KRM28152

Hello ladies =)

I know it's been awhile since I posted last, but a lot of changes have happened to me recently.

My boyfriend and I broke up after 3 years together, he broke up with me 2 days before Christmas via text message. Nice, eh?

While him and I were together, I will admit to meeting someone on Myspace and carrying on a casual (online and phone) sexual relationship with him. During that time, we began getting more serious and, that among other things, led to the demise of my long-term relationship. (Though, I'm glad it happened, in all honesty.)

But back to my original point. This man I met via Myspace is 40 years old. I'm 21, which puts us 19 years apart. I've always enjoyed older men and find myself not only incredibly physically turned on by him but intellectually and mentally as well.

We've never met, he lives about an hour and a half away from me, and he's planning on coming up here from SC for my birthday next weekend =) I can honestly say I love this man and truly would do anything for him. He means the world to me.

Buuuuuttt, back to my reason for posting. Does Age mean anything to any of ya'll? Have you had any expirences similiar to mine, or maybe the other end where you'd been in a relationship with someone much younger than yourself. What are your thoughts on the taboos society (as open-minded as it claims to be) puts on relationships like these?

Just curious as to your thoughts! Thank you ladies, I've missed ya'll! =)

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“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

SabrinaFair

As long as the situation involves two consenting adults, I figure it's all good. Not my personal preference, but live and let live, as it were. My biggest age difference to date was 8 years (me 24, him 32). The age thing wasn't an issue for us--just his personality. :-P

As far as societal taboos go, there's a certain point where you have to look at it and say, "Not my effing problem." Many relationships go against the grain in some way, whether its an age difference, a gender role reversal, or mixed races. There will often be someone shaking their head disapprovingly at your life choices. Just my thoughts on the subject.

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"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
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amonkie

The more years there are between you, sometimes it gives the chance for more life experiences. This can go both ways.

While I am no longer in a traditional relationship with him, I love and dated a man 17 years my senior. He is my best friend, and I will admit at times it was frustrating to be seeing the world with different eyes. This is not automatically the result of an age difference, but it does present different challenges to your relationship.

I found it much easier to have strong lines of communication, brutal honesty, and true compassion in someone who had experienced the lack of these in previous relationships.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Eweser

I'm married to a man 30 years my senior. I won't say there aren't times when our age makes things difficult, but there are also a lot of positive things to him being older. My family is very age diversified. I don't think it makes any difference, as long as they're both consenting adults, like SabrinaFair said.

There were some times at the first of the relationship that were a bit awkward in public, but I don't let those bother me anymore. I love him with all my heart and could never imagine myself with any other person...

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raeanna74

In my opinion age 'does' matter but not in the way most people think of the phrase.

I have seen WAY too many younger men - by younger I mean 35 and younger - who are so juvenile in some ways that it eventually gets on your nerves in a big way. Or at least my nerves anyway.

I was engaged to a man who was 29 when I was 19. It was working great, except for one thing. He had developed a way of thinking where he rarely put up with the problems of a job for very long. He was unstable and so set in his ways that there was no way of encouraging a change for the better. Yeah, I know, a woman should not expect to change a man, but we still think we can in many cases.

I am with a much older man now and LOVE it. Yeah, he's set in his ways, but his 'ways' mesh with my 'ways' so well that it's not a problem. Then there's the benefit that he doesn't act juvenile, and is responsible, mature, and stable. Many things that younger men are not.

I guess what I'm getting at is, older men are GREAT (especially in bed ). But just be careful to look for things that could drive you nuts later. Don't even think for one second that you'll be able to encourage a change in the guy. Cause it is TRUE, "Old dogs CAN'T learn new tricks."

Enjoy and good luck.

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My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

ItWasMe

I swear I answered this in another thread outside the Ladies Lounge. I prefer someone who is close to my age. There is no real "eeww" factor for me; it's just that we would be more likely to be near the same stages in life. Just one example of many: children. I have had all the kids that I want, most of whom are half grown or grown. I would not want to seriously date someone who was much younger and looking forward to "starting" a family. I am just not on that page anymore. And having a serious relationship with a much older man, who is enjoying his "freedom", happy that his children are finally grown? I think I would feel a bit awkward since my youngest is a toddler. I can't just head to the movies on the spur of the moment; I have to find a sitter. I have retired aunts/uncles who hit the road in a travel trailer often. That's not an option for me; I have a job and kids in school. I would prefer to be at least in the same chapter.

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little_tippler

I have been in relationships with younger men, older men, and men my age. I prefer my age or older, but it's all about maturity, expectations and objectives. I tend to prefer people from my generation, so plus or minus about 5 years is as far as I'll go, if I have to put a number on it. But, this really is a case by case thing. If it feels right for you, then why not? I have never been with a man that much older than me, but I'd say if you're 21, you're still pretty inexperienced and are probably glossing things over. Stay aware and don't let his age dazzle you, if you're not equals in this, you will be easily led. I had a friend who went out and lived with a boyfriend who was in his early 50's when she was in her 20's. It turned out to be a mistake because whereas he had lived most of the stages of life a young adult goes through, she had not. She wanted to go out with friends occasionally, he didn't so much. He'd also give her a hard time if she went without him, and wanted her to stay home. He already had kids, she wanted some of her own. It can be complicated if you're not on the same page.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

shesus

Whether age is an issue or not depends on the people involved. The bigger issue that sticks out to me is the fact that you haven't met this man in person and there's distance between you. I wouldn't worry about the age factor until you even know if when you meet face-to-face it's worth pursuing.

Also, you are young. I didn't want to hear that either when I was 22. However, there are things that you may want to experience and an older person has most likely already been through all those things. Personally, if I were single, I wouldn't go for a younger person because I'm not interested in doing things that I did in my early 20s.

Age also plays into life-style choices. Older men usually have already been down the kid road or don't want them. They most likely are settled in a career and/or own property. You would be more likely to fall into their life instead of creating a life together. Not necessarily bad, but something to ponder.

Mentally, you could fall into a 'god' complex. Since he is older, you may see him as superior. You may not even realize you are doing it if it happens. This can mess up your self-confidence and set-up a scenario where you are dependent on him.

Then again, everything could mesh and things could be wonderful. No one can tell you, you have to take the path yourself. One thing to learn is that other people's opinions are irrelevant because you are the only one that has to live with your choices. And honestly, usually people search out the opinions that agree with their own and dismiss or take offense to the others.

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Tiny Dancer

Well I was actually in this type of situation not to long ago. I was dating a man who was 40 and I am 21 just like your self. I dated this guy for about six months or so. I did enjoy it, the sex was some of the most amazing that I've ever had and we were very compatible in bed or out of the bed we can say. There are still those things that are tough and come up when you are with some one that is 19 years older then you are. I have younger parents so he was the same age. We had issues when it came to me experiencing life and different things that I haven't yet done because I was so much younger. So we talked and agreed that we would be in an 'open' relationship. (this I do not recommended to ever do) We talked about it and talked about it before we decided to actually go threw with it. He couldn't handle it and things lets say just went very bad. (best way I can put it and still be respectful to him, don't know why i am though) Anyway, just make sure that you are really OK with all your differences and know that it will be very difficult especially only being 21, there are a lot of things in life that he has experienced that you have not and you may want to remain friends and possibly let a good amount of time go by before you get serious with this guy. I wish you the best of luck with what you decide. Looking forward to hearing how it goes.

Shaindra

I've dated 10 years older and 15 years younger. There were pros and cons to dating in either direction (and not the usual ones people think, either.) For the most part I prefer men within 5 years of me because we're both at the same stage in life, we have accomplished most of the same things, and are preparing for the same future.

That said, I think that the age difference isn't as big of a deal as the fact that you seem to have fallen in love with someone you've never met. There can be great emotional bonds forged online. I know. I have online relationships that span decades. However, when it comes to a longterm, romantic relationship, there is no substitute for meeting someone face to face.

I can honestly say that this statement worries me. He only lives 90 minutes away and he's just coming to visit you now? Do you have verifiable information about who this man is and if he's been telling you the truth? I would say, reserve some judgment for meeting him and presumably beginning a real relationship together. Regardless of his age, I hope he's everything you believe he is and more, but I hope that you also have a little sense of self-preservation about how many of these types of relationships do not turn out so well.

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imperfect_anya

You know, I used to think that age was a really big concern for me but the universe has a funny way of working. I had this rule of dating someone within five years of my age. Well, a little more than two years ago I met my fiance and greatest love, who is 12 years my senior. lol I was 22 at the time without any children and not a care in the world. He was 34 with a 14 yr old son

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NorthernGirl

Im 29 and my first thought was No !!!!!!!!!! 40 is too old for 21 , I think , youre in way too different stages of life , you need someone younger
with less baggage, if that exists, someone who has things in common with you, at least to a good extent , older men sometimes act like their the big
man, mr know it all, and oh hah hah you have so much to learn my little tulip . men that age who are after women youre age just want to sleep with someone younger ,
with less baggage and knowledge of what some men can be like , you dont have to date someone the exact same age as you are to be happy with them
but.......in my experience, when I was 21 I should have dated men in their 20's, be young, have fun , and if you want to get married and have kids you want
to settle down with someone who wont croak too much sooner than you do . I always dated older men but there is a point where it is too old,
when you go out in public you dont want those stares and weird looks, trust me, you dont.