la petite moi

Yeah, so this has been plaguing me for awhile. I hope someone can help me, but if not, it's okay.

The only way to say it is that whenever I do anything with my Lover, I feel sick afterwards. Sometimes that's to be expected [especially for one of the things we do], but sometimes we'll kiss and I'll get a horrible stomachache afterwards.

Anyway, if anyone can help, I would appreciate it.

SiN

erm, can you be a bit more specific?

what precedes your 'symptoms' and what ARE your symptoms?

and then, we can dig deeper...

your relationship with your 'Lover' in a nutshell please?
good/bad/duration/commitment level/etc...

and of course, one must consider your personal history...
good/bad childhood/any psychological/psychiatrical history/etc...

sorry for the direct questions, but it's the only way you will get a helpful answer

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diddagirl

la petite mo..... if I am understanding correctly, my sister and her friend have the same problem. Especially after sex, but even if she has done anything physical with her b/f, she gets a nasueous (sp)? feeling, and says she almost feels kinda dirty...and like it was wrong in some way. Is that kinda how you are feeling?

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"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
-Matthew Arnold

la petite moi

Well, symptoms = naseous feeling in my stomache, headaches.

My relationship = Good, very close and very committed. We've been together for six months.

Childhood = not all that good. I was abused until I was around 15 years old.

Hey, I don't mind the questions. I wasn't very direct, so I should expect them!

la petite moi

Sometimes I feel like it was dirty, but I usually always tell him thats how I feel about it, so he doesn't press it too much.

em1014

A friend of mine and I actually posted something about this last spring but when tfp crashed last I think it was erased. We were having the exact same trouble as you were and our history was very similiar. Most of the responses we recieved were one, we needed some sort of drug to cure us or two, we needed therapy. I had done the therapy thing but it didn't work for me. My friend refused it. The meds option was not what either of us were looking for. I am happy to say now that I don't get sick anymore and neither does my friend. I think it just took us extra time to become comfortable with ourselves and the relationship we were in. We both ended up in wonderful relationships with very understanding partners. I think that is what helped us most. The best piece of advice I can give you is to not give up and make sure to talk with your lover. Communication is the key to most things in life.

SiN

sound advise.

and, with the abuse issue, i *do* hope you have been and perhaps still are in therapy for that (depending on your age and place in the healing process and whatever..)
i think therein lies your answer, and it's within you somewhere.

i cannot give any better advise, as i've never been in such a situation, but i wish you the best, and we're here for you

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ally

I guess i'm the freind and since so many people responded to our thread, I feel like I should in turn, tell you what I learned.
I am absolutly in love with my boyfreind now and he was wonderful enough to be patient with me, which like em said seemed to be the best medicine. I know that for many people counseling is good advice, but I really was not open to trying it, I don't like talking to strangers at all! And I am definitly agaisnt telling you to take meds for this!!
Don't feel like you have to be fixed!!! That's one of the hugest issues. There is nothing wrong with you other than the fact that sex=sick and queasy, the things in your past are not your fault. You Do need to come to terms with them, but it doesn't mean anything is WRONG with you.
My boyfreind suggested counseling for me but didnt try to force me into anything. He just listened to me. It sounds like your in a good relationship. Time really heals so many things. If you can relax enough to enjoy yourself it changes so many things.

sexymama

Has anyone considered that you may be allergic to your boyfriend's sperm? It does happen.

Other than that possible consideration, the above advice is great.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

vveronica

baby i feel so sorry about your abuse...
I had something sorta similiar. You're pushing my couple of psyche courses.. But, you could be feeling guilt. your mind may have made sex dirty or wrong based on your past... A suggestion change your environment Go to a nice scenic getaway, out and away from the bed you sleep or he sleeps in and have a playfull sex. perhaps whip cream or something... take your mind away from any comparison to the past.

If you want to pm me we can talk more

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...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

Shyla Loral

I am an incest survivor, and totally get what you are saying. That you have a caring and understanding boyfriend is super, and I am glad for you for that. One thing that may really help is a book called "Breaking Free, a Guide for Adults who Were Sexually Abused as Children" There are wonderful exercises in there to teach you first, how to become comfortable touching yourself sexually, and then him touching you sexually etc, until you can work up to full intercourse, if that's what you want.
Please remember: you *never* did anything wrong, there is no way you could have ever caused anyone to abuse you or not abuse you. You are a smart and wonderful and caring person, and you deserve to be loved and cared for. I would also like to suggest a forum called http://www.isurvive.org which is for any survivor of any type of abuse. It's a very supportive community of people who can also help you.
Many huggs and special angels for you
shyla

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"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead" Ben Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac.

Meff r0x

basscreator

i had exactly the same thing last night however it was after i wnt down on him (for ages... god!!) and after absoloutly agesss of doing it! he lasts to long!!! (never thought id say that lol)
iv never had it before and was actually sick after id managed to get him to leave! i usually really really enjoy sex! im goin through a rough time atm tho so it could be that!?!
-----Added 12/10/2008 at 05 : 17 : 05-----
lol! oh this post wr from 2003 :S

genuinegirly

Basscreator, did you happen to put an abnormal amount of strain on your abdominal muscles? Otherwise, I'd assume it's just stress.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

panky777

Most definately look at physiological reasons as well as psycological. Sensitivity to things aromatic are extremely prevalent. Some oils are not even noticable to the nasal senses yet very powerful to physiological and psycological reaction. And unfamiliar body positions can put stress on the body too. Any or all of these can put stress on the overall system so as to cause reaction in the Sympathetic Nervous System and that can render one very weak and ill feeling indeed.