The "Guess what my kid did!" thread

[SERPENT7]

Today my soon-to-be 2 yo was eating her pb&j. I asked her set the plate down. So she set it on the floor. (I was hoping she would put it back on the table.) Can't fault her, really.

[Charlatan]

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Ok...everyday, when I pick my 3 year old son up from daycare, I give him a sandwich that I save back from my lunch for him. It's ritual now, and he enjoys it. Now, I'm one of the 4 people on the planet that actually likes pickle loaf. So, I give him half of my diagonal cut sandwich, and he munches happily. After a few minutes, I look over and see that he's eaten the bread, but left the meat. I told him to finish it. He looks at me, as though I've finally gone off the deep end, and says "Trash", while holding up the pickle loaf. I told him that it was meat, and that he should eat it. Now I get the look that tells me that all doubt has left him. His dad has finally crossed over into dementia. "No, Dad...this is not meat...this is trash.
Who made him a little lunch meat connoisseur?

Very smart kid.

[xepherys]

Originally Posted by Redlemon

Nothing major about this one, but my son discovered the pure joy of jumping in puddles yesterday.

I can't believe I've never seen this thread before! At any rate, though it happened a while ago now, Redlemon, I'd say that's pretty major. Some of the most simple joys in life are often overlooked. I can't wait until my Ethan jumps in his first puddle!

[ngdawg]

Not your usual 'my kid discovered how to blow milk thru his nose' precious moment , but I wanted to share this.
Daniel has taught himself Flash and does a lot of animation in it. This is his latest. I'm in awe of this kid's talents and he's only 13!!!!
Flash cartoon
He has a lot more in Deviant Art under 'geek-of-jersey'.

[ZeRoGRaViTY]

Advise appreciated. A week ago my 6 year old son was at his grandparents house after school and was on the computer on his usual sites of disney online and such. His grandparents are absolutely wonderful and very attentive so please no bashing on their behalf. They discovered shoved in the computer desk drawer, 6 full color printed pornography photos. (Pretty lewd. Even to my standards.) Well, his grandparents did not confront him and just told his mother and I about this. His grandfather did check the url history and it saw that he did actually type in a website. There were 3 other attempts to type in this website name correctly, thats how we know that it wasn't a pop up. His mother asked me to talk to him about this with him. I personally am 100% lost on how to aproach him on this issue. I mean he is only 6 years old! Maybe if he were like 13 or teen years I would have a better clue on how to go about this. Any advice?
-concerned parent

[ngdawg]

Ask him what did he think he was doing, first off, but not so accusatory that he attempts to lie. You don't have to go into a moral monologue of any length at that age. If he thought it was ok, he wouldn't have shoved them away, so he knows he did wrong right there. Points to the kid tho...not many 6 year olds would want to print out porn pix...they'd go EW, I think, no?
You: Son, we found some pix at grandma's and they aren't hers. Know anything about them?
Son: Uh.....*shuffles feet, looks at floor*...no...maybe....I dunno....
You: Son, you never have to lie. I just want to know why you wanted those pix?
Son: *sniffle*
You: You must have known you were not doing something your mother or I would like if you felt you had to hide it. And you are right. Now, next time you see something you're not sure about, I want you to ask me first, ok? Now, why'd you print the pix? *hands son a popsicle*....

Or....something like that.

[yellowchef]

I dont have kids, personally the thought of actually having one scares me but maybe someday... but I have an adoreable nephew to brag on...

Hes pretty advanced for a 5 year old. He LOVES the cell phone, he can use it better than my sister I think. So last Wednesday he calls me and he tells me that "I'm with mama in Wal-Mart and she said that we needed to call you so I did" I told him what a good boy he was and it was nice to talk to him(he doesn't talk a lot, he will call 10 different people and only talk about 3 min to each of them). He then told me that they were buying some flip flops for his brother Jordan(the hellchild) and some shorts for him to play in. I hear a kid screaming in the background and its interrupted by "If I was like that Mama would stop the cart, take me out and we would go to the car. I wouldnt get anything, hes a bad boy. Mama hes being a bad boy right?" I damn near lost it laughing because while my nephew is well behaved... he likes to push the envelope... but I didnt know he was THAT smart.

My nephew constantly amazes me with the things he observes. Like when I took him to the grocery store while I visited them over the summer he said "Aunt Megan, I have to pee" my reply was "ok kid, do you know where the bathroom is in this place" since I was not from there.. he said "I forget, let me think".."ok kid you think, but hurry, I dont want you to go in your pants"... "I dont pee my pants anymore, Im a big boy".. "ok kid... lets find the potty." Suddenly he sees one of the store employees and he RUNS up toher holding his crotch and goes "Hey nice lady can you please tell me where the potty is, I gotta go" We both laughed and she pointed in the general direction and by this point we could see the sign... at least he was polite..

[TotalMILF]

My son is almost four months now, so he's learning how to grasp objects and bring them to his mouth to chew/suck on. He also just LOVES to suck on his fist and arm. He'll do it for hours and hours. He's even given himself hickies on his arm, hehe.

So today he was chillin' on my lap when he suddenly sticks his hand straight out in front of him. He rotates it for a little while, just staring at it like he has NO idea what it is, and then he makes this hilarious face like it's the most amazing thing to ever cross his eyes, right before he shoves it in his mouth as fast as he can. Then then proceeded to attempt to swallow half his arm.

It was too funny!

[Toaster126]

Originally Posted by TotalMILF

So today he was chillin' on my lap when he suddenly sticks his hand straight out in front of him. He rotates it for a little while, just staring at it like he has NO idea what it is, and then he makes this hilarious face like it's the most amazing thing to ever cross his eyes, right before he shoves it in his mouth as fast as he can. Then then proceeded to attempt to swallow half his arm.

That's so cute it makes me sick. Lol.

[Meditrina]

This made me laugh today. I cleaned the living room, where my son (age 3 1/2) has a majority of his toys. I did this while he was in preschool. Usually, he gets mad at me for moving everything around and proceeds to make a huge mess. This time, he comes in and says "Great job Mom. You really cleaned up good." It made me feel appreciated.

[fresnelly]

After about 2 months of being able to walk, but not having the confidence to go more than a few steps without holding one of our hands, something clicked, and our 16mo old son is suddenly walking solo like a pro. It's all he wan't to do. He never ceases to amaze us.

[Derwood]

My just-turned-3 year old was eating a pretzel and she bit off one "ear" and the bottom and held it upside down. "Daddy," she says, "Look! It's a chrysalis!" Wow. So I say, "Oh yeah, what's a chrysalis?" "It's where a caterpiller goes to be a beautiful butterfly!"

So, yeah, she's smarter than many adults (my dad didn't know what a chrysalis was when I told him the story).

[Charlatan]

My 11-year-old son went to the dentist yesterday. He officically has no more baby teeth and his 12-year-old molars are coming in... he's no longer a baby.

This morning I was driving Poxy Cleopatra (my 3-year-old with Chicken Pox) to a friend's place to stay for the day. The stop and go traffic made her car sick. She told me she had to barf and the only thing I had for her to barf in was the bag with my Tim Horton's doughnut... The sacrifices we make.

She got it all in the bag... what a trooper.

[Lucifer]

why didn't you take the doughnut out first? more room in the bag for puke then...

[MikeSty]

Originally Posted by ngdawg

Not your usual 'my kid discovered how to blow milk thru his nose' precious moment , but I wanted to share this.
Daniel has taught himself Flash and does a lot of animation in it. This is his latest. I'm in awe of this kid's talents and he's only 13!!!!
Flash cartoon
He has a lot more in Deviant Art under 'geek-of-jersey'.

TALENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TivaBella]

I don't have any kids of my own but I have a 7 year old niece. She is being raised in a non-religious home but goes to a Catholic school (they have a great French Emmersion program).

The other day she, my mother and I were driving around town and we decided to pop through the drive through at Tim Horton's for a snack. My niece asked if we could get her a couple of Tim-bits and we said sure. She explained earnestly that she had to have Tim-bits because she gave up doughnuts for Lent.

For those non-Canadians out there - Tim-bits are doughnut holes. Obviously she has not figured that out.

Mom & I were extremely proud of ourselves that we did not laugh outloud.

[Redlemon]

Originally Posted by TivaBella

...She explained earnestly that she had to have Tim-bits because she gave up doughnuts for Lent. For those non-Canadians out there - Tim-bits are doughnut holes. Obviously she has not figured that out.

Either that, or she's on her way to becoming a lawyer with that loophole-detecting ability!

[Charlatan]

Originally Posted by Lucifer

why didn't you take the doughnut out first? more room in the bag for puke then...

When you are facing the prospect of cleaning the car, the car seat, her clothes and everything else in the path of barf... a doughnut is a minor sacrifice.

Had I taken the time to remove the doughnut, I wouldn't have made it in time.

[Grasshopper Green]

My son spent the afternoon at my dad's house, playing in his garden and looking under bricks for bugs. My dad is a huge cactus fanatic, and he keeps them in pots in the yard. My son was playing in front of one, found a bug, and turned around to go find my dad. Unfortunately, he forgot there was a cactus right behind him, and he bumped into it and fell right on top of it. I wasn't there, but my dad said he took it like a champ and didn't cry, even while my dad removed the thorns that became embedded in his stomach and his leg. Ouch!

[ngdawg]

Ok, I don't have little ones anymore. In fact, my 14 year old son is 6ft tall and will probably be over that in a week.
Anyway, he's a HUGE computer nerd. I have bragged about him and his talents many times and shown his artwork probably enough to gag chatters for days. That being said.....
He has outdone himself in the humor dept. In Myspace, he built a page for 'Bob the Stick'. It's his little experiment to see how many people would sign in as a new 'friend'. In less than 48 hours, he's gotten 109 new friends.
Take a look: http://myspace.com/asticknamedbob If you have an account there, you can check out his 'girlfriend' and his 'self-photo'. He showed me this and I choked from laughing so hard.

[Sultana]

Originally Posted by ngdawg

*snip
He has outdone himself in the humor dept. In Myspace, he built a page for 'Bob the Stick'. It's his little experiment to see how many people would sign in as a new 'friend'. In less than 48 hours, he's gotten 109 new friends.
Take a look: http://myspace.com/asticknamedbob If you have an account there, you can check out his 'girlfriend' and his 'self-photo'. He showed me this and I choked from laughing so hard.

I can't wait to get home so I can check this out! (Can't access myspace from work.)

[Redlemon]

My son defeated the airport security system.

Tigger is "three AND A HALF", as he will tell you emphatically. We flew out of Newark International about a week ago, and they had one of those high-tech metal-and-explosives-and-who-knows-what-else detectors. (EDIT: it's an IONSCAN® SENTINEL II:

)

Anyway, Tigger steps into the detector as requested, and it starts humming and blowing air across him. He freaks, and runs out of it and back to Mom. (They really should allow small kids to go through with a parent.)

It turns out that the machine doesn't like people exiting the detector before the cycle is finished. It starts beeping, and the TSA people can't figure out how to reset it, so after a couple of minutes, they give up and send everyone through the normal metal detector.

Fortunately, it was 6 am on a Sunday morning, so there were only a couple of people behind us in line.

[CaliLivChick]

Originally Posted by mtn_biker30

My 3 year old girl insists that she is a boy and could argue with you for hours about it...
of course the arguement goes something like...

Me: you're a girl
Her: NO! Im a boy

She also loves Spiderman and we will probably have to resort to putting her in Spiderman underwear to get her potty trained.

That's kinda how our mom got us potty trained... special panties. We got to pick them out, they could be whatever we wanted (we picked the laciest things in the store), and when we learned to use the potty, we could wear them. Made it a treat. =)

[CaliLivChick]

Originally Posted by ngdawg

My son was prone to temper tantrums as a toddler and one day in Walmart, he started one just as we got to the check-out line. Customers were starting to stare as I tried not to lose it and calm him down. I finally told him to stick out his tongue. Sobbing, he did so. Then, I told him, now sing your ABC song. Through tears, he began, AthBTH THee....everyone around us starting laughing and pretty soon, so did he.

ROFL

I'll have to remember that one for someday. =)

[CaliLivChick]

Originally Posted by Redlemon

Nothing major about this one, but my son discovered the pure joy of jumping in puddles yesterday.

I remember when my nephews discovered the joy of splashing in the bathtub. Their mom and I wound up soaked!

[CaliLivChick]

Originally Posted by applejack

"Yes son. OK. Have it your way. I'm a freaky fetish freak who shot his load all over your head while humping up in your mammas pussy during a Masonic incestuous semi-paedophilic mushroom ritual to give you a hippy baptism so that you could join our sex mad society. And I've been wanking into your shampoo bottles every since."

Best signature EVER!

[CaliLivChick]

Originally Posted by fresnelly

Ever since he could sit up by himself, we've been playing this game with our son (10mo) where we throw our hands high up in the air and say "UP!", with the hopes that he will play along. It always got a smile, but yesterday he did it back to us. He even made an 'up' sounding noise. After a couple of goes, he started leading us. This went on for twenty minutes and we couldn't stop laughing!

Reminds me of training my nephews to raise their arms when they wanted to be picked up. I'd put my hands down in the "going to pick you up" motion, hold them out for a few moments, then pick them up. They got to the point of putting their arms up when I put my hands down. Like sign language for babies. =)

[CaliLivChick]

Originally Posted by ngdawg

Ok, I don't have little ones anymore. In fact, my 14 year old son is 6ft tall and will probably be over that in a week.
Anyway, he's a HUGE computer nerd. I have bragged about him and his talents many times and shown his artwork probably enough to gag chatters for days. That being said.....
He has outdone himself in the humor dept. In Myspace, he built a page for 'Bob the Stick'. It's his little experiment to see how many people would sign in as a new 'friend'. In less than 48 hours, he's gotten 109 new friends.
Take a look: http://myspace.com/asticknamedbob If you have an account there, you can check out his 'girlfriend' and his 'self-photo'. He showed me this and I choked from laughing so hard.

Well, he's up to 194 friends as of now, but his girlfriend (who is 75 years older than him, and doesn't have a name), only has 4, so I requested both of them. =)

[cj2112]

So 4 weeks ago I got CJ (my 10 y.o.) involved in shooting .22 target rifles. These aren't your typical run of the mill .22, these are single shot, bolt action, professional grade, Anschutz rifles. He's shooting prone, from 50 feet (about 16-17 meters for those of you from Canuckistan) with open sights (which means no scope). to give you an idea of the size of these targets they are roughly 1-1/2 in diameter (38.1 mm, again for the Canuckistani's). You can't even see where your hitting till you pull your target. The two center targets don't get scored, you have three practice shots to take at the center two targets.

[Redlemon]

Tigger's new favorite song is "Love Shack" by the B-52s. Of course, he adapts the lyrics to fit his understanding of the world, "so hurry-up, and bring your juice box money"!

[ngdawg]

Originally Posted by Redlemon

Tigger's new favorite song is "Love Shack" by the B-52s. Of course, he adapts the lyrics to fit his understanding of the world, "so hurry-up, and bring your juice box money"!

[biznatch]

There is something truly magical about this thread. I'm not a father yet, but I've shared many similar moments with my younger cousins. Keep this up, guys! I love seeing the experience of kids getting more and more in touch with life.

[ngdawg]

My daughter just came home from school (8th grade) and announced that (it must be a mistake, Mom!), she scored 10th in the school on the state math proficiency tests. She HATES math. Her score, 269 out of 285. So I asked her brother, who is in the Math Olympiad and came in second for that, how'd he'd do? 271 Guess he came in 8th or 9th
I'm in shock!!

[TotalMILF]

Ethan learned how to sit up!!! Overnight! Last Thursday he couldn't sit up, and Friday he could!

I'm so proud!

[oberon]

this is a great thread!

Being that I don't have kids, I'll share a little story about myself when I was one. My parents and grandparents tell me about myself occasionally. My favorite: When I was 5 years old and helped with grocery shopping, and if by chance they happened to walk by firetrucks... I used to say "Firefucks!" and pointed at them in excitement... because at the time I didn't know how to pronounce the 'tr'. Needless to say, that usually embarrassed whoever was pushing the cart along. Yeah, go me.

[Redlemon]

This morning, while we were making breakfast, Tigger (now, almost 4) corrected my grammar.

"Tigger, can I have some of your cereal?"
"Yes, Dad, you may."

[fresnelly]

My son (now 20mo) likes to press his forehead against the glass section of our screen door, and then slide it down as low as he can go.

Sometime his head slides along nicely. Other times it bounces along with a staccatto "Bap, Bap, Bap, Bap..." all the way down. When this happen he lets out the most infectious belly laugh.

It's even funnier from the opposite side where you can see his forehead and nose smushed up against the glass.

[Deltona Couple]

Boy we have some great kids out there. And some of these made me laugh so hard I had to sit back before I could continue. I have plenty of funny moments, like when my 14 year old daughter, who was 5 at the time, saw this rather 'overweight' woman in line at the grocery store in front of us who started to back up a bit. My daughter's comment?
"Look out mommy! Her backup beepers not working"

(I used to drive a utility truck)

Talk about EMBARASING because the woman heard her, and we would have all died if looks could kill!

But to the bragging, advance up to last school year(8th grade) and Similar to the earlier post, Her FCAT scores came back, and she scored HIGHER than 80% of high school JUNIORS. Talk about a proud papa!

[ngdawg]

My son is working on another Flash: daniel's latest Make sure your speakers are turned up and note the synchronization of the music to the animation.
His work astounds me.(He's 14)

[Sage]

I don't have kids, but I work in child care. We've got this ADORABLE 1 to 1 1/2 year old boy named JJ, and the last time I saw him he didn't know all his colors, he just called everything "BLUUUU" and "YALLOW." So cute! So now, HE KNOWS HIS COLORS! I thought that was the greatest thing. According to his mom he's all kinds of excited about it too, pointing out the colors of EVERYTHING! He's the greatest kid