carebear

He cradled me
And he touched my hair
I looked up to his face
I saw its wisdom
And the love there
It took hold of the parts of me that wanted wisdom mixed with love
And I stayed with him until evening dawned
And after I left I imagined him
Lying in his bed
And remembering my face
Its youth
And the love there
And a dread filled my feet and traveled up to my eyes
Because I didn’t know if he had been taken hold of like I had
I don’t know if he has those parts anymore
Because I just don’t know
How it feels to be older

I am twenty years younger
And he knows the answers for his life
All I know is he cradled me
And I love it

Days pass
And I don’t see him
I wonder how he is
And if he thinks of me

He leaves a message for me
At the desk
And I love it more than I should
His leaving a note at the desk
Is it old-fashioned?
I don’t remember what’s normal anymore

I see my friends with boys our age
And I don’t understand them
They aren’t men like I thought they were
They don’t know a woman
I don’t know a woman
But he does
And he treats me like one

He cradles me
And he laughs when I sigh
I think he knows everything

His face is somewhat weathered
His voice is deep
His smell is soothing
His bed is soft
His arms are sure
His touch is tender
His eyes pull me in
I hope I don’t fall for him
I don’t think it should work this way

I can’t stop going back

I tried a date last night
A boy took me out
When he didn’t give a fuck
I started to cry
He said he’d take me home
I let him

This can’t be right
I can’t be in love
He doesn’t love me
Does he?

I left him a letter
I pushed it under his door
If I had knocked
I might have stayed another night

I imagine him reading it now
Coming home from work
And sitting on our bed
His bed
And smiling
Because he knows everything
Because he knows a woman
And he knows that I am not one.
And I know he imagines me crying
And I am
Crying
Because he cradled me

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go cubs!