oddball193

hey, my gf may be pregnant. what should i do? i think an abortion is best, but what if she doesnt want that? how do i deal with her parents?

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Peace!

rival

I like the way you think. When asking other people to help you make a decision that will impact the rest of your life, it's always good to be a vague as humanly possible.

Age? Work or School? Serious Relationship? Define maybe, have you gotten a test? Fill in some holes here, buddy.

ninety09

Hmm, talk to her about it :\ tell her how you feel, listen to her, then come up with a solution together..

wario

Sorry, I can't agree with you on the abortion thing. Sounds to me like you two just need to accept responsibility for what you've done. The only time I can see abortion as an option is when the birth would be life threatening to the mother, and I don't mean the mother being grounded by her parents. If you're not ready to take care of a child (it definitely sounds that way), offer it up for adoption. You're still going to have a lot to deal with, and it's not "an easy out", but your conscience will be a little clearer.

dunkelhelmut

Wow. Of course abortion would seem like the best option right now. You clearly haven't considered other options nor have you talked with anyone.

I agree completely with the adoption option. You need to take responsibility for what you have done. Abortion may seem like an easy out, but the mother's parents will find out eventually. The act has already been done.

How old are you? How old is the mother? How close are you and her? How close are you and your parents? How close are her and her parents? Was she on the pill, or was any birth control used? The more details you provide, the better the response will be.

Kurant

Who cares if any birth control was used, it makes no difference now. Seriously, parental relationships make no difference to any choice you make. You did it, it's your job to claim responsibility for it. Parental opnions should make no difference in what you decide.

I agree with one line in this entire thread.

"Come up with a solution together".

If it be to abort this baby, or have it and put it up for adoption, it's what in the best interest of the mother and the child. That's the first priorities you should have. While I don't condone abortion, you will never find me degrading and telling you to consider other options. What you two decide together I'm sure will be in the best intrest at heart. Don't allow peoples opinions and personal feelings in the way of what is right for you, and her. All you can do it take the responsibility for it and make her feelings the first priority. Just be a man, and be there for whatever she needs.


My wife and I were selfish, and we made the worst decision of our entire lives last year. I've been through it, and now we have begun the healing process and putting our marrige and lives back together. We made the choice and took the easy way out, but let me tell you, it hasen't been easy.

There is no wrong and right choice. There is the choice you will make together that best suits the two of you, and that's the "correct" choice. Don't let anyone persuede you otherwise.

StormBerlin

I'm not anit-abortion by any means, but I don't think it should be a rushed decision. Seems to me that asking complete strangers for help wtih something like this isn't the best idea. What do you think?

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"if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

The.Lunatic

What if your girlfriend was raped, and got pregnant would you want to raise the son of a rapist?

The.Lunatic

So many guys have gone through this my girlfriend missed her period by two weeks that about killed me i was a super nervous wreck.

The sketchiest part is that i'm in college now and when i think about it abortion isn't an option really, because i'm almost an adult.

However, if the only reason you think she is pregnat is you havn't been 100% careful, and she hasn't had her period yet then you should go get a test. EPT is a good one go for that don't buy a shitty test its too important. If she is then you know, and it should be bitter sweet as it sounds like your not ready yet, however you're still bringing another life into the world

wario

Why does everybody bring that up and think it's such a great example? Would you kill the son of a rapist? Not the kid's fault. Would I want to raise it? Hell no. But if I had to, well then I'd do my best to make sure he turns out nothing like his father.

cheerios

oddball, I dunno how late it is, but check this out:
http://www.ppslr.org/Medical_services/Emertext.htm
if it's been less than 5 days since sex, you're still in the window for the morning after pill... something to keep in mind.

also, TALK to your gf. you can't make these decisions on your own, she's definately gonna want to have a say in something like this... her body and all, hmm?

phredgreen

welcome to the wonderful world of unexpected pregnancy. i'm hoping you're not posting this after finding her poppin fresh after five months... you both need to get past whatever differences you have and get your asses down to a planned parenthood clinic as soon as possible. you have options. yes, aborting the foetus is an option, but there are others... adoption may be a thought if you both (or even one of you) is morally opposed to aborting.

and now the question i have to ask. are you sure it's yours? we got started on a weird angle, you are stating that she's your ex. why is she ex and not still your current? this is an akward situation, but if you both keep a level head about it, you'll get through it alright.

about the parents, if she's at least 18, they don't ever need to know unless she decides to keep it. if she's not over 18, you better get your ass over there right fucking now and explain yourself and your intentions to them, even if your plans are to go forth with an abortion. got it?

update us with the rest of the info and your plans. don't put this off. it's not gonna wait for you.

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My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
- Thomas Paine

smithja0423

Well Wario, I have to disagree with you on this. Now it's true that we don't have any of the critical details surrounding this gentleman's situation, but let's ease up on the grandstanding. Abortion may come down to the only option for these folks, and it'd be horrible of all of us to guilt them out of it and potentially destroy their lives. The supreme court granted them that right, and I support this couple's (and every womans) right to choose.

Accepting responsiblity? Even the best birth control practices fail, and since we are not privy to those details I think we should reserve that judgement as well.

Best of luck to the couple in question.

Slims

Time to be a standup guy. Your wants and feelings no longer matter in the least. Time to worry about your girlfriend.

Heres what you need to do:

Talk to your girlfriend, and tell her that if she turns out to be pregnant, you will support whatever decision she makes unconditionally. The decision on whether to keep the baby is ultimately hers to make, and the only thing you will accomplish by pushing her in one direction or the other will be to make her feel even more scared and upset.

Tell her that if she wants to keep the baby, you will be HAPPY to marry her, and even if marriage is not an option (or if she doesn't want to marry you) make sure she knows that you will be there for her, and for the baby.

If she wants an abortion, she will probably get one whether or not that is what you want her to do. Take her to the clinic and cough up the money for the procedure.

As far as parents are concerned, you need to face the music. You knew the risks when you slept with your girlfriend, and now you may have to face the consequences. Everybody's parents will get over it, but they will, of course, probably curse you for a couple of months.

Don't worry too much now, she might not even be pregnant.

Don't forget to let us know how things turn out. Good luck.

Oh, how old are you and your girlfriend?

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

The.Lunatic

Really good for you then. However, i don't see myself raising any any child that wasn't born from my loins. Just kinda of a personal thing. I have enough trouble with kids as it is, and Giving countless hours to a child of love carring/ not to mention money and have him say you can't tell me what to do your not my real dad would just kill me inside.

Not that i'm agaist adoption, but personally i wouldn't

Also I would be against not telling a child that he was adopted after age 10. Especially if they asked.

Fenster

You should have talked about it before you started having sex.

tfpfreak

Suck it up man, If you were man enough to hit it, you should be man enough to take responsibility!

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DrJekyll

I knew a women who was the child of a rapist. Her mother almost aborted her. Glad she decided better. Who's to say when "life" starts? Exactly the point. Isn't it better to err on the side of caution?

"Having a baby" and "having an abortion" are potentially equal "life-ruiners" in this situation. At least if the baby is born and put up for adoption, there's at least some good salvaged. I've heard a lot of cases where women are forever mentally scarred by abortion.

pangavan

Now you get to grow up and BE a man...The ultimate decision is hers to make, you just have to be there for her no matter what it is. You also have to realize that no matter what she decides to do, your relationship with her is going to change in some ways. And just so you know, If she does have an abortion she will most likely break-up with you soon afterwards, its not something you can both pretend never happened.

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He is, moreover, a frequent drunkard, a glutton, and a patron of ladies who are no better than they should be.

Subform

Dude, you have to stand by her side no matter what she choses to do.
You were man enough to give her sex, now be man enough to deal with it .. Might sound harsh, but its the only way to go.

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Subform - Allover the place

Menoman

Some people may not agree with abortion but if I were at this point in my life to get my G/F Pregnant. I would encourage her to get a Abortion. (No I would not force it, I would however let her know how I felt about it)

If you 18-20 then its not a good time to have a baby. Chances are your going to be lacking in social activities and feel as if your being forced into being a dad (which you are...)

Normally this tends to make people lash out against others, and most unfortunate... lash out toward the child b/c you will whether you want to or not blame him for the situation your in. (This is not everybody but it happens alot more often than you would think)

I base my opinions on the information saying that a child has no conscious, or "being" at the very very early stages of the pregnancy.

What kind of life is a kid gonna have being raised by 2 parents who really didnt want/weren't ready to have him?

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Menoman

Remember your in this too, so make sure she knows how you feel about the situation. I don't believe the choice she has to make should be completely hers(although its her body she should in fact have the last say)

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dod123

pay close attention to what greg700 said. The key point here is to

SUPPORT HER FULLY .

Yes, this is about you, but even more, it's about her, and above even that, it's about the TWO of you TOGETHER.

It's a bit too late to rain judgement, or go into an abortion debate. No, i don't think anyone here can tell you the best decision, but give their opinions and their experiences. I have heard many mothers have regreted abortions or giving up children for adoption, even if it may be the best choice. For her, i suggest encouraging her to go to a planned parenthood or other group session for mothers to be. This is definitely an emotional time for all, and your support is key. The mere fact that you ask here says something, and you are one step up from the guy who denies his own child. However, now IS the time to step up to the plate. Marriage may not be the option right now, but your unconditional support is a requirement. Read over Greg's post again, he really knows what he's talking about, i just want to reinforce it.

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"I may be newb, but at least i'm not stupid O.o"

HaloLauren

Yes, it's more up to her than it is to you, so support her decision and dont pressure her to change it.

rival

So, because you had a ex-girlfriend who got an abortion, that makes you the moral authority on the subject?

You can't thrust your morality onto someone else just because you feel strongly about something. What may be right for you, may not be right for some. After all, it takes different strokes to move the world.

DEI37

This has to be the most assinine statement I have ever heard. Who gives a shit about your "social activities?" Obviously, there was some social activities going on with the girlfriend, and now another child is being born in to this world. What they did, they did by choice. The baby has none. At this point, abortion equals pre-meditated murder, no questions. Put the baby up for adoption, and you'll be MUCH happier in the end, that is a promise.
Abortion as birth control is probably THE single most fucked up thing EVER thought of. Period...bar none...get the idea?

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Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

raeanna74

"What if your girlfriend was raped, and got pregnant would you want to raise the son of a rapist?"

If that was me that was raped and my husband/boyfriend wanted me to "Kill" (that's what it would feel like to me in my mind) a child that was half mine just because he hated the guts of the guy who messed with me it would be extremely painful. I think I'd dump him. On the one hand I wouldn't want to have that reminder but on the other hand I would have the "gift" of a child to care for. To me every child is a miracle. It isn't their fault how they were concieved and I wouldn't feel right taking from them the opportunity to be born and grow into profitable responsible adults.

NOW to address the original question. I personal don't condone abortion simply as a way out of responsibility - i.e. in any case other than protecting the health of the mother or if she so chooses HERSELF in the case of rape or molestation. I wouldn't make any rash decisions. I would earnestly encourage you NOT to put ANY pressure whatsoever on the mother SIMPLY because you don't want problems with her parents or don't want to deal with a child. I feel strongly about taking responsibility for your actions. If you were having sex without one or the other of you being "fixed" then there was a chance - even with protection - that you could have a kid. If her parents are going to be upset with you it will either be because you weren't responsible when having sex, OR you weren't supposed to be having sex.

IF you BOTH choose to have an abortion you BOTH need to go to professional counseling - You have no idea how this sort of thing can mess with you if you aren't prepared for it, and know what's going on. Also you need to stand by your girl even when she goes through the grieving process. She WILL have regrets. I think both of you might. BUT you need to help each other through that. I wish you good luck in any outcome that you choose.

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My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Slims

C'mon guys, this guy didn't start this tread to discuss whether or not abortion is right or wrong. He needs sound advice, please try to give some to him.

I am sure just telling him to get an abortion, or that abortion is wrong, won't really help matters any.

I have tried to provide good advice without getting sucked into the mess that is the abortion debate, some of you guys should try to do the same thing.

__________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

Stare At The Sun

Selfish or not, that is true.

Children are a product of the enviornment they exist in. A single parent household lacking a father figure is not good for a child, im sorry, i mean sure it can be done, but that doesnt make it a good fucking idea!

I would seriously go with the abortion if your less than 25 years old, because you do not have a stable income, household or life before that. And im sorry, but i would rather see a kid aborted than being raised by parents that dont care, and living in a house that isnt fit for them.

For those of you that say "step up to the plate, if you could fuck her, you should be able to handle the kid" blah blah. seriously, I'm so sick of hearing that; IT TAKES TWO FUCKING PEOPLE TO HAVE SEX. He didnt force her to do it. Its her body, she opened her legs, maybe she shoulda got on the pill.

Seriously, don't bring an unwanted child into the world, wait for the time to be right.

And now, you will all tear into me, because you cant look beyond "awww its a cute baby, abortion is wrong!" Seriously, think about the long term, and nature vrs nurture, and how much the parents, and external forces affect the kid.

SiphonX

err... he never really gave us specs or details about his life. can't help him here. age can make all the difference.

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/Knowledge is Power/

Mael

i am so fucking with you.

a lot of you keep saying "take responsibility, be a man, blah blah blah." i hate to break it to you, but getting an abortion is a responsible solution to the situation. you may think it's bad and evil, but there is a problem, it is a solution. i would much rather see 1,000,000,000,000,000 abortions take place and not see a single child grow up unloved and unwanted by parents that aren't ready to financially and emotionally support and love the child than what's currently going on. fuck when life starts, we all have different opinions on that. but until the child is born, i don't care about it. i care about it after its born, which unfortunalty seems to be the opposite of the pro-life cause. but this isn't about pro-life/pro-choice debate.

you may not agree with abortion, but it is a responsible solution to what's going on. it would be irresponsible of them to raise a child that they don't want and love, or to give it up for adoption where it might go through the foster care system unloved and unwanted. there are enough kids out there that are up for adoption already, and there are too many kids out there that don't have a good home life. why add one more?

Stare At The Sun

^ why are you fucking with me? I agree with what you said.

Holo

Ppl have to understand the situation when abortion is considered. A baby is a joy to parents who want it...or a pleasant surprise to those who want a child. To those who can't support it or do not want them pregnancy is an STD. If you got syphilis would you not go get it treated since you stuck your dick in the hole it came from? Sure you would. Some consider pregnncy to be an STD...one that could be fatal. You know how many things can happen to a woman from pregnancy? Diabetes, loss of vision requiring glasses to correct, and a host of other problems, some fatal, can arise from carrying a child to term. During the period of pregnancy a woman's body undergoes incredible stresses and much discomfort and sickness occurs along the way. Sounds like an STD to me, and one that I am glad I cannot catch.

There is no objective morality, there is only reality. There is a child, and it must be dealt with one way or the other. It really depends on the love between the two ppl involved and if they want to bring a third person into the union. If they are unable to care for a child, then she should be treated for the STD it is. If she wants his baby(obviously he doesn't) then go thru the pregnancy and don't bitch about it. Good luck, friend, you are officially fucked unless she agrees to abortion. It's clear you really don't want the kid, so now it's up to her.

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I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

motdakasha

so instead, you'd rather have her shove a clothes hanger up her uterus instead of giving her aid in a clean and safe way to abort the child? i just want to let you know that when i read this, it made me want to puke. i'm probably a hypocrite for saying this right now, but people who push their morals onto others like it's the *only* right way makes me sick to the stomach.

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Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

Stare At The Sun

Rock on holo, good to see some people are realistic about the people that actually matter, not about an unborn grouping of cells. Which at this stage, is what it seems to be. You are honestly, quite fucked if she doesnt get the abortion, sorry mate.

DrJekyll

Dammit, people. This is life we're talking about. Don't pretend that those promoting life are "forcing morals" beyond protecting life.

"...or to give it up for adoption where it might go through the foster care system unloved and unwanted."

Or you could just kill it and never give it a chance at all. Seriously, we're not sure where life begins. Err on the side of caution as opposed to risking genocide.

motdakasha

the last thing this world needs is more parentless children. even rabbits can control their populations better than we can.

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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

bermuDa

a little late night rant: I had to wait 5 damn minutes to post this cause the server DB was backing up... what the hell! I've got time to write this crap, not time to wait to hit the submit reply button!!! rarr!!! ok it probably wasn't that long, but c'mon! i've got the attention span of a goldfish.


AND THE GODDAMN POST IS LOST IN MY CLIPBOARD!!! I STAB WINDOWS!!!


have the kid, don't have the kid... your choice... blah blah....


seriously if you aren't ready to settle down and raise a kid, please don't try to.

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Menoman

First off... you need to read what I said after that sentence and not manipulate it to suite your *****OPINION******. It isnt a fact.

If you wanna bring a baby into the world just so it can live in a shithole with 2 parents who care more about partying than taking care of their kid then I guess your right though.

Menoman

To be honest with you...

You have no idea if its life we're talking about or not. Neither do I.