seretogis

I didn't originally intend to post my stuff here, but I did, and haven't received any "please stop posting, my eyes, they hurt!" comments so I decided to bring it all together in this thread instead of spreading it out.

All of my writings, along with some of other contributors can be found on my website: http://www.seretogis.org.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

The smile on your face
draws me like a moth to a flame
And I wonder, if you knew,
things would still be the same

I only wish I could tell
how I feel about you
In my dreams I feel
that you already knew

This secret of mine

Alas, my romantic wishing,
my hopes, my dreams, my fears
When the truth is known to you,
I pray to see you through my tears

I love you in a way
that no one could explain
And thoughts of your rejection
cause me such pain

This horrible secret of mine

Better not to tell you
and merely admire from afar
Or shall I take the chance
and wish upon your star

To lose you would be worse
Than the sieze of my soul
Losing you would destroy me
So my heart must pay the toll

This beautiful secret of mine

Remove from me these chains
Of pity, doubt, and fear
Show to me somehow
A path which is clear

Until I can trust myself
Enough to tell you how I feel
I must hide this secret
'Til I'm served my last meal

This horrible beautiful secret of mine

My soul and pen become one
As I think of us two
In hopes you will read this
and know I write of you

When you do understand
And rip my heart from my chest
Please realize, these tears of blood
Were only for the best

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

show them all a smile
though inside you feel like crying

insist your fine health
when you know that you are dying

prop your eyes wide open
even while you are fast asleep

don't ever let them know
why it is you truly weep

cover up the scars
that you yourself have made

wash away the stains of hurt
and pray with time that they will fade

try not to let them know
that all your life you have lied

don't ever try to deal with it
just run away and hide

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

i wish that i could have you
to hold, to love, to cherish
i wish that I could tell you
just how i feel or why
i wish that you would touch me
and tell me that i'm alive
i wish that i could live
without fear of myself
i wish that you would love me
so i could stop hating what i am
i wish that i could stop dreaming
of you in my arms, forever
but i can't.

i wish i could stop this pain

the pain of not knowing
of hoping
of dreaming

of wondering if death could be worse
than this hell i have made for myself

the pain of wishing

i can wish my life away
but i still am so alone

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

what kind of god,
would make me this way.
in league with satan,
despite what i say.
pity that jesus,
can't save me now.
to his god of hate,
i never will bow.
to be blindly condemned,
for how i was born.
for seventeen years,
this defect i have worn.
the mainstream tries,
to accept my kind.
but your god's religion,
will forever be blind.
all my life i tried,
to be one of you.
you never will know,
what part of me is true.
from you, this defect,
i forever must hide.
i mourn all the years,
that i have lied.

it's not a fucking defect

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

As I lay here still
trying so hard to fall asleep

My thoughts drift to you
I smile, laugh, and begin to weep

What I have become
I can't begin to comprehend

And I cling to you
my spirit guide, my greatest friend

But do I love you?
I can never pretend to know

And I fear the day
when at last, I must let you go

Instead of your love
all that I have are dreams of you

Mine, you'll never be
without this lie what would I do?

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

dry my tears as i drown
on these chaotic thoughts

tear my heart from its chasm
and laugh as it rots

comfort me as i sink
into this comatose state

mourn for me as i suffer
the ignorance of hate

i wish you could understand
just how I feel and why

then perhaps you would tell me
why my life is not a lie

precious moments with you
are those of pure hell

my heart says that I love you
but only time will tell

i wish to hold you close
and never, never let go

but in this state i realize
that can never be so

my heart is drowning
on these tears for you I've shed

i can't live without your love
so essentially i am already dead.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

So many years ago,
my god was struck down

I could no longer bear,
the blood on his crown

And so, instead, I try,
to believe in his holy love

But still somehow I fail,
much like a fallen dove

Plummeting from the sky,
so sad and so lost

God damn these emotions,
and the joy that they've cost

Again I build up my walls,
to lock all love out

I'd rather be alone,
than suffer this doubt

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

forgiveness, i ask
for the shame i have brought,
unto myself for loving you
thinking i loved you
hoping for love in return

praying to a dead god for hope
having faith in ways i never understood
ways of fools and the disappointed

ashamed and afraid,
i should live out my years
rather, die in shame
to end this torture now
it is not over now
but by god i wish it was

to end forever the hope
that someone could be
what i wanted in you

that would be mercy
forgiveness would be grand
but to end forever,
sublime.

like the wisps of smoke
from a blown out match
forever

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

i've learned to make the motions,
and pretend that i'm alive.
suffering is not new to me,
without it love could never thrive.

and yet these fleeting moments,
of contentment are so few.
since every waking hour,
i can think only of you.

i once hated my emotions,
'til i had a taste of love.
now i am damned eternally,
while you linger just above.

this utter sadness from you,
i have no choice but to hide.
i go on living my so-called life,
though i am rotting, dead inside.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

Fuck I'm so tired,
too tired to deal with this.

So much time wasted,
on trying to understand you.

I don't know what I want,
or what would be good for me.

All that I thought I would need,
was to be with you forever.

And yet now I doubt that,
as you cause me such pain inside.

Would I really be better off,
with your twisted blade in my back?

The only way which I can continue,
is to wait for you to awaken.

Awaken to find me laying cold,
dead in these bloody tears of mine.

Tears from my realization,
that I have lost you in every way.

I just pray that you are not too late,
god I wish that you could see me now.

If you want nothing from me at all,
put me out of my misery.

I want so much to escape,
but I want also to live.

Escape with the pain,
or live with the sadness,
which death would I prefer?

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

he calls himself a shepherd
all he does is rape his sheep
he says he has the answers
to make our lives complete

he claims to be the savior
of all the human race
he calmly watches on
as the dollar takes his place

he tries to convince us
with all his holy might
that he is the son of god
but he is blinded by the light

he tries to walk on water
but he can only drown
he pleads for us to help him
as he sinks further down

he preaches he can save us
from all our evil deeds
Then we hand our lives to him
and on our helplessness, he feeds

he threatens us with lies
of hell and damnation
he attempts to bribe humanity
and cages us with segregation

For all his endless love
he prefers to preach of hate
we try to fix the wrongs
and find it is too late

he died on the cross because
of his parlor tricks and lies
And the foolish sheep say
that he saved our lives

"Have faith in my god!"
the blinded livestock say
Led to the slaughterhouse
they learn the hard way.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

Your words, like a torch thrust so
burned away a part of me
and down with the ashes
went my every hope, and dream

How I hated myself and you
for this illusion to which I've succumb
I gaze back in my life and note
just how very weak that I have become

All i ever truly wanted
was for someone who cared
did i ever ask too much of you
or say more than i should have dared?

All of that is gone forever now
all that is left is sorrow
sorrow, my dear friend of whom
i will see endlessly the morrow

These hopes, these joys,
my mind, they'll forever haunt
all of which I never can have
is all that I could ever want

It is so cold and dark down here
into the depths of my self
and so I close the book of my life
and return it to the shelf

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

to hear you laugh
to watch you smile
these voyeuristic pleasures
are all that i may have
i cannot hold you
and whisper into your ear
i cannot touch you
and wipe away your tears
i cannot expel this sadness
that i myself have wrought
i cannot protect you
from what i have forever sought
i cannot reason with you
when you refuse to hear
i could never tell you why
i hold you so very dear

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

For seventeen years
this lie i have told

And now it is yours
to have and behold

What you do with my secret
is your decision alone

Hold it tight or spread it far
ravage this safety i've sown

I saw what you would say
over and over again

hate, apathy, or acceptance
which one, my dearest friend?

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

trapped by fear
shut in by jealousy
assaulted with hate
a victim of my own emotions
made a monster by my humanity
there is no way i can win
it is impossible to escape
my sanity's been misplaced

it's so cold in here

alone inside myself
you hold the key inside your heart
please
let me out

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

so afraid to show the world
who i am

so afraid to deal with the truth
of my own being

so afraid of the judgement
of my enemies

so afraid of the rejection
of my friends

i wear the mask

i am so tired of hiding
of shielding
of losing
of hurting
of crying
of dying

and yet

i wear the mask

please god remove this lie
from upon my face

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

i am what you are not
i hold your malice near
i am the grounded astronaut
who suffers through the years

i am the dirty vagrant
you pity and disgrace
i am the mighty nobleman
who spits upon your face

i am the pitied lunatic
who begs for his redemption
i am the pedophile priest
who leers at your confession

i am the hidden fantasies
that lurk inside your head
i am the deadly terror
who lives beneath your bed

i am the little demon
who whispers in your ear
i am the holy savior
who makes it all seem clear

without a doubt
you accept my lies
without a thought
i ignore your cries

i am what you are not
i am your loving brother
fear me but judge me not
for i am just the other

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

Just tell me god damn it
I have to know how you feel
to know what you want
to know what you don't

I can't live like this anymore
Not knowing what you think

Had you told me the truth,
which you have taken back again?

Am I really nothing at all to you?
Do you not care in the slightest?

It hurts me so much more not to know
than to hear you say goodbye, forever

Just push the dagger into my back,
don't sit by and watch me suffer
If you want to leave me forever,
just fucking do it

I can deal with the loss,
at least that pain is real

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

After writing the bulk of my poetry at 15-19 years old, I just stopped until a few days ago when I wrote this:


regret

it is a weight upon my chest.
holding me down,
everpresent.

i lay alone in bed at night,
trying to sleep, shedding these silent tears.
it visits me in a nightmare,
shone like a film upon my mind.

a knot in my stomache that can be ignored,
but will never leave me be.
always there as a reminder in faith,
of my many invading mistakes,
my horrible beautiful secret,
my many disappointments,
my many wasted chances,
and discarded opportunities.

my dreams, a way out,
a mocking labyrinth of the past.
tales spun by a self-destructive muse,
shameful moments stitched together,
no pleasant dreams yet to be found,
reminiscent of the brighter future which is not to be.

because of me.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

Angel

A lot of dark visions of reality, of life.
An impressive thread of work.
Keep them coming.

__________________


In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

SaltPork

A lot of power and passion in your work.
Bravo, well done. I look forward to more.

__________________
It was like that when I got here....I swear.

seretogis

Thanks for the comments.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

Oh why do I torture myself so?

Desperate for the truth,
from which I am so eager to hide

Taking my new-found trust,
and foolishly tossing it aside

Oh god I want so much,
to just be happy with my life

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

A seemingly endless life of
misery and pain
Wondering constantly whether
you have gone insane

Living alone in a world
utterly vast
Running faster but never quite
escaping the past

Is it worth it to be
alone without mention
rather than to face
the risk of rejection

Sometimes I wish
I wasn't a freak
I hope, dream of when
life wasn't so bleak

Ignorance, it seems,
has become the norm
Extremists rising up
an infesting swarm

Oh when will this personal
hell of mine end
A decade, a century,
or just 'round the bend

Sometimes I wish
I could be just like you
And then it comes to me,
I want to be you

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

Angel

"Living alone in a world
utterly vast
Running faster but never quite
escaping the past"

Okay, that line simply moved me.
Thank you for giving us more.

__________________


In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

seretogis

My latest, dedicated to Andrew:


nightmare

Every night i toss and turn,
and then jar myself awake.
Drenched in sweat, delirous,
no sleeping pills left to take.

I torment myself each night,
lost in pleasant dreams of you.
And suddenly I awake,
knowing none of it was true.

Why I bring this on myself,
I cannot pretend to know.
I just wish these thoughts of you,
would for once please let me go.

It pains me to think of you,
to yearn for what will not be.
So, you understand, these dreams
are simply nightmares to me.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

Stillborn

I wish I could write like that!

Good stuff, man. I can relate to a lot of those.

__________________
Waiting... to be born again

Wanting... the saddest kind of pain
Waiting for the day when I will crawl away

seretogis

comforting, the clicks,
of rounds into the clip.

somewhat ironic,
since i only need one.

the cold soothing steel,
up against my temple.

in just a second,
it will all be over.

the blast is so loud,
like no sound heard before.

no pain anymore,
one final gasp, it's done.

up above myself,
my god i made a mess.

the tunnel of light,
is nowhere to be seen.

denied salvation,
doomed to wander alone.

i want to wake up,
but it's too late for that.

i've escaped my pain,
and lost hope forever.

------------------------------------------------
The above poem is an experiment and a first draft. I'm not sure if I like it yet.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

J.R.V.A.

Please keep writing, my mind, it hurts.
I really enjoy your writing, it brings out a lot of feelings.
Thanks for sharing

__________________
And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart

seretogis

written at 10am, after laying in bed unable to sleep for three hours.

----------------------------------------------------

insomnia

sleep evades each night, wary
filling me with regret
my heart has no room to bury
i wish i could forget

opportunity knocked, then fled
on a hot summer breeze
my chance for love passed overhead
beyond reach of my pleas

if only i listened, my love
and put my fears aside
placed my feelings for you above
my empty misplaced pride

perhaps i would be with you still
and not alone, awake
my prophecy, you would fulfill
if you dared to partake

as i lay spent i beg of you
release me from your grip
you are not mine that much is true
to sleep, please let me slip

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

firefly

you fashion a jar in your mind
out of worry and pride
flinging yourself against the walls
a perfect place to hide

though your beliefs make me wonder
how much hate you conceal
i keep faith that there is also
love hidden, to reveal

you've opened yourself up to me
thank you for that, firefly
your trust in me is not misplaced
you've gained one more ally

i ache to see you so mournful
your virtue undermined
i try and yet cannot fathom
why she'd leave you behind

she loves you of that i am sure
though not the way you want
in time the sadness will abate
your heart, pain still will haunt

when you free yourself from this jar
your worry in arrest
remember i think of you still
and will wish you the best

-------------

this is about a friend of mine that is going through some difficult times atm. he asked me to pray for him, but i don't do that, so i did this ~

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

void

i have no love left to give
no one around to share in my pain
a gaping hole in my chest
nothing left but apathy and disdain

at one time i seemed to care
my emotions so vibrant, alive
i purged myself of feeling
sadly no love managed to survive

i thought it would be better
to feel nothing rather than sadness
but instead it has simply
driven me to the edge of madness

i've given my heart to you
now i've no reason left to live on
this darkness is so blinding
if i could just bear the light of dawn

my soul's detached, wandering
seeking shelter from this bitter storm
the plague of my emotions
pursues it like a bloodthirsty swarm

god listen to my prayer
close my book, place me back on the shelf
bring death upon my door, or
give me the courage to kill myself

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

this one is 8/10/8/10, and a result of a lot of feelings these last few weeks. it is quite short, but i plan to add to it after some sleep.

-----------------

rage

pent up pain building in my chest
directed inwards, i feel it increase
i fear what may happen the day
my rage finally secures its release

i feel the hate trickle downwards
in the pit of my stomache, it will wait
until the day i, regretfully,
reap the havoc that it, and i, create

veins bulge, blood rushes to my head
dizzy with anger that i cannot place
unaware that my fists are clenched
i fumble desperately to save face

i masterfully hide my hate
and allow none to see this brutal side
fearful of the loss of my love
and merely crawl inside my shell to hide

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

J.R.V.A.

I really enjoy your words. There is a lot of emotion behind them. I hope writing helps you, as it does me. Thanks

__________________
And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart

seretogis

goodbye

i can't bear the thought, or say the word,
so let's pretend that it's not true.
an unpassable rift you'll soon cross,
i won't be there to help you through.

for me you've been the sole provider,
of the solace that my soul seeks.
don't speak, let's just live in the fantasy,
though i know you'll be gone in weeks.

we'll seek comfort in this delusion,
make-believe that it's not a dream.
the sad truth of our mortality,
awakening me with a scream.

though there's nothing wrong that i can tell,
it is just a matter of time.
fleeting moments of joy are just that,
as we are struck down in our prime.

god why heap this torment upon us,
life, which are you quick to deny?
you fill me with foreign happiness,
and then force me to say goodbye.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

seretogis

part one of my first attempt at a short story in nearly 10 years. tenatively titled "witness," it will be an apocalyptic vision which will lack any dialogue. a dream of sorts.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Steven awoke with a start. He clutched his stomache in pain, an intense feeling of foreboding the only lingering reminder of a nightmare already forgotten. He pulled the covers back, stood up, and shook his head as if to physically dismiss the dream. He made his way through his daily morning routine, preparing for yet another day at work. He groaned as his toothbrush slipped from his grasp and onto the floor. This is going to be another one of "those days."

As he stood at his kitchen window, listening to the news on the radio and eating a quickly prepared breakfast of toast and coffee, he looked down from his apartment to the bus stop half a block away. The 7:15 hasn't arrived yet, so he still had plenty of time until he needed to make his way down for the 7:25. He was never late for work, nevermind how much the job bored him. He was about to look away when something strange caught his eye. Further down the street, a group of what appeared to be homeless people clad in rags were walking towards the bus stop. He stood and watched from the safety of his fifth floor window, interested since it was odd to see bums move as a group. They stood across from the bus shelter, next to the door to the coffee shop, barely in view. Suddenly, one of them looked up, directly at Steven. He felt a chill crawl up his spine, accompanied by a wave of sadness. The person was staring at him, their gaze piercing him icily and seemingly with malice. Their face was eerily pale, lifeless, but the eyes shone with a dark light, glinting like blades in the sun. Its mouth opened, and Steven saw words take shape -- it spoke to him.

Steven's knees buckled, and he nearly fell to the floor, clutching the side of the countertop in an attempt to balance himself.

At that same moment, the 7:15 bus arrived. It careened off of the street, amid screams and the sound of gears shifting, onto the sidewalk. It slammed, full-speed, into the bus shelter, shattering the panes of glass, twisting metal, and crushing the tired businessmen, single mothers, and jaded waitresses waiting to go downtown. The bus shuddered to a halt, smoke and steam curling from the crumpled hood. Steven's jaw was slack, screams filled his ears, one of which he was unaware was his own. Sirens began to sound in the distance, though the possibility of survivors was unlikely. He scanned the wreckage from his window for any sign of movement, and in the corner of his eye he saw figures clad in rags making their way further down the street.

.. to be continued, work in progress ..

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

Jaron

I like.

Keep writing this story, and show us the rest.

Minx

I liked/related to "hollow". Thank you for sharing a part of you.

__________________
You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

seretogis

scarlet dove

you are what is wrong in this world,
an undeserving victim,
of the world, so cruel.

never knowing what could have been,
jaded by your misfortune,
ever playing the fool.

i wish that i could hold you close,
in some small way comfort you,
make the pain go away.

i would tear the world asunder,
reconfigure it for you,
lead my own life astray.

you are a scarlet dove to me,
blood-drenched but your course is set,
struggling in the rain.

i hope you find your way with me,
the comfort that you desire,
that which can keep you sane.

i will be here for you always,
never shall i close my door,
or turn my head from you.

when you tire of your long flight,
i will stand here beside you,
to help you see it through.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames