The "Guess what my kid did!" thread

^^^ lol

*one day my husband was taking a piss and our son goes in and says "i have to go potty too" and so he joins him and then says "We make a great 'X'!", referring to the two crossing streams they were making.

*We were talking with our son last night about his poopy accident he had in the car the other night in gramma & papa's car. My husband kept asking, "did you like it? Did it feel good?" Our son said 'No' but then he said "I like sliding around in it." We both went "eeewwwwww!"

[cj22009]

My son age 3 the I fly radio controlled helicopters we were a the flying site and I had a mishap one day I crashed showing off I went and gatherd the peaces took it back to the car were man son was and he said damn dad you f***ed it up this time i started cracking up

[Redlemon]

On Saturday morning, our 19-month old woke up before we were ready to be up. It was my wife's morning to sleep in, so I went to get our son. Since I was still tired, I took him out of the crib, changed him, and brought him into the full size bed that is still in his room. We both drifted in and out of sleep for a while.

Later that morning, the three of us were in his room, sorting through clothes. My son grabs a pillow, puts it on the ground, and lies down. And then begins to fake snore. And laugh.

Great, only 19 months old, and he's already making fun of me. My wife couldn't stop laughing.

[Redlemon]

Nothing major about this one, but my son discovered the pure joy of jumping in puddles yesterday.

[raeanna74]

Caught my daughter just the other day.

She was dancing on the coffee table. No big deal right? Well it was right in front of the picture window facing the other apt building and I happened to walk in just as her last article of clothing went flying through the air in my direction. There she is, dancing, naked on the table.

I asked her where she got the idea to dance like that? She said "I just like dancing." "Well who did you see dancing like that?" Her reply "Me". I don't recall dancing like that here at home - especially without clothes - at least when she was awake and watching. Eeeek. Don't need the neighbors catching us. lol Besides she's not quite 4. Hmm wonder what she'll be doing when she's 24? Ahh No don't want to think about that - not my baby - Eek.

At least I can say she's comfortable in her own skin. lol

Originally posted by redlemon
Nothing major about this one, but my son discovered the pure joy of jumping in puddles yesterday.

My daughter and I reveled in the rain and puddles last summer. I think the neighbors though we'd lost our minds. It was a muddy, wet, blast.

[forehead]

So, Im standing in the kitchen when my 5 yr old daughter comes up to me and tells me she has food in her nose. Like a stupid dad I told her that she did not have food up her nose and that she should stop cause were were getting ready to leave. The next instant my daughters eyes start watering and ask to get the food out of her nose, reluctantly I pick her up look in her nose and tell her I dont see any food in her nose. Well by this time she is just bawling and keeps telling me she needs to get the food out of her nose. It dawned on me, I look at the last item she had in her hand a bottle of ..... cayenne pepper. My wonderful daughter had been sniffing the spices. I guess she now know what cayeene pepper smells like.

[WarWagon]

I just had to say, this is officially one of my favorite threads. I've been cracking up for the past 10 minutes. The problem I see with myself ever having kids, is that they'd be doing this kind of stuff well into their 40's...

One night my 4 yr. old son got undressed to hop in the shower with daddy- well, he had to make a detour into our bedroom where I was and have a short streaking session. He decided to climb up onto me and rub his naked belly on me! I am glad he is comfortable with his body.........but he sure cracks me up on how comfortable he is!

[Hellcattx]

The other day, we were sitting in the living room watching TV, and my 3yr old leaned over and farted. I gave him my best fatherly glare(while whipping myself to keep from laughing), and he says" Sorry Dad, My bottom just burped."

[Redlemon]

Originally posted by Hellcattx
The other day, we were sitting in the living room watching TV, and my 3yr old leaned over and farted. I gave him my best fatherly glare(while whipping myself to keep from laughing), and he says" Sorry Dad, My bottom just burped."

... at which point you completely lost it? I don't think I could have helped laughing. Very funny!

[em1014]

Agball, that's a little boy for ya!! I babysat a 4 y.o. boy last summer who's favorite activity was swinging on his swingset while shouting "potty words" at the top of his lungs. I later found out his mom had gotten so sick of it that she finally told him he could only use his "potty mouth" outside!

[Redlemon]

So, my 2 year old boy is starting to sing along to music. He gets some of the words, but pretty much sings under his breath and mumbles along. You have to listen really closely to see what parts he is getting. Most of the time.

A couple of weeks ago, he was sitting on the floor in the kitchen with one of the 'play a song' books, which at the time was playing a electronic version of "Where or where has my little dog gone". So, he's singing "mmmbl mbbmbl mmbmbm BEEEEE!"

OK, he's got the last word down!

My son, at the age of 4, is amazing the hell out of me. He is so intruigued with reading and writing letters and numbers. We do a letter book every night and he is pretty much spelling the words on his own! He is even voluntarily writing them on paper or his magnadoodle every day. He is even an incredible artist, taking after his father. It's great knowing that he is enthused about learning these things.

[avhg1]

I was at the store with my 3 year old son and it was a big deal for him to finally get to walk by himself and not ride in the cart. We were in line checking out and he was standing behind me. I noticed the cashier making a funny face and I turned around to see my son with his penis fully out of his pants, pointing it at other people and making shooting noises.

No matter how I tried to explain that the store is not the place to play with it, he didn't seem to understand why.

[tmurph]

in line at a coffee shop with my 3-yr-old daughter...an overweight lady in front of us in line...my daughter looks over to my wife sitting 10 feet away and loudly announces "mommy, this is the BIGGEST lady i've ever seen in my life!"

thankfully, the lady had a sense of humor (maybe even a child of her own?) and chuckled it off...AND, at least my daughter didn't say "FATTEST"...

[canuckguy]

well my daugher is only 6 months old, but last week she started to say da-da. and now says it constantly, at me, the dog, her toys...etc hehehe. so cute! trying the ma-ma but she is going full tilt with da-da. not that i mind....:-)

[Hash_Browns]

This is a great thread! It has made me remember quite a few things my girls have done to make me and hubby laugh and cry!

Last year my Mother-In-Law passed away, and instead of a funeral we had a Memorial Service which we held at my Mom's place in the backyard. It wasn't officiated, it was just family and friends getting together to mourn, pay our respects, and to share stories. Both of my children were there, Moni who was (at the time) 3 1/2 and Crystal who was 1. My daughter one day was trying to tell me about her cousin (she has a LOT of them), but she couldn't remember her name. I asked her where did she see this cousin last, because I just couldn't figure out who she was talking about. She says to me "Don't you remember Mom, at the 'Sad Party'." This of course threw me off, because I have no clue yet again what she's talking about. So I asked her, "What sad party?? Who's Sad Party??" She got upset and looked right at me with eye's that said 'how could you not know!' and said "Mom, the one for Grandma Judy!" I hadn't realized how much that party had affected her, and how well she expressed what that day had meant to her. This was a few months after that party, and she has a great memory, so at that point I could tell her what cousin she was talking about. Blieth, "Yes Mama, the one who's Grandma looks just like mine and sounds just like mine. We have a lot in common." Janet, being Judy's sister, is almost her twin, and another observation she picked up on all on her own.

Another one: My now 2 1/2 yr. old Crystal is potty training, all on her own choice. She's sitting on the potty one day and giggles when she starts peeing. Then she asks for paper, and I give it to her, and she says 'try again' and I say go ahead. She starts going again and gets the biggest smile on her face and while giggling even more says "It's WARM MAMA!!" It was just so cute!

[ozahs]

At some point my son suddenly figured out what the potty training thing was about. The next day he was sitting on the toilet working on a #2. He looks up at me with serious face and says "This is hard work, daddy!"

Today he is a freshman at the U, and plays in the marching band. Far smarter than I ever was.

My 4 year old daughter was with us at the grocery store and we were in the checkout lane waiting for the person in front of us to finish writing a check. The cashier was chatting her up, so she had built up some confidence. She proudly proclaimed "My daddy has a penis." After a few moments of stunned silence checkered with muffled guffaws by the people around us, she decided to add "And mommy has a string."

Today she is a freshman in high school, and she will have a letter jacket by this spring.

I am so proud of my kids.

\\for the ones that have an emotion, an emotion deep inside, that it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive...

[Suave]

Originally Posted by raeanna74

My favorite story was when she was 1 (she's 3 now) and she was in nursery at church. There were 2 boys and about 4 girls in there besides her. One of the boys decided to pester the girls. Even to pulling their hair, pushing them down and knocking them on the heads with toys. I was one of the nursery workers that day and there were 2 others - one in the room off ours with the infants. We triwed everything we could to calm this little boy down. He had pushed Laura twice and once she shook her finger at him saying "No No." Second time She stood up and pushed him and said the same. Then she happened to see him across the room walk up to one little girl and grab her hair. Us workers weren't near enough or fast enough. Laura saw it and took a running dive, tackling this boy on the floor. She then stood up, shook her finger and said "No No!" again. He looked at her in surprise but didn't cry. From then on he stopped his harrassment. My girl is the tough cookie. lol

Haha awwww. The little authoritarian.

Yesterday my 4 yr old son was hanging out with my dad. Out of nowhere he says "I'm not smart." My dad said "Sure you are! You are learning so fast and do so well at writing, letters & numbers, coloring, drawing, remembering things.......why do you think you're not smart?"
My son replies "Because there's so much I don't know."
My dad says (which I thought too) "Well, that just goes to show that you are smart- for knowing that you don't know everything. And as you grow older you will learn more and more."

Isn't that cool though?

[MikeyChalupa]

Originally Posted by redlemon

So, my 2 year old boy is starting to sing along to music. He gets some of the words, but pretty much sings under his breath and mumbles along. You have to listen really closely to see what parts he is getting. Most of the time.

A couple of weeks ago, he was sitting on the floor in the kitchen with one of the 'play a song' books, which at the time was playing a electronic version of "Where or where has my little dog gone". So, he's singing "mmmbl mbbmbl mmbmbm BEEEEE!"

OK, he's got the last word down!

Oh yeah, that's my son. He knows the last word in every line of the songs on the radio. Although my wife picked me up at the ship with him in the car one day and D12's "My Band" was playing under our conversation, I didn't even notice it was on the radio until we heard him from the back seat singing "My band, my band, my band, my band..."

I just looked at her like "Our boy sings Eminem now?"

-Mikey

[maestroxl]

Our 2.5-year-old stuck a raisin up his nose. We were concerned that we needed to help get it out. (Warning: just let it alone.) So... we tried nudging it with a Q-tip, extracting it with tweezers, cajoling him to blow his nose; nothing worked. Growing more concerned with each failed attempt, we decided we needed to help him sneeze. What better to help him sneeze than with pepper? (Warning: bad idea.) In a moment of blind idiocy on our part, we put a pinch of finely ground white pepper into a bulb nasal syringe and squirted it up his nose. We quickly realized it was a horrible, horrible mistake. He cried and cried, and to top it all off, the raisin STILL didn't come out. We apologized profusely and consoled our weeping boy.

The next day we found a bleached swollen raisin on the floor. (Remember: just let it alone.) Sorry, I guess this post has become more "Guess what the stupid parents did" than "Guess what my kid did." But.... he started it!

[Daoust]

My 12 month old walks and manages a few words, and every day she seems to do something new and amazing. She is such a joy.
Only recently has she learned to climb into the rocking chair, and when she does, she sits right back in it, puts her hands on the armrests, and starts rocking back and forth. It's simple, but it's so cool to watch.

[UtterlyConfuseD]

My son's five and he has the habit of lifting the lid off the cage of my Goliath Birdeater tarantula... and forgetting to close it afterwards.

Steps have been taken to ensure that the lid is firmly cellotaped shut all the time, and the cage has been moved to a very high place. I just pray to God he doesn't get taller any time soon...

[PDOUBLEOP]

Daughter threatened to kill another child on the bus.

[Redlemon]

OK, good weekend with my 2.5 year old boy.

On Friday night, we were all hanging out in the family room, he was off playing by himself. He then grabbed this Fisher-Price upright piano (5 notes) and a drum and dragged them over to where we were sitting. He dropped the drum in my lap, set the piano up in front of me so that he could play it, and said "Play song!". So we jammed for about 5 minutes. He then stopped playing, turned the keyboard around to me, and took the drum for himself, and we kept on playing.

That night was also the first time he used the construction "I like". He said "I like music."

Saturday night, as I put him into his crib, he said "Mommy. I like mommy."

Sunday morning, he was eating breakfast with my wife, and said "I like daddy."

That's the three most important things in our house, right there.

[cellophanedeity]

This thread is unbearably sweet! I don't have kids, as I'm way too young, but I love these stories.

I'm thinking of going into early childhood education, and these stories make it seem like a lot more fun than I was thinking!

[Grasshopper Green]

My son is potty training, and we were at a restaurant the other day. As we were leaving, my son said, rather loudly, "I need to go POOP!! I need to go POOP!!". It was a pretty crowded restaurant and this amused several other patrons who happened to hear it.

[questone]

My 4 yr old son amazes me with his thought process and big words.

[doodlebird]

i went for a walk with my fifteen month old son - our first without a stroller - and he held my hand the whole time. i felt pretty loved. we got to the corner where a particularly noisy dog lives behind a low picket fence. the dog was no where to be seen, but my son walked up to the fence, stuck his face between the planks and yelled "taco." the dog's name is "tucker." i guess he got pretty darn close.

[Biscuit Buns]

Originally Posted by agball

My son who recently turned 3 made up a song called the Itsy Bitsy Poopie Spider. We were at my folks house & he just started singing:

"The Itsy Bitsy Spider climbed up the Poopie spout, down came the rain & washed the Poopie out, out came the sun and dried up all the Poop and the Itsy Bitsy spider climbed up the Poop again"

It came out of nowhere so it was hystircal.

Oh, LORD! This is going to have a place in our house! My son ADORES the Itsy Bitsy Spider and we're currently working with him on the potty. That song rocks.

[Hash_Browns]

I was just informed last week, that my daughter is doing so well in reading that the teacher wants to start sending home more advanced books. She had brought home 2 starter books the day before, and had complained to me that they were too short, so I wrote a little note to the teacher saying "Moni wishes the books were longer." It's soo cool to know she enjoys reading and that the teacher is going to help keep her challenged She also feels she will be one of the stongest readers going into first grade next year. This is an awesome feeling for me at a time when you never know for sure that you are doing the right stuff...if ya know what I mean...

Again, I just love this thread Thanks everyone for sharing! And I'll be the first to admit, it's the smallest things that leave the biggest impact!

[RMMsGirl]

My 11 month old took 2 steps all by himself today.

[joeb1]

My son is going through the potty training stage right now. I usually work in my garage late at night. And he is always there to "help". I bought him his own tool set last week as a prize for pooping in the potty. He really enjoys it. When I was helping him along.. I just told him to push, and say out loud a little phrase.
Well we were at the store to pick up his toolbox. And he started holding his rear end. I asked him if he had to poop. Adn he shook his head yes. So off to the rest room we go. The first stall was full. So into the second we went. Got him all ready to do his business. And he is sitting there straining. When all of the sudden. At the top of his lungs he yells the little phrase we had said the day before...

"Get out of my butt you stinkin terd!"

I heard the guy in the next stall chuckle, and say "give it hell boy"

My son finished shortly after that. And I prayed we would not run into the guy from the stall next door at the sinks.

I can't help but chuckle everytime I think about it.

[Charlatan]

OMG! that is the funniest thing I've heard today...

My daugher is going through potty training right now... when she goes in the potty, which is more often that not, she gets to do the "potty dance".

The hard part is getting her to hold still for a wipe... she just loves doing the potty dance.

[maleficent]

Now those are the stories you need to keep documented for which to embarass your lovely child when they are teenagers and dating...

[streak_56]

When I helped raise my step-nephew, I was throwing him up into the air and I was going really close to the ceiling, and well... accidentally I hit his head on the ceiling. Feeling really bad about doing that, he looks at me really wide-eyed and says "whas tha?" And I said "sorry" to him, and then he said "poopy." The funny thing was that he didn't have a dirty diaper. I think he picked that up from me because I always 'use' to say it.

Cutest thing ever, he has blue eyes like me, I swear hes my child but thats impossible.

[applejack]

It's obvious that mine are a little older than the ones you guys are talking about, but never the less, my son is always asking questions about sex. The latest went something like this: ."Hold on a minute... did you just say you humped up in my mamma while she was still pregnant with me????"

"We made LOVE son, yes"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing! You sick bastard!"

"It's quite normal son"

"QUITE NORMAL? QUITE FUCKING NORMAL? You call shooting your load over a babies head normal???"

"Why, you were in quite a different part of your mothers body, son. You were safely tucked away in a placental sack in her womb protected from my ejaculate by a cervical mucus plug, not to mention uterine muscle and a cushion of amniotic fluid."

"Don't try and baffle me with science you freaky fetish freak. What was it? Like some fucked up hippy baptism shit?"

"Don't be like that son, lots of people make love when expecting a baby, particularly during the second trimester. It's quite possible right through the third trimester up to birth you know."

"Lot's of people? What is this? Some kind of incestuous semi-paedophilic menage et trois? Is it like some sort of Masonic ritual to join some fucked-up sex mad society?"

"Yes son. OK. Have it your way. I'm a freaky fetish freak who shot his load all over your head while humping up in your mammas pussy during a Masonic incestuous semi-paedophilic mushroom ritual to give you a hippy baptism so that you could join our sex mad society. And I've been wanking into your shampoo bottles every since."

[LoganSnake]

Exactly how old is your son, applejack?

[applejack]

17yrs, I have three children. two boys 17 and 10. One girl that is 12, and i recently took custody of my nephews two children, 1 girl that is 5 and another boy that just turned 1yr. so I guess i have five, not sure if the nephew will ever get his shit together enough to regain custody