Rlyss

First of all, I think this belongs in Living rather than Sexuality, since it's about much more than my partner. I apologize for the length of this post, but I'm getting very, very worried about some things. I'd really appreciate some help if people can be bothered reading the whole thing. I put it in paragraphs, hopefully that helps!

I realized yesterday that I'm a total loser. I'm almost 21, I live at home, I'm unemployed. I am in my final semester of getting a Bachelor of Arts degree but I'm having serious doubts about my ability to pass this final, crucial semester. I lost the few friends I had at university years ago through a breakup with my then-girlfriend, and I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't made any effort at all since then to get to know anybody at my university.

I have no friends anymore, I'm not exaggerating. Many months ago my girlfriend and I were having problems, she thought that I was spending too much time with my friends and ignoring her. Her friends were also my friends and I hated the gossip and the sidings, and the fact that if we had a fight, my friends were forced to choose between comforting her or me. I ended up pretty much ignoring my friends, didn't contact them, haven't been on MSN Messenger for a few months because I thought that hanging out with them caused too many problems between my girlfriend and I. Big mistake there, I know. It means that every single friend I've made in the last six years is now gone, and I'm not part of that anymore.

My girlfriend's been hanging out with those friends a lot more and doesn't tell me about it, I find out in round-about ways, like she is vague about what she did last night, if I call her and she's out she won't be able to talk, etc. I've been studying my ass off because I really want to graduate, so it means I've had to see her less than usual. She says that I spend too much time studying, and that I'm secretive, and that I never have time for her. She just called me to say that she doesn't want this anymore, that maybe once I graduate, if I have time for her, I can give her a call, but for now she doesn't want somebody like me, who is too "independent." I don't know whether my girlfriend should have stuck by me in the most stressful and scary time of my life, or if I pushed her away and unloaded all my stress onto her. I'm not looking for blame, but for some sort of understanding. I've been calling her all day and she ignores her phone, the one time she did pick up she told me what I said above, that she didn't want this anymore, she wanted someone who has time for her, and that she didn't want to talk about. I know the value of communication, but obviously it's too late, she refuses to listen to me.

I'm two months away from being a university graduate with a useless degree, no job, no girlfriend and no friends.

I feel like there are only a couple of things I can control:
- Stop smoking, stop drinking. I know I can do this easily, I'm not addicted. (But please nobody tell me it'll be harder than I think, because I know that I'm not addicted, I get no cravings, etc.)
- Applying for lots of jobs. I know there isn't much else I can do except for apply everywhere, take initiative, make contacts, etc.

Basically... what the fuck do I do now? I'm really, really freaking out about this. I've never been in this situation where I have NO plan. Every other year of my life I've known what's around the corner - 10th grade, senior year, starting university, etc. But now, the minute I graduate I'm fucking stranded, I've got nobody, I haven't received an e-mail or a phone call from friends in months because of my own stupid actions. I don't want to make friends with them again because they're all her friends, and the whole year and a half since she's been my girlfriend my insecurities have affected everything, and I've been worried that they're better friends with her than with me.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Crawl back to all my old friends again which I (am incredibly ashamed to admit) I ditched? Do I say 'Fuck them all, they can have her' and create a new life? How the fuck does a twenty one year old guy make friends? Do I crawl and beg and plead for her to take me back? I told her time and time again that I hate that I put all my stress from uni and the future on her. I believe that she's been a rock for me, that I need her to help me get through this shitty time, but she (rightfully so?) believes that she's just been a punching bag.

I'm really freaking out about this. I'm struggling not to make it a self-fulfilling prophesy, that I'll end up with absolutely nothing. When I look to the future, even the next few weeks or months, I can't even comprehend it, it's just a huge, black empty nothing. I know I'm the only one who controls my future, that the 'nothingness' will fill up on its own. I know if I want a future then I should make it myself, but this is all getting way over my head.

Grondar

Hey bud.

First off, please try to relax.

Your degree isn't worthless by any means. Instead it's very "open" in that you can do a lot of things with it. Granted, if you don't know what to do with it, it can be a daunting task to find an area and job you want.. But the degree is a lot more flexible than others, and that can be a good thing. I am in a BA degree, and I don't have any idea what I'm doing after college. Oh yea, I'm also in my 5th year and probably should have graduated last semester, but I put off the foreign language requirement off until now. I still live at home, but I'm not a loser. I doubt you are either.

While you certainly can control the things you've listed; you can also control more than that. It's unfortunate to hear you've lost contact with your friends, but there are a lot of really cool people out there, and I know many of them are looking for a good friend also.

In regards to whether you should go back to your old friends or not, that is something you have to decide. I consider friends to be those that I have fun around; and not people I don't really "like," but like to say they are a friend.. That's posing, and I don't like that.

You are at a time in your life when things change, friends included. In my own life, I am noticing friends I had in high school going different ways, talking to me less and less, and generally branching away from me. It happens, but as life goes on you will meet new people, and some of them will be excited and want to become friends with you. Don't force friendship though, because ultimately that may leave you feeling unfulfilled.

You shouldn't make friends just so you can say you have friends.. Instead try and find a few people you truly enjoy hanging out with; people that you can look forward to spending time with. Friends should generally be an enjoyable part of life; not a stressful one.

I think if you live your life the way you want and be yourself, you will find people that like you and want to spend time with you.

My advice would be to focus on getting your degree right now. If that focus ultimately caused you to lose friends and even your girlfriend, don't change things now. Instead I would ride it out, get your degree, and then work on friends, a new girlfriend, and a job.

Life after college is a new experience and a new opportunity to meet new people and experience new situations. In a sense it's a clean slate, and I think that can be a good thing in a lot of ways. Right now, I am finding myself in a "groove" where I am kind of floating through life; it's not too exciting, and I look forward to seeing what post-college life will be like. It will be different, and it might be better.

I would focus on getting your degree first. You came this far, and clearly care about getting it a lot, so focus on that. After you have your degree, you can kick back, relax a little, and live life the way you want, getting new friends and experiences along the way.

Lastly, the forums and it's members here are great. They are very positive and from my experience, will be more than willing to help you out with advice, comments, and potentially even friendship (from a distance). Granted, the friendship may not be the same as one found by those that live around you, but at this juncture, it also might be a less stressful one that allows you to focus on graduating and moving on from there.

Take care, and good luck.

__________________
"Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that." -Stewie

Boo

1. Exercise. Make time. It will help eliminate some of your stress and anxiety.

2. When you bump into your friends explain that you have to focus hard to the end, that you have missed their company and that you hope to see more of them in the future.

3. Assure your girlfriend that you want to spend time with her but are concentrating on your degree. Include her in you life in simple ways like a quick lunch or a pizza. Ask her to stop by after you are done studying. Assure her that it is a short term sollution that will pay dividends in the future.

4. A job will come if you are persistant. Remember #1 to look relaxed at the interview.

__________________
Back button again, I must be getting old.

zen_tom

Damn it man! You're 21! Life is just beginning and you have the most amazing opportunities ahead of you. Losing your friends could almost be a good thing since you will be able to step out into the world with your eyes open on your own, making your own mind up about things without being influenced by others. Seriously this is a good thing. Of course your life looks scary at the moment, you've spent your whole life so far at school where everything is planned and layed out neatly before you. Don't mistake the unknown for something to be scared of - it is instead an amazing an exciting thing. Your girlfriend is scared, she needs someone to cling to - We all need comfort, but you don't have to let her hold you back. This is your life, live it! People love independance, they are attracted to it, and they find it admirable coming from someone as young as yourself. Always trust your instincts - they are always right. Just be careful not to let what you want confuse you into disregarding what you already know. If you truely believe your girlfriend isn't the one for you, then it's probably true - you will feel pain if you breakup, but it's impossible to care for someone and not feel pain when you break up. It's natural. What's the worst that can happen? Do you believe in your abilities? Sure you've had a tough time, but you must know deep down that you can do it. Enjoy that feeling of pride, let it feed you and launch you into an amazing life that, really, hasn't even begun yet. Honestly, it gets so much better - believe me it does! - just don't settle for second best on the way and realise that it isn't going to be easy, there will be tough times ahead, but you can do it! And the truth is, deep down you already *know* you can do it.

n0nsensical

It sounds like you're better off without your girlfriend. She sounds like a bit of a, dare I say it, an attention whore, and she's playing the game, "I'm going to ignore you so you feel bad and give me lots and lots of attention." I'd forget about her and move on. If you spend all of your time on her you're not going to have time for what you really need to do. If you're already having so many problems with her, it's not going to work out in the long term anyway. Definitely start looking for a job, and move out of home. Then you'll just be in the same situation as anyone else who moves and needs to find new friends.

Rlyss

Thanks so much for the responces guys. I read through the 'Utterly Alone' thread here a couple of times and I'm trying to take some of that advice too.

Last night I went over to her house to make it final. I didn't want it all to happen over the phone, not after a year and a half together. After a rather lengthy and messy argument we ended it and I went home.

I'm doing what you guys said about concentrating on my studies. It's about the only thing I can salvage from this year, so like hell I'm going to let three years of study fall apart on me now. If I fail a subject or two it only means I'll have to repeat them, but I'd really like to finish this year, that way I could feel proud. So from now on I'm going to knuckle down and study. It's only six weeks away, it's not a long time at all.

Thanks everyone.

amonkie

You seem like a perfect candidate for a fresh start. Maybe try to focus on getting done with school and being satisfied with your performance at the end. Since you say you have no friends in your area, sometimes the best thing is to just pick up all the pieces and go somewhere entirely new. When you apply for a job, maybe thinking about going somewhere that you wouldn't have thought of at first. There, the friends you make will be YOUR friends, and you may find a new interest or passion in the process of trying to meet new people and discover more about yourself. While it may seem like everyone has turned their back on you, sometimes it takes percieving yourself as completely alone in order to get you take the next step and stretch yourself and grow. Good Luck!

__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

yakimushi

Hey dude. I don't really have anything to add, except I understand your situation 100%.

I'm 23, I live at home, I lost all my friends, my girlfriend left me for another guy, I have an Art degree, and I am having a lot of trouble finding work and figuring out what I want to do.

But it's like amonkie said, you have a clean slate. It's lonely as hell, make no mistake, but now that you've been through things and you understand life that much more you now have the opportunity to make even better choices this time around. That is my mantra, it is what keeps me sane.

In my experience so far, the worst thing you can do is give up. I did that and now that I want to make something of my life I am finding it dauntingly difficult. Don't lose momentum leaving college, run with it. Don't take time off. Just GO.

Guess I lied, I did have $.02 to tell.

ShaniFaye

now for my two cents

do you really want a girl that cant understand there are certain times in life where she cant come first? Do you really want a girl that thinks shes more important than your education? I know I wouldnt want someone like that. Your PARTNER should be some one that understands life isnt always about them.

as far as your friends go.....if they are really truly FRIENDS they will understand you had other things to contend with and welcome you back with open arms....if they dont....then, IMO you're not losing anything by not being in further contact.

This is a time of life that can be scary and there is NO shame in that. You have the world at your feet....concentrate on finishing your schooling and the rest will fall into place...at least thats what I believe.

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

2sheds

you've got plenty of time. you don't need a master plan for your life, hell i'm 35 and i'm still working on mine.

don't give up on that degree - it's worth more than you think. it shows you can commit to something and see it through. it shows maturity, and the ability to think long term.

my degree is in economics and now i develop software for the oil and gas industry.

you've got a lot of time and some great experiences, both happy and sad, ahead of you. life's a garden man, dig it!

__________________
Depression is just anger without enthusiasm. It’s having an empty beer bottle but no one to throw it at.

Rlyss

Thanks again guys, I really appreciate the responses, and I hope they keep coming.

The situation with my friends is quite tricky. We had the same group of friends (very tight-knit) and as time went on, I felt that they were becoming more her friends than mine. I dug my own grave, I know, because when I feel bad I become withdrawn, but she reaches out to her friends. It's only natural that they're there to comfort her, hear her side of the story, etc. So I started feeling alienated, then very jealous and resentful. Time spent with her and those friends usually resulted in an argument about me feeling left out, or her feeling like I ignored her. I could never find a balance, so I eventually (and stupidly) left the group and said they were all hers. (I went on an interstate road trip a few months ago and as far as I know, none of my friends even know about it.)

As soon as I finish my last pieces of assessment I'm going to talk to my parents about my options. Last year my older brother worked overseas for nine months when he graduated university, so I'm thinking of pursuing something like that. That's just in the back of my mind, I'm just thinking of things I can do when I graduate. Working overseas, in a different city, etc. I don't think I want to stay in Melbourne anymore, I want to explore again!

Ustwo

Just a bit of perspective.

I have one friend left who I still talk to from when I was 21, I think I met him when I was 20.

I did not meet my wife until I was just over 21.

I had an utterly worthless degree at 21. A B.S. in Ethology, Ecology, and Evolution isn't going to get you anything without 'volunteer' in the job description.

I stayed in school another ummm 9 years. This is a bit of an extreme, but had I not gone onto more school I can't imagine where I would be now.

I would recommend thinking about grad school if your degree is of the 'worthless' variety. This will give you a couple of things.

One, a possibly better job, or more choices in your job. A masters is 2 years or so, a PhD is 4-5. In the long run its not much time.

Another thing is it will keep you with a lot of people your age. Often you will find a job, but few will be your age and fewer still will seem to be single. Grad school is a fresh start with new people most of whom will be new to the area as well.

I'm sure you are sick of school, but its a lot easier to just keep going and get it over with.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

thingstodo

Lot's of good advice out there.

I have no degree and manage over 500 people. Most people I hire for something other than what their degree was for. The point is, degrees don't mean a great deal, it's what people do with them or in spite of them that matters.

Which brings me to my point....figuring out what you want to do.

Too many people spend their whole lives working at jobs they hate. This is often the result of getting a job, getting a few promotions you really shouldn't have gotten, going beyond your level of competency (the Peter Principle) and then being stuck making a certain level of income to the point that you can't afford to change jobs.

There is a book called Now, Discover Your Strengths put out by the Gallup organization. I won't go into a big pitch here, but I will tell you one thing it can do for you. After reading about 70-some pages, you go online and take a test (you need your own copy of the book as there is a unique number inside the book jacket). The test tells you your top five natural talents (out of the 34). It is uncanny how well it nails you, and I can tell you that from knowing over 100 people that have used this resource. These talents are the most likely things you could develop into a strength. And that is where to focus your time rather than working on your weaknesses.

From all of that you might be able to figure out what type of work fits with your natural abilities. I know for me I ended up with the right type of job by accident, but I can understand why I have been as successful as I have with no degree....my strengths fit head-to-head with what I do.

__________________
If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves.

Stangers have the best candy.

Rodney

Everybody else is saying the right things. I will second part of what Ustwo said, in that most of your college friends would have drifted away within a year or two. This is not to denigrate your loss, but to say that in any case, whether you'd kept your friends or not, you'd pretty much be making a fresh start after college, anyway. So you're really not behind at all on that score. I managed to keep in touch with just one college friend for more than a couple of years after graduation, and it took a herculean effort on both our parts. People disperse.

You shouldn't have ceded her your friends; that was a mistake, but circumstance is wiping the slate clean for you. Start again, and don't make the same mistakes. That's all that life requires.

As for the degree, any four-year degree is worth a lot more than no four-year degree. You may eventually try out for a responsible job that doesn't necessarily require a college degree -- but I guarantee, that if the final decision is a toss-up between you and a guy who doesn't have a degree, you'll get it. If nothing else, a degree is proof that you have the ability to gather and process data, and then to synthesize insights from it. Which are more or less the basic requirements of more different jobs that I can count.

Ananas

Good advice. May I add this: You are focusing on your degree - which is good - but you feel it's worthless. Please stop thinking that way. In addition to focusing on your degree, you also need to start thinking about other skills you have that may be useful in the workplace such as, programming, editing, typing, writing, analysis, et cetera. Make an assessment of every skill, no matter how slight or trivial you think it is, and I'll bet you'll be surprised at just how many skills you have. Confidence sells when skills may be lacking. Start looking at yourself in a more positive light.

Next, you are in college. These are the some of the best years of your life, so enjoy them as much as you can. It's an experience you cannot duplicate in the workworld. You say you have no friends now, but I think you need to look a little deeper into some of the casual acquaintances you have (classmates, gym mates, lab partners, etc) and try to develop friendships (and potential business contacts) with them. Also, friends don't necessarily have to be people in your age group. I had better friendships with older people when I was in college. Start talking - a simple good morning - to older people you encounter in the grocery store, your professors, the janitors, heck, anybody. Not only can they help with job prospects, life lessons, post-graduation living arrangements, they can also offer their own unique perspectives on life and living. Who knows, you may be able to arrange living quarters with an older person in exchange for chores or simple companionship.

There are times in your life when you are going to have to be brave enough to look at a situation that is troubling you, or that does not offer you an equitable exchange, and be able to just say (and mean it) f*** it, and just keep on getting up. Start fresh. You're young enough, do not have financial, work or family responsibilities to tie you down, so sit down and think about all the things you'd like to do, and try to accomplish a few of those things.

As for the ex-girlfriend, do yourself a BIG favor, and drop her like a hot rock permanently. She is a manipulative, selfish, and self-centered person. You don't need anyone like that in your life. Period. End of sentence. The former friends sound as though they don't have too much bottom, nor were they very loyal. You need better friends, but before you go out looking for new friends, you need to work on becoming a better friend to yourself. Start treating yourself like you'd like your friends to treat you.

Finally, there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Cherish the moments of solitude. These rare moments are good times for self-reflection.

Frowning Budah

Let me paint the other side of the picture. You are free to go anywhere and do anything. No chains to hold you down. Many people are forced to make decisions at you age. A lot of them may make a decision that may not be the best for them, but they make them because they have obligations and commitments.
Concentrate on graduating then hit the job market hard. The fact you are mobile and can go anywhere will be an asset.

Suave

Let me be at least one of the people who points out that no, you're not a total loser. Strike that word from your vocabulary, and it could help you quite a bit. In order to be a loser, you need the possibility of being a "winner"; there is no such thing in life. This first part of my advice is what I call "stop giving a shit". Don't stop giving a shit about yourself, or your family, or your friends or future friends, but stop giving a shit about what society says you want.

This part is "why are you giving a shit?" First the job: obviously everyone needs a job in our society to live comfortably, but you don't need an amazingly prestigious job to be happy. Now are you despairing over your lack of employment because you need money to live, or because you won't be able to get some 75k/year job? If the second reason even comes into the equation, ignore it; when you start to consider that second reason, start humming "Tub Thumping" by Chumbawumba; this is now your method of coping with unrequired thought processes. The song can kill a working brain in 0.5 seconds flat. Also, why do you want your friends back? Do you still like them and want to hang out with them, or do you just want to have friends for the sake of having friends? It's a harsh question, but one that bears asking; if your answer is the second, then engage yourself in our coping method until the urges are banished from your memory.

And now, "should you give a shit about what I'm telling you?" Yes, I think you should at least consider what I'm saying. I know a lot of people don't agree with the way I view the world, but I do believe I have some advice in here that can work for even other-thinking persons.

It looks like you're started on the right track by curbing your drinking and drug use (they're not good activities to partake in alone anyways), and looking for a job. Just as advice from me, if you can find a job where you create something, whether it be physical or theoretical, or strategic, or whatever it is, I believe the feeling of having accomplished something while at work will seriously improve your self-esteem and help you in all aspects of your life. A huge amount can rest on your self-esteem. If you feel great about yourself, you'll have more occupational success, and you'll feel like meeting people, and doing whatever you believe is necessary to get what you (not what society) wants for yourself.

Sorry, had to edit this one bit in here and don't know where to put it: figure out what YOU want. Not what your parents, uncles, past friends, and teachers have told you that you want, but what you honestly can say you want. Start with that basic stuff, and then deal with the societal expecation bullshit later.

I'm sure this looks preachy, and it may not be a masterpiece of compassionate art, but I hope you find something of value in here. Whether you have or not though, good luck, and remember; this is just a phase. Things can easily get better no matter how bleak the current outlook may be.

spindles

I have only two things to add to the plethora of good advice above:
1. don't necessarily think you need to get the perfect job straight up - you can always think of the first few as things on your CV (or stepping stones)
2. think outside of uni for friends - what else are you interested in? sports (cmon - everyone in Melbourne is sports mad ), exercise, hobbies etc. Universities have a thousand clubs based around areas of interest - think about joining one that interests you, perhaps.

All of my decent friends I have tripped over by accident - never planned - some introduced by other friends I don't even see any more. Just remember that friendship is a two way street - both sides have to put in effort (the older you get, the harder it seems to be to keep in contact...). You will know the ones you want to keep (trust me, they will stick out like a sore thumb)!

You could always move somewhere good...like Sydney (sorry - couldn't help the interstate rivalry)

__________________
who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

Rlyss

Holy cats, I didn't expect so many replies! Thanks so much for everyone's advice, I've tried to take a lot to heart. I haven't joined any uni clubs since there is only one more week of classes, and three of study until it's all finished.

But I have had my eye on a woman in one of my lectures and I'm planning on introducing myself tomorow evening during that lecture. It's my last chance to do so, if I chicken out (like I did last week) then I know I'll never see her again. That works both ways I guess - if she says no then I'm not too embarassed.

I've been doing a little exercise but mostly cutting down on junk food (by a lot!) and drinking lots of water and less coffee (down to about 12 cups per day... I know how I'll die...). I've decided to aim for a job with the Federal Police at the end of this year, and if not that, then I might aim for the Army (for a more administrative, less fighting sort of role).

I haven't seen or heard from my ex-girlfriend for almost a month now, and while I'm not over her, I'm doing ok. My biggest worry is whether I'll pass my classes now, as the craziness of this year has taken a toll on my grades. If I fail anything then I won't be able to graduate this year, and I can't even begin to imagine the humiliation that wil bring, even though I know it happens to a lot of people.

I'm keeping my chin up and posting here often, since I love this place and I try to give advice if I think I can, and I really, really appreciate the advice given here

calixstus

it sounds like these people really know what they're talking about. they sound nice and chipper, real optimistic go-getters, and i hate to belittle them, but they're full of shit. im about to turn 25. to be honest, from one "loser" to another, that anxious what the fuck am i doing with my life feeling that you're talking about, that doesnt go away. it never goes away, infact it gets worse.
if you're anything like me, in the 3 years after you graduate, you'll probably move back in with my mom twice. you'll work at exactly the same place that you did in highschool 4 years ago for the same wage for way too long. one of your exgirlfriends will become married, another will become a lesbian, and that "im not addicted, no really, i mean i can stop smoking and drinking whenever i want" that'll turned into a big pile of shit.
what i did, i just accepted it. accepted that no matter how much control or lack of control i have have over my life, the world keeps on turning. with or without me
the only choice you really have is to make the best of what ya got, or not.
-kh

raeanna74

To give some perspective.

I don't communicate with anyone I was friend with in college except an occaisional email and a Christmas card to ONE friend. My good friends are ones I've made since then through accident.

It took me over 5 years to finish college, I was 24 before I graduated.

I married at 23.

I didn't get settled into the career I'm at now until I was 27. My Career sortof "happened" to me I never really planned it.

The feelings you have about panicing and finding friends is much the same as I felt that last year I was in college. Just keep your options open, get imaginative, look for possibilities, and don't worry. Your time will come when you'll find what you need to do. You will find friends that fit you better than your college buddies. I think that was a good choice to let the girlfriend go. If she doesn't understand the urgency of keeping to your studies for now then she needs to get a reality check. Life will always get in the way of things. You gotta roll with the punches.

I also know the feeling about doing well on your classes. You are on the right path though. Keep concentrating on what's important right now. That degree is worth something. I makes you a more valuable employee to any company simply because it says that you can stick with something long enough to finish the job. That's not even considering the knowledge you've gained that you don't even know you'll use yet. You'll be surprised. Good Luck.

Calixtus - You are only 25. Yeah maybe a quarter of a century old but in life it really means nothing. Some people find their nitch early on and some take longer. Be content with where you are and look for opportunity. Be ready when it comes knocking because it WILL. You can count on that if you are working for it.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

neutone

You need to go on an adventure. Join the Peace Corp, find a hippy chick travel the world and enjoy life. Don't stress, you're young, life gets better.