blade02

Well they were at first, now Im either getting less scared or already talking myself into thinking things are ok.

First off, the background. I met this girl at a party about 2 months back, at the time she was with a guy, but spent alot of time talking with me. She happend to be one of those girls that talking to them is like 2nd nature (some girls I cant talk to at all, but with her I have no problem). I tried to get her number that night, but she politefully declined (looking back on it, i think it was a good sign that she wouldnt give me her number while she was dating someone else). So flash ahead a couple of months and Im at another party and see the guy she was dating... I hear about them breaking up, and in one of my rare moments of boldness, I purposelly go to the store she works at to buy my little sister's birthday card. The planned work and she was there. She mentions to me the break-up and I take that as her being interested. Turns out she was, so now we're seeing each other.

The good: So far we're clicking really well, we have a lot of things in common or things that we both do, but at the same time, completely different ways of arriving to the same conclusion. Then there's the whole her not giving me her number till she was single thing which I just think was pretty classy. Lastly, shes amazingly hot. Like the "how am i dating so far out of my league?" kind of hot.

The bad: She lives with one of her exboyfriends, who clearly is not thrilled when I come over. I try to be polite to the guy and so far only hold her hand or let her lean on me while we're in front of him. I do this mostly because I know how hard it is to get over an ex, and how things probably aren't working out the way he planned when he decided to be roommates with her. But Its getting to the point where Im feeling like if he doesn't want to see it, then maybe he shouldn't insist on watching the movie with us. When we do go back to her bedroom he always finds nice noisy stuff to do, like moving the foose ball table or other heavy clunky items. Other than that she seems to have expensive tastes and is very picky. Though so far it hasnt been an issue, just something that makes me wrinkle my forehead a little everyonce in awhile. That and she's a tad bit on the clingy side, we've seen eachother just a handful of times and she's already talking about how she's afraid that she's falling for me. Not that I mind a beautiful girl falling for me, its just that at the moment, its too early for me to be feeling that attached to anyone.

So yeh, Just felt like I needed to post this somewhere. I probably would have blogged but she's already on my myspace friends list and would read it. Feel free to throw in some advice or comments, but I really just expect to see this sink to the bottom of the page.

Lizra

Just my quick take/guess.....
She "needs" to live with boyfriends...can't/won't support herself (she needs female roomates! )
How much do you like her....do you want to ask her to move in with you? I predict that you will date for awhile, and if you don't ask her to live with you, she will find a new prospect, since she is so cute.
Are you two really hitting it off and falling madly in love and can't be apart...or might she just be using her love life to upgrade/maintain her living situation?

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Sultana

Was she living with her ex while dating the ex you first met her with? I'd ask her why she's living with him--I'd expect she'll say it's just a convenient living situation, and there's no relationship, etc. However, it's still undeniably strange, and obviously he feels uncomfortable and is making you feel uncomfortable. You should tell her this (the uncomfortable part, not nec. the "strange" part, heh).

The thing I'd be most concerned with is getting involved with a gal who doesn't seem very emotionally independant.

Did you tell her that "its too early for me to be feeling that attached to anyone?" I hope so. If so, what was her response?

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SugahBritches

Warning bells to me is she is still living with her ex boyfriend. Maybe that is not "strange" for today, I don't know. It'd sure be a warning sign for me....unless you all know each other, I suppose. Whatever you do, don't ask her to come live with you. I'd be afraid you might end up in her ex boyfriend's situation one day.

It's still too new to really tell much though. Maybe the advice should be, "tread lightly".

doncalypso

Living with an ex-boyfriend??? Sounds to me like this woman has issues and my recommendation is that you run away... far away.

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kurty[B]

I wouldn't say run away. She withheld her phone number while dating another guy (like you said, that come across as fairly classy). The living with the ex does bother me. Why is she living with him? Make sure and explain to her that it's uncomfortable for you. The ex seeing you probably pisses him off, and it's certainly awkward for the two of you. If you're comfortable with asking, ask what other living options she could possibly pull. She might mention moving in with you. Explain to her that it's too early in the relationship.

I think the key here is to make sure and communicate, continue to feel things out. Running away is not communicating. Of course, if something really irks you be honest about it with yourself and with her.

Shauk

she's a scorpio isn't she? mwahaha. wow, sounds like my situation with my ex, only, she doesn't bring her new boy toy here, she goes to see him. There may be reasons for living with exes. Leases, or just financial situations leave the trapped, you'd have to pretty much remove her from the situation somehow if you wanted to convince her to do that.

be it moving in with your, or convincing her to "help out" a friend of yours with his/her rent by being thier roommate.

blade02

That brings up another "good thing" about her. So far I've been completely honest and blunt with her and she seems ok with it. As far as living with her ex, she told me about it the first time we went out. According to her, it made the most "financial sense". Which I personally think she is using him because he wont stand up to her. And last night was saying that she was going to "tell him to cut the bullshit or to pack up and leave". She seems the type that if you dont stand firm on something she'll walk all over you, get bored, and leave (thats the big warning bell i hear in the back ground) The ex she is living with isnt the guy she was dating when I met her.

Financially, she makes more money than me, already has two bachelor degrees (1 in economics and 1 in CIS) and is working on her masters in International Business. She knows I have a year left before I graduate and Sse knows were I work (she's worked there before) and knows that my upcoming internship will make about the same amount of money.

I personally dont know how long it will last, and at the moment dont see myself getting attached, but she's already talking about things she'd like to do after Christmas (she's a store manager at a gift card store, and at 24 is one of the youngest store managers for the chain in the country, but from here on out all of her weekends involve selling christmas junk). I told her that we'd just have to see how things go before we start planning that far ahead.

Anyways, interesting to see what other things people picked up on.

1010011010

You probably should have brought it up the second the "well, that's kinda weird" thought crossed your mind. I'd ask the xBF/roomate about their living situation, personally. He'll give you rendition most likely to contain the most truth... simply because he's probably not interested in keeping your around and making it sound less strange than it is. He may or may not be interested in actively getting rid of you.

If you can't talk to her about what's bothering you, though, just view it for the short-term thing that it's inevitably going to be.

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blade02

PS: I've only been to her place twice. I'd have her come to my place all of the time, but I just moved back into town and my parents wanted me to focus on school, so I live in the upstairs of the house (super lame, but she seems ok with it). The first time I told her how i was being polite in front of him but that I was feeling like that maybe he should leave the room. The second time, we went back to her bedroom and he caused all the commotion. Before I could say anything she told me how she was going to chew him out etc, which I thought was a little extreme, so I told her to just talk with him first. We'll be going out again tonight so I guess I'll have another chance to find out more about her.

Sage

Personally, this girl sounds like an emotional manipulator. If she's got two college degrees, she should be mature enough by now to live on her own or with roommates who don't have a cow whenever she brings a boy over.

There's a REASON you hear alarm bells- it's because a part of you KNOWS something is off. Alarm bells are your friend. I say just have your fun while you can and don't get too set on anything- it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing, so good job!

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blade02

Thats exactly what I plan on doing Sage. I think from time to time I might update this just as an experiment on "alarms"

Update: So I thought about some things at work (I work at one of the big box hardware stores, so I had ample free time to let my thoughts roam). I decided that I am not the type of guy to disrespect a guy's house (or apartment in this matter) and that I did not want to become that type of guy. When the girl asked me to spend the night, I told her that it was not right and explained why. To my suprise there was no guilt trip or any other form of trying to convince me to stay. Me and her decided that from here on out, that I will pick her up and drop her off there, but thats about it. I also asked about any limitations on her visits at my parents place, and I think things will not be a problem.

For the moment, score another one for being direct, honest, and standing up for yourself.

loquitur

Blade, the alarm bells are being sent by your emotional comfort zone. Some people like a woman who is very smart and knows how to get what she wants, and don't even mind a bit of manipulativeness - it can be viewed as a challenge, someone who can keep you on your toes. It can be quite a bit of work, but some people like it. Is that you? or do you prefer someone more straightforward and linear?

blade02

I have to say I enjoy a challenge, and "playing with fire". In some ways I have more respect for girls that I view as "worthy opponents" (though I'm not a big fan of manipulating). Not that I like fighting, but I feel that a girl that can keep me on my toes forces me to bring my "a-game". When a girl says "So where are you taking me tonight" vs "So where are we going?", it forces me to be the one with the answers.

Deltona Couple

OK. here is my $.02 worth.

She appears to be a personally powerful woman. Her high degrees and early rise in sucess leads me to belive she is the type to go after what she wants. This is not a BAD thing. but mind you that in MY experience, powerful women usually (not ALL the time) prefer to have a strong man at her side. I notice a pattern here....when you make a specific direct statement (no more staying at her place durring dates, etc.), she agrees with you and accepts your decision. This makes me believe that she is enjoying the fact that you are NOT evidently intimidated by her sucess. (Again a good thing) The fact that an ex is living with her, and appears jealous of your relationships tells me why he is an ex...He can't stand to see her with another man, and is acting childish(making noises when you two are in her room) so she is subconsiously enjoying making him squirm.
I see you making good decisions as far as communications.
I would consider possibly that she MAY be finding it difficult to be "alone" at home (i.e. not having a roomate) as many men AND women do.
Keep up the good work, and let us know how things go. I for one am quite curious to see how it goes.

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blade02

Things are going pretty good at the moment. I'll add more updates along the way.

analog

In all fairness, it's not "his" place, it's her place... she's obviously the one who makes the bread. It's not your fault that the ex lives with her. I understand wanting to respect the man's living space and his friendship, but he'd have to be the biggest (literally) idiot on the face of the planet if he thought this would never happen.

HE needs to man up and realize she's going to have boyfriends/partners/whatever, and either take it or leave. Assert yourself along this thread now, and I think she'll like you even more for it.

Congrats on the way you've been handling it, btw. Good man.

blade02

I have to say that they do split the bill. She's a store manager and he works at a law firm (lower level stuff though, not as an actual lawyer). So from that respect its half his. The first few nights I got ahead of myself and just kind of busted up in there so to speak. Obviously it was with her invitation, but I think to do things right, it should be more gradual than, me all of the sudden spending time over at her place. I dont plan on letting him run me or her off, I just dont plan on doing it all at once. I'll probably watch a movie or something later this week at her place, and see how that goes.

bunny1321

she has issues. she needs male attention, and chaos. even if you two end up together, it won't be long until something else pops up.

blade02

So far so good... less chaos and her roommate is being more understanding. He's ok with me being over (though I certainly dont plan on spending lots of time over there) and we can even have the little bs convos if we both happen to be there at the same time, like if I come to pick her up. I know its not much of an update, but that'll do for now.

beavstrokinoff

Have you tried talking to hert about the exboyfriend thing? She may be totally oblivious to it.

Ourcrazymodern?

Hey, Blade. BLADE!

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blade02

Yes? Waiting for an update? At the moment things are going extremely well. Except for one stupid guy at a bar that thinks I stole his girl or something, everything is working out pretty good. She does have one friend coming into town for a business trip, and another coming into town in about month because his fiance lives here, so I'll see how that shakes out. But at the moment, things are pretty smooth sailing for a girl that I at first thought was going to be hign maintenance.

macmanmike6100

Calm before the storm! Just kidding.

Most people hit it right on: be honest with her and tell her what you're thinking, because her situation (living with bf) is different enough to warrant conversation.

Sounds like things are looking good though now, especially since you did end up setting some ground rules, or at least talking about the situation...keep us posted.

Philangicality

Get out now!

This chick is a predator.

1. She LIVES with her Ex boyfriend. He still has feelings for her because he is uneasy when you are around him with her.
2. She "casualy" drops in she broke up with her boyfriend.
3. She is jumping from man to man to man. From the dude she is living with, to the ex she just broke up with, to you. Don't get caught up in her dogma. She is skilled at manipulation and is playing the field. That being the ex she just broke up with and you, while still living with her number one man. Who will probabally eventually marry her once she has had enough boyfriends.

I would bet $100 that they are just on a break, and that he is suppoused to be dating too, but he is so wrapped around her finger, he feels it would be more riteous for him to take the high road and not play her game.

Fuck that.

Get out!

skier

Wow, lots of negative responses in this thread. Ignore the doomsayers!!!

It sounds to me you have everything under your belt so far. while past actions can be informative about what sort of person she is, what's far more important is how she treats you now. Everything in the relationship sounds fine to me; you know your worth and have plenty of self confidence, and she sounds like a smart, interesting woman to be with. Just communicate and assert yourself like you've been doing pretty much all along and you'll be fine

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blade02

I'm having fun, enjoying it for the moment, and have yet been forced to pass up any opportunities due to it. If at some point its no longer fun, or I feel there's something better out there, then I'll simply move on.

I think one of the reasons that this is going so well is that there is NO pressure to decide where things are going. All of my past serious relationships always had time constraints on them. Either I or the girl where almost at stages where we'd have to choose eachother or go our own ways. With this relationship, we both have awhile before heading other directions.

Ourcrazymodern?

Excellent! Individual packaging is a very valuable thing.

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blade02

So its been awhile since an update....here's some highlights:

1) She's starting a relationship with her parents again and they're willing to help her get an apartment BY HERSELF. (no more weird ex/roommate thing going on anymore)

2) I've moved into a house with a couple of friends. The awesome part is, if she comes over she usually either cooks dinner or breakfast. The girl can COOK!

3) The people that were problems when we first started dating have gotten the point and mind their own business. So everything is pretty stress free.


I'd say more but I dont want to jinx myself by making it seem like I'm bragging. But overall for a relationship that I was so cautious about getting into, things are going suprisingly well.

skier

congrats man, i'm glad to hear things are going well

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healer

Congrats! You've got a rare one there, my friend. Don't let her go.

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dlish

im with healer on this one.. you definately got a good deal.. she's smart AND she can cook! geez, its usually one or the other these days, or neither lmfao!

good luck mate! keep us posted.

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blade02

I'll do what I can.... for once this is one of those relationships where there's not a catch. So of course, I'm still waiting for one... but my warriness is starting to deteriate faster.