07-10-2003, 01:57 PM | #1 (permalink) |
Insane
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How do I stop wanting to bang other girls??
I'm heading over to the 5 year mark of being with the same girl. I've noticed more and more that other girls are looking good. I mean REALLY GOOD. So what do I do? I'll tell you right now that I know I will never find a more understanding perfect girl. She's got it all, but I still can't stop looking at other girls. It's starting to drive me nuts especially now that summer's here and oh yeah, my balcony overlooks the beach!!!
Would I be a horrible person if I screwed around for a while, just to get this shit out of my system? or will i start some sort of viscious circle? I've already discussed this problem with my girlfriend and she says she understands but to just not tell her if I do anything and to be safe. But I know she'd be devastated if I told her one day i fucked another girl. And (yes I know I'm a hypocrite) I would not dig it if I found out she fucked another guy. So what the hell do I do???? |
07-10-2003, 02:16 PM | #2 (permalink) |
Upright
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yeha i was the same way with my last gf... 2 year relationship... other girls just looked better and better everyday, i would of only done one i swear, well we ended up breaking up but not for those reasons.... still trying to get into as many ladies pants as possible with litte success.... i live in a crap hole of a town
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07-10-2003, 02:54 PM | #4 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: Vermont
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I have similar thoughts. In fact, I'd submit that most men do, no matter how committed to their partner they may be. It's a natural response mechanism - a survival instinct, if you will. Men are wired in such a way as to instinctively want to deposit as much DNA in as many quality beavers as they possibly can.
That said, sometimes one needs to recognize that the mind simply has to override the physical instincts from time to time. For example, if you're lost at sea and you're thirsty, your body may tell you to drink some sea water. You know, however, that if you drink it, you'll only get more thirsty. So you don't. With regard to your partner, I think your mind needs to address the issue of trust, and how infidelity may impact your relationship. Even if she never finds out, the fact that you're in here asking the question suggests that you will feel guilty if you sleep with another woman. That guilt can then manifest itself into stress, anger, and ultimately resentment for the one about whom you fuilty guilty in the first place. In other words, it won't be worth it in the long run. It will only cause problems and be no more lasting than a memory. Given what you wrote in your post, I'd say you should remain faithful. Try instead to introduce some variety into your sexlife with your current partner, like watching porn while you have sex, or something like that. Who knows, maybe that will quench your thirst... |
07-10-2003, 04:03 PM | #5 (permalink) |
Psycho
Location: Pasadena, CA
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Her response says she's not ok with it. If you'd like her to stay around, don't do it. It really is a choice. I wonder what it would feel like to jump off a building but I'll never do it because of the consequences.
If you cheat on her, realize you're cheating on her and own up to the consequences. Don't try to rationalize it, ya know?
__________________
"take me down, little *Susie*, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground" |
07-10-2003, 04:09 PM | #6 (permalink) |
Upright
Location: Orlando, FL
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Sounds to me like she basically gave you permission to cheat as long as she doesn't know. That's fucking awesome in a way...
but... my conscience wouldn't let me do that. Of course I check out other women, I think that's just natural. But I don't think it's proper or morally right to fuck other girls to "get it out of your system". Just my 2 cents. |
07-10-2003, 04:20 PM | #7 (permalink) |
Boy am I horny today
Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!
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Rock--Rococo--Hard place...
Morally, if you screw other chix, that makes you a cheater. Sorry dude, if you want to keep your girl, look all you like, just don't touch others. She may say one thing, but means totally the opposite. My $.02 |
07-10-2003, 05:09 PM | #9 (permalink) |
Tilted
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Well if you really love your GF then I say do not mess around, if you are really lusting after others and feel no guilt then maybe you should have another look at your relationship. My ex screwed around on me and even though we were on the outs anyway and most likely soon to split it still hurts like hell so if you love her and want to keep her and know she would surley hurt then keep it in your pants and channel that energy to her, give her the fucking of a life time.
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07-10-2003, 05:58 PM | #10 (permalink) |
Idolator
Location: Vol Country
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Don't cheat. My brother cheated, and wanted to kill his damn self afterward. If you have a guilty conscience, don't fucking do it. It will eat you alive.
__________________
"We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons |
07-10-2003, 09:05 PM | #13 (permalink) |
My future is coming on
Moderator Emeritus
Location: east of the sun and west of the moon
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You don't have to stop wanting to bang other girls, you just have to not act on those impulses. You think that the minute you make a commitment to one person your libido becomes magically focused on them? Nothing wrong with noticing and even thinking about it - what's important is that you love your gf, and you know that cheating would hurt her so you don't do it. If you can't put up with that, then yeah, maybe fucking around for a while would be a better move. In all likelihood it'll just make you miss your gf.
__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France |
07-10-2003, 09:40 PM | #15 (permalink) |
A Real American
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She's to cool for your own good...I wouldn't fuck around on someone like this. She seems really awesome and understanding; However if you fuck around you won't be good enough for someone like that. Sorry, but that's my opinion. Only fuck over assholes in life...not good ppl. Be faithful or break it off and chase all the pussy you can fuck.
__________________
I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince |
07-10-2003, 10:01 PM | #16 (permalink) |
Crazy
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You need a guy’s night out, a slab, a good game on the TV and a group of mates. Then afterwards just take some porn and those thoughts of all those hot chicks you been wanting to fuck and wack off all night. Well....that was I did. I've never had a relationship that has lasted anymore than 3 years. I just can't settle down yet.
__________________
-All women are 2 drinks away from a GIRL-ON-GIRL adventure!- |
07-10-2003, 10:06 PM | #17 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: Vancouver
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suggest a threesome? ^-^ but be ready if she says yes and then one day want a threesome with you and another guy...er...
or take a break in the relationship for like 2 or 3 months...both of you can screw around and know if each other's really worth it in the long run.
__________________
-poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another- |
07-10-2003, 11:36 PM | #18 (permalink) |
Eccentric insomniac
Location: North Carolina
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Make a decision.
If you want to stay w/ your girlfriend, then stay loyal to her. She should be worth it. If you want the other women more than your girlfriend, then that speaks for itself.
__________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence |
07-10-2003, 11:55 PM | #19 (permalink) |
Insane
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Thanks for the interesting points. I didn't even need to ask, the answer is already there; don't fuck other girls or it will suck in the long run. And everyone here seems to agree. But I'd like to add that i've tried a few things suggested here. First of all, whackin the weasel does not help. I could bust a nut and see a girl seconds later and want more. I've done the porn thing, it was a nice change for a while but it did not stop the urge. The one thing that has not been tried, that I'm so fuckin up for, is the threesome. It has been discussed in full detail many times. And yes, she says she'll do it. And yes, she's asked (jokingly, although you know there's some truth behind it) about doing it with me and another guy. Sorry I'm not going to watch another guy ram my girlfriend. Call me whatever names you want, but sure go ahead and fuck my girlfriend but you may not get home alive. (don't say you were never warned) Anyway so I'm very up for doing the 3-some but it's been a totall flop so far because i've tried to suggest it to 2 of her friends and it's all good to joke about, but when it comes down to it, no fuckin way. too weird. So does anyone know how I can get her friends to do a 3-way? I think this will be the cure!!
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07-11-2003, 06:39 AM | #20 (permalink) |
Squid
Location: USS George Washington
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I did it once. It was cool. But I wasn't dating either girl at the time, and have since lost contact with both. As to how it would be with someone you ARE involved with? I don't know... think of the double standard though. You want to invite another girl into your bed with you and your gf, and want her to understand and go along with it (basically fuck her and another girl) but if she suggests inviting another guy, you're against it. Many men in here (including me) would share that point of view, but think about how that looks from her side. It's like you're asking her to allow you to go outside your relationship for sex, (even if she's there and consents) but she can't enjoy that same feeling of exploration and fantasy (even if you're there).
Hey man, most guys chase that dream all their lives and never catch it. Those who do many times end up wishing they never did. As to your first question, you have to decide what your true feelings are for this girl. If you don't feel the ABSOLUTE commitment to her, then you should break up with her BEFORE acting on your 5-year itch. After 5 years, you owe her that much. -Mikey |
07-11-2003, 06:54 AM | #21 (permalink) |
Getting it.
Super Moderator
Location: Lion City
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You have a few options:
1) Cheat. Go find another woman and have sex with her. Pray it is only a one-night stand because a long drawn out relationship is not only emotionally messy but a lot easier to get caught. Also be prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions. If you get caught you will have to deal. If you feel guilty you will have to deal. 2) Go to a massage parlour/escort. Pay money to a professional to relieve that sexual itch. Men have been doing it for centuries. Play safe. You should also note that guilt can rear its ugly head here as well. The upside is no messy second relationship. There is also the major convenience factor... very beautiful women (perhaps more so than you could expect from a bar pick up) who don't want to tie you down and won't call your house at an inopportune moment. 3) Don't seek extra-relationship sex. Masturbate frequently. Get much sex from your partner. Fantasize. This can (and does) work for many men. Ultimately you must either learn to be happy with what you have and fight your internal voice (the one that makes your cock want something else) or give in to tempation in the best way possible. A way that will cause you the least amount of grief and still allow you to carry on with the woman you love.
__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke |
07-11-2003, 07:45 AM | #22 (permalink) | |
A Real American
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Quote:
Rent or purchase from an online download service the movie The Sex Monster, and then think about if you wanna do that threesome. Even an FFM can backfire drastically if two of you are in a relationship. I don't think I would do a 3 some with a girl and a gf...just too messy. It all boils down to "you can't have your cake and eat another girl's pussy too". Either pick your girl or be a player and leave her. |
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07-11-2003, 07:50 AM | #23 (permalink) |
Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate
Location: ...between Christ and Belial.
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Many good suggestions in here, but I can't believe this one has been missed ...
Spice it up. Have a weekend of almost non-stop sex with your woman. Try lots of crazy new positions. Experiment and have a good time. It should at least temporarily help your perspective on things, but more likely it may even improve your sexual relationship with your lady.
__________________
On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll. Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club. "GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust |
07-11-2003, 08:06 AM | #24 (permalink) | ||
Psycho
Location: Pasadena, CA
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Quote:
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As for "the cure"... I don't know, friend. It sounds like you're looking at this the wrong way. The only "cure" is working through this with her. Adding someone else to the mix can be a lot of fun, but I'd generally not recommend it to someone who's trying to rescue a relationship with it, ya know? It's a pretty low-percentage shot...
__________________
"take me down, little *Susie*, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground" Last edited by Donkeypuncher; 07-11-2003 at 08:19 AM.. |
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07-11-2003, 08:37 AM | #25 (permalink) | |
A Real American
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Quote:
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07-11-2003, 10:02 AM | #26 (permalink) | |
Psycho
Location: Pasadena, CA
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Quote:
But who wants to live like that? I have yet to see such a situation lead to happiness for either person. Just because you can get away with it, that doesn't imply you should actually do it. Take the high road whenever possible, ya know?
__________________
"take me down, little *Susie*, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground" |
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11-18-2007, 09:42 AM | #27 (permalink) | |
Upright
Location: Nawlins
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A different idea
Quote:
Ask her how she'd feel if instead of sleeping with other women, you close your eyes and imagine she's someone else? Maybe you can call her by another name. Maybe she can wear a costume. Maybe you can set up little scenarios in the evenings where she's the teacher and you're the naughty student, or where you're the plumber coming by to give her pipes a good cleaning. If she's really committed to helping you steer clear of other women's panties, the options here are limitless. By the way, about the threesome... the only way I see that working for you is if your girl brings home someone she wants to hook up with that has met you. You're probably not going to find anyone that will turn on your at least slightly nervous girlfriend unless you look in specific places or are VERY lucky. Good luck, man. Turning off my little head's brain/radar around the strange is going to be really hard, I mean difficult. |
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11-18-2007, 10:12 AM | #30 (permalink) |
Rawr!
Location: Edmontania
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You are more than your hormones and instincts.
You've already made your choice, stick to it if your resolve is strong enough.
__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim |
11-18-2007, 12:15 PM | #31 (permalink) |
Degenerate
Location: San Marvelous
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My all means, keep masturbating to porn. But forget trying to solve this problem with pornography and masturbation. It only reminds you of your dilemma.
You are a human being with the power of choice. This means you can opt for pair bonding if it suits you. You are also a complex organism intent on self-propagation. This means you will never stop wanting to fuck other girls. The impulse will be with you until you are either very old or dead. The sorry truth is that there is no real solution to this problem. It is oh so human. Or at least oh so human male. So you have a decision to make. With your choice will come consequences. You can always change your mind later, which, of course, will bring new consequences.
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam. Last edited by Aladdin Sane; 11-18-2007 at 12:18 PM.. |
11-18-2007, 04:55 PM | #35 (permalink) |
Oh dear God he breeded
Location: Arizona
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Exersize your demons through fiction. Write dirty nasty sex stories about things you want to do to other women, then once you are done, make mad crazy love to your girl. The fantasy is always better then the real thing anyway, and this way you can get as nasty and fucked up as you want.
__________________
Bad spellers of the world untie!!! I am the one you warned me of I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant. |
11-18-2007, 08:30 PM | #37 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: Washington
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I don't think it's a matter of eliminating the desire. I think it's more about eliminating the ability to get girls easily.
Maybe gain some weight, and let yourself go? I've seen some huge dudes with gorgeous girlfriends, or wives, while at work in pharmacy. With that setup maybe it won't be so easy to meet new ones. I mean, if I were a playa, I wouldn't really worry about losing the girl I'm with, if I can easily get another. Of course, this is just an assumption because I've never been in that position. |
11-19-2007, 05:13 AM | #40 (permalink) | |
<3 TFP
Location: 17TLH2445607250
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Quote:
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