Question involving drinking and somebody important - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

dalnet22 · 06-20-2004, 06:32 PM

Ok, in short there is a 20 year old girl who's been an important part of my life, even though though I'm not her friend and I don't know much about her. Nevermind that part for a minute. All that's important right now is that if it wasn't for this person I wouldn't be here today, and I've been very concerned about her drinking habits. She's been getting wasted for several years now, and I know that she has gotten DUIs in the past. For some reason drinking is something that really bothers me. I'm 18, however I've never tasted alcohol and for some reason it's a goal in my life to stay away from it. Anyways, as I said I've been very concerned because not only is it illegal to drink underrage, but to see that she is putting herself and others in danger shows me she isn't playing it safe. It frustrates me so much that I want to go and make her stop getting trashed forever. I wish all alcohol would just disappear so she would never have to put herself in danger like that ever again, no matter how much fun she thinks she's having.

Obviously, it's not easy to confront somebody and tell them to stop getting trashed every weekend. It's also much more difficult when you hardly know the person, haven't seen them for years, and the girl does not like you very much. In fact, I know if I called her and told her to stop drinking or something like that she'd tell me to go straight to hell and hang up the phone.

I guess my question is, well, what should I do? I think what I'm asking help on is not really how I stop her, but how I stop myself from worrying about it. Sure she'll be legal in a few months, but that still doesn't make it right for her to go fuck herself up every weekend and put other people into harms way. However, I have to imagine that I sound exactly like her parents, something she doesn't want to hear anymore. She probably thinks she's old enough, living on her own, to do what she wants. I try telling myself to just forget; she's stupid and nobody can change that; I try to make her seem like such a terrible person in my head so it doesn't bother me so much... but there's nothing that works. If anyone has any advice on what to do I'd gladly appreciate it.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that my niece was killed last week while playing some dangerous driving game while intoxicated. This has really had an impact on my feelings toward alcohol in general and this girl. She has a boyfriend, but if he lets her get wasted all the time, how much can he really love her? Damnit that frustrates me so much.

omid · 06-20-2004, 09:02 PM

damn, im very sorry about your niece..

oh, i would just continue doing what youre doing now.. thats the approach i would take. anywho sorry about the whole thing, i wish i could help.

dalnet22 · 06-20-2004, 09:39 PM

Continue what I'm doing now? I'm not doing anything right now, so I'm not sure what you mean.

And thank you for your consolation.

apeman · 06-21-2004, 05:01 AM

I'm sorry about your niece too

unless someone is starting to realize they have a problem, there's precious little you can do I'm afraid. Just be her friend I guess, maybe try to find out why she drinks so much. The risk is she'll think you're interfering and yep, tell you to get lost, so go carefully now. On the bright side, a lot of people go through a phase of getting wasted all the time, and a lot of em grow out of it eventually. That's what I'm trying to do now

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 09:16 AM

I the guess problem with just being her friend is the fact that I'm not her friend. She doesn't know me well, currently the only way to contact her is by calling. She doesn't like me much, and she's told me she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me. So, if I randomly call and start talking to her about her drinking, I'm sure she'll just hang up. Or worse, her boyfriend will threaten me with a restraining order.

I think that's why I'm asking more for help on my end than hers.

apeman · 06-21-2004, 11:28 AM

ah shheeit now that's a difficult one

i'll admit it, I have absolutely no useful advice whatever in this situation

sorry

good luck though

stevie667 · 06-21-2004, 11:37 AM

Unfortunatly in these situations there is very little you can do.
Try and see if you can influence her friends to talk to her, otherwise if you approach her directly, it'll most likely just alienate her more.

Just hope it's a phase she's going through and she'll put out of it sooner or later.

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 11:37 AM

She's the type that thinks getting wasted is fun. You know, girls today.. that's all that seems fun to that type. At 20 she's probably already fucked herself with all the drinking and the things that have happened while intoxicated. Probably already too late.

hannukah harry · 06-21-2004, 01:39 PM

wait a minute, let me see if i understand this right...

theres a girl, who doesn't like you, doesn't like to talk to you, and for all intents and purposes you don't exist to her...

there's you, worried about her because she's important to you, even though you know she doesn't want anything to do wiht you...

it sounds to me you have the problem, not her. she'll be fine. she'll hit 22 or 23 and partying all the time won't be all that important to her anymore. she'll grow out of it. guys and girls do this all the time. yeah, the drinking and driving is bad, but there's nothing you can do about it.

but it seems to me that you need to get some help, professional, maybe. it sounds like you have an unhealthy obsession with her. i guess coming here and asking how not to care is a first step, but if she doesn't talk to you, and yet you know all this stuff, it sounds like you're stalking her (you haven't given us any info that explains why she's important and how you know this stuff), and it seems really creepy to me.

my $.02.

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 01:53 PM

And there's the reason for my comments in the depression thread. Thank you for your input.

It's not a problem for her because I won't bother her anymore, so the unhealthy obsession you speak of isn't hurting anybody.

maleficent · 06-21-2004, 02:16 PM

It's perfectly natural, at least in my world, to see someone who is engaged in totally reckless behavior, and want them to stop it, not only for themselves, but the life that they save, maybe yours out on the highway some night.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or even realize that they have a problem.

Al-Anon/Ala-Teen is an organization, completely anonymous, that is there to help people who have family and friends who are alcoholics, or might be alcoholics (They were a great resource to me as a teenager) The organization is anonymous, you might want to consider going to a meeting. Just to check it out, see what they have to offer.

Does she have other friends that you are friendly with, if she won't listen to you, will she listen to them? Does anyone else see the problem that she has developing?

Write her a letter, anonymously, pointing out the behavior that you are seeing, and what the consequences might be.

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 02:27 PM

Any of the friends I know of all do it too. It's either me or nobody. I guess I'll just have to suffer with it until she kills herself or vice versa.

maleficent · 06-21-2004, 02:31 PM

Find an ala-teen meeting in your local area-- either thru the website or thru the phone book, you might be surprised at how helpful they can be for yourself.

Alcoholism affects a lot of people, unless a person admits they have a problem, and wants to get help, there's not a lot you can do. Except you can deal with your own feelings towards it. Go to a meeting.

la petite moi · 06-21-2004, 05:13 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your niece. Those kinds of accidents are just something that could have been avoided.

Anyway, about your friend- even though she will be legal soon, I would turn her in to authorities. It may force her to straighten up, and you probably will be able to do it anonymously.

Also, you could call around to different hotlines and stuff, like others have been saying.

Like you said, however, how could her boyfriend really love her if he doesn't do anything about it? And my question to you is: Do you care enough for her to turn her in and perhaps save her life?!

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 05:17 PM

I don't think anybody realizes how much I care for her, even myself.

I have no problem turning her in... I just don't see how to do it. I mean do I call the police and say there's a girl in the city drinking like the other thousands in college.. go arrest her? Seriously though, I'm not sure how I'd go about it. I don't even know where she lives, only her phone number. If it was necessary I could get her address.

la petite moi · 06-21-2004, 05:21 PM

I would say get her address somehow. In the phone book there are non-emergency police numbers. You could call the 'public distubance' number or find a phone number that would work in this case. When you call, calmly explain the entire situation: your friend has gotten many DUIs and continues to drink underage. Say that you are concerned and that the call was your last resort. If they say they can not help you, ask if they know of any places in your area that can.

Then again, I'm 18 like you. I hope that everything will work out, and unfortunately, if nothing happens, this girl will find out in an accident or down the road when her liver gives out.

Good luck, buddy.

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 05:38 PM

Thank you.

hannukah harry · 06-21-2004, 07:00 PM

dude, don't do anything that involves her. you're asking for a restraining order, if not getting charged with stalking. you may want to help, but there's no problem except the one you see. i'm sorry, but just becasue you don't agree with how she's living her life, you don't have the right to interfere. yeah, it is possible that she's going to get drunk and then get behind the wheel with bad results, but that may not happen. it's nice you want to take a proactive type approach and "help" her, but it's not your place. you need to leave it all alone.

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 07:45 PM

I cared enough to leave her alone, so I'm supposed to care enough to let her kill herself. That's what I'm left to think about for the rest of my life. That doesn't sit right, but if that's what I have to do then so be it. In one sense she's already killed me, so maybe it's what she gets...

Anyway, thanks for the responses.

hannukah harry · 06-21-2004, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dalnet22
I cared enough to leave her alone, so I'm supposed to care enough to let her kill herself. That's what I'm left to think about for the rest of my life. That doesn't sit right, but if that's what I have to do then so be it. In one sense she's already killed me, so maybe it's what she gets...

Anyway, thanks for the responses.

you really need to tell us teh story. i read your posts in the depression thread. is stuff you're not telling us that would change my opinion?

it sounds like you're anti-drinking and she gets drunk on the weekends. it's what many college aged people do. but because you don't like it your want to get involved and have her stopped from doing what she wants, living her life her way, because you care about her? when she doesn't want you in her life at all? doesn't this sound kinda rediculous to you?

she's not killing herself. yeah, it's possible that could happen, but since your not telling us more (or how you know any of this), we can't expect it to happen. other people have mentioned trying to get her to a support group or calling the cops... the former implies a problem (which i don't think you're capable to determine) and the other is borderline harassment.

she's had dui's? that's for the police to deal with. she could hurt herself or others, but so could anyone when the get behind the wheel at any time. and since she's underage, any alcohol in her system would give her a dui, even if its' jsut mouthwash that caused her to blow it.

basically, what i'm trying to get at, is you need to get help. go seek a professional. distance yourself from everything related to this girl. she is not your concern. in the depression thread you basically said (maybe it was implied) that you're suicidal and she's the only reason you have for living, even though she doesn't want anything to do with you. that's a really unhealthy obession you've got going on. you mention being legally insane? well go get therapy! get yourself committed if you think you're gonna hurt yourself or others! but get help!!! please. don't do anything rash or hurt yourself. get help.

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 09:27 PM

The part of the story I'm not telling you is extremely odd and has very little to do actually with her. I can not post about it here because it's too detailed and personal. If you truly want to hear the whole thing I suppose I can talk to you about it somewhere else. I know what you're going to say though, you'll just say I need to forget her and I don't need her.

I will not get help because I really do not care. I won't hurt anybody else, so it shouldn't bother anyone else.

whocarz · 06-21-2004, 11:13 PM

This is sad to me. I can't say I can really understand why you would be willing to kill yourself over some girl that barely knows you exist. If you really want to commit suicide, well, we can't really stop you. But it is a shitty thing to do, not only to yourself, but to your parents/siblings/relatives/friends etc. Believe me it hurts others. My stepfather killed himself a little over a year ago. Now my brother is commited to an inpatient program, and the rest of my family has all this shit they have to deal with. If you care about your family, then you will seek help.

dalnet22 · 06-21-2004, 11:23 PM

I don't care about my family. My mom talks to me every day about how her real life ended when she married my dad, how she'd give anything to not have met him. Meanwhile, my dad gets drunk all the time and is a real jackass.

stevie667 · 06-22-2004, 12:27 AM

This is going to sound harsh man, but it seems that your focussing on this particular girl because of issues to do with your family and personal life.
You've said your against drinking, and considering you said your dad is drunk all the time, hardly suprising.
It's very easy when young to imprint emotions onto someone for reasons that really just arn't logical, such as not wanting her to drink in this case. I did it myself for several years, it sucks, i know.

You don't want her to end up messed up like your family, which is very good reasoning, but there may just be a slightly problem with because of your views on life, things are being blown out of proportion on your end.
Everyone between 19-21 likes to go out and have a few drinks, some more than others. I've dated a few girls at 20 who couldn't stay away from the stuff, but it's something you do grow out of as time and responsibilities grow on you. Several of my friends have had their liscences revoked for drink driving, but a couple of years later they're probably some of the safest drivers around. These type of things help you learn lessons that otherwise may just pass you overhead.

I can understand how your feeling right now, like i said, i've done something very similar, but you need to understand that your forcing yourself to escape one problem by creating another.
Don't do anything stupid man, it's not worth it. Shit like this is hard, but just about everyone has been through it, just hang in there, take one day at a time, and things eventually do start to take a turn for the better.
The world isn't a perfect place, but ya gota stay in it long enough to at least try to make a difference.

TopRamen66 · 06-22-2004, 08:59 PM

Its obvious that you have some issues with alcohol due to your dad being a drunk, but honestly.... its none of your business. If you dont mean anything to her, shes not going to listen to what you have to say. You'll just be someone else "preaching" to her. Mabey you should explain why this girl means so much to you, that might give us some insight into the situation. But anyway, I've learned you cant change people, and its usually not a good idea to try. Its better to accept people for who they are and what they do, because THEY are the only ones who can choose their way through life.

dalnet22 · 06-22-2004, 11:14 PM

If you really want to know why she means so much to me, I wrote up a rather lengthy summary of the situation as a PM for whocarz. If you really want to know, I'll send you the summary through PM, but I can not post it in public in the forum, I just can't. Either tell me here if you want the summary or PM about it.

dalnet22 · 06-24-2004, 11:03 PM

hannukah harry, in case you didn't see it I sent the PM. Sorry, I get a little insecure when I don't know if somebody's seen what I've sent or not.

wonderwench · 06-26-2004, 08:34 AM

Condolences about your niece - what a horrible loss.

Given that you have described yourself as not being close to the woman, I don't think there is anything you can do to help her - unless you are close to someone with whom she is close and can communicate via them. People with substance abuse problems, however, generally won't listen unless they see that they will lose something they value by continuing their behavior. It's awful to be in a helpless situation - but realistically, I think that is where you are regarding this woman.

06-20-2004, 06:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	Question involving drinking and somebody important Ok, in short there is a 20 year old girl who's been an important part of my life, even though though I'm not her friend and I don't know much about her. Nevermind that part for a minute. All that's important right now is that if it wasn't for this person I wouldn't be here today, and I've been very concerned about her drinking habits. She's been getting wasted for several years now, and I know that she has gotten DUIs in the past. For some reason drinking is something that really bothers me. I'm 18, however I've never tasted alcohol and for some reason it's a goal in my life to stay away from it. Anyways, as I said I've been very concerned because not only is it illegal to drink underrage, but to see that she is putting herself and others in danger shows me she isn't playing it safe. It frustrates me so much that I want to go and make her stop getting trashed forever. I wish all alcohol would just disappear so she would never have to put herself in danger like that ever again, no matter how much fun she thinks she's having. Obviously, it's not easy to confront somebody and tell them to stop getting trashed every weekend. It's also much more difficult when you hardly know the person, haven't seen them for years, and the girl does not like you very much. In fact, I know if I called her and told her to stop drinking or something like that she'd tell me to go straight to hell and hang up the phone. I guess my question is, well, what should I do? I think what I'm asking help on is not really how I stop her, but how I stop myself from worrying about it. Sure she'll be legal in a few months, but that still doesn't make it right for her to go fuck herself up every weekend and put other people into harms way. However, I have to imagine that I sound exactly like her parents, something she doesn't want to hear anymore. She probably thinks she's old enough, living on her own, to do what she wants. I try telling myself to just forget; she's stupid and nobody can change that; I try to make her seem like such a terrible person in my head so it doesn't bother me so much... but there's nothing that works. If anyone has any advice on what to do I'd gladly appreciate it. EDIT: I forgot to mention that my niece was killed last week while playing some dangerous driving game while intoxicated. This has really had an impact on my feelings toward alcohol in general and this girl. She has a boyfriend, but if he lets her get wasted all the time, how much can he really love her? Damnit that frustrates me so much. Last edited by dalnet22; 06-20-2004 at 06:36 PM..

06-20-2004, 09:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
omid Crazy Location: Aliso Viejo, California	damn, im very sorry about your niece.. oh, i would just continue doing what youre doing now.. thats the approach i would take. anywho sorry about the whole thing, i wish i could help. __________________ Kick butt buzz-cut dickheads who didn't like what I said. The good times are killing me. Jaws clenching tight we talked all night, oh but what the hell did we say? The good times are killing me.

06-21-2004, 05:01 AM	#4 (permalink)
apeman Wah Location: NZ	I'm sorry about your niece too unless someone is starting to realize they have a problem, there's precious little you can do I'm afraid. Just be her friend I guess, maybe try to find out why she drinks so much. The risk is she'll think you're interfering and yep, tell you to get lost, so go carefully now. On the bright side, a lot of people go through a phase of getting wasted all the time, and a lot of em grow out of it eventually. That's what I'm trying to do now __________________ pain is inevitable but misery is optional - stick a geranium in your hat and be happy

06-21-2004, 11:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
apeman Wah Location: NZ	ah shheeit now that's a difficult one i'll admit it, I have absolutely no useful advice whatever in this situation sorry good luck though __________________ pain is inevitable but misery is optional - stick a geranium in your hat and be happy

06-21-2004, 11:37 AM	#8 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	She's the type that thinks getting wasted is fun. You know, girls today.. that's all that seems fun to that type. At 20 she's probably already fucked herself with all the drinking and the things that have happened while intoxicated. Probably already too late. Last edited by dalnet22; 06-21-2004 at 11:39 AM..

06-20-2004, 09:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	Continue what I'm doing now? I'm not doing anything right now, so I'm not sure what you mean. And thank you for your consolation.

06-21-2004, 09:16 AM	#5 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	I the guess problem with just being her friend is the fact that I'm not her friend. She doesn't know me well, currently the only way to contact her is by calling. She doesn't like me much, and she's told me she doesn't feel comfortable talking to me. So, if I randomly call and start talking to her about her drinking, I'm sure she'll just hang up. Or worse, her boyfriend will threaten me with a restraining order. I think that's why I'm asking more for help on my end than hers.

06-21-2004, 11:37 AM	#7 (permalink)
stevie667 Too Awesome for Aardvarks Location: Angloland	Unfortunatly in these situations there is very little you can do. Try and see if you can influence her friends to talk to her, otherwise if you approach her directly, it'll most likely just alienate her more. Just hope it's a phase she's going through and she'll put out of it sooner or later.

06-21-2004, 01:39 PM	#9 (permalink)
hannukah harry Junkie	wait a minute, let me see if i understand this right... theres a girl, who doesn't like you, doesn't like to talk to you, and for all intents and purposes you don't exist to her... there's you, worried about her because she's important to you, even though you know she doesn't want anything to do wiht you... it sounds to me you have the problem, not her. she'll be fine. she'll hit 22 or 23 and partying all the time won't be all that important to her anymore. she'll grow out of it. guys and girls do this all the time. yeah, the drinking and driving is bad, but there's nothing you can do about it. but it seems to me that you need to get some help, professional, maybe. it sounds like you have an unhealthy obsession with her. i guess coming here and asking how not to care is a first step, but if she doesn't talk to you, and yet you know all this stuff, it sounds like you're stalking her (you haven't given us any info that explains why she's important and how you know this stuff), and it seems really creepy to me. my $.02. __________________ shabbat shalom, mother fucker! - the hebrew hammer

06-21-2004, 01:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	And there's the reason for my comments in the depression thread. Thank you for your input. It's not a problem for her because I won't bother her anymore, so the unhealthy obsession you speak of isn't hurting anybody.

06-21-2004, 02:16 PM	#11 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	It's perfectly natural, at least in my world, to see someone who is engaged in totally reckless behavior, and want them to stop it, not only for themselves, but the life that they save, maybe yours out on the highway some night. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or even realize that they have a problem. Al-Anon/Ala-Teen is an organization, completely anonymous, that is there to help people who have family and friends who are alcoholics, or might be alcoholics (They were a great resource to me as a teenager) The organization is anonymous, you might want to consider going to a meeting. Just to check it out, see what they have to offer. Does she have other friends that you are friendly with, if she won't listen to you, will she listen to them? Does anyone else see the problem that she has developing? Write her a letter, anonymously, pointing out the behavior that you are seeing, and what the consequences might be. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

06-21-2004, 02:27 PM	#12 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	Any of the friends I know of all do it too. It's either me or nobody. I guess I'll just have to suffer with it until she kills herself or vice versa.

06-21-2004, 02:31 PM	#13 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Find an ala-teen meeting in your local area-- either thru the website or thru the phone book, you might be surprised at how helpful they can be for yourself. Alcoholism affects a lot of people, unless a person admits they have a problem, and wants to get help, there's not a lot you can do. Except you can deal with your own feelings towards it. Go to a meeting. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

06-21-2004, 05:13 PM	#14 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	I'm so sorry to hear about your niece. Those kinds of accidents are just something that could have been avoided. Anyway, about your friend- even though she will be legal soon, I would turn her in to authorities. It may force her to straighten up, and you probably will be able to do it anonymously. Also, you could call around to different hotlines and stuff, like others have been saying. Like you said, however, how could her boyfriend really love her if he doesn't do anything about it? And my question to you is: Do you care enough for her to turn her in and perhaps save her life?!

06-21-2004, 05:17 PM	#15 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	I don't think anybody realizes how much I care for her, even myself. I have no problem turning her in... I just don't see how to do it. I mean do I call the police and say there's a girl in the city drinking like the other thousands in college.. go arrest her? Seriously though, I'm not sure how I'd go about it. I don't even know where she lives, only her phone number. If it was necessary I could get her address.

06-21-2004, 05:21 PM	#16 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	I would say get her address somehow. In the phone book there are non-emergency police numbers. You could call the 'public distubance' number or find a phone number that would work in this case. When you call, calmly explain the entire situation: your friend has gotten many DUIs and continues to drink underage. Say that you are concerned and that the call was your last resort. If they say they can not help you, ask if they know of any places in your area that can. Then again, I'm 18 like you. I hope that everything will work out, and unfortunately, if nothing happens, this girl will find out in an accident or down the road when her liver gives out. Good luck, buddy.

06-21-2004, 05:38 PM	#17 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	Thank you.

06-21-2004, 07:00 PM	#18 (permalink)
hannukah harry Junkie	dude, don't do anything that involves her. you're asking for a restraining order, if not getting charged with stalking. you may want to help, but there's no problem except the one you see. i'm sorry, but just becasue you don't agree with how she's living her life, you don't have the right to interfere. yeah, it is possible that she's going to get drunk and then get behind the wheel with bad results, but that may not happen. it's nice you want to take a proactive type approach and "help" her, but it's not your place. you need to leave it all alone. __________________ shabbat shalom, mother fucker! - the hebrew hammer

06-21-2004, 07:45 PM	#19 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	I cared enough to leave her alone, so I'm supposed to care enough to let her kill herself. That's what I'm left to think about for the rest of my life. That doesn't sit right, but if that's what I have to do then so be it. In one sense she's already killed me, so maybe it's what she gets... Anyway, thanks for the responses.

06-21-2004, 09:27 PM	#21 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	The part of the story I'm not telling you is extremely odd and has very little to do actually with her. I can not post about it here because it's too detailed and personal. If you truly want to hear the whole thing I suppose I can talk to you about it somewhere else. I know what you're going to say though, you'll just say I need to forget her and I don't need her. I will not get help because I really do not care. I won't hurt anybody else, so it shouldn't bother anyone else.

06-21-2004, 11:13 PM	#22 (permalink)
whocarz Jarhead Location: Colorado	This is sad to me. I can't say I can really understand why you would be willing to kill yourself over some girl that barely knows you exist. If you really want to commit suicide, well, we can't really stop you. But it is a shitty thing to do, not only to yourself, but to your parents/siblings/relatives/friends etc. Believe me it hurts others. My stepfather killed himself a little over a year ago. Now my brother is commited to an inpatient program, and the rest of my family has all this shit they have to deal with. If you care about your family, then you will seek help. __________________ If there exists anything mightier than destiny, then it is the courage to face destiny unflinchingly. -Geibel Despise not death, but welcome it, for nature wills it like all else. -Marcus Aurelius Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever? -GySgt. Daniel J. "Dan" Daly

06-21-2004, 11:23 PM	#23 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	I don't care about my family. My mom talks to me every day about how her real life ended when she married my dad, how she'd give anything to not have met him. Meanwhile, my dad gets drunk all the time and is a real jackass.

06-22-2004, 12:27 AM	#24 (permalink)
stevie667 Too Awesome for Aardvarks Location: Angloland	This is going to sound harsh man, but it seems that your focussing on this particular girl because of issues to do with your family and personal life. You've said your against drinking, and considering you said your dad is drunk all the time, hardly suprising. It's very easy when young to imprint emotions onto someone for reasons that really just arn't logical, such as not wanting her to drink in this case. I did it myself for several years, it sucks, i know. You don't want her to end up messed up like your family, which is very good reasoning, but there may just be a slightly problem with because of your views on life, things are being blown out of proportion on your end. Everyone between 19-21 likes to go out and have a few drinks, some more than others. I've dated a few girls at 20 who couldn't stay away from the stuff, but it's something you do grow out of as time and responsibilities grow on you. Several of my friends have had their liscences revoked for drink driving, but a couple of years later they're probably some of the safest drivers around. These type of things help you learn lessons that otherwise may just pass you overhead. I can understand how your feeling right now, like i said, i've done something very similar, but you need to understand that your forcing yourself to escape one problem by creating another. Don't do anything stupid man, it's not worth it. Shit like this is hard, but just about everyone has been through it, just hang in there, take one day at a time, and things eventually do start to take a turn for the better. The world isn't a perfect place, but ya gota stay in it long enough to at least try to make a difference.

06-22-2004, 08:59 PM	#25 (permalink)
TopRamen66 Insane	Its obvious that you have some issues with alcohol due to your dad being a drunk, but honestly.... its none of your business. If you dont mean anything to her, shes not going to listen to what you have to say. You'll just be someone else "preaching" to her. Mabey you should explain why this girl means so much to you, that might give us some insight into the situation. But anyway, I've learned you cant change people, and its usually not a good idea to try. Its better to accept people for who they are and what they do, because THEY are the only ones who can choose their way through life.

06-22-2004, 11:14 PM	#26 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	If you really want to know why she means so much to me, I wrote up a rather lengthy summary of the situation as a PM for whocarz. If you really want to know, I'll send you the summary through PM, but I can not post it in public in the forum, I just can't. Either tell me here if you want the summary or PM about it. Last edited by dalnet22; 06-22-2004 at 11:37 PM..

06-24-2004, 11:03 PM	#27 (permalink)
dalnet22 Crazy	hannukah harry, in case you didn't see it I sent the PM. Sorry, I get a little insecure when I don't know if somebody's seen what I've sent or not.

06-26-2004, 08:34 AM	#28 (permalink)
wonderwench Banned	Condolences about your niece - what a horrible loss. Given that you have described yourself as not being close to the woman, I don't think there is anything you can do to help her - unless you are close to someone with whom she is close and can communicate via them. People with substance abuse problems, however, generally won't listen unless they see that they will lose something they value by continuing their behavior. It's awful to be in a helpless situation - but realistically, I think that is where you are regarding this woman.