Quote:
Originally Posted by ASU2003
(This post could have gone in the Men's Lounge, but I guess it will go here for now...)
What would your reaction be if you walked in on them in bed together? Would you feel hurt, confused, turned on, worried that she will leave you, wondering how long it was going on behind your back, concerned about STDs, or would you be just fine with her having a girlfriend on the side?
I have never loved or trusted someone, so I'm not sure I can answer it besides the typical male response of "Can I join?"
If you need to know, I am trying to figure out why I would have one reaction if it was a guy (involving a bullet to the head), yet would be fine with her seeing another girl as long as our relationship wasn't impacted very much and she didn't have any STDs.
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For me, I think that, as hot as it might be to see my wife with another girl, my reaction wouldn't be all that different from finding her with another guy: why did you hide this from me? Why wouldn't you tell me?
It's the deceit that's the betrayal, not necessarily the sex act. This is something that I have always made it a point to be 100% crystal clear and explicit about at the
beginning of a relationship. I always have said to anyone I begin sleeping with, that my top rule is this: don't lie to me about anything important, and don't sleep with anyone else without talking to me first. Because honestly, maybe I'll say it's cool. If my wife comes up to me and says, my incredibly hot friend that you love checking out really wants to do me, and I really want to do her, and it's cool if you watch, I promise I will say yes. On the other hand, if she says, my ridiculously studly work colleague really wants to give me the ol' ten-incher, and I really need some of that mondo beefstick, I will probably say that I have a problem with that. But at least if I know about it, we can talk about it, and either my wife agrees that it's a fun fantasy but she will not actually sleep with him, or she says that sleeping with him is too important to pass up, in which case (God forbid) we can come to a clear understanding that this marriage is over. But at least it would be honest, and civilized.
Anyway, as for why it's different, I've heard arguments that it shouldn't matter if your wife/gf wants another girl or another guy, it's equally someone else. But I just don't feel that way. If she wants another girl, it's because she wants an experience that no man (myself included) can give her. But if she wants another guy, it's because there is something that she is not getting from me that she needs to find from another guy, and I cannot be in a relationship where my partner doesn't consider me enough man for her. If I can restrain my desire for other women, and be happy having sex only with my partner, she ought to be able to do the same. And if not, maybe we need different partners, a different relationship.
Like I said, I would still be upset if my wife deceived me about having sex with another woman. But it would be something much more potentially survivable, relationship-wise, than if she were with another guy.