lullay

I have a rediculous crush on a (female) friend of mine. Tonight, while we were (drinking and) at a strip club with our husbands, we had a fantastic time. Afterwards, we all headed back to my house to sober up a bit before heading our separate ways. Right before she and her husband left, I asked if she still wanted to do what we talked about earlier-- she (either genuinely confused or acting shy) asked what, and I whispered in her ear that we had half-jokingly talked about kissing earlier and how (ostensibly) our dear husbands would enjoy it. Again, I have a rediculous crush on her and I don't know how transparent this is. She asked if I wanted to, I asked if she wanted to, we waffled, then she said something about me putting her on the spot and that she wished I had just gone ahead and done it. I took that as a go-ahead and said that I thought I could do that... and then kissed her. I pulled back, then she started kissing me back.

I was caught up in the moment and the kiss, so while my husband tells me she touched my face and kissed me back and that it was very hot I only recall what the kiss was like. It was good. Certainly stimulating.

So, my question is... should I pursue this at all My husband has given me the go-ahead to pretty much do anything with her, and I would jump at the chance given the opportunity (she's clean, disease-free, monogamous with unexercised [as of yet] options) but I don't know how to go about this. My husband has also told me that she says I'm hot and such (in so many words) somewhat often, and I also know that she is very much bi but I've never initiated something with a girl, let alone one I'm friends with in a non-sexual context.

My hubby wants to do a pinup photoshoot as a sort-of pretext to more... fun, I suppose you could say. She's a fan of pin-ups in general and again, seems very favoraby disposed towards all of the sorts of things that I'm into (we've had some conversations). We haven't said anything to her as of yet. Since I kissed her I am having a difficult time not thinking about how enjoyable it was, and I would love to pursue this further... but I have no idea what to do, or how to go about it.

Any input is appreciated.

Daniel_

OK - so you want a thing, you ask if you can have the thing, you get given the thing, and you enjoy the thing.

You now have a chance to have the thing again with the approval and encouragement of your SO.

What was your question again?

Being serious for a moment, the only question I'd ask is "What does your friend's SO think?".

If he green lights it, then go for it girl.

Hope it's fun.

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blahblah454

Yes, as long as all parties invloved (Her and your SO's) are okay with it then I suppose its all good. Just make sure that they actually want it and arn't being pressured into it because the others in the group say its fine. Yea yea peer pressure blah blah, but it still happens.

analog

She did everything but beg you! lol For the love of everything wonderful in this world, kiss the girl!!

shesus

I'd say if everyone involved is ok with it...and both of you want it...go for it. Just remember that if you want the friendship to continue, communication is important. As for the photoshoot thing, well if you're comfortable with that, but you should probably talk first and see if she's opened to seeing you this way. Of course, if she's sending you signals, then do what you feel comfortable with. You are the one in the relationships. We could tell you..kiss her, do this, do that, but you have to live with your decision.

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onodrim

Like most everyone has said - it sounds like all parties are willing and happy and if it's something you're honestly wanting to try, it's a safe environment to do so. Just be *sure* everyone is okay with it first. I hope it works out for you, it sounds like something that could really bring something good into your life.

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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

lullay

Daniel_ - My husband tells me he was grinning while watching us. The last time my friend and I discussed relationships she said theirs was open, but that was last year and we both were pretty tipsy during the conversation. I guess as is obvious, we haven't ever discussed this while fully sober.

Thanks all for your replies, they are helping me see this in a different light.

I guess I posted my question because I have NO idea how to take this further. I mean, yes, I can see how the answer would seem obvious but I've never tried to decipher girls before, and I've never been stumped as to whether or not or how I should proceed in such a situation (I asked my now-husband out on our first date, and don't remember being half so worried/curious as I feel now).

Also, she talks about her past exploits like she was rather agressive in pursuing the ones she really liked. She acts flirty towards everyone, but has never made any kind of first move towards me. I mean, we've slept in the same bed while staying the night at her parents house (in the last 6 months) and it wasn't tense or remotely sexual at all. Some girls just want to be chased, and this may well be the case. I'm probably overanalyzing this whole situation, but like I said... I've never really done this before.

1010011010

Pictures, damn it.

Beware the weirdness that will result in these relationships if you follow through. That's all I have to offer. If everyone affected has given the thumbs up (which is seems they have) it's pretty much your show at this point.

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onodrim

I would imagine that her hesitation comes from the fact that you are such good friends. You have a long standing friendship that isn't based in anything sexual, and she is likely worried about ruining/losing that aspect. For example, you feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed now, but let's say you become physical with each other and later decide it doesn't work out. Now when you sleep in the same bed can you have that same level of comfort you have now, or will there be weird tension because of the past? That's something the two of you are just gonna have to talk about I think. And I would suggest it being a sober conversation this time.

__________________
"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

ratbastid

As is so very often the case, ono's right. It's time to talk.

Negotiation and discussion and honest, open communication are absolutely essential to this sort of thing working out.

Also, you mentioned she has "'unexercised' options". That doesn't necessarily mean it's a piece of cake to exercise those options. There's a hint of freedom and opportunity there, but communication is still going to be very very necessary.

I very strongly recommend you include both husbands in the conversation too. And encourage them to get out anything they have to say about it--any jealousy, envy (they're different), ANYTHING that's there for them. You want to deal with it now so it doesn't bubble up later. Which isn't to say it won't bubble up later, but when it does, it'll be in the context of open communication, and it can be dealt with.

CaliLivChick

Something else to consider is if the SO's will be participating, if things do happen. Will they only be allowed to watch? Will they be allowed to pleasure themselves while watching? Will they feel weird playing with themselves in front of each other? If they are allowed to join in, will it only be one husband at a time, or both at the same time? Will one husband be able to sleep with the other one's wife? Is this all only for the women, and if so, will there be no husbands in the room at all? How about videotaping? Good luck, and let us know how things work out. =)

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SecretMethod70

This is a really important point: just because something is "dealt with" now doesn't mean it won't bubble up later. It's impossible to predict with 100% accuracy how something will make someone feel until it happens. But discussing it all openly now sets the stage for how you will deal with things in the future, and that's an important stage to be set.

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lullay

My friend and I had a chance to sit down (sober) and talk about this tonight. I must just be horrible at reading signals, because she said she's had a crush on me for a while too. As for their relationship, it is definitely open for girl-girl stuff, though she has to talk to her hubby about possibly involving my husband. We agreed that the first time at least should just be us... there'll be enough akwardness with just us fooling around until we both get comfortable. I was rediculously nervous until I told her, but once we started talking the butterflies turned into a wee bit o' courage and all went well. I even got a lingering goodbye kiss before I headed home from the coffeeshop

Yay!

Thanks all for your input and advice.

analog - I did! And it was fun!

onodrim - you're right, she was worried about ruining our friendship if I wasn't really into it, which was why she waited for me to make the first move.

ratbastid - she will be talking to her husband on her own first, but yes we do plan on talking with both at length provided the first time goes well. She says that their relationship is open, and that her husband considers himself poly; their relationship after all started out as a triplet, until the third party started acting very immature and keeping secrets about the whole thing.

CaliLivChick - My husband's not comfortable sharing me with another man at this point, which she knows. He says that a girl can give me something he can't, but that for what he can do he wants to be my one and only (but we'll see how this goes and that may change as well). She said she would need to talk to her hubby before getting involved with another guy, especially with the stipulations my hubby has right now. But just us two together is okay with both. Once she and I are comfortable together, I'm fine with either or both watching. I don't want to jump into bed all four of us at first, but I think I would be okay with things going further. I don't think we'd want to do a true swap.

SecretMethod70 - I agree completely. I needed the alcohol to get up the courage at first, but now that it's out in the open I'd be fine to discuss it with any of the parties involved. My husband comes first, but this girl is an awesome friend and I don't want to damage either relationship or hurt anyone's feelings for a few hours of fun.

thespian86

Let me be an ignorant male dickhead and say... *drools* yay

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lullay

I don't even know where to begin...

Last night, hubby dearest, the friend, her husband and I all went back to the strip club. Now, I guess I could/should have clued in to this earlier, but the affection is most definitely mutual. We had a semi-private booth this time and uh... it didn't take long to get comfortable! The strippers were much more plasticy than last night, so no one was inclined to get up and tip quite as often. The booth arrangement was much more flexible than some random chairs out on the floor.

I was on her lap or my husband's lap a good bit of the time (and beside her on the bench for the rest). Everything below the waist stayed on, at least until we got back to our house, but not for their lack of trying! I kept sneaking glances at both of the boys to make sure neither were visibly protesting or disturbed in a bad way, but they didn't seem bothered at all. We attracted a few onlookers in the section surrounding us, one of whom moved halfway across the floor to get a better view of us- our little show was MUCH more intriguing than the mostly plastic strippers.

Things got much more interesting when we got home. The boys ended p on the couch with us on their laps and, well, we weren't speaking in complete sentences after that. Everyone's shirts came off, and in the course of things my undies ended up in my hubby's pocket as well. The boys had their hands all over my friend and me but otherwise let us do our thing.

Somehow, we spent 2 hours back at our house before we thought to look at a clock (conveniently, it was 4:20am on the nose). We slowly got dressed after that and they headed home shortly before 5.

It was... a lot of fun. This was the first time (since my first experimentations a long time ago) I've really had the chance to fool around with another girl and act on some of those thoughts in the back of my head. I'm glad our husbands were there this first time, I feel much more comfortable fooling around with her now that I've seen (and heard) them approve. There was alcohol involved initially, but my buzz wore off and my motivation was still very much there. I wasn't sure how I would do at first with her hubby in the picture, but it worked well. More than anything, I was worried about how my hubby would react to that (given his previous statement that he isn't okay with me being with another guy), but when he didn't seem to mind a few roaming hands I relaxed considerably.

We did not all sit down and have that big talk before going out last night. She talked to her hubby before anything started and got the go ahead for the night, but for some reason we didn't have the big discussion. Her hubby seemed to be really enjoying himself the whole time. We should be meeting up tonight to discuss the situation sans alcohol, and dammit this time if no one else says anything then I will! I'm having a lot of fun, but our relationships come first and I don't want to overstep any boundaries or put anything in jeopardy.

Of course also now that her hubby has seen me topless and damn near bottomless I'm not feeling quite so bashful about bringing this up as before... haha, talk about an icebreaker! My hubby is warming to the idea of a foursome... I think he enjoyed watching me fooling around with the girl I've been lusting after for a while in a different way than he expected. Again, we still need to have that talk, just to have all of this out in the open... but even now there are intriguing developments afoot!

Next time: no strip club. Along with the alcohol, helpful social lubrication... but way too pricey when all any of us are interested is available without the $10 drinks and 20-minute drive.

CaliLivChick

You go girl!!! Glad you had fun, and hope the conversation went well. =)

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MechCow

Glad it turned out well.

My girl and I are in a somewhat similar boat in that she is interested in women and has women who have been interested in her but so far we just haven't made the leap I think mostly because there is no established protocol to follow. I'll certainly direct her to this thread :-)

absorbentishe

That last should have started out: Dear Penthouse. Sounds like you've let go, and she has as well, and the hubbies too. Just keep things open and communiction going both ways and most of all, enjoy it as much as you can!

WhiteKoopa

Make sure your desire for her doesn't get over the one you have for your husband, else your marriage could take a hard hit. A new relationship is nice, but if it means a previous one degradating, I'm not sure it's a good idea.