curiousbear

Apart from one night-stands, being attracted, flirting etc - Does a serious and sensible falling in love with multiple people at same time possible?

Have any of you or your SO had this kind of situation?

I think this question is very important because this may help understanding whether monogamy is a natural behavior meant for Human? Or is it just a social/cultural implementation...

Personally I never had this situation in my life (Loving and hating same person at same time happens all the time thou )

MrFriendly

It might sometimes depend on how much you actually love someone and how much you're just convincing yourself you love someone.

Personally, no, I've not found myself in the situation where I've been in love with multiple people.

No doubt that it happens though.

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Xerxys

I go with a strict rule of life that is "You do not Love anyone know less than 3 months".

Love is enduring of all things. Hence impossible for me to ever find, but that aside, I've felt an instant attraction to someone I've just met, only one person though. So no multiple partners for me for a while.

StellaLuna

*waves* It's possible... my SO and SO and I are going on 3 years now.

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SecretMethod70

I don't think it's that simple, really. Just like there are different sexual inclinations, it seems to me that there are different inclinations for relationships. More people are probably capable of non-monogamy than realize it, but all the evidence I've seen points to monogamy as the standard for human interaction. Of course, being standard doesn't make it superior... just standard. There are people I know who are definitely more suited for non-monogamy, and I think with the right personality it's certainly possible for someone to learn non-monogamy, but it's not likely to be easy.

Anyway, it's possible, and probably more possible than it seems in our culture, but certainly not the norm, and I don't think it ever will be.

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ngdawg

It's not the "norm" because I think most people won't allow it to be.
Yes, it is very possible to be "in love" with more than one as I have been for quite a while. Love is not one thing or one defining emotion, it's a mixture of feelings, actions and interactions brought together in a harmonious circle. And just as everyone is different, the feeling of loving others will be as well, but no less important one person to the next.
I often explain it as : You have more than one child, you don't love one at a time, why should it be any different with others in your life? Your heart doesn't divide, it grows.

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seamaiden

I'm sure it's possible, although, fortunately it's never happened to me (excluding my children, family, and friends...but I know you're asking about a different kind of love here). Life is complicated enough without trying to balance the emotional needs of more than one lover.

Monogamy is SO important to me. I've been cheated on...it was shattering for me, but I hung on to that relationship for many years, without ever really trusting him again. I love being intimate, in every way, with my partner. I give him all I can, but if it's not enough for him, then he needs to move on. I can guarantee my lover will be my one and only and expect the same in return. It's just what works for me.

thirdsun

I think it sort of depends on how a person defines the concept of love.

There are folks who define love as exclusivity. Be it monogamy or polygamy (I am using these terms loosely & generally for the sake of brevity), but they have no real desire for a similar relationship or commitment with more people or anyone else. In other words, they define love as that high contentment / compatibility / commitment level with the person(s) whom they love. In my opinion, this is a more mature or refined type of love than say, infatuation, lust, having sex, etc.

If you are asking: can a person be infatuated, lusting, and/or having sex with more than one person? Of course. Personally, I wouldn't define those emotions and activities as love, but I realize that perhaps many people might.

Daniel_

I think it is possible to love more than one person, I love my wife, I love my daughter, I love my parents and my brother; but all in different ways.

I think the poster meant is it possible to love romantically two partners. This I believe is certainly possible, but requires all parties to share mutual love - if A loves B and C, but B cannot stand C, then there will be problems.

For it to work fully, A and B and C have to love each other, and when it happens, it's great.

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Halx

This is called Polyamory and it exists for real.

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FuglyStick

Works for some; not for me.

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Charlatan

Sure it's possible. I know I have been in love with two women at once. Unlike the LurkBastidLuna's I had to make a choice. It was an excellent choice but I sometimes wonder what it might have been if other options had been possible.

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amonkie

I find that for me, loving people takes work. I make the choice to love them, and this manifests itself in relationships and spending time and energy on these people. When I am loving someone, I find I generally have less time and overall desire to cultivate loving other individuals to the same degree. Not to say it couldn't be done, but it would take exceptional individuals in my eyes to continue on both roads to the same degree.

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Soshi Aroso

First, English isn't great to have this conversation in, as all we have is "love." Other languages differentiate between the love and obligation of family, the love and camaraderie of colleagues, and the love and infatuation of romance.

Second, Love <> Attraction <> Sex <> Relationship.

What exactly do you think of love as? Can you stop loving someone? Do you love someone despite their faults, or for them? Does trust come automatically with love? Can love be unreciprocated? These and more are all very important questions that are seldom agreed on, and without knowing a stance on them, any answer to your question is gonna to be basically meaningless.

jaymoney

hell yeah its possible shit i love my wife and my girlfriend

Plan9

Sounds like an expensive hobby.

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curiousbear

Hi Thanks for sharing the info You folks are FMM or MFF?

I know a man who had married two sisters. They lived together. Their daughter told me about it.

---------- Post added at 07:35 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:58 AM ----------

Very well said! Standards are for standard people Thanks

Thanks - I hardly know people like you
It never happened to me - May be I never thought or felt it is POSSIBLE

Very true! The harmonious circle takes so much to establish even with two people

'Your heart doesnt divide, it grows' - Nice saying...
But some how I am not able to agree on this

Agreed. Personally Love = Like Personality + Attracted Physically + Respect Character + Trust the relationship + Intimate Sexually + Enjoy Company + Committed.

Sorry I should have said this in OP.

Thanks - I got the answer

Thanks Halx I looked up wiki "Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the consent of everyone involved"

Wow! In the place I live, I see more and more people stopping with a single Kid! May be this is how Monogamy came to existence...

On English +1
And on your questions - I need to first answer them for myself carefully Thanks a lot for your post

What exactly do you think of love as? I tried to define in my response to thirdsun above
Can you stop loving someone? I think yes in some extreme cases
Do you love someone despite their faults, or for them? Yes
Does trust come automatically with love? There is no Love without Trust
Can love be unreciprocated? Yes

dlish

from someone who's allowed multiple wives...

no its not possible to have the same feelings for multiple people.

i'll just mention that i know someone who has two wives, and im certain that he has feelings for one more than the other.

sure you can fall in love with more than one person at a time, but thats not love. love is an all encompassing feeling of helpless belonging that no one can fill except the person for which it is intended. i cant see how that can be two people at any one time.

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Strange Famous

I dont think I personally could fully romantically love two people at once. I could fancy two people at once - sure, but that isnt the same thing.

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nikkiana

Having been in polyamorous relationships, I would NOT say that one partner is loved any less than the other in a healthy polyamorous relationship, however there almost always are differences in how that love is expressed. Different people have different needs. Sometimes one partner takes priority over another at a given time based on circumstances.

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taurus

I would have to say that it is easy to lust for multiple people and act on that lust, but the result isn't love.

To answer the original question, I have had sex with two guys who didn't know about each other, felt attracted and in-sync with both of them...and I think I loved them both, each for very different reasons. I do not, however, think I could be "in-love" with both of them at the same time. Then, I have never been in love.

Is the quiet tender love of a partner who holds your hand and cooks you dinner but never has sex with you enough or do we need more?

Toaster126

I think love is different for every person in our lives, and that we have a supply of love to give limited only when we claim it is.

What we are limited on is time. Relationships take time.

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SecretMethod70

We have a winner.

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curiousbear

+1

Time, Capacity

Datalife2

perfect!

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gentlesoul43

Love is much misunderstood if it's only seen as an emotion. And even so, the description of love is different for different people. A highly charged infatuation feeling is deemed as love, and so is a comfortable, moderately satisfying long term relationship.

Monogamy may not be a natural human behavior. Perhaps it is just a set of rules created by a civilized society bent on giving basic rights to all. If you don't believe me, just look back and look around. Polygamy is banned in developed countries just not too long ago. In some lesser developed societies (look at Asia and Africa), polygamy is allowed and having multiple partners is seen as an achievement of able persons.

If our natural instinct is similar to that of the animal kingdom, then the Survival of the Fittest rule states that only the strongest will get to perpetuate their genes, i.e. only Alpha males get laid. This doesn't work well in a civilised society, so rules are set so that everyone gets their share. In a civilized society, everyone has the same rights, including race and gender. But this is not the natural order in the wild.

So is it possible to love more than 1 person at a time? I ask back: Is it possible not to if you are allowed to and are free of the man-made rules that bind us?

Shaindra

Not quite. Humans pursue two mating strategies. Short-term mating (which favors alpha males who can spread their seed among many women) and long-term mating (which actually favors beta males, who will provide resources to their mates to help raise the children.)

Is monogamy "natural"? Why does it matter? Lots of things people do aren't natural. And natural doesn't mean superior either.

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