The "Guess what my kid did!" thread - Page 5 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Intense1 · 11-02-2006, 11:49 PM

Oh Lord, how funny kids are! Not a parent also, but when my little nephew was recently teething - a spitty, snotty, snarley mess - his whole household was disrupted. My brother and his wife knew they had to do something when my three-year old niece, the offending tyke's older sister, came up to them and said, "Daddy, we shouldda' got a better baby from the hospital".

strange · 11-03-2006, 05:31 PM

Well you know they say to watch what you say around your kids because they are like parrots and will repeat whatever you say.

Well my wife, myself and my 3 year old son were at a friends house for a get together with several other friends and their kids. The kids were playing in the family room together and the parents were in the kitchen/dining area talking.

All of a sudden my friend's 3 year old son knocks my son down for no reason. I didn't want to step in just to see what my sons reaction would be. To my horror he stands up looks right at me and says..."That fuckin kid hit me!"

Everybody laughed but I was so disappointed in myself for talking that way in front of him. I know he'll eventually learn all these words but I don't want him learning them from me.

By the way, the only time I cuss is usually in the car. I'm not a violent person, but I do have road rage that presents itself with me cussing up a storm.

Sage · 11-03-2006, 09:10 PM

Funny moment of the week from working in the after school program:

This 6 yo kid, TJ, is bouncing a ball off of the wall in the gym. Ball bounces up and whacks him in his crotch. TJ turns around, grabs his crotch, and says "MY WEINER! MY WEINER HURTS!"

I swear it took all my self control not to burst out laughing

biznatch · 11-05-2006, 01:45 AM

I don't have kids yet, but at Macdonald's today I saw this cute kid moment that is priceless..
I heard him giving out little screams around the corner, and was wondering what was going on, so I turned around and this 3 or 4 year old cute boy was running towards the batroom, holding his rear end with one hand and screaming, his mom running behind.
It was so cute, I couldn't help chuckling.

mixedmedia · 11-09-2006, 10:12 AM

The other day driving home with my daughter (who is seven) after picking her up from after-school care she asked if, when I went to school, it was in one of those one-room schoolhouses. And I laughed and said no, that I went to a school very much like hers. Then she was quiet for a few seconds and asked if we used paper when I went to school and I laughed again and said "of course, what else would we use?" And she said, "little chalkboards." And I laughed and laughed and said, "honey, I didn't go to school that long ago...that was in the old, old days." And then she said, "so you just went to school in the old days?" I laughed the rest of the way home...or maybe you just had to be there. Hope this makes sense the way I wrote it.

Intense1 · 11-12-2006, 12:58 AM

Mixedmedia, you are obviously Laura Ingles in her mind.....

analog · 01-23-2007, 04:43 PM

when I was very young (still in diapers and just learning to talk), my parents were in a restaurant with me. They'd been going through the whole, "who am i? "mama!" and so on to get me to say mama and daddy. My mom reached down and tugged on a sock, saying, "what's this?" and i said, very happily, "shit."

Apparently my mom was at a loss for a moment, and my dad thought it was hilarious. He kept leaning over and happily encouraging me, "what is this??" and again and again i'd repeat "shit. shit! shit!" as he tugged on my foot. Apparently there was a lot of nearby chuckling from other patrons.

Another time, maybe a year older, my mom honked the car horn at someone for cutting her off in traffic, and I apparently reacted immediately to the horn, blurting out, "asshole!" I don't think she cursed in traffic again until I was in high school. lol

biznatch · 01-23-2007, 06:03 PM

Reminds me of that baby in Meet the Fockers.

Redlemon · 02-17-2007, 09:04 AM

Two reactions to Valentine's Day, by my 4 year old son:

1. "Cupid is bad. He carries a bow and arrow and he shoots people."

2. "I'm confused - isn't Cupid one of Santa's reindeers?"

Devoid · 02-19-2007, 12:42 PM

My daughter is going on 3 and has picked up on a lot of shit that we didn't fully realize until she started saying certain things.

Whenever she hears a horn, she tends to blurt out "Fucking bitch!". Apparently my wife has a little road rage problem.

Also, she tends to watch the original Star Wars trilogy before going to bed. The other night it was at the part in Empire where Leia calls Han a "stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder", and naturally my daughter screamed "nerf herder" as loud as she could. Of course, my wife and I laughed so hard we almost cried. She is gonna have her pick of the nerds when she gets older.

Redlemon · 04-11-2007, 05:33 AM

My son always calls me Dad or Daddy, but now when he makes his stuffed animals talk to me, they use my real first name.

Beyond_Borders · 05-05-2007, 04:34 PM

My oldest, Lily, just turned 5. When she was about a year old my husbands parents stayed with us for christmas. I was making cookies.. or pie.. either way I was baking, and i heard the doorbell ring, so I picked up Lily from her high chair and went to the door. I opened it and there was my mother in law. So I smiled and pointed to her, looked down at Lily and said, WHO'S THAT LILY?! With a big smile waiting for her to say Gramma! Like she does with my mother.. Nope. She Points to my mother and law, Says, "Bitch!" And starts giggling. My father in law dropped the suitcases and nearly fell on the side walk he was laughing so hard.

My other daughter Ava is quite the character. She used to crawl around the floor chasing after spiders yelling "CUTE COME BACK! CUTE!!!" lmao. I Hope when she gets older she still thinks they are cute.. I hate spiders!

Or another time she would ahve been roughly two.. She's an escape artist, and one morning I was walking by her bedroom and noticed she was again, out of her crib lying on the floor. I stood at the doorway for a second smiling to myself, when she lifted her head up, eyes wider than the grand canyon, and in a panic said, " I"M DEAD!!! *takes deep breath* NOPE! I'M ON THE FLOOR!"

I Fell over laughing. I still have no idea how she comprehended being "dead" but i guess waking up on the floor triggered being dead.

TotalMILF · 07-06-2007, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beyond_Borders

I"M DEAD!!! *takes deep breath* NOPE! I'M ON THE FLOOR!"

That's hilarious!!!!!

My 19-month old son is learning to count (so far we know 1, 2, 3). So we're sitting on the couch reading a book, and he points to a picture and says, "Eyes, two!" We went on to count other things in the book, then I took him upstairs for a diaper change.

As I'm changing him he's blabbing away, in a very good mood. I wipe him and he immediately grabs his penis and yells, very loudly, "ONE PENIS!!!!"

That's my boy.

Redlemon · 01-04-2008, 06:20 PM

Tigger is now a big fan of Spoonerisms. Generally, that's OK. However, we sometimes let him have junky cereal as a snack. His favorite is Corn Pops.

(pause for effect)

The best part when he asked for Porn Cops was the look on my wife's face -- "Um, how do we handle this one?!" while trying not to laugh. I went for the easiest out -- pretending to have misheard -- and asked if he wanted pork chops.

spindles · 04-28-2008, 09:22 PM

My wife told me a funny story yesterday and I thought of this thread. My eldest son is almost 4yo. My wife was picking him up from pre-school and he was doing the usual 4yo thing (jumping climbing etc.).

She says to him to "Be Careful" and he replies with a straight face "Careful is my middle name".

He comes out with the funniest things at times

11-02-2006, 11:49 PM	#161 (permalink)
Intense1 Crazy Location: Music City burbs	Oh Lord, how funny kids are! Not a parent also, but when my little nephew was recently teething - a spitty, snotty, snarley mess - his whole household was disrupted. My brother and his wife knew they had to do something when my three-year old niece, the offending tyke's older sister, came up to them and said, "Daddy, we shouldda' got a better baby from the hospital". __________________ (none yet, still thinkin')

11-03-2006, 09:10 PM	#163 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	Funny moment of the week from working in the after school program: This 6 yo kid, TJ, is bouncing a ball off of the wall in the gym. Ball bounces up and whacks him in his crotch. TJ turns around, grabs his crotch, and says "MY WEINER! MY WEINER HURTS!" I swear it took all my self control not to burst out laughing __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

11-09-2006, 10:12 AM	#165 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	The other day driving home with my daughter (who is seven) after picking her up from after-school care she asked if, when I went to school, it was in one of those one-room schoolhouses. And I laughed and said no, that I went to a school very much like hers. Then she was quiet for a few seconds and asked if we used paper when I went to school and I laughed again and said "of course, what else would we use?" And she said, "little chalkboards." And I laughed and laughed and said, "honey, I didn't go to school that long ago...that was in the old, old days." And then she said, "so you just went to school in the old days?" I laughed the rest of the way home...or maybe you just had to be there. Hope this makes sense the way I wrote it. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

11-12-2006, 12:58 AM	#166 (permalink)
Intense1 Crazy Location: Music City burbs	Mixedmedia, you are obviously Laura Ingles in her mind..... __________________ (none yet, still thinkin')

02-17-2007, 09:04 AM	#169 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Two reactions to Valentine's Day, by my 4 year old son: 1. "Cupid is bad. He carries a bow and arrow and he shoots people." 2. "I'm confused - isn't Cupid one of Santa's reindeers?" __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

11-03-2006, 05:31 PM	#162 (permalink)
strange Insane Location: So. Cal.	Well you know they say to watch what you say around your kids because they are like parrots and will repeat whatever you say. Well my wife, myself and my 3 year old son were at a friends house for a get together with several other friends and their kids. The kids were playing in the family room together and the parents were in the kitchen/dining area talking. All of a sudden my friend's 3 year old son knocks my son down for no reason. I didn't want to step in just to see what my sons reaction would be. To my horror he stands up looks right at me and says..."That fuckin kid hit me!" Everybody laughed but I was so disappointed in myself for talking that way in front of him. I know he'll eventually learn all these words but I don't want him learning them from me. By the way, the only time I cuss is usually in the car. I'm not a violent person, but I do have road rage that presents itself with me cussing up a storm.

11-05-2006, 01:45 AM	#164 (permalink)
biznatch Junkie Location: France	I don't have kids yet, but at Macdonald's today I saw this cute kid moment that is priceless.. I heard him giving out little screams around the corner, and was wondering what was going on, so I turned around and this 3 or 4 year old cute boy was running towards the batroom, holding his rear end with one hand and screaming, his mom running behind. It was so cute, I couldn't help chuckling.

01-23-2007, 04:43 PM	#167 (permalink)
analog Banned	when I was very young (still in diapers and just learning to talk), my parents were in a restaurant with me. They'd been going through the whole, "who am i? "mama!" and so on to get me to say mama and daddy. My mom reached down and tugged on a sock, saying, "what's this?" and i said, very happily, "shit." Apparently my mom was at a loss for a moment, and my dad thought it was hilarious. He kept leaning over and happily encouraging me, "what is this??" and again and again i'd repeat "shit. shit! shit!" as he tugged on my foot. Apparently there was a lot of nearby chuckling from other patrons. Another time, maybe a year older, my mom honked the car horn at someone for cutting her off in traffic, and I apparently reacted immediately to the horn, blurting out, "asshole!" I don't think she cursed in traffic again until I was in high school. lol

01-23-2007, 06:03 PM	#168 (permalink)
biznatch Junkie Location: France	Reminds me of that baby in Meet the Fockers.

02-19-2007, 12:42 PM	#170 (permalink)
Devoid Psycho Location: Floating amongst the ether	My daughter is going on 3 and has picked up on a lot of shit that we didn't fully realize until she started saying certain things. Whenever she hears a horn, she tends to blurt out "Fucking bitch!". Apparently my wife has a little road rage problem. Also, she tends to watch the original Star Wars trilogy before going to bed. The other night it was at the part in Empire where Leia calls Han a "stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder", and naturally my daughter screamed "nerf herder" as loud as she could. Of course, my wife and I laughed so hard we almost cried. She is gonna have her pick of the nerds when she gets older. __________________ We're here to steal your pornography, and sodomize our vast imaginations. - Inignot

04-11-2007, 05:33 AM	#171 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	My son always calls me Dad or Daddy, but now when he makes his stuffed animals talk to me, they use my real first name. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

05-05-2007, 04:34 PM	#172 (permalink)
Beyond_Borders Tilted Location: Canada	My oldest, Lily, just turned 5. When she was about a year old my husbands parents stayed with us for christmas. I was making cookies.. or pie.. either way I was baking, and i heard the doorbell ring, so I picked up Lily from her high chair and went to the door. I opened it and there was my mother in law. So I smiled and pointed to her, looked down at Lily and said, WHO'S THAT LILY?! With a big smile waiting for her to say Gramma! Like she does with my mother.. Nope. She Points to my mother and law, Says, "Bitch!" And starts giggling. My father in law dropped the suitcases and nearly fell on the side walk he was laughing so hard. My other daughter Ava is quite the character. She used to crawl around the floor chasing after spiders yelling "CUTE COME BACK! CUTE!!!" lmao. I Hope when she gets older she still thinks they are cute.. I hate spiders! Or another time she would ahve been roughly two.. She's an escape artist, and one morning I was walking by her bedroom and noticed she was again, out of her crib lying on the floor. I stood at the doorway for a second smiling to myself, when she lifted her head up, eyes wider than the grand canyon, and in a panic said, " I"M DEAD!!! takes deep breath NOPE! I'M ON THE FLOOR!" I Fell over laughing. I still have no idea how she comprehended being "dead" but i guess waking up on the floor triggered being dead. __________________ She's had a thrill, a shot to slam, enough to start a riot. Everybody wants a piece, but only you're invited

01-04-2008, 06:20 PM	#174 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Tigger is now a big fan of Spoonerisms. Generally, that's OK. However, we sometimes let him have junky cereal as a snack. His favorite is Corn Pops. (pause for effect) The best part when he asked for Porn Cops was the look on my wife's face -- "Um, how do we handle this one?!" while trying not to laugh. I went for the easiest out -- pretending to have misheard -- and asked if he wanted pork chops. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

04-28-2008, 09:22 PM	#175 (permalink)
spindles Mine is an evil laugh Location: Sydney, Australia	My wife told me a funny story yesterday and I thought of this thread. My eldest son is almost 4yo. My wife was picking him up from pre-school and he was doing the usual 4yo thing (jumping climbing etc.). She says to him to "Be Careful" and he replies with a straight face "Careful is my middle name". He comes out with the funniest things at times __________________ who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?