Plan9

We pay your premiums! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?! CAN'T WE HAVE OUR LIPSTICK LESBIANS?!

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Man, this would totally be a great script for sexploitation-twisted Memento movie.

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Uh, cheating is bad. Don't do it. With whatever gender and/or species.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Baraka_Guru

For the record, real lesbians make great drinking buddies.... Just keep them away from your girl....like....your other drinking buddies....

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

curiousbear

It cant be cheating as I had already told her I would be fine with such a possibility
I think it could be penis factor. It could be because I am very curious about bigirls and lesbos

LordEden

I have walked in on my gf with another girl in my bed. I joined in. We had also shared a girl before so this is not under the same reason as the OP suggested. We both knew this girl and had talked about trying to get her into bed. I came home one day from work and went into the room to find two young ladies naked and waiting to scrub me off in the shower so they could ravish me.

Now if I didn't know... One head would say "2x BOOBIES!" and the other head would go "hey, wait, what?". I don't know what I would do. Mostly likely try to join then when I couldn't, I would get pissed/make a scene/break her shit as I leave.

Cheating is cheating, even if the boobies factor is doubled.

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Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

Aphrodisios

It depends on the girl and relationship. If she claimed to be monogamous when we started dating then I would have a problem with it because she betrayed her sense of morality, and lied to me. If she was polyamorous or a swinger and we talked about it from the beginning I would not have a problem with it. As long as I know she is in love with me and isn't spending more time with others than me. I guess it also depends on who she was with and if she knew they didn't have any std's.

I would say the same for being with other guys as well. It depends on her, her sense of morality, and the type of relationship. Either way though if it's not monogamous it would be nice to know who she is sleeping with before walking in to find her.

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"Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never... never forget it."

-Curtis Judalet

braisler

I agree with many others here that cheating is cheating whether it is with a man or a woman. If I walked in on my wife being intimate with another person it would be devastating. I guess what would bother me most about it is that I'm a very sexually open person and she knows that. If she wants to have sex with me and another person of either gender, I'd go for it. If she wants to have sex solo with another person... that is more cause for pause, but I'd still talk with her about it.

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You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
- Albert Einstein
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minim

Interesting thread. I think cheating is cheating regardless of the gender (I'm female and bi). The other day my husband made an offhand remark that if I wanted to "keep the sheets warm" with another woman when he was away, he'd be OK with that. I'm not sure if he was serious. My reaction to this was threefold.

1. Wait. What?

2. Hmm. I do kind of miss women...

3. But it wouldn't be a good idea. It's not like taking a vibrator to bed, there is a whole other human being involved and potential feelings on both sides (or three sides, if he realizes after the fact that it DOES bother him). Sleeping with a woman wouldn't just be some kind of experiment for me.

At any rate - I would have a hard time being with another woman WITHOUT considering it cheating, and it would be weird to me if he didn't consider it cheating. (And almost slightly patronizing, like sleeping with a woman doesn't "count"?)

Anormalguy

That's a great point, and I know that some guys feel that way. I'm not sure why, maybe they feel more secure knowing that they're not competing with another penis. Yet many guys would be very hurt if their wife/gf left them for another woman.

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In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

n0nsensical

I'd have the same reaction for anyone, first: disappointment that I wasn't asked or included, who knows, I might have been all for it. :P At least if it were just about the sex. Anyway, cheating means the end of the relationship because one or both partners obviously need something different.

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"Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded." --Abraham Lincoln

Plan9

Is the sign-up sheet coming around?

Hey, don't stereotype lesbians. They don't just think with their clit.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

m0rpheus

I have and I'm okay with it. It was something we had discussed previously and she knew I'd be okay with it so I guess it wasn't really cheating though.
If it happened again? I'd probably do the same thing. Go sleep in the spare bedroom, or occupy myself in other ways. Wait until either the other girl left for the night or when she leaves the next morning and then go have lots and lots of sex. That's part of the deal, she can do what she wants with girls and doesn't need my permission. She does have to either let me know about it beforehand if possible, after if not (like the next morning). I am going to want details, I am going to get turned on and I am going to want sex.
If she didn't let me know? THEN I would be pissed.

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"it never got weird enough for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

Blue Fish

Nope, I would never accept this and it would destroy my family. Plus, I don't think I would ever be attractive to a woman who thought this was a good idea. Wait, isn't this a mans dream?

Plan9

Not really. A man's dream would be two women paying attention to him. And not just sex. I'd imagine it would involve a large screen television, a nice steak, and whole lot of mouth-not-open.

In the words of my misogynist best friend: "Get the hell back in that kitchen, woman... and I'd best not catch you voting in there."

(j/k)

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

LordEden

You know after I broke up with her, she probably made a sign-up sheet for that black hole she called a vagina.

Now, I've found threesomes to be a novility thing,great to brag about to your friends over beers, but in theory someone is getting left out. I don't think I'll try for one again, I actually turned down one a few years later cause I didn't think the girlfriend I was dating could handle it. That and I think she would have went to bat for the other team.

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Vice-President of the CinnamonGirl Fan Club - The Meat of the Zombiesquirrel and CinnamonGirl Sandwich

ncgti

Agreed

Plan9

You sir... are a smart man. Most of life is about merit badge novelty crap. You've done your little kooky dance and now you've decided one woman is more than enough.

Haha... black hole. Heh. I like to refer to it as the "gaping maw" myself.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Terrell

Reason to terminate the relationship in my opinion. Trust would be violated, and the issue of STDs comes into play as well, it would be worse IMO if it were a guy, because the issue of pregnancy also comes into play, but it would be bad all around. Girl on girl is nice in a good porno or fantasy, but I don't want a woman I'm in a relationship having sex with others in reality.

Bill2010

I supprised all of us on Monday night by walking in on my wife and her new naked friend, in our bedroom.
why is it that everyone always equates SEX with LOVE???
I love my wife and always want to see her happy, and have no delusion that i`ll be the only one to satisfy her sexualy, and she has the same feelings for me.
Perhaps we`re rare, but sex is simply lustful enjoyment, and nothing more.
Jelousy and unforgiveness are selfish emotions that no one needs.

Loveredheads

My first wife and I were already having severe marital problems when I suspected her of having an affair.

Since I thought my ex-wife was having an affair with another man I set up a hidden camera in the our bedroom. I had overheard her on the telephone, and knew she was planning for him to come over late one night (I had to stay at the office for a Client Relations building exercise). When I watched the tape the next day I was surprised to find she was having an affair with a very attractive female. In fact, the "other woman" was incredibly sexy - much more so than my first wife.

This made me bold enough to admit "spying" on her, and the fact that I wanted to try a threesome. My first wife and I had had a monogamous relationship to that point - but were fairly exploratory (outdoor sex, semi-public sex...like in a theater, etc). Anyway, my wife was interested, but the other female was not.

A few weeks later I found out my ex-wife was also having an affair with another man. How did I find out? My ex-wife's "female lover" called me to tell me about it! She and I ended up having a fairly protracted (5-6 months) sexual affair. During our affair she repeatedly told me she wasn't "bi sexual", but had been "bi curious". This had lead her to a website where my ex-wife had posted a comment about wanting to try it too.

I never did get the threesome, but the "other woman" and I watched the video tape together quite a few times. This made for very passionate sex!

Willravel

Trust is a necessary foundation to my romantic relationships and, imho, cheating is the most fundamental violation of that trust. I don't care if the woman I'm seeing is cheating with a man, a woman, a child, an animal or a dead body, cheating is cheating. If someone I'm seeing is developing feelings for someone else, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect the truth. If the roles were reversed and I was developing feelings for someone while in a relationship, if I couldn't simply get over those feelings I would be honest with my gf.

That said, I'm not against the idea of a trio should the three of us have honest romantic feelings and no aversions to the arrangement. Having gathered a bit of information on the trio relationship from other TFPers, I have to say it seems the relationship can be just as healthy as a duo. In other words, I'd have no problem with my girlfriend being in bed with our girlfriend, in fact I imagine it would make me happy.

levite

For me, I think that, as hot as it might be to see my wife with another girl, my reaction wouldn't be all that different from finding her with another guy: why did you hide this from me? Why wouldn't you tell me?

It's the deceit that's the betrayal, not necessarily the sex act. This is something that I have always made it a point to be 100% crystal clear and explicit about at the beginning of a relationship. I always have said to anyone I begin sleeping with, that my top rule is this: don't lie to me about anything important, and don't sleep with anyone else without talking to me first. Because honestly, maybe I'll say it's cool. If my wife comes up to me and says, my incredibly hot friend that you love checking out really wants to do me, and I really want to do her, and it's cool if you watch, I promise I will say yes. On the other hand, if she says, my ridiculously studly work colleague really wants to give me the ol' ten-incher, and I really need some of that mondo beefstick, I will probably say that I have a problem with that. But at least if I know about it, we can talk about it, and either my wife agrees that it's a fun fantasy but she will not actually sleep with him, or she says that sleeping with him is too important to pass up, in which case (God forbid) we can come to a clear understanding that this marriage is over. But at least it would be honest, and civilized.

Anyway, as for why it's different, I've heard arguments that it shouldn't matter if your wife/gf wants another girl or another guy, it's equally someone else. But I just don't feel that way. If she wants another girl, it's because she wants an experience that no man (myself included) can give her. But if she wants another guy, it's because there is something that she is not getting from me that she needs to find from another guy, and I cannot be in a relationship where my partner doesn't consider me enough man for her. If I can restrain my desire for other women, and be happy having sex only with my partner, she ought to be able to do the same. And if not, maybe we need different partners, a different relationship.

Like I said, I would still be upset if my wife deceived me about having sex with another woman. But it would be something much more potentially survivable, relationship-wise, than if she were with another guy.

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Willravel

You wouldn't grow a vagina for the woman you love ?

levite

Brother, if I could grow a vagina, I would've done it a long time ago. It would really give my inner lesbian a leg up....

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

The_Jazz

I think we just found Plan9's new signature.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Plan9

Hey, better a vagina in my pants than an asshole above my neck, amirite?

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

rr1024

The BF said he would walk in and take a seat and watch me enjoy my self

TheCrimsonGhost

I would treat it the same as catching her with another man... when you are married with kids, the sex of the person you are cheating with doesn't matter, it's cheating. And even if you aren't married with kids, it's cheating. It would not be a pretty site male or female, so she better not try it.

66mustang

Having shared a previous lover with many girls, the sex between us and our shared mmates was tremendous. However, I must agree with Prince, who said above that regardless the gender, cheating is cheating. She always knew that I was open for anything and I would do and allow her to do anything she wanted, with my blessing, and usually my participation. My wife and I agreed that it is just us. She is insecure about my extensive sexual background, and I too am insecure about her, having been hurt before. Cheating would be cheating, whether with a man or a woman.