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Old 09-23-2010, 10:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
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how do i initiate sex with a girl?

i am a 23 year old male who just lost my virginity a couple weeks ago. ive had sex with that same girl once since then, but now whenever it comes to initiating sex with her a kinda freeze up and cant think of anything to say. its obvious that shes into me but i dont just wanna ask her "you feel like having sex?" or something like that. what are some ways to get the ball rolling without feeling like im asking for her permission or somehow tricking her into it?
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
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There is nothing wrong with asking outright. I think you should be some kind of consent each time. You could just start out making out then when things get going good, say, " I really want to make love to you now "
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:37 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Iliftrocks View Post
There is nothing wrong with asking outright. I think you should be some kind of consent each time. You could just start out making out then when things get going good, say, " I really want to make love to you now "
Yup. Pretty good advice.

You can also just keep escalating what you're doing until she tells you to stop. If she doesn't want to have sex, it's on her to let you know, either verbally or nonverbally.
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Liquor.

That may be why I have a hard time maintaining a long term relationship.
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Changing your username to something that isn't painful to read.

*rimshot*

No, seriously...

Turns out nobody likes the creepy rapist vibe. Especially the girl sitting across from you on the couch.

I just pretend like all we're doing is making out and that almost always frustrates them into going further.

Her: "What the fuck? Is this dude just going to continue kissing me and squeezing my ass for the next hour?"

It also prevents me from coming across as pushy as well as being disappointed when there is no sex.

Don't walk into a grope session with expectations and you'll usually be pleasantly surprised.

As ugly and inept as I am... I was usually enthusiastically ushered into the clubhouse with 72 hours.

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Originally Posted by FuglyStick View Post
That may be why I have a hard time maintaining a long term relationship.
Huh. I always thought it was your sinister beard.

Last edited by Plan9; 09-23-2010 at 10:51 AM..
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Iliftrocks View Post
There is nothing wrong with asking outright. I think you should be some kind of consent each time. You could just start out making out then when things get going good, say, " I really want to make love to you now "
yea thats more or less what ive been doing. i have no problem once we start making out, but its when were just sitting there on the couch watching tv that i kinda have a hard time initiating things. like do i just start making out with her with no warning or do i ask her what she feels like doing and then maybe make a "suggestion" or what?
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:56 AM   #7 (permalink)
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It's important to remember that women actually enjoy sex and many of them want it as often as you do.

And some of them will pump your derrick dry a la Succubus.

While they require more foreplay than you do, it doesn't mean they're not up for a jolly rogering should you decide to initiate with a little heavy petting.

...

Funny story: My exwife and I had a "Wanna fuck?" system where if one person was interested in sex they would simply put their hand over the crotch of the other person for a moment. Worked well for both of us. I recall many late nights where I would suddenly feel a hand resting on my junk.

Last edited by Plan9; 09-23-2010 at 11:03 AM..
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Old 09-23-2010, 11:17 AM   #8 (permalink)
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1st base - > 2nd base - > 3rd base - > home plate

non-baseball fan translation:

hug ---> kiss --> wild kissing --> put hand places --> remove clothing --> ensure her bits are warmed up -->


Once you progress to naked, I'm sure you will both be at consensus as to what will happen next. you could ask if she's ready the first few times to make sure.
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Old 09-23-2010, 11:25 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Well sex isn't always as simple as "hey you in the mood?".

If you're sitting on the couch watching tv why not take her hand and let her rest her head on your shoulder? It lets her know you want to be close without having to actually say anything or putting "I want to fuck" in giant awkward glowing letters on the wall. If she's into cuddling sneak a kiss, put your hand on her thigh (or whatever) and see if she reciprocates or at the very least doesn't push you away, if that works keep on going. Hey what do you know? You're making out, and it sounds like you have no problem taking it from there captain. Either she eventually tells you stop and you learn what the limits are or it goes all the way, either way it can hurt to try.

My point is it, no matter how you go about doing it, taking it slow and building up to it will help get her in the mood and make those awkward early sexual encounters a little easier for both you to deal with.

Then again no one technique always works and you never really know how its going to turn out, you just have to give it shot and hope for the best. If you are both comfortable enough with each other then why not be straight forward and just ask? If plan A and B doesn't work take Fugly's advice and fill her full of liquor, she may not put out but if you play your cards right a nipple or two should make an appearance by morning.
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Old 09-23-2010, 12:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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thanks everyone. i think what makes this situation so confusing for me is that this girl has a boyfriend so im not sure whats going through her head because we hang out pretty much every day. i guess im confused as to if she wants to be "fuck buddies" or if she actually likes me. and if we are just fuck buddies does that mean she wants to everytime she comes over or what? obviously since this is a first sexual relationship of any kind everything is going to be new and strange to me, but every other girl ive done anything with in the past has been my girlfriend. so even this kind of relationship is foreign to me. so basically i want to know, and obviously you all can only speak from your own experiences, but how often should i be looking to initiate things with her? i hope this made sense i was just kinda thinking out loud...

Last edited by tmoney420; 09-23-2010 at 01:08 PM..
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Old 09-23-2010, 01:04 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Its not really about manning up, everyone gets nervous about it especially when its a new thing. Not everybody can just hop behind the wheel of a car and get it right the first few times either, there's always going to be awkward growing pains and such.

Just take your time, use your instinct and you'll be on the way to the promised land in no time. There's really no wrong way to go about it, just somethings tend to work better then others and sometimes you have to get a feel for what works, what doesn't and what sends her running for the hills.
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Old 09-23-2010, 02:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Romance DOES have it's rewards.

If you're just using her, you might wanna consider being totally honest and say, "Can be we fuck buddies?"
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Old 09-23-2010, 07:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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It's simple, really. You remove your hat, adjust your monocle, and politely ask, "pardon me madame, would you fancy a bout of intercourse?"

Spoiler: take the monocle off before you get into bed or you'll never find it again
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Old 09-23-2010, 07:56 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Step 1: Put a movie on or TV preferably at night
Step 2: Grab a beer and offer her one too
Step 3: After a while, go for the kill. Kiss her neck, or start rubbing her back, just go for it. If she pushes you off, it's ok, there will be other opportunities (but if she's hanging out with you alone in a private place, it's very likely she's looking for the same thing you are).

You have to make the moves and not wait for her. Don't ask her if it's ok, just go for it, she will stop you if it's not. Plus, I'm pretty sure girls like it more when guys take charge instead of asking permission to have sex.

It is so important to treat sex like it's no big deal (although if you just lost your virginity, this I'm sure is difficult). Sex is really is just another completely natural part of life and you deserve it. Never think this girl is too good for you or you don't deserve to rock her socks off.

Pussy on a pedestal = bad

BUT

Since this girl has a man, I'd steer clear of this whole situation. Remember there's some poor guy out there that has a girlfriend that's cheating on him because of you. You're playing with fire. I can't make you do anything, but if you do continue your sexual relationship with this girl, try as hard as possible not to get emotionally attached or else things will really get sticky.
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Old 09-23-2010, 08:47 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tmoney420 View Post
thanks everyone. i think what makes this situation so confusing for me is that this girl has a boyfriend so im not sure whats going through her head because we hang out pretty much every day. i guess im confused as to if she wants to be "fuck buddies" or if she actually likes me. and if we are just fuck buddies does that mean she wants to everytime she comes over or what? obviously since this is a first sexual relationship of any kind everything is going to be new and strange to me, but every other girl ive done anything with in the past has been my girlfriend. so even this kind of relationship is foreign to me. so basically i want to know, and obviously you all can only speak from your own experiences, but how often should i be looking to initiate things with her? i hope this made sense i was just kinda thinking out loud...
Just ask her what she wants.

The only person who can tell you what she wants is her. If she's mature enough to handle sex, then she's mature enough to have an honest conversation about it, including the status with her boyfriend and how likely he is to stab you over this. Not that you owe him anything, but good luck getting him to see it that way.
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Old 09-23-2010, 08:54 PM   #16 (permalink)
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just be bold and ask her if she wants to make love....she will respect you more....guaranteed!!!!!!
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:04 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tmoney420 View Post
thanks everyone. i think what makes this situation so confusing for me is that this girl has a boyfriend so im not sure whats going through her head because we hang out pretty much every day. i guess im confused as to if she wants to be "fuck buddies" or if she actually likes me. and if we are just fuck buddies does that mean she wants to everytime she comes over or what? obviously since this is a first sexual relationship of any kind everything is going to be new and strange to me, but every other girl ive done anything with in the past has been my girlfriend. so even this kind of relationship is foreign to me. so basically i want to know, and obviously you all can only speak from your own experiences, but how often should i be looking to initiate things with her? i hope this made sense i was just kinda thinking out loud...
It sounds like you two really need to have a long talk about stuff before you move on to what kind of sexual relationship you're going to build. Talk about where you both stand with one another before it develops into some gigantic train wreck, trust me on that one. The fuck buddy thing isn't as easy as it sounds, and while the idea of commitmentless (is that a word?) sex is pretty enticing you also have to be ready to check your emotional attachments at the door, remember she's not your girlfriend. To me it sounds like you had a great night of sex and maybe its time to move on or cool your jets and just be friends...but if you're going to go down that road I'd highly recommend getting the confusion out of the way first.

Anyway, I don't think there is really a magic number on how often you should be having sex, it just happens when it happens be it 5 times a day 7 days a week or once a month. You just have to go with your gut on that one, if your in the mood get something going and see if she is too. Relax, over thinking is a great way to ruin perfectly good sex.
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
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You know, this is one of those situations I strongly urge against taking the default **puts on whiny voice** "lets TALK about this" advice this forum so oft offers. I mean, all the ones who went the "talk to her route" don't understand how that is an open invitation to "let's overthink this and fill it with angst to the brim until it spills over and pushes you away".

First, it appears that your only interested in wetting your whistle. Second, this girl just wants to get it on and you should just ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by soma View Post
Step 1: Put a movie on or TV preferably at night
Step 2: Grab a beer and offer her one too
Step 3: After a while, go for the kill. Kiss her neck, or start rubbing her back, just go for it. If she pushes you off, it's ok, there will be other opportunities (but if she's hanging out with you alone in a private place, it's very likely she's looking for the same thing you are).
Overthinking and filling it with awkward convo will damage and numb the sensation.

I don't think you want anything serious from her and if you do, then you're stupid.

EDIT: Soma, you've become like, chris angel or something!! "Lights-Camera-ACTION!!" Look at you go!

Last edited by Xerxys; 09-23-2010 at 09:24 PM..
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:09 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I disagree Xerxys, this isn't meet a hot girl and nail her until you get bored and find somebody else. It sounds like these two have some sort of friendship going, which means emotions are flying all over the place already and thats going to be tough for anybody to navigate. Factor in a boyfriend, his confusion over weather or not she's his girlfriend and weather or not its okay to just go for it and you've already got a recipe for a ton of over thinking and awkwardness anyway. Why not just clear the air and make the potential sex that much more fun and carefree?

One thing I always consider before going into a relationship like this is weather or not I'll have no problem simply severing all ties and walking away when the shit hits the fan. If you're not sure you can do that I find the headaches you face down the road simply aren't worth the casual sex you can probably find somewhere else with a lot less baggage attached.
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Old 09-24-2010, 03:50 AM   #20 (permalink)
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just whip your cock out and show it to her
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Old 09-24-2010, 04:43 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Go find your neighborhood drug dealer and see if he's got any roofies. Also: invest in some duct tape.

Or what I said earlier.
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Old 09-24-2010, 04:50 AM   #22 (permalink)
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just whip your cock out and show it to her
The second part of that is to say "it's not going to suck itself."...
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Old 09-24-2010, 07:02 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Wow, you guys are assholes.
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Old 09-24-2010, 08:12 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Why the hell would you want to waste your time on a girl who already has a boyfriend? This relationship is going nowhere fast--if she's willing to fuck around while she has a boyfriend, she'll do the same to you, regardless of your relationship status. Guaranteed.
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Old 09-24-2010, 11:02 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xerxys View Post
You know, this is one of those situations I strongly urge against taking the default **puts on whiny voice** "lets TALK about this" advice this forum so oft offers. I mean, all the ones who went the "talk to her route" don't understand how that is an open invitation to "let's overthink this and fill it with angst to the brim until it spills over and pushes you away".

First, it appears that your only interested in wetting your whistle. Second, this girl just wants to get it on and you should just ...



Overthinking and filling it with awkward convo will damage and numb the sensation.

I don't think you want anything serious from her and if you do, then you're stupid.

EDIT: Soma, you've become like, chris angel or something!! "Lights-Camera-ACTION!!" Look at you go!
It doesn't have to be over-though and awkward; it could just be frank. At least then he'll know what page they're on. I don't see how he could find out any other way.
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Old 09-24-2010, 06:00 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MSD View Post
It's simple, really. You remove your hat, adjust your monocle, and politely ask, "pardon me madame, would you fancy a bout of intercourse?"

Spoiler: take the monocle off before you get into bed or you'll never find it again
No fair. You probably really do own a monocle.
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Old 09-24-2010, 09:00 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Wes Mantooth View Post
I disagree Xerxys, this isn't meet a hot girl and nail her until you get bored and find somebody else.
I guess this is where your opinions and mine differ. I think he's just getting his pecker played with and you think that there is some sort of relationship forming.

Regardless of that, I wouldn't want to be involved with her non the less: unless she is having an open relationship, the girl is a cheater. I don't think she's a healthy human being. Kinda like Sara Palin, I'd screw her any day, EVERYDAY, because I LUV her body. Her mind though ... thats a whole nether issue.

They are creating the baggage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowy View Post
Why the hell would you want to waste your time on a girl who already has a boyfriend? This relationship is going nowhere fast--if she's willing to fuck around while she has a boyfriend, she'll do the same to you, regardless of your relationship status. Guaranteed.
Sex? I don't see anything else he could benefit from this. In fact, I see the long term effects being detrimental. But boys do much worse when it comes to actual sexual gratification involving a second party.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hektore View Post
It doesn't have to be over-though and awkward; it could just be frank. At least then he'll know what page they're on. I don't see how he could find out any other way.
I didn't think there was anything to find out though, I thought it was pretty straight forward. Girl is fooling around and guy is mando horny moral qualms be dammed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plan9 View Post
Wow, you guys are assholes.
Let it be noted though, that in the thread title the OP specified "...with a GIRL"!!
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Old 09-24-2010, 11:49 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Ha! Xersys thats great! Sarah Palin, Americas cheap one night stand.

Yeah its pretty hard to figure either way you look at it, regardless the baggage would be more then enough to send me running in the other direction. Sex is only worth so much trouble.
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Old 09-25-2010, 08:49 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Xerxys View Post
I guess this is where your opinions and mine differ. I think he's just getting his pecker played with and you think that there is some sort of relationship forming.

Regardless of that, I wouldn't want to be involved with her non the less: unless she is having an open relationship, the girl is a cheater. I don't think she's a healthy human being. Kinda like Sara Palin, I'd screw her any day, EVERYDAY, because I LUV her body. Her mind though ... thats a whole nether issue.

They are creating the baggage.

Sex? I don't see anything else he could benefit from this. In fact, I see the long term effects being detrimental. But boys do much worse when it comes to actual sexual gratification involving a second party.

I didn't think there was anything to find out though, I thought it was pretty straight forward. Girl is fooling around and guy is mando horny moral qualms be dammed.

Let it be noted though, that in the thread title the OP specified "...with a GIRL"!!
Xerx, I love you.

My main concern is this: if this girl is fucking around on her boyfriend, she will fuck around on you (OP), and if you are not careful, she will leave you with a parting gift you may NEVER EVER be able to get rid of.
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Old 09-25-2010, 08:52 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Doom and gloom squad aside, if the dude wants to get laid and wraps his battering spam... it's just sex.

...or we could all act like we've never screwed around (physically, emotionally, etc.) in a relationship before.
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Old 09-26-2010, 11:09 AM   #31 (permalink)
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No fair. You probably really do own a monocle.
If I ever own a top hat or monocle for any purpose other than a costume party or prank, you all have permission to punch me in the dick.
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Old 09-26-2010, 08:40 PM   #32 (permalink)
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start by making out, thats how ive done it every single time, and just let it happen and if it doesnt, then try again next time
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