Refraining from the sauce - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

sharonz · 07-29-2003, 06:03 AM

I have come to the conclusion that i don't want to drink. i have been drunk on several occasions, and bad things have happened to me. however, i march in a drum corp, where drinking is a big part of the social aspect.

I need some advice on how to
a) not be on my soapbox while theyre drinking
b) keep myself from drinking
c) not have my boyfriend interrogate me every sunday when i come home if my friends or i were drinking.

a little support is all i need.

HaloLauren · 07-29-2003, 06:30 AM

See a doctor. There's this stuff called Antabuse that they use with alcohol to make alcoholics quit. You put the stuff in your favorite drink and when you drink it, you puke for hours. Subsequently, you develop an aversion and dont want to drink anymore.

If you dont want to go to extremes, try eating. Eat your heart out and eat your favorite foods while they're drinking, and don't share with them unless they aren't drinking, either

Leviathan[NCV] · 07-29-2003, 06:58 AM

I've found it to be just as simple as not doing it. While granted my friends try to make it hard on me, and it's not easy, it's just the simplest way to go.

As for the boyfriend, if he can't trust that you wouldn't do something, then there's more problems then alchohol.

I commend you on your choice here, and another idea may just be to keep it light (ie don't get drunk).

pezking4 · 07-29-2003, 07:00 AM

so if you are going out, couldn't you be one of the designated drivers? I don't know how many people are usually involved, but people always love a good DD. Then you could enjoy other beverages... my favorite to drink besides beer is Jones Soda

brad-va · 07-29-2003, 08:25 AM

I'd recommend:

1) don't preach to those who do drink. it will not be well received in 99.99% of cases.
2) if your bf thinks you're going to get drunk and sleep with 7 guys in a weekend, he's got other issues. aside from communication (telling him that you only belong to him), he needs to come to terms with that on his own.
3) consider moderation. drinking a beer/glass of wine has no ill affects. nursing the same drink for hours on end will keep you from feeling any affects, but will also keep you from being the 'girl that doesn't drink.' Being that girl might keep you from getting invited to certain events. totallly stopping is only necessary for those that can't control themselves (alcoholics).

rockzilla · 07-29-2003, 01:08 PM

The fact the you don't like being drunk is really all you need to quit drinking. Assuming you're a social drinker and not an alcoholic. Like others have stated, leave your soapbox at home. There's nothing worse than a reformed drinker going to a party and telling everyone how bad drinking is.

Moderation is an excellent compromise as well. I find I enjoy myself a lot more at any party if I drink lightly and cut myself off before I go from relaxed to incoherent.

sexymama · 07-29-2003, 01:39 PM

a. simply say "no thank you" -- no more explanation needed!
b. focus on other fun activities at the gatherings -- such as meeting new people, hanging out, etc.
c. celebrate your success with your bf before he has time to ask (guess what honey, it has been 2 weeks since I had a drink.) It sounds like he may be concerned from past events. His concern will eleveate over time.

Good luck!

Minx · 07-29-2003, 01:41 PM

pezking4 had a very great point....be the DD
There is nothing at all wrong with having just one to relax but there is no need for excess. You are being smart but remember not to preach too much - your choices are your own and very commendable but they are still yours.
It's very hard though to hang out with people who have been imbibing when you are stone-cold sober. The best advice is to take it with a grain of salt....have fun and relax. Giggle a little at them and then know that you may have a hand in getting them home safely when all is said and done.
As far as your b/friend goes....if he doesn't trust you then he doesn't trust you. End of story. If he wants to grill you on what you are doing when you are with these people well then it just doesn't show a whole bunch of faith on his part. I'd say this looks like trouble down the road....but perhaps he's just being overly protective as he is worried about you. Talk to him - you may be surprised what he reveals!
Best of luck either way!

07-29-2003, 08:17 PM

That might be pretty hard to accomplish in the environment of a drum corp...

Wait a second, it's only midnight - shouldn't you be out doing drill?

Anyways... It's not fun to abstain from drinking in a culture of drinkers. Have you tried replacing it with something else? (I know of recovering alcoholics that go to bars with their friends and have no problem just drinking club soda or tonic)

sharonz · 07-29-2003, 09:11 PM

411: This is the boyfriend in question speaking, yes I do have my own login on this board but I accidentally posted this originally under her name (stupid cookies). I also have her permission to post about this in her thread.

Here's the dilly for you folks, and for you, my wonderful girlfriend.

I want you to know that I love you very much, really, a lot. I mean it. Secondly, I have gotten *much* better at the "trust" issue - I was not even going to ask this week. And when I did, it was a simple "How was the drinking this week?" - I would hardly call it an interrogation.

In concerns to sexymama's post of "It sounds like he may be concerned from past events. His concern will eleveate over time.", this is very much the truth and I thank you for the respect instead of saying that we have a giant trust problem here (like most of the other posters).

She and I are also underage! This should be the number one reason to not drink, is because it is illegal. At this corps there are many underage drinkers and I feel it is very respectable and intelligent of a person our age to refrain from drinking - thus the reason I do not drink nor want my girlfriend to drink either. I have come a long way in my trusting of her and once again came extremely close to not even asking this week. I do not "grill" her (as you said), I'm not that disrespectful.

As far as the "have one drink but do not get drunk" theory goes, that would be fantastic but as I said we are both underage. Therefore, one is as bad as the other in my book. Once we turn 21, that's fine with me. I know that I would not mind having a beer once in awhile with a nice steak or something in the future; So if she is up there and they are all getting drunk just for the sake of getting drunk, then hey whatever, she can have a drink or two. It wouldn't be the best, but it's better than nothing. I definitely would not approve if she got drunk. I know that even when I am 21, however, I will not want to get drunk as I do not enjoy the idea of becoming a complete and utter buffoon, losing all self-respect and being drunk off my keister. Responsible drinking would be having a (singular) beer or wine with dinner, because they taste good and are a nice thing to have once in awhile. Beer/wine is different than mixed drinks however, or something say Bacardi Silver where the only purpose of drinking is to, well, get drunk. Not responsible.

I feel it is a strength of mine to not drink and have friends that do not drink, and do not succumb to peer pressure. Sadly, my girlfriend has not been so lucky and has many friends that get drunk on a semi-regular basis both here at home and on a regular basis at corps, which is my main reason for concern. I know that it is hard for her to refrain herself from drinking when all her friends are...not refraining. I also know that she loves me a lot and she has promised me that she will not drink nor do something so unrewarding to compromise our relationship, so I trust her and believe that she will uphold her promise.

That's the straight-up.

chavos · 07-29-2003, 10:03 PM

the number one thing that i can say is: make the choice for you. Decide not to drink because you think it is best for you. Allow people to support you, but your reason has to be you, and not just cause you'll get caught, or that your boy (however well intentioned he is) doesn't like it. External reasons won't last...

I'm going on 21, and those years have all been sober. Its not that i think the stuff is poison, or that God says no...but that i decided along time ago that losing control over myself was a very bad idea. It's different when you did drink before, but i would let your friends know that you are quitting. Ask for them to respect that choice, and to not tempt you. You may have to avoid some of them if they keep pressuring you... Almost everyone i know knows that i don't drink, and it's long ceased to be an issue. The more times you say "No, thank you." and mean it, the easier it gets. The best of luck to you both.

Shades · 07-29-2003, 11:54 PM

The only real drinking problem is an empty glass, haw haw.

Actually, I had a similar problem once- a part of my friends liked smoking weed, and I hate that crap. So at parties I'd just smoke cigarettes or digars instead so they wouldn't ask me. Not a great idea, so I dumped those friends and stopped smoking, but here's my idea for you- just always have a drink in your hands, a soda or water or whatever, and when they ask if you want a drink, indicate the glass you have and say "I'm good."

shaman · 07-31-2003, 11:32 PM

To the boyfriend, make a choice to drink or not to drink for yourself, alcohol is not like the weed in the movie Reefer Madness, one drink does not destory all control, As far as the underage thing, it has been my experience 30 years a fair number of which spent around parties and drinkers, people who respect alcohol at 17 respect it at 30 or 40, having a couple of drinks in the course of a few hours at a party isn't a bad thing.

Just a bit of advice from some one who has been a teenage guy in love with somebody, don't ask how the drinking was, ask how was your weekend. it's a lot nicer and leads to better conversations that hitting a hot button. On some level she knows it becasue you care but if you want your relationship to last over time, remember people change and grow.

Good luck guys

bermuDa · 08-01-2003, 12:52 AM

just don't drink as MUCH. I've been stupid drunk on a few occasions and it got me off the sauce for many months since. I've found it's much more fun to get buzzed than drunk anyways.

and you don't seem like such a square when you have just a few drinks rather than no drinks at all.

07-29-2003, 06:03 AM	#1 (permalink)
sharonz Banned	Refraining from the sauce I have come to the conclusion that i don't want to drink. i have been drunk on several occasions, and bad things have happened to me. however, i march in a drum corp, where drinking is a big part of the social aspect. I need some advice on how to a) not be on my soapbox while theyre drinking b) keep myself from drinking c) not have my boyfriend interrogate me every sunday when i come home if my friends or i were drinking. a little support is all i need.

07-29-2003, 08:25 AM	#5 (permalink)
brad-va Crazy Location: VA	I'd recommend: 1) don't preach to those who do drink. it will not be well received in 99.99% of cases. 2) if your bf thinks you're going to get drunk and sleep with 7 guys in a weekend, he's got other issues. aside from communication (telling him that you only belong to him), he needs to come to terms with that on his own. 3) consider moderation. drinking a beer/glass of wine has no ill affects. nursing the same drink for hours on end will keep you from feeling any affects, but will also keep you from being the 'girl that doesn't drink.' Being that girl might keep you from getting invited to certain events. totallly stopping is only necessary for those that can't control themselves (alcoholics). __________________ -- If at first you don't succeed, try something else. You're obviously no good at that.

07-29-2003, 01:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	a. simply say "no thank you" -- no more explanation needed! b. focus on other fun activities at the gatherings -- such as meeting new people, hanging out, etc. c. celebrate your success with your bf before he has time to ask (guess what honey, it has been 2 weeks since I had a drink.) It sounds like he may be concerned from past events. His concern will eleveate over time. Good luck! __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

07-29-2003, 01:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	pezking4 had a very great point....be the DD There is nothing at all wrong with having just one to relax but there is no need for excess. You are being smart but remember not to preach too much - your choices are your own and very commendable but they are still yours. It's very hard though to hang out with people who have been imbibing when you are stone-cold sober. The best advice is to take it with a grain of salt....have fun and relax. Giggle a little at them and then know that you may have a hand in getting them home safely when all is said and done. As far as your b/friend goes....if he doesn't trust you then he doesn't trust you. End of story. If he wants to grill you on what you are doing when you are with these people well then it just doesn't show a whole bunch of faith on his part. I'd say this looks like trouble down the road....but perhaps he's just being overly protective as he is worried about you. Talk to him - you may be surprised what he reveals! Best of luck either way! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-29-2003, 09:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
sharonz Banned	411: This is the boyfriend in question speaking, yes I do have my own login on this board but I accidentally posted this originally under her name (stupid cookies). I also have her permission to post about this in her thread. Here's the dilly for you folks, and for you, my wonderful girlfriend. I want you to know that I love you very much, really, a lot. I mean it. Secondly, I have gotten much better at the "trust" issue - I was not even going to ask this week. And when I did, it was a simple "How was the drinking this week?" - I would hardly call it an interrogation. In concerns to sexymama's post of "It sounds like he may be concerned from past events. His concern will eleveate over time.", this is very much the truth and I thank you for the respect instead of saying that we have a giant trust problem here (like most of the other posters). She and I are also underage! This should be the number one reason to not drink, is because it is illegal. At this corps there are many underage drinkers and I feel it is very respectable and intelligent of a person our age to refrain from drinking - thus the reason I do not drink nor want my girlfriend to drink either. I have come a long way in my trusting of her and once again came extremely close to not even asking this week. I do not "grill" her (as you said), I'm not that disrespectful. As far as the "have one drink but do not get drunk" theory goes, that would be fantastic but as I said we are both underage. Therefore, one is as bad as the other in my book. Once we turn 21, that's fine with me. I know that I would not mind having a beer once in awhile with a nice steak or something in the future; So if she is up there and they are all getting drunk just for the sake of getting drunk, then hey whatever, she can have a drink or two. It wouldn't be the best, but it's better than nothing. I definitely would not approve if she got drunk. I know that even when I am 21, however, I will not want to get drunk as I do not enjoy the idea of becoming a complete and utter buffoon, losing all self-respect and being drunk off my keister. Responsible drinking would be having a (singular) beer or wine with dinner, because they taste good and are a nice thing to have once in awhile. Beer/wine is different than mixed drinks however, or something say Bacardi Silver where the only purpose of drinking is to, well, get drunk. Not responsible. I feel it is a strength of mine to not drink and have friends that do not drink, and do not succumb to peer pressure. Sadly, my girlfriend has not been so lucky and has many friends that get drunk on a semi-regular basis both here at home and on a regular basis at corps, which is my main reason for concern. I know that it is hard for her to refrain herself from drinking when all her friends are...not refraining. I also know that she loves me a lot and she has promised me that she will not drink nor do something so unrewarding to compromise our relationship, so I trust her and believe that she will uphold her promise. That's the straight-up. Last edited by sharonz; 07-29-2003 at 09:17 PM..

07-29-2003, 06:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
HaloLauren Banned	See a doctor. There's this stuff called Antabuse that they use with alcohol to make alcoholics quit. You put the stuff in your favorite drink and when you drink it, you puke for hours. Subsequently, you develop an aversion and dont want to drink anymore. If you dont want to go to extremes, try eating. Eat your heart out and eat your favorite foods while they're drinking, and don't share with them unless they aren't drinking, either

07-29-2003, 06:58 AM	#3 (permalink)
Leviathan[NCV] Well... Location: afk	I've found it to be just as simple as not doing it. While granted my friends try to make it hard on me, and it's not easy, it's just the simplest way to go. As for the boyfriend, if he can't trust that you wouldn't do something, then there's more problems then alchohol. I commend you on your choice here, and another idea may just be to keep it light (ie don't get drunk).

07-29-2003, 07:00 AM	#4 (permalink)
pezking4 Crazy Location: NC	so if you are going out, couldn't you be one of the designated drivers? I don't know how many people are usually involved, but people always love a good DD. Then you could enjoy other beverages... my favorite to drink besides beer is Jones Soda

07-29-2003, 01:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
rockzilla Junkie Location: The Kitchen	The fact the you don't like being drunk is really all you need to quit drinking. Assuming you're a social drinker and not an alcoholic. Like others have stated, leave your soapbox at home. There's nothing worse than a reformed drinker going to a party and telling everyone how bad drinking is. Moderation is an excellent compromise as well. I find I enjoy myself a lot more at any party if I drink lightly and cut myself off before I go from relaxed to incoherent.

07-29-2003, 08:17 PM	#9 (permalink)
smithja0423 Guest	That might be pretty hard to accomplish in the environment of a drum corp... Wait a second, it's only midnight - shouldn't you be out doing drill? Anyways... It's not fun to abstain from drinking in a culture of drinkers. Have you tried replacing it with something else? (I know of recovering alcoholics that go to bars with their friends and have no problem just drinking club soda or tonic)

07-29-2003, 10:03 PM	#11 (permalink)
chavos Banned Location: St. Paul, MN	the number one thing that i can say is: make the choice for you. Decide not to drink because you think it is best for you. Allow people to support you, but your reason has to be you, and not just cause you'll get caught, or that your boy (however well intentioned he is) doesn't like it. External reasons won't last... I'm going on 21, and those years have all been sober. Its not that i think the stuff is poison, or that God says no...but that i decided along time ago that losing control over myself was a very bad idea. It's different when you did drink before, but i would let your friends know that you are quitting. Ask for them to respect that choice, and to not tempt you. You may have to avoid some of them if they keep pressuring you... Almost everyone i know knows that i don't drink, and it's long ceased to be an issue. The more times you say "No, thank you." and mean it, the easier it gets. The best of luck to you both.

07-29-2003, 11:54 PM	#12 (permalink)
Shades Insane	The only real drinking problem is an empty glass, haw haw. Actually, I had a similar problem once- a part of my friends liked smoking weed, and I hate that crap. So at parties I'd just smoke cigarettes or digars instead so they wouldn't ask me. Not a great idea, so I dumped those friends and stopped smoking, but here's my idea for you- just always have a drink in your hands, a soda or water or whatever, and when they ask if you want a drink, indicate the glass you have and say "I'm good."

07-31-2003, 11:32 PM	#13 (permalink)
shaman Crazy	To the boyfriend, make a choice to drink or not to drink for yourself, alcohol is not like the weed in the movie Reefer Madness, one drink does not destory all control, As far as the underage thing, it has been my experience 30 years a fair number of which spent around parties and drinkers, people who respect alcohol at 17 respect it at 30 or 40, having a couple of drinks in the course of a few hours at a party isn't a bad thing. Just a bit of advice from some one who has been a teenage guy in love with somebody, don't ask how the drinking was, ask how was your weekend. it's a lot nicer and leads to better conversations that hitting a hot button. On some level she knows it becasue you care but if you want your relationship to last over time, remember people change and grow. Good luck guys

08-01-2003, 12:52 AM	#14 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	just don't drink as MUCH. I've been stupid drunk on a few occasions and it got me off the sauce for many months since. I've found it's much more fun to get buzzed than drunk anyways. and you don't seem like such a square when you have just a few drinks rather than no drinks at all. __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.