Quote:
The parents are a protector, judge & advisor, but allow your kids to learn and live their own life.
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This sounds really good, and actually, this is what I believed I pretty much did, and I thought it was working really, really well: no problems in school, in terms of behavior, grades, etc.- both of my kids always seemed pretty compliant and cooperative.
But in the past year, I've found that what I thought was going on was not what was going on at all- who I thought my kids (especially my son) were, was not who they were at all. He was putting up a really good front that had me fooled but good.
I can't tell you how much this has hurt me. I look at him as dishonest and somewhat of a stranger- but at the same time I have to ask myself
why he felt like he had to lie to me about who he was/is.
I don't think I was ever scary/authoritarian mom. I always thought I made it clear that I'd be accepting and helpful to him whoever or whatever he was.
I'm kind of grieving now for the relationship I thought we had, but really, obviously didn't.
Having said that- I don't know what I could have done any differently. Anyone have any advice as to how to get through patches like this where you just feel that you no longer know (or even ever really knew) your own child? I'm finding it difficult and actually really heart-breaking. (If this belongs in another thread-please feel free to move it- I didn't realize I was going to go off on such a tangent when I started).
In terms of the topic, I think libertarian parenting would work with a really self-directed child, but honestly I think those are the exception rather than the rule.