carebear

Sunday

I'm conflicted today.
I don't know my own mind.
What's my goal?
What am I pressing on toward?
Could I pretend to love someone?
I was in the sun and hot,
I was happy there but not.
Don't know who I am, or
Why I'm So Innocent
But have Done So Much.
I want some communication.
I want some fabulous,
Stroke reduction very early on.
I want some UV Rays,
I want a burning blaze
At my fingertips.
To play on any instrument with ease.
I want desire, passion, and distance.
66 unread emails all full of emotion,
All meant for my eyes only,
For my reply.
Before I die,
Love, memories, something swell.
One long night of show-and-tell...
At Least.
Strong arms to save someone,
Strong heart to raise someone,
Strong weakness to let someone-
Save Me.
Okay, put that one in.
Let's drive through the dark and listen...
To the voice of an angel if one even exists.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

Look at me-
see me -
and love me then.
Even if I am this way-
Silly, strange, unsure, still naive.
Love me even though I'm not exactly the same as I was two years ago.
Love me even though I'm not perfect,
not anywhere near it.
Love me like you once did,
Love me like we're young,
Because we are young.
Love me with words
with touching
with kisses
with happiness in your face.
Love me like you've never loved anyone else,
love me without thinking ahead,
love me without asking why,
love me like you love Alyssa.

And then I'll return it all.
All that love.
I'll be so good at it.

__________________
go cubs!

SSJwrestler

good stuff. envokes some good feelings. keep writing

carebear

I watched you leaving,
walking through the parking lot to your car.
I knew that if I ever had a chance, this was it.
But I just stood there,
with my hands against the glass,
whispering your name.
If only I had run to you,
If I had called out your name,
You would have loved me then.
You'll never love me again.

That night I laid in bed,
Remembering your every detail.
I cried to myself in the dark.
My tears give me headaches,
But it's my heartache that is so cumbersome.
I'm already missing you,
And it's only been a day.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

Exhilaration
A feeling that I Will Never End.
I was never a dancer,
But I didn't care,
And I proved myself to myself
by being above everyday pride
and dancing the night away.
I was noticed
And not noticed
But nothing mattered.
I had a beat,
And a will,
And a fucking DJ.
I remember so clearly
Energy and Exhilaration
Nothing can go wrong
when you're lost inside blinking lights.
I regret nothing.
I remember everyone who touched me,
I love them still,
I only hope they felt like me.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

You've made me lose my cool.
In some circles I'm know for my calm composure,
But around you I become what I think I hate.
You've made me lose my sure side.
I've begun to wonder if everything is under control.
You keep walking by
as though insured,
And I gape at myself-
Disgusted.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

Whisper the lyrics to this song,
So she won't wake up mad.
You've been dying to sing aloud,
It's a little more than you've had.

See the window in the dark,
Imagine escaping these sheets,
To open it quietly quietly,
Climb through and walk the silent streets.

Sing the lyrics to your songs,
She can't hear you now.
You're both alseep at home in bed,
It is all you will allow.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

It doesn't always have to be good
Do it for you
No one will ever find out
These things that you do

There isn't always an ending
Sometimes no words
Can help you feel what you feel
Sometimes that hurts

And when you need me, darling
I will be here
Counting my sheep and crows
Never you fear

The loneliness of endings
If it does come
You'll make it through in time
To see the sun

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

I was sitting up on my knees
on my bed
in my fourth floor dormroom
I was looking out my window
at the weather
the light rain
the light thunder
the lightning storm
It wouldn't stay dark in my room
the booms of light
kept slicing through
onto my face
into my eyes
And I sat there watching the immenseness
of a single sky
one sky
so much greater than me
that i felt like i was standing
I looked down to the pavement below
seeing the cars
and the street lights
I almost grasped our tiny world
But I heard my roomate's key in the door
and knowing endings
I tried to grab hold of my thoughts
A sweet storm to remember

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

I sat on the lawn chair in the light of the moon and watched it glow.
I realized for the first time that the man on the moon isn't the shape of a man's body- it's the face of a man- the face of the moon! And after I saw his face it just wasn't the same moon anymore. It was the man.
He stared at me with an expression that only he can wear. It's caring and sad and indifferent and quiet and endearing all at once. I love the man on the moon. I stared right back at him, so pleased that we had found each other.
I turned to the young man on the lawn chair beside me, excited to tell of my good fortune, but as soon as I remembered who the young man was, I knew my insights wouldn't be well enough appreciated. I could not share the wonderful moon's manface with just anyone.
I wished then that I was either alone with the man on the moon, or sitting beside the one I will spend my life with. Surely one day I can tell him.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

He gets jealous when his friends go on dates,
He gets nervous quickly and cannot relate,
To girls or ballads or stars or fate.

His breath is stale when he pulls out of bed,
He walks to his kitchen and chews on some bread,
Pops a big fart and scratches his head.

What's there to do on a Saturday?

He goes to the living room to turn on the tube,
A girl works out while he stares at her boob.
He groans and he moans and he wants some more food.

He finds a phone number he used last weekend,
He calls and he asks a dude, "Hey, will you send,
A large pizza to three twenty Bachelor Bend?

What's there to do on a Saturday?

__________________
go cubs!

J.R.V.A.

I have enjoyed reading your writings, please post more

__________________
And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart

carebear

He took the marker from my hand
And broke it with his
The color ran out and along the curb
And it dripped past the grass
And the flowers
Stealing the color
Sucking the colors away
Eyes wide I watched
And I ran to the trees and I shielded them with shaking hand
And he threw down the marker with his
He made the decision
And he stepped into the color
Trying to keep it away from the trees
And from me
And his color was stolen
He looked at me with white eyes
Only white and he looked at me with white lips
Only white and he looked at me with black lines
Only black
And I fell to my knees and I reached out a hand
He reached out with his
And as I held him in my hands
He died

__________________
go cubs!

irateplatypus

wow, i love them all but i think my favorite is "lightning storm." you seem to put so much thought and emtion into line.

__________________
If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.

~ Winston Churchill

ForgottenKnight

Great Work! Please keep sharing them with us.

Oh, and I'm glad you finally met the man on the moon. He's a nice guy, isn't he?

__________________
"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

Bloodslick

I can't read your writing for the emotion it stirs in me.

Consider me a conflicted fan.

losthellhound

Amazing, simply amazing. I'd love to read more

__________________
"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?"
-- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

carebear

Thanks so much everyone! You can be sure I'll continue to post.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

He cradled me
And he touched my hair
I looked up to his face
I saw its wisdom
And the love there
It took hold of the parts of me that wanted wisdom mixed with love
And I stayed with him until evening dawned
And after I left I imagined him
Lying in his bed
And remembering my face
Its youth
And the love there
And a dread filled my feet and traveled up to my eyes
Because I didn’t know if he had been taken hold of like I had
I don’t know if he has those parts anymore
Because I just don’t know
How it feels to be older

I am twenty years younger
And he knows the answers for his life
All I know is he cradled me
And I love it

Days pass
And I don’t see him
I wonder how he is
And if he thinks of me

He leaves a message for me
At the desk
And I love it more than I should
His leaving a note at the desk
Is it old-fashioned?
I don’t remember what’s normal anymore

I see my friends with boys our age
And I don’t understand them
They aren’t men like I thought they were
They don’t know a woman
I don’t know a woman
But he does
And he treats me like one

He cradles me
And he laughs when I sigh
I think he knows everything

His face is somewhat weathered
His voice is deep
His smell is soothing
His bed is soft
His arms are sure
His touch is tender
His eyes pull me in
I hope I don’t fall for him
I don’t think it should work this way

I can’t stop going back

I tried a date last night
A boy took me out
When he didn’t give a fuck
I started to cry
He said he’d take me home
I let him

This can’t be right
I can’t be in love
He doesn’t love me
Does he?

I left him a letter
I pushed it under his door
If I had knocked
I might have stayed another night

I imagine him reading it now
Coming home from work
And sitting on our bed
His bed
And smiling
Because he knows everything
Because he knows a woman
And he knows that I am not one.
And I know he imagines me crying
And I am
Crying
Because he cradled me

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

Thanks for a sweet night...
Thanks for following me around in walmart even though you were tired.
Thanks for caring that I was cold.
Thanks for wanting to watch the stars with me.
Thanks for accepting a little ignorance.
Thanks for adoring our latenight talks.
Thanks for calling my bra pretty.
Thanks for knowing it was time for me to go to bed.
Thanks for walking me to my car
And then watching me drive away.
You're my favorite.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

I fuck him because I am mad
Outside i'm loving but inside it's bad
Wearing a smile but inside I'm boiling
Basking in how I am secretly spoiling
What should be a beautiful act.

I fuck him because I can hate him
And at the same time pretend to elate him
He'll never know that I always see red
And that sometimes I see myself smashing his head
Into the wallpapered wall.

I fuck him because I am losing
Even in sex there's no way of choosing
I cannot say no now
I'm angry but fear now
The man that I used to love.

At least I can move him
And ram him and lure him
And smack him and stir him
Around on my body

I fuck him because of quick power
No control after, I just take a shower
I try to avoid him the rest of the night
I keep my feet tucked to my belly so tight
I hate being angry in bed.

__________________
go cubs!

Halx

I'd just like to give notice that the rhyming couplets sound forced
please, though, keep sharing

__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]

carebear

She'll be thirsty with no water
The water is anywhere but inside her

And when the sun moves across her bed
Onto her pillow into her eyes
She'll roll over

She won't get up
She won't close the blinds
She deserves to squint
to toss and turn
She thinks so

The day will end like it started
A rainbow
A stillness
Never-ending blue
Nothing to do
but lay awake

She'll toe the twisted sheet
She'll be on her back all night in bed
Ankles crossed
Elbows out
Hands behind her head
Blank stare up to the blinking red

Thinking nothing but everything
Her worries will pass through one by one
She'll sigh and nod to each as they become the sun
Aiming for her squinting eyes

But she won't get up
She can't close her mind
Besides, she deserves this
She knows it

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

I thought I was through not knowing
For some reason I thought I was finished being alone.
I got ahead of myself
And here I am again.
I met you when I wasn't looking.
The unexpected knocked down the door
I accepted an invitation.
No hemming no hawing
I jumped in the lake.
I signed my name in the clouds.
I bought the ticket
And enjoyed the scenery...
But it's the end of the line
It's here already.
I'm stepping from your shadow
I'm walking down the street
I'm watching from a window
I'm turning on the music
I'm writing these sorts of words.
I have to say it-
It feels safe to be here again.

__________________
go cubs!

walley700

dam good and full of feelings hope u have had them yourself

carebear

It's not a big deal,
So why is my brain reeling over it?
what will he look like? how will he act? what will we talk about?
will I feel at all comfortable? will I over-analyze everything?
will he be a jerk? will I regret it? what should I wear?
what will I say when he questions my life? will I care about his?
what if I cry? what if I do something stupid?
what if he's totally different? what if I get shy?
what if I still want him? what if he hates me?
what if it's awful, awkward, and unbearable? could we possibly have fun?
what if he's totally over me? what if he makes fun of me?
what if he thinks I'm an idiot? what if I get emotional or snobby or too silly?
what if I act completely different than I want to?
what if he talks the entire time?

...that would be a relief.
Yes. I hope he talks and talks.
All I will have to do is nod.
Then we'll say goodbye, and I'll feel no more toward him and no less than I do right now.
No change.
That would be nice.
Maybe I'll get sick tomorrow.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

Nine silver roses around a finger
Once a sign of love forever
Made of metal, no scent to linger
A feeling that does though you take it off

I'm taking it off along with perfume
Thick under nights sweetly ended
With first kisses lit by a frosty moon
That since I've tried to forget and outdo

Sweet strains of "Somewhere in Time" die inside
As Time surely quiets a longing
That all broken lovers soon decide
Will be an everlasting agony

Been told the first love is one to remember
But this silver flower's too cold
And hard to keep up this surrender
To a hearthrob that's weary and old

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

The Soprano floats above an audience that doesn't know whether to gasp or exhale. The tears in women's eyes the Soprano sees. The Soprano see the tears and wishes she could cry too. The Soprano doesn't think these beautiful notes are her creation. The Soprano wishes she could climb onto her notes and fly up to meet their Creator. The Soprano finishes her song and walks away from the lights, the applause, and wants to sing the song over again by herself.

Oh, the beauty of a sound,
the heartache of a note,
the heighth and breadth of a portamento;
they speed my heart along.

Oh God, thank you for a gift,
Just let this Soprano sing,
sing,
sing.
Soaring through the stratosphere is so natural.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

sweet, soft bed
my pillow tucks me in
safe under blues and creams
safe to start my dreams
i yawn i smile
i take a while
to settle in, sofly in,
down under, down
i'm here to drown
in the greens and greys
of slumber bay

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

God, I'm so tired
I'm tired of being me
I'm tired of hurting people
I'm tired of being so loving on the inside
But no one can see

I want the dream
I want the man who will be everything to me
I want the completeness

Wanting is old
Analyzing is maddening
Apologizing is forever
And...
Oh God, I am so tired.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

Some days I don't care.
Some days I don't mind who is looking over my shoulder to read the words I write.
I may seem defiant when I look them in the eyes, but that's not it.
I just don't care to smile apologetically, glance down at my weak fingernails and, after allowing a sufficient amount of time to pass, slide my words under a textbook.
Some days though, I do care. And my words are slid.

__________________
go cubs!

irateplatypus

so tired...

been there

some days...

been there

thanks for such a pure expression of thought, keep'em coming

__________________
If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.

~ Winston Churchill

carebear

This isn't poetry...
It's a copout
And i don't even know how to spell that word.
This isn't poetry
It's a hint
A subtle way of letting you know I'm unhappy today
Or excited
Or confused
Whatever it is that I am
I can't express it to you in words
This isn't poetry and how could it possibly be?
I'm no poet
I can't place words unless I'm hiding behind them.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

How many people are afraid of being alone?
How many people are without the one person they want to be with?

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

I'm sitting in my room writing a paper
My mind keeps wondering though
Away from topic
Away from myself even
I disappear from my desk

I'm climbing a hill
With green, green grass
And I can't see anything but the sky
Not a cloudless sky because I like clouds
And there's wind in my hair
I'm laughing upwards, chin in the air
Music is surrounding me as I run the last stretch of hill
To the top

And there I am, jumping up and down
Laughing as much as I can without choking
My breath is coming fast
Finally happy even by myself
The music plays on, coming from everywhere
I learn words and sing at the top of my lungs
On the top of the hill

Sitting in front of an unfinished essay

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

I have this funny feeling,
It comes more and more now.
It's like I don't care.

But I do care...
It makes no sense.

What is it?
I drive to the store,
I tap my hands on the steering wheel,
I notice the sunshine,
I have a light lunch,
I smile at the elderly,
I wink at children in shopping carts.
I notice cute boys,
I try not to judge beautiful women,
We're all the same after all.
I ponder what kind of people these are,
I compare toothpastes,
I chew my sandwich slowly,
I listen to my voice messages.
I turn on the music I want,
I listen to it loud,
Or I don't listen at all.
I can't help but smile,
Life is still so nice to me.
But what is this feeling now?

You say I'm alone,
But it doesn't seem like I am.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

at least i can say all i've ever been with him is honest
i can't think of anything we haven't covered
and as much as i love him
he's just my friend

he often seems to show up unexpectedly
it's crazy how i'm always stunned
but though my eyes light up
he's just my friend

we have more in common than i was prepared for
he tells me to be careful driving in the rain
i wish i could change the way
he's just my friend

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

I want to be the maker of those lyrics
Someone go outside with me
Decipher the sun
It's crazy what difference a few days can make
And all those changes
Last night they broke my heart
Today they dance about me
Calling me to take action
Wringing my hands at the inevitable nothing
That i will do
Throw out some rope
Crawl my walls
Chain yourself to my love
Eventually I'll fall over
Into your lap
It started like a dream
No one knows how they start
The endings are what we remember
I remember them all
I need a good hug
With no bones breaking
And no heart thumping
And no worries
And no pity
Just warmth, skin, life
Touching me all the way around
Circled into it
Yes, I can feel like a person then

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

Some things die soon...
Like this thread.
Other things are given a breath of life,
And the fire quickens its dance.

It's been fun.

__________________
go cubs!

carebear

Scoob!

__________________
go cubs!