Ballzor Crazy Location: Bat Country	I agree with Sledge, If you have that chemistry, your going to eventually think that way about that person, even if you dont want to. Which is why I say you have to force yourself to overcome human nature by using it against itself. I. E. make yourself loathe that person. Use everything you know about them that is unattractive, and fill your head with it. Now, thats only if you cant deal with the idea of being so close but so far. If you have a chance, I say take it. It has to work somewhere along the line I think.

09-28-2003, 07:12 PM	#26 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	I think yes. I don't see it possible to completely rule out one part of the human relationship spectrum. Anything is possible when it comes to relationships. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

09-28-2003, 08:56 PM	#27 (permalink)
Tom Thumb Crazy Location: In a self portrait	They can, but only if both sides aren't sufficiently attracted to each other. __________________ My name is marketing. Now buy my product.

09-28-2003, 08:59 PM	#28 (permalink)
nfa Upright	http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

09-28-2003, 09:58 PM	#29 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	I've been friends with a female for about 5 years now. She originally asked me out, but I didn't see her "that way" (already moved into friend-mode) and I declined. However, we've remained in close contact and have actually cobbled together a very nice friendship -- in fact, I would have to say that to date, she is the only true friend I've ever had that didn't walk on 4 legs. __________________ Blah.

09-28-2003, 10:05 PM	#30 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	nfa, that has to be the most dire examination of human relationship interaction that I've ever seen. How depressing... I've always said that any woman that's interested in attaining an MRS degree from me can keep on looking. I want a partner, not a leech. Man, that link makes me want to drink. __________________ Blah.

09-29-2003, 06:50 AM	#32 (permalink)
Dragon_Imp Tilted	Well like i have been friends with this girl for like 12 years and i really like her i dont know why though but im not like wanting to spend time with her every second but when im with her i dont ever wanna leave but i really just wanna be friends i dont know why, I dont think we will be just friends for much longer!!!!!!!!!!

09-29-2003, 07:04 AM	#33 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	Yes, you can and yes, I have Despite any attraction you might have, you can learn to be just friends However, this requires you to ignore any "human" desires, and understand that your admiration for each other goes beyond this. Unfortunately, most people fail at this and give in to their selfish or "hormonal" sides. You have to go beyond your desire, make the admiration more mental. Enjoy their company just for "them", not their body.