mcgeedo

I'm curious about masturbation in the context of a couple relationship. There are a couple current threads, "Addicted to masturbation" and "...boyfriend masturbates to friends pictures..." I posted a question in one of the threads but it's probably more appropriate to make a new thread rather than hijack that one.

My curiosity has to do with people who may masturbate while they are in a couples relationship. In the case of my wife and I, neither of us do, as a solo activity. We masturbate for each other, because we both enjoy watching. We sometimes masturbate each other as a part of our play, because of what we happen to be playing; pegging, for example. And we may "diddle" a little bit while we are together at the computer, for example, warming up before taking ourselves off to bed. But neither of us ever masturbate solo without the other being present. It just seems to us to be a waste of a good orgasm that we might otherwise share in one way or another.

We are fairly closely matched in how often we feel the need to have sex. I guess that if we had a large difference, then one of us might feel a need to get off occasionally in order to match up, but that doesn't seem to come up as a problem for us. My wife, for example, prefers to skip the heaviest days of her period, and it's not a problem at all for me to wait for her. A day or two of buildup makes the next time very nice. Similarly, she is ready for the next time a bit quicker than I am sometimes, but doesn't seem to mind my pace, either. Neither of us seems to feel a lack that we simply must fill in with a quick "rub one out."

Having said that, my reading of the other threads I mentioned would indicate to me that everyone here (at least all the men) frequently masturbate solo, and use a variety of sensory stimulation such as porn as a part of it. So I'd like to understand both (a) what percentage of people do masturbate solo, and (b) why that is. My wife and I both wonder if we are unusual in some way. Thanks in advance for any comments.

Edited to add that your vote is private (I think I did it right). And I put in my vote that neither of us does, so that's included in the poll results.

Also, I should probably point out that my wife and I are rarely apart for any significant amount of time. I work at home (telecommute) so she and I are together essentially all our waking and sleeping hours, except for very rare and short business travel on my part. When I do travel and it's more than just a day or so, we would be likely to cam and masturbate together, but again, not solo.

snowy

My husband and I masturbate together and apart. Sometimes I'm horny and he's not, and vice-versa, or we just have an itch that needs to be scratched. I don't feel like having sex when I'm gassy and neither does he, so those are generally days we skip the sex and go for masturbation. Both of us masturbate with a fair amount of frequency, independent of how much sex we're having. We're just sexy, horny people

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levite

In previous relationships, I have done simultaneous masturbation with my partner. But my wife isn't much of a masturbator: she has nothing against it, she just swears it doesn't do much for her.

We have plenty of great sex, but I also enjoy masturbating on my own. My wife knows about this, and has no problem with it, though she likes to tease me about it from time to time.

Sometimes my wife's not in the mood, or sometimes we're just not in the same mental space at the same time, or we're apart because one of us is gone for business, and we also don't have sex while she's on her period, for religious reasons. So during those times, I masturbate. Happily. Frequently.

Doesn't mean I want my wife less. I love having sex with her. But for me, it's an apples-and-oranges experience. Sex is about being with my wife, sharing ourselves with each other, being in the same moment and headspace together, feeling good together, being there for one another. Masturbation is about me: fantasizing, making myself feel good, just for shits and giggles. There's a good reason, IMO, that it's called playing with yourself.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

snowy

EXACTLY. Well said, sir.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

curiousbear

I masturbate a lot
Rarely do that while with her

Redlemon

I also like Levite's analysis.

I have a higher sex drive than my wife does. She knows that I'll masturbate to take the edge off when she's not available, and it doesn't bother her. She says she doesn't masturbate, but will do it occasionally for me when I request it (I'm very visual).

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RedSabre

I masturbate for two reasons. I sometimes think the primary reason is habit. I started in college before I had a relationship, and have just kept going ever since. At least daily for the most part.

Since I got married (first time living with my wife, different cities for two years before that), we've discovered that my libido is much higher than her's. I don't want to be a bother but I find the act of becoming erect and ejaculating to be fun. So I have fun by myself when she's not in the mood. Doesn't bother her, but I'm still getting used to it.

She masturbated when we lived apart, but she doesn't since we got married. I wouldn't mind if she did though. In fact, I'd like it.

papounet

For me sex and masturbation are two different things. I often masturbate to blow off steam, when I'm stressed out etc..

It would not be fair to try to solve this with sex as I only want to get off. I do not want it to last nor would I want to have to cater to her needs. In this case it is just better that way.

So masturbation still plays a role in my relationships even when I get lots of sex.

But as levite said this does not mean I care less for my partner or anything

troy512

never mind

purplelirpa

We both masturbate regularly, I'd say 1/2 of mine are when he's around, and about 1/3 of his are when I'm around.

rr1024

we masturbates together and solo, sometimes I masturbate watching tv and he starts watching me and he'll masturbate too
It's a lot of fun

Shadowex3

Masturbation is like the gallon pitcher of lipton iced tea in my fridge. I love a steaming cup of earl gray, I really do. With milk, with honey, sometimes with lemon, or some combination of the first two... but sometimes I'm just plain thirsty and want to chug a cup of something to deal with that.

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curiousbear

Wowwww! That would be amazing ....

Chumley

I am a fairly frequent partaker, but the wife is not. It is a bit fraught, actually, since she gets a bit threatened if I do it when she's around. I had a girlfriend for a while that got turned on by it.... much prefer that reaction, lol.

TheCrimsonGhost

Both of us masturbate solo, together, 1 watching, 1 watching TV, really anywhere and everywhere one of us or both of us gets the urge.

grouchy62

Sometimes I'm in the mood and she's not, sometimes vice-versa, good old wanking or diddling takes care of the unappreciated urges either way. It's not as if it is something to be ashamed of, though I know many peeps are. You does what you has to do.

Cipin

You have no idea how stimulating I found that. "A lot of fun" is an understatement...

mb99usa

I have always tended to masturbate alone. Company would be fun.

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Vixie

I masturbate alone and when I'm with my boyfriend. When I'm alone sometimes I do it because I'm horny, but sometimes my boyfriend will text and tell me he'd like me to play with myself and send him pics. When I'm with him, he gets incredibly excited watching me rub my clit and pinch my nipples. He loves to watch, and I love to be watched. It works well for both of us.