kaptain_kwanza

ok, so i was sitting here in my boxers, eating a can of peanut butter and letting my dog lick my hands off for me when i realized that the best kind of parenting is libertarian parenting. if we just let our children govern themselves with no help from anyone from the time they are conceived to the day they die, then they will become much greater than you, me, or lorena bobbit..combined. thats pretty damn great if you ask me. we wouldnt have to worry about exerting ourselves to shelter, feed, clothe and bathe our children; they could just do it themselves. if our children learned how to support themselves, they would gain wisdom beyond our wildest dreams. what say ye?

Willravel

You cannot allow a 3 year old to govern themselves because when they are 30 they will not govern themselves. They will be governed by other men and by society. Parenting is about preperation. If your child is ready for the world when they leave, and they are ready to be a positive force in that world, you are a success. If you allow your child to govern him or herself, they will only work within the barriers where they are punished by life (not looking both ways before crossing the street, for example, would be a very difficult lesson). Yes, eventually, your child should be self sufficient...but they don't come that way and allowing them to raise themselves makes you neglectful. Children of neglectful parents can often have moderate to serious anti-social behavior.

Do what you can to prepare them for the world.

kurtisj

Conservative being facetious?

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ShaniFaye

I prefer letting wolves raise them

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Lizra

I'm sorry...all I can think about is when to kill myself.....

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Happy atheist

ratbastid

Props for the Lorena Bobbit reference, though! Suddenly I feel like it's 1993 again.

Bill O'Rights

Helllll, yeah! I was raised by wolves, and look at me.
Thing with wolves is that you always know where you stand with 'em. If you're a dink, or a pain in the ass, the Alpha wolf puts the smackdown on you right now. No appeals, no whining, no false sense of value.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Demeter

The freedom you give your children to govern themselves increases as their experience, responsibility and maturity increases. It's like weight training. Their independence grows with a steady routine and hard work.

I have no idea how that pertains to the original post, but I felt smart writing it.

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I am not bound to please thee with my answers.
William Shakespeare

Sharon

Yup, I'm in favour of librarian parenting - do everything by the book, I say!

clavus

Left to his own devices, one of my kids turned a simple dehydrated pea into an Emergency Room visit. And that was my sensible son.

Without my facist intervention, my Barbarian Child wouldn't have lasted past two.

Actual words that have come out of my mouth - -
* No. Stop making it rain forks.
* Stop trying to put your tongue into the electrical outlet.
* I'm sorry if it makes you sad, but the Xacto knife is not for you.
* Do not play in the street.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

Carno

You are a facist! I used to play in the street all the time.

Sharon

The question is - in what kind of neighbourhood is the street in question?

Bill O'Rights

Isn't genetics wonderful?

Show this post to your dad...see if he signs off on it. Bet he does.

Well...yeah...but, does it count when your parents make you play in the street?

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

AbigailAlfano

Strange things I have said while 'parenting'

"Put on your sweater, I'm cold."
"Go to your room NOW..and don't EVER come out...EVER"
"What possessed you to put a rock up your nose? Okay which side? Now, as I cover the other nostril, you blow really hard."

ASU2003

I would rather have a kid that knew the meaning of work and responsibility than one who just begged the parents for handouts and presents all the time. And living under a dictatorship is probably worse than letting the kid do what they want as long as they don't hurt themselves or anyone else. Growing up in strict conservative homes turns kids into wild people when they get their freedom, or there is enough shame and fear in them that they can't enjoy life.

The best mix would be a mixure of all of them, where the kid gets a voice (like congress), but the parents can veto it (President). The parents are a protector, judge & advisor, but allow your kids to learn and live their own life.

josie

This sounds really good, and actually, this is what I believed I pretty much did, and I thought it was working really, really well: no problems in school, in terms of behavior, grades, etc.- both of my kids always seemed pretty compliant and cooperative.

But in the past year, I've found that what I thought was going on was not what was going on at all- who I thought my kids (especially my son) were, was not who they were at all. He was putting up a really good front that had me fooled but good.

I can't tell you how much this has hurt me. I look at him as dishonest and somewhat of a stranger- but at the same time I have to ask myself why he felt like he had to lie to me about who he was/is.

I don't think I was ever scary/authoritarian mom. I always thought I made it clear that I'd be accepting and helpful to him whoever or whatever he was.

I'm kind of grieving now for the relationship I thought we had, but really, obviously didn't.

Having said that- I don't know what I could have done any differently. Anyone have any advice as to how to get through patches like this where you just feel that you no longer know (or even ever really knew) your own child? I'm finding it difficult and actually really heart-breaking. (If this belongs in another thread-please feel free to move it- I didn't realize I was going to go off on such a tangent when I started).

In terms of the topic, I think libertarian parenting would work with a really self-directed child, but honestly I think those are the exception rather than the rule.

clavus

Josie - I have no advice from basd on experience. But I suggest that you look at starting a new relationship with this new person whom you have met, and try to forget the old person who never was.

Maybe your kid has aspects of both personalities.

My mom was very good at reconciling the extreme sides of my personality and viewing me as single person who wore different faces. As a result, I showed her more and more of the "me" that existed outside of the house.

Maybe if you wer more specific as to the nature of the deception, we could offer you better advice.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

Sharon

josie - sometimes children feel that their parents want them to be someone that they are not, and therefore adjust their behaviour around the parent... not to be deceptive, but to avoid being a DISAPPOINTMENT.

That was me. My parents still don't know the whole truth.

josie

You know- I'm glad to get a perspective from people who aren't parents and can give me some insight into maybe what his thought processes are.

I guess I find the whole dishonesty thing the hardest part of it to accept. I wanted to avoid disappointing my parents too- probably too much- so I actually lived my life in a way that I could avoid disappointing them. Although it worked out for me too- we were pretty much on the same page about most things- they wanted me to do what I could to be happy, and I agreed with them. I was never particularly self-destructive.

I mean, I wasn't perfect- I smoked pot and drank and stuff, but for the most part, I remained true to the person they raised me to be. I really could always say that I was pretty much who they thought I was. I would have felt like a real two-faced brown-noser otherwise.

I guess I'm disappointed that I look at my son now and I feel that he doesn't have the courage or strength to be honest about who he is. I could take the acting out shit- if I felt he had the courage to look me in the eye and be honest about it. It's the lying and deception I can't take- it feels like a betrayal by someone I love more than anyone else in the world, and who I never thought I'd be betrayed by.

Clavus said:
You know this sounds good, except the old person seemed happy most of the time- and the new person seems depressed- that's what worries and hurts me the most. And when I ask him how I can help him, he says there's nothing wrong.

He was an excellent student who essentially quit school. He went from having a 3.86 average to failing every single final in the space of a year. He was a talented athlete who has quit both sports he has played and excelled at since the age of five. He was a funny, energetic kid who is morose and tired all the time. He was sensitive and considerate and he's become withdrawn and selfish. He's just a different person.
I've thought drugs, of course, but he's eighteen and won't submit to a drug test. He swears he doesn't use- and honestly- we don't see any physical signs of it (and we know what to look for- I'm a highschool teacher and my husband is in medicine).
Clavus said:
I know this is the key. I know I need to be less emotional and more accepting and believing of exactly what you say about being a single person who wears different faces. That's exactly what I want people to believe and accept about me too.
I just don't know how to get around the sadness and the worry to get to the point where I can do that.

I really appreciate your responses. It's helpful to hear from you guys, and I think, as I said, you both have insights that I'm not objective enough to come up with on my own.

Thanks for taking the time.